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Old 02-17-2012, 07:44 PM   #1
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For the most part, I like being alone.
But every now and then I think it would be nice to have a friend IRL.
Then I recall: that **** never worked.
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Old 02-17-2012, 07:51 PM   #2
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Friendship rule #1: To have a friend you must be a friend
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Old 02-17-2012, 09:03 PM   #3
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Old 02-17-2012, 11:06 PM   #4
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For the most part, I like being alone.
But every now and then I think it would be nice to have a friend IRL.
Then I recall: that **** never worked.
Drop by the local animal shelter. There are plenty of four-legged friends there, and their **** is much easier to handle...
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Old 02-17-2012, 11:16 PM   #5
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For the most part, I like being alone.
But every now and then I think it would be nice to have a friend IRL.
Then I recall: that **** never worked.
Why?

During my life I've made friends at school, work, going out to listen to music, etc.. Now most of these people are acquaintances, but a few of them manage to put up with me and contact me from time to time.

An activity brings people together.
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Old 02-18-2012, 06:28 AM   #6
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Friendship rule #2: Friends are full time
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Old 02-18-2012, 11:04 PM   #7
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My wife is my best friend for 35 years. We put up with a lot of each other ****.

One of these days, she will even come with me on my RV trek up to Alaska, and then to Newfoundland.

Yes, friends are full-time.
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Old 02-18-2012, 11:36 PM   #8
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Khan, it would be much easier for me to pull completely into my shell. I'd not have all the challenges of dealing with other people and would be able to really indulge my inner introvert. But that is the path to Ted Kaczynski-hood. When I make the effort to reach out to other people I have found that my life is much richer. Find a group or organization that is a handy social outlet. You needn't commit heavily, but you might find one or more people that are really worth making the effort for. Outside of work (where I have made some true friends), I have a great social outlet in the form of my local homebrew club. Surely you have an interest or two that offers the opportunity of a social gathering.
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Old 02-19-2012, 12:01 AM   #9
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... I have a great social outlet in the form of my local homebrew club. Surely you have an interest or two that offers the opportunity of a social gathering.
There seems to be something about homebrew clubs that turns everybody into a socializing extrovert!
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Old 02-19-2012, 12:16 AM   #10
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There seems to be something about homebrew clubs that turns everybody into a socializing extrovert!
The clubs are interesting. Of course the membership includes a few obnoxious drunks, but these are a small minority. More interestingly, homebrew clubs I have been a member of are one of the few social organizations I have seen that cut across income, social standing and other gradations of the Merkin class system. My current club includes guys with lots of missing teeth and guys who are very high indeed on the scale. There are 25 year olds and 75 year olds. Professional brewers, accountants, OSHA inspectors, you name it. Lots of white guys with guts of all ages, but also blonde women, Asian guys, a bisexual black woman, etc. The love of good beer seems to cut across a very wide swath of people. And your personal standing is directly related to your brewing ability and the amount you know about beer, brewing, chemistry and judging ability. Very different from what I am used to in professional and similar organizations.
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Old 02-19-2012, 09:29 AM   #11
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Many good replies to this OP...friendship isn't easy, but it's well worth it. I'd much rather have a few really good friends than a lot of acquaintances, the latter seems to be the norm with many people I know.

Not a given, but I also think it's too easy to lose perspective without some close friends (I am seeing this with my 90 YO Dad). We need to be told we're full of sh__ when we are (I get my fair share here too ). Along those lines, I also believe it's worthwhile to consciously maintain friendships with people who are intelligent but not of a like mind. You don't learn much talking to like minded people and 'no one ever learned anything with their mouth open.' Though we may disagree, I value hearing other POV's, and I'm still willing to (begrudgingly) change my views...

And our dogs have added a lot to our lives too...
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Old 02-19-2012, 09:34 AM   #12
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Well I think you have many friends on this board given some of caring advice given, even if it appears to you they might be trying to give you ****.
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Old 02-19-2012, 09:46 AM   #13
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I hike with some local clubs. Meetup is one good place to find like minded people. When I feel like company I socialize with them, but it is on an at will basis.
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Old 02-19-2012, 11:02 AM   #14
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a bisexual black woman, etc. The love of good beer seems to cut across a very wide swath of people.
Interesting Brewer, you'll have to expand on this and reveal the depth of your knowledge about this fairly intimate topic.

Ha
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Old 02-19-2012, 11:08 AM   #15
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Interesting Brewer, you'll have to expand on this and reveal the depth of your knowledge about this fairly intimate topic.

Ha
No mystery on that one. You see the parade of SOs and it ain't hard to suss out.
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Old 02-19-2012, 11:12 AM   #16
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No mystery on that one. You see the parade of SOs and it ain't hard to suss out.
The bi part is a bit tricky, no? Or do you know her pretty well
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Old 02-19-2012, 12:48 PM   #17
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We need to be told we're full of sh__ when we are (I get my fair share here too ).
I get that all the time from my Facebook friends, whether I'm asking for it or not...
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Old 02-19-2012, 01:04 PM   #18
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Human friends' needs are unpredictable, and people can be very fickle. People can pretend to be your friend, and actually be your frenemy. Friends are risky, in other words.

Dogs, cats, and computers are easier. Dogs and cats = feed and pet them, they're your friend. Computers = give them clear instructions, they'll try to help you.

The risk-gain calculation comes down to, Can you get enough satisfaction from pets and computers, or do you need something only human friends can provide? Then you must assume risk. No way around it.

Just $.02 worth, probably worth less than that.

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For the most part, I like being alone.
But every now and then I think it would be nice to have a friend IRL.
Then I recall: that **** never worked.
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Old 02-19-2012, 02:04 PM   #19
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No disagreement there can be a fair amount of **** involved when winnowing out those who are potential friends from the pool of human encounters. Only gets tougher with age, too, as we get more rigid (well, some, myself included).

Maybe it would help to say that for us introverts some **** is just part of the equation. And, like work, if you want the payoff you just gotta go with it and grin and bear. Don't have to like it. Think it would be just fine to take some step out somewhere if only to come home miserable, and friendless. And breathe a sigh of total, intense relief that you're home, away from the ****.

What matters is that you took the step. If, someday, it leads to a real friend or new interest - you're ahead. If not, home only looks that much better.
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Old 02-19-2012, 03:12 PM   #20
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I also am somewhat introverted and while my SO is my best friend I still need women pals that respect my boundaries . When I was searching for new friends after I retired I joined a gym and went to aerobic classes . I also talked to everybody . I soon had friends to chat with ,go out to lunch with and occasional other social events . It is just enough for me . Joining any club will soon net you a few friends and you can decide how much interaction you want .
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