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Common law relationships in Colorado
Old 06-29-2007, 09:39 PM   #1
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Common law relationships in Colorado

So just when I figured out how I could likely have another romantic relationship without jeapordizing my future financial well being, friends tell me I am totally deluded. In Colorado it doesn't matter how long you engage in a live in relationship you can still be held legally responsible for maintenance and division of assets. So if I want to have a live in lover, I guess my partner needs to be equally financially well off and we need to do a prenup, even though we are not married (?? ). Having already been through a really painful financial wrangle during my divorce, the idea of exposing myself to another legal battle is really unacceptable. What a Catch-22. Comments?

DivorceNet - Top 10 Myths About Common Law Marriage
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Old 06-29-2007, 10:51 PM   #2
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When I lived with a previous girlfriend in Texas, I would make it quite clear that we were not married so she could not claim a common-law marriage. It helped that I knew that she had bought a house with a previous boyfriend and they were listed as husband and wife on the mortgage.
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Old 06-30-2007, 01:00 AM   #3
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Up here in Canuckistan all you have to do is share a bed with someone (of either gender) for a year and your heirs can kiss a significant junk of their inheritance good-bye. And don't forget about palimony when it ends before death.

If you are thinking about it and care about the consequences, I'd suggest consulting a lawyer.
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Old 06-30-2007, 01:16 AM   #4
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Could you put all hard assets into a trust and then share the income?
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Old 06-30-2007, 08:54 AM   #5
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Do a written agreement that meets the requirements of your state's laws. I have done joint ownership agreements for unmarried people who own real estate together. It is a good idea apart from issues of common law marriage, which does not exist in my state.
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Old 06-30-2007, 09:34 AM   #6
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I think a lot of us are deluding ourselves about the consequences of living together .Even though I have kept all my financial things seperate the material things are a blur .If we were to break up I expect all h--- to break lose .I would never live with anybody again without a strong written iron clad agreement .
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Old 06-30-2007, 10:31 AM   #7
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Thanks for the replies. It does appear that the living together situation could be more complicated than anyone imagines. That sucks.
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Old 06-30-2007, 03:24 PM   #8
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I think a lot of us are deluding ourselves about the consequences of living together .Even though I have kept all my financial things seperate the material things are a blur .If we were to break up I expect all h--- to break lose .

What the heck ever became of the 70s?

I would guess often one's lover might not try to cash in, but most of us have a lot riding on that situation, and many of us would prefer not to chance it. I love having a womanís soft body in bed next to me all night long. But maybe a few nights a week might work?

There is also the problem of expenses. For rich singles, or ones with appreciated houses it doesn't matter much, but for people paying market rents it seems a shame to have you and your lover spending a significant part of your budgets on housing.

A problem with no clear solution. And even without legal snafus, one may be ethically trapped. What if you are quite a bit better off than your lover, and he/she from your point of view becomes a pita. How will you feel when they go off to a rockier existence at least for a while, and possibly even begin a downward spiral?


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I would never live with anybody again without a strong written iron clad agreement .
Is anything ironclad where US law is concerned? Isnít our legal system basically a full employment scheme for attornies?


Ha
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Old 06-30-2007, 04:14 PM   #9
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What the heck ever became of the 70s?

I would guess often one's lover might not try to cash in, but most of us have a lot riding on that situation, and many of us would prefer not to chance it. I love having a womanís soft body in bed next to me all night long. But maybe a few nights a week might work?

There is also the problem of expenses. For rich singles, or ones with appreciated houses it doesn't matter much, but for people paying market rents it seems a shame to have you and your lover spending a significant part of your budgets on housing.

A problem with no clear solution. And even without legal snafus, one may be ethically trapped. What if you are quite a bit better off than your lover, and he/she from your point of view becomes a pita. How will you feel when they go off to a rockier existence at least for a while, and possibly even begin a downward spiral?


Is anything ironclad where US law is concerned? Isnít our legal system basically a full employment scheme for attornies?

Ha

Ha, I think you have identified the delimmas very well as they relate to people our age. Committing to someone who is entering their elderly years is certainly a different scenario than to someone in their 30s or 40s. What indeed happened to the 70s? Well, we were all younger then. But I think that our society in general has become harder, more oriented toward "getting mine now" and also, unfortunately, "getting even" if things don't go your way.

All of that comes into play when I contemplate the idea of merging my life with my hypothetical lover. Sad to have to be so calculating about it, but it's true that I have a lot at stake. Guess I'll continue "dating."
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Old 06-30-2007, 04:16 PM   #10
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so as a gay man do i get to not marry yet worry about palimony. or is there finally advantage to being discriminated against?
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Old 06-30-2007, 04:58 PM   #11
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Sad to have to be so calculating about it, but it's true that I have a lot at stake. Guess I'll continue "dating."
It's not so sad - - you are just being realistic! We DO have a lot at stake. We have worked hard to get where we are, and none of us wants to have to return to work once we have retired.

That doesn't mean that we can't be as close as we want to someone. There are plenty of men out there who have enough at stake that they too would rather date than get financially entangled, too.
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Old 06-30-2007, 05:46 PM   #12
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DH and I played house for two years before making the grand leap. Pa is a common law State so living together means your married. We could have played house indefinitely as far as I was concerned but we found that getting the paper protected us and our assets in the long run. No, not from each other but from children from a previous marriage and other family members who did not approve of our union. (Age and race differences don't set to well with some folks. To each his own.)

Both of us had seen enough during our careers in Long Term Care to know what happens when well meaning (read meddling) family members swoop in to manage the affairs of people who can no longer handle them them selves. Particularly if they do not sanction the relationship.

Lovers of long standing are separated to the determent of both.
Children deny access to their parent's lover during a health crisis or during death. Partners cannot participate in funerals. It gets ugly. I can relate to what Gay people have to go through because the same things happen to the elderly who are living together.

I remember a sad story where one of my patients died before his wife got to the hospital. His children were there at the time of death and had started to make arrangements and we were about to release the body to the mortician. The wife arrives, There was an argument with the man's children. They called her every name in the book, "Your not really his wife but some shack up he's been with. " We had to hold that man's body in the hospital morgue until she went home and got her marriage license. Now you need all of that drama right after you find out your lover has died. The kids of course backed off when she showed up with the license. Why all the drama? Dad had a few bucks and they were going to the wife and not the kids.

We got married. We got Wills, Living Wills, POA's , HIPPA
statements and a Trust. We had every thing notarized. I know belts and suspenders but we sleep well at night knowing that we have protected ourselves from hostile relatives. Especially now that there is money in the picture. (no one really care when we were both broke) If you don't want to marry get every thing spelled out in writing. Like I said it can get ugly
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Old 06-30-2007, 06:07 PM   #13
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It's not so sad - - you are just being realistic! We DO have a lot at stake. We have worked hard to get where we are, and none of us wants to have to return to work once we have retired.

That doesn't mean that we can't be as close as we want to someone. There are plenty of men out there who have enough at stake that they too would rather date than get financially entangled, too.
I'm one of those guys! Unless my 'would-be' SO was AT LEAST as financially well-off as myself (or better-off)....we'd just 'date'! I didn't get to where I am, just to throw 1/2 of my nest egg out the window! I got way too close to that point twice in the past, fortunately I escaped unscathed!!! I won't even take a chance of it happening a 3rd time!!! No Way! No How!

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Old 06-30-2007, 06:12 PM   #14
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What the heck ever became of the 70s?

Ha
In the 70's my net worth was negative and I wore hot pants .Things have changed !
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Old 06-30-2007, 06:46 PM   #15
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I'm one of those guys! Unless my 'would-be' SO was AT LEAST as financially well-off as myself (or better-off)....we'd just 'date'! I didn't get to where I am, just to throw 1/2 of my nest egg out the window! I got way too close to that point twice in the past, fortunately I escaped unscathed!!! I won't even take a chance of it happening a 3rd time!!! No Way! No How!

Don't forget that net worth can vanish pretty fast if someone doesn't LBYM, too. It's easy for the SO to be sucked into a yuppie "buy-buy-buy" attitude for whatever reasons. Maybe I am a little bit "burned", having ended up with literally nothing but debt (and a job, an old sofa, and a K-car on its last gasps) after 23 years of marriage. Starting over from scratch after age 50 is not something I would wish on my worst enemy. I don't think I could do it twice.

I regard sharing my hard earned money with another individual, fallible human being as risk-taking behavior, no matter how praiseworthy the individual may be. As far as I know there is no way whatsoever to predict the outcome. It's like playing Russian roulette. Any attraction in that is just too strange for me to contemplate at the moment.
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Old 06-30-2007, 06:51 PM   #16
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In the 70's my net worth was negative and I wore hot pants .Things have changed !
In 1972 I wore a red corduroy micro-mini-skirt with black tights, very high heels, and a leotard. My earrings were almost longer than my skirt! I am so glad styles have changed.
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Old 06-30-2007, 06:54 PM   #17
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In the 70's my net worth was negative and I wore hot pants .Things have changed !
In the 70's my hair was longer than my hotpants!!!


The only reason DH and I married was so I could put him on my health ins, 4 months later the owner decided to let SOs on the plan, I still would have married him, just not at that moment.
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Old 06-30-2007, 07:10 PM   #18
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Don't forget that net worth can vanish pretty fast if someone doesn't LBYM, too. It's easy for the SO to be sucked into a yuppie "buy-buy-buy" attitude for whatever reasons. Maybe I am a little bit "burned", having ended up with literally nothing but debt (and a job, an old sofa, and a K-car on its last gasps) after 23 years of marriage. Starting over from scratch after age 50 is not something I would wish on my worst enemy. I don't think I could do it twice.

I regard sharing my hard earned money with another individual, fallible human being as risk-taking behavior, no matter how praiseworthy the individual may be. As far as I know there is no way whatsoever to predict the outcome. It's like playing Russian roulette. Any attraction in that is just too strange for me to contemplate at the moment.
Amen!!!
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Old 06-30-2007, 07:12 PM   #19
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In the 70's my hair was longer than my hotpants!!!
Heh, in the 70's I had hair!
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Old 06-30-2007, 07:38 PM   #20
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Don't forget that net worth can vanish pretty fast if someone doesn't LBYM, too. It's easy for the SO to be sucked into a yuppie "buy-buy-buy" attitude for whatever reasons. Maybe I am a little bit "burned", having ended up with literally nothing but debt (and a job, an old sofa, and a K-car on its last gasps) after 23 years of marriage. Starting over from scratch after age 50 is not something I would wish on my worst enemy. I don't think I could do it twice.

I regard sharing my hard earned money with another individual, fallible human being as risk-taking behavior, no matter how praiseworthy the individual may be. As far as I know there is no way whatsoever to predict the outcome. It's like playing Russian roulette. Any attraction in that is just too strange for me to contemplate at the moment.
Indeed.

I have a house, a car, a pension, and a decent net worth. It shall all be in my name only until I'm dead.
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