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Old 02-15-2015, 05:12 PM   #81
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I've "gotten past" less-than-ideal appearance on occasion, but that was because I was around the man a lot (at school or work) and was able to learn more about his admirable qualities than I ever could during a date or two.

I guess I don't need to keep hammering on how real-life meetings are "better"...on-line is the way it's done these days. In fact, mating being the important activity it is, I suspect younger people are evolving more highly sensitive on-line judgment and intuition. One of my friends is 33, and has been married for 4 years to a man she on-line gamed with for 4 years. She is a very sensitive person, who did not date around very much. They really did learn to be soul-mates online.

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It sounds harsh, but how does that go again?

Like in a job interview the impression is usually made up in about the first 30 seconds of meeting? That's why appearance is so important.
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Old 02-15-2015, 09:35 PM   #82
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... I went ahead and set up a profile (well, at least I'm about 40% done as of now). The multiple choice part wasn't so bad, but the essay was brutal . So I exaggerated a bit.
And, just what did you exaggerate about?
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Old 02-15-2015, 10:28 PM   #83
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I think it's pretty complicated, and has a lot of moving parts. What's important to someone when they are 25 is not the same as what is important at 45, and what is important to men and women tend to differ over time as well.

I met my wife online, though not with a dating service. We met on the old Prodigy service in 1992, when neither of us were looking to use it to find a relationship. At that time most people thought we were nuts! Some of DW's friends thought she may be meeting a psycho who would chop her up and leave her on the side of the road in Hefty bag. But almost 23 years later, wow, do we feel blessed!

That said, I made the mistake of joining a dating service when I was about 24. A salesperson with a pretty face turned on the charm and made me feel like I was a desirable catch. But I was mostly bald already, and not quite 5'8" tall. At that age, physical appearance matters more, and I was not a great catch despite owning my own condo and having a good, career-oriented job.

I wasted $1500 on that service. I got three dates out of it in a year, but never a second date. And a couple years later, I found someone who was almost perfect for me without even trying! Go figure.
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Old 02-15-2015, 11:40 PM   #84
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And, just what did you exaggerate about?
To clarify, I was exaggerating about the essay (self description) part being brutal.

I didn't inflate my profile (no, I don't have a six pack like that guy on 50 Shades ).

What is interesting at eharmony is the "Book of Me" with gives a description of my personality. One part that I already knew is on the introvert side (like many here) being content treasure my solitude isn't the best for a lot of matches.
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Old 02-16-2015, 06:09 AM   #85
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But I think there is a flaw in the profile questions. Not once did the questions ask about pets. In particular the date killer "Do you like cats?"
Back in my single days, I had two immediate knock outs. The first was being a smoker. The other was having a cat. I'm terribly allergic to cats. What I quickly learned is that women with cats were totally in denial that anyone could possibly be allergic to cats and that their cat was far more important than any man.

There was a thread where someone made a comment encouraging a divorced or widowed woman of "modest means" to shop for men at churches. I always thought it worked the other way but two recent widows at my soon to be ex-place of employment remarried quickly to women they met at church. Both men are pretty well off financially.
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Old 02-16-2015, 11:03 AM   #86
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Well, what, exactly, were you expecting them to do? Get rid of their cat so you could move in? (People are similarly determined about the goodness of their dogs, children, etc.)

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t women with cats were totally in denial that anyone could possibly be allergic to cats and that their cat was far more important than any man.

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Old 02-16-2015, 11:18 AM   #87
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Well, what, exactly, were you expecting them to do? Get rid of their cat so you could move in? (People are similarly determined about the goodness of their dogs, children, etc.)
I didn't expect them to get rid of their cat. Initially, I hinted that it would be better if the cat wasn't able to roam all over their apartment when I was there because of my allergy. That's when they seemed to deny I could possibly be botherer by their cat. It soon became what I earlier described as an immediate knock out factor. I had other alternatives that didn't result in my eyes watering, coughing and throat constricting for several days. They, of course, still had their cat and any other alternatives available.

My DW's room mate from college has an old cat. My wife doesn't particuarly like cats but accepted an invitation for us to spend the weekend with them at their vacation home. I warned my wife about my allergy but we went anyway. I once again swelled up despite some antihistimenes and so did DW who didn't realize she was allergic.

Dogs are fine. I had dated women with children but I must admit you have to consider the "whole package" carefully. Other people have their lives. Women can have cats. If they do, I'm not interested in them. I coud also say the same for women that keep rattlesnakes but I've never met one that did. My point was a comment to an earlier post that "things" are important to on line dating questions that may not be asked.
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Comparing dating sites
Old 02-16-2015, 11:26 AM   #88
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Comparing dating sites

I am fortunate to be allergy-free when it comes to cats, and enjoyed the company of two kitties for many years, a male and female, both long-haired. The male used to sit around with me, fascinated by baseball, tennis, and the movie "On Golden Pond" (those loons!).

I am a big doggie-fan too (equal rights!).

But I can understand how an allergy would take a toll on a relationship of any length.
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Old 02-16-2015, 03:50 PM   #89
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And a couple years later, I found someone who was almost perfect for me without even trying! Go figure.
That's the way it worked out for me. Fresh out of a divorce, at the time I had resolved to remain a hard-core bachelor for the rest of my life. But a much-cared-for niece kept bugging me to meet someone she knew from work and it was more to placate my niece so I could say "Okay, I met her! Now let it go" that I agreed to do so.

It started slowly, dates were often months apart in part because of my work schedule and in part because I was wary of getting involved too soon (and DW-to-be wasn't in a hurry either) but a bit over four years later we married. In July it will have been 27 years ago so I think it's gonna work.
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Old 02-16-2015, 04:29 PM   #90
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Awwww, what a great story Walt! And kudos to your sharp niece for knowing to keep pestering y'all!


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Old 02-16-2015, 05:25 PM   #91
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That's the way it worked out for me. Fresh out of a divorce, at the time I had resolved to remain a hard-core bachelor for the rest of my life. But a much-cared-for niece kept bugging me to meet someone she knew from work and it was more to placate my niece so I could say "Okay, I met her! Now let it go" that I agreed to do so.

It started slowly, dates were often months apart in part because of my work schedule and in part because I was wary of getting involved too soon (and DW-to-be wasn't in a hurry either) but a bit over four years later we married. In July it will have been 27 years ago so I think it's gonna work.
I'd say you are forever indebted to your great match maker niece... (I hope you give her nice Xmas presents every year )
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Old 02-17-2015, 02:41 AM   #92
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I'm kinda fascinated at the so called 29 compatibility dimensions pitched by eHarmony and if that really is accurate or not.

The set of people on eHarmony is already skewed towards compatibility as they are single (well supposedly) and not married players looking for a hookup, but instead looking for long-term relationships.
Eharmony has a feature called "the book of you". That is the most accurate description of my personalty I've ever read.

My Meyers Briggs is ENTP. That is accurate, the eharmony one went even deeper.
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Old 02-17-2015, 02:52 AM   #93
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Here are a few online profile pointers/ pet peeves.

Post more than one picture, and make sure they are not all selfies. One photo should show you standing next to something or someone (to show height), one photo should show hips and shoulders at same time.

Most profiles on eharmony look the same after 6 months. Be different to stand out.

Always cross reference profile to facebook and linked in. This validates the person is real and you can see how long they have had FB and similar. My phone is tied to my FB account, and if I save a person's phone number as a contact, FB suggests them as friends.

I tend to have better first dates with people which will TALK on the phone before meeting, people which just text are players.
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Old 02-17-2015, 09:41 AM   #94
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Eharmony has a feature called "the book of you". That is the most accurate description of my personalty I've ever read.

My Meyers Briggs is ENTP. That is accurate, the eharmony one went even deeper.
I'm glad that I did the free communication weekend thing. "The book of you" is interesting. I like how that showed not only how "you" are like, but how others may perceive you.
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Old 02-17-2015, 10:06 AM   #95
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The saleslady wasn't necessarily deceiving you. Those physical traits in themselves would not have put me off when I was in my 20's, and I'm just under 5'8" myself. Even then, I knew good proportions are more important than great height, and most men eventually lose their hair.

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I

That said, I made the mistake of joining a dating service when I was about 24. A salesperson with a pretty face turned on the charm and made me feel like I was a desirable catch. But I was mostly bald already, and not quite 5'8" tall. At that age, physical appearance matters more, and I was not a great catch despite owning my own condo and having a good, career-oriented job.
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Old 02-17-2015, 10:21 AM   #96
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...and most men eventually lose their hair...
We don't actually "lose" hair, it just moves to other places, like the ears, nose, eyebrows, etc.
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Old 02-18-2015, 09:45 AM   #97
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Eharmony has a feature called "the book of you". That is the most accurate description of my personalty I've ever read.

My Meyers Briggs is ENTP. That is accurate, the eharmony one went even deeper.
After reading about so many having trouble trying to cancel their subscriptions, I didn't join eharmony. I did like the nice look and feel, at least from what I could see (as even the free to communicate weekend have not pictures of matches ).
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Old 02-18-2015, 10:16 AM   #98
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After reading about so many having trouble trying to cancel their subscriptions, I didn't join eharmony. I did like the nice look and feel, at least from what I could see (as even the free to communicate weekend have not pictures of matches ).
It is easy to cancel
It is easy to stop getting new matches

those of us which pay dislike free communication weekends- we get many new connections which never communicate after the weekend- like I can decide in 3 days if I want to date someone or not?

hurries the process up and I don't like that.
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Old 02-18-2015, 10:28 AM   #99
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It is easy to cancel
It is easy to stop getting new matches

those of us which pay dislike free communication weekends- we get many new connections which never communicate after the weekend- like I can decide in 3 days if I want to date someone or not?

hurries the process up and I don't like that.
Maybe folks just don't know how to cancel But the internet is riddled with folks saying once you sign up, canceling from eharmony is like the roach motel

Quote:
“I am giving them one star for two reasons,” a reader from Canada wrote. “It’s impossible to cancel your subscription. I turned off auto-renew option three times and three times I still saw charges on my credit card. Their help desk keeps telling me that I didn’t turn it off properly.

“Sure enough, I asked the help desk to turn off the auto-renew for me and send me and email confirmation that they did that and what happens? I get another charge on my credit card! They only refunded 50 percent after I complained,” the reader wrote.
http://www.consumeraffairs.com/news/...er-011413.html


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Over the past month we’ve received multiple complaints from eHarmony customers who say the company charged them for automatic bill payments they never authorized, although the company says the process of ending a subscription or disabling automatic renewal is simple.
http://www.consumeraffairs.com/news/...em-100413.html

I do believe one can find a soulmate on eharmony as my nephew and his girlfriend got matched with that and they look like a great couple. I remember at a family dinner with them, his girlfriend saying, she was having trouble canceling despite finding someone.
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Old 02-18-2015, 11:03 AM   #100
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For those having trouble cancelling the auto pay, why not just call your credit card company and instruct them to deny any new charges from EH?
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