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‘Cool hand’ Luke returns from college..
Old 05-06-2018, 06:26 AM   #1
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‘Cool hand’ Luke returns from college..

There was rain in the forecast but the coating of pollen on everything had DD and I outside washing the cars. My college freshmen (now sophmore rising) son pulled up, retuning from his winter semester, in my old 130K Honda CRV with little fanfare. I kept that car because of suggestions from this forum that it there was plenty of life there and it was perfectly suited a ‘parking lot queen’. Of course you all were right - it makes the one and half hour drive, sits in the lot and gets out for the occasional ‘Hoagie’ run. With little fanfare he got out of the car and smiled and turned to go into the house. I said “Hey don’t you have stuff to carry in?” He turned grabbed a single duffel bag and calmly went into the house.

It occurs to me that DD and he could not be more different. She is the ‘wired’ over achiever that worries about everything. Just yesterday, I overheard he telling her Mom she ran into a HS classmate at the gym who commented how she “had her stuff together” good job, graduate school, long term boyfriend, house hunting and marriage planning. Of course her answer: I really don’t know what Im doing! I cant help but wonder why people like my daughter don’t just say: It is going all according to the master plan -don’t you have a plan?

I get the sense my son is enjoying his college days - still with the same girlfriend from the first 2 weeks of school in the fall. And Oh there have been rumors of grade improvement to the target range. I’ll get the real scoop in a few days. Now don’t get me wrong his first semester was much better then I hoped but I’ve explained to him we live in an uber competitive world and “If you don’t get the grades Your wasting our money. I’ll yank you out of there and you can go locally”. Yes at times I can be a real bully. This bully used to sit next to next to the HR department and witnessed the weeding out process first hand. Me: I rather hire a guy who had a 3.0 and full time job over a prima Donna who never worked a day in their lives but sport a 3.8.

I’ve even seen signs that the young guy is starting to get it? He signed up for a online summer course without prompting! In lieu of finding that elusive summe job I’d like him to consider a summer course at Penn State Brandywine. I suspect he believes summer is better spent sitting in the sun. I was lucky and always had that summer job because desperately needed it. Him not so much but I suspect it will all right.
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Old 05-06-2018, 09:06 AM   #2
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I learned long ago, for myself and when looking at new hires, successes lead to other successes. So people who understand the struggle, how to reach goals whether academic, athletic, job related, wherever, will always be the achievers. They understand the process. Give me a struggler that sticks with it and I’ll show you a future star.
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Old 05-06-2018, 09:16 AM   #3
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I talk to my son several times a week now. It seems he needs me more now than when he was younger. We talk about decisions he has to make, his challenges, solutions and even the occasional failure. I never expected to get so much joy from watching someone else succeed. A real blessing of fatherhood.
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Old 05-07-2018, 07:56 AM   #4
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What I've learned is that other parents have a lot more patience with their kids than I ever would with mine.

E.g., my barber let his son just hang around the house for several years after high school so the kid could "figure things out."

I would've driven them down to the local Armed Forces recruiting center by July 4th were they my kid...

My youngest already knows they will need to earn a scholarship to stay past their freshman year (already paid) at their pricey private college.

'cause we don't have the resources to pay beyond in-state tuition/fees/room & board.
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Old 05-07-2018, 09:28 AM   #5
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Luke could work his "hand" at flipping burgers. That will give him an education that you never could. My Meredith actually worked up to store supervisor at Wendy's after several years. It motivated her to do well in school.
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Old 05-07-2018, 09:54 AM   #6
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DS is 25 and totally on his own. He is putting 20% into his TSP(401K). Other than that he doesn't live frugally. He is enjoying life as he goes. He has kept his 2007 Xterra a lot longer than I expected. He has fixed many issues himself via youtube. 15.5 years to go until his 20 year military COLA pension. I hope he stays in.
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Old 05-07-2018, 12:10 PM   #7
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..... With little fanfare he got out of the car and smiled and turned to go into the house. I said “Hey don’t you have stuff to carry in?” He turned grabbed a single duffel bag and calmly went into the house.

It occurs to me that DD and he could not be more different. She is the ‘wired’ over achiever that worries about everything.....
Ditto for our DD and DS. Same blood, same home environment/upbringing, same schools... couldn't be more different.

DD graduated college in 4 years and 10 years later has a very reponsible position earning a 6 figure income and the pressures that come with it.

DS decided that college wasn't his thing.... but I do have to give him credit... after a spotty start he has a steady job albeit at about 200% FPL... but he supports himself and lives very frugally (in a dump IMO) and still manages to save money. He is a good kid, just very chill and not at all ambitious and has a very narrow comfort zone.

DD lives well but is also a prodigious saver. In fact, LBYM and saving are about the only two things that they have in common.
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‘Cool hand’ Luke returns from college..
Old 05-07-2018, 04:09 PM   #8
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‘Cool hand’ Luke returns from college..

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Luke could work his "hand" at flipping burgers. That will give him an education that you never could. My Meredith actually worked up to store supervisor at Wendy's after several years. It motivated her to do well in school.

kcowan we are of similar minds....At the Mrs and my insistence the ‘Cool hand’ worked his senior year of high school and precollege summer at the local supermarket stocking shelves and working the cash register. He would tell me how hard some of the ‘full timers’ worked. I told him the sad thing is that they don’t get much money for it. As a result he’s got an appreciation of hard work and money and has reapplied for a summer job there. There was some indication he’d “get on the schedule” - we will see. Apparently he had a good work ethic and was appreciated as he won a couple of performance awards.

5 minutes ago I was on him to follow up with a phone call to the supermarket. His answer “Don’t worry I’ll get on the schedule”.

The cool hand never frets...
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Old 05-07-2018, 04:24 PM   #9
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I always worked summers when at school. That was the deal.

Ma & Pa forked over the tuition and the room & board, I had to pay for books and "fun"
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Old 05-07-2018, 04:51 PM   #10
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I always worked summers when at school. That was the deal.

Ma & Pa forked over the tuition and the room & board, I had to pay for books and "fun"
That was the deal for me too, but no room & board issues since I went to a CC and then to full-time work after. But I did pay all expenses for the car needed for the commute to & from classes so I worked ~ 25-30 hours a week during the semesters. That left little to no time for partying so it was pretty much a "nose-to-the-grindstone" era for me.
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Old 05-07-2018, 06:42 PM   #11
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A very boring, dead end job was the best motivator that I had to continue on with my studies. It was extremely well paying compared to what some of my friends were making and it had the ability to 'pull one in'. Fortunately boredom and little future trumped money at that point in my life.
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Old 05-07-2018, 07:32 PM   #12
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Worked construction summers & whenever else I could, since it paid the best for unskilled labor.

Seeing guys in their 30s there making maybe a buck or two above minimum wage was great motivation to "stay in school."
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Old 05-07-2018, 07:35 PM   #13
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Remember how it ended for Cool Hand Luke. A failure to communicate.
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Old 05-08-2018, 04:32 AM   #14
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Remember how it ended for Cool Hand Luke. A failure to communicate.

Funny, but one the Mrs and my main complaints is getting information out of ‘cool hand’ has always been a struggle. The master of the frustrating one word answer. I hear it is quite common as I suspect they’d rather text. While Paul Newman portrayed a bit of a fraud this ‘cool hand’ is the real deal.

Also ‘Cool hand’ is not without perhaps not too subtle guidance.
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Old 05-08-2018, 04:55 AM   #15
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Ditto for our DD and DS. Same blood, same home environment/upbringing, same schools... couldn't be more different.

DD graduated college in 4 years and 10 years later has a very reponsible position earning a 6 figure income and the pressures that come with it.

DS decided that college wasn't his thing.... but I do have to give him credit... after a spotty start he has a steady job albeit at about 200% FPL... but he supports himself and lives very frugally (in a dump IMO) and still manages to save money. He is a good kid, just very chill and not at all ambitious and has a very narrow comfort zone.

DD lives well but is also a prodigious saver. In fact, LBYM and saving are about the only two things that they have in common.
My DS to a tee including the 200% FPL. His teacher in first grade said he was lazy. Perhaps eventually he could change when he has a steady lady.

My other DS is in Vet school and couldn't be more different, but we love them all in the end.
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Old 05-08-2018, 10:17 AM   #16
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I have always been accused of a certain degree of reticence. My mother called me a 'dark horse' My wife calls me a 'dark horse'. Our son is a 'dark horse'. Our daughter is the complete opposite.
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‘Cool hand’ Luke returns from college..
Old 05-09-2018, 05:52 AM   #17
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‘Cool hand’ Luke returns from college..

Update: Lowest Grade was a B- I am pleased and relieved.

Cool Hand got a call from the supermarket at 12:30 in the afternoon yesterday asking him to revise his application. The Mrs woke him! and made sure he got is done.

Did I mention the Cool Hand stays up late and sleeps in? It occurs to me he’s living the FIRE life at 19.
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Old 05-09-2018, 09:11 AM   #18
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Oh the memories this thread brings back. In retrospect our much loved DS drove us to the end of our rope and another 50 feet! Probably a part of life’s plan or I couldn’t have let him go.
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Old 05-09-2018, 11:05 PM   #19
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My parents were prepared to assist me financially but fortunately they never had to. I had good summer jobs with lots of overtime plus jobs while in university. My parents did provide me with one thing....a pass on the railway which I took advantage of. I had a motorcycle but no car so the train came in handy during the winter.

My son did not have the advantage of a well paying job during his university years. So we helped him financially so that he would graduate without a penny of debt. After working for four years he is returning for post graduate work. We are very willing to help him financially if it is required. It would be our pleasure.
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Old 05-10-2018, 11:16 AM   #20
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We would have helped our oldest son when he went back for his masters but he did it on his own. He has always enjoyed his independence.
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