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03-19-2004, 02:23 PM
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#1
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Losing my whump
Posts: 22,708
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Cow Economics
This needs a little updating, but its not too far out.
Cow Economics
DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a
man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from
your government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you
for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and
are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately
they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private
parts.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in
the hospital.
IRAQIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go in hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the
best-looking cow.
NEW YORK CORPORATION
You have fifteen million cows.
You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick
some fat cow from Arkansas.
CALIFORNIA HAPPY COWS
Crowd herd of happy fun loving cows into a small dirt lot.
Feed cows weeds.
Hire Hollywood to show commercial of HAPPY COWS in green pastures.
Smoke weed left over from cow feeding.
Make millions selling "HAPPY MILK."
__________________
Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. Just another form of "buy low, sell high" for those who have trouble with things. This rule is not universal. Do not buy a 1973 Pinto because everyone else is afraid of it.
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03-28-2004, 11:26 AM
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#2
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 55
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Re: Cow Economics
Quote:
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
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I thought I read an earlier post that the Japanese beer feed their cows and massage them. TH, you have just shattered my dreams of being turned out to a Japanese pasture.
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03-28-2004, 12:07 PM
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#3
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Nomadic in the Rockies
Posts: 2,720
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Re: Cow Economics
Quote:
I thought I read an earlier post that the Japanese beer feed their cows and massage them.
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They massage the beef cows to keep them very lean. They don't live so long.
At least the SWR would be higher...
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03-28-2004, 12:47 PM
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#4
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Dallas
Posts: 1,211
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Re: Cow Economics
I went into the cow business briefly after my wife
inherited a small farm. I bought 10 calves and hired
a neighbor to help. The first thing that happened
was that one was killed by lightning. Then one ate
a beer can and died. At the end of the summer, I
took the cows to market just at the time the bottom
fell out. After paying the neighbor, I had a tidy tax
write-off. Moral: don't get into anything you don't
understand. Also learned that it is not a good idea
to try to run a business absentee.
Cheers,
Charlie (aka Chuck-Lyn)
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03-28-2004, 04:56 PM
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#5
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Losing my whump
Posts: 22,708
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Re: Cow Economics
Quote:
I thought I read an earlier post that the Japanese beer feed their cows and massage them. TH, you have just shattered my dreams of being turned out to a Japanese pasture.
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I was going to say something to the effect of "ah yes, some beer a massage, and then you're eaten...", but I decided against it.
__________________
Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. Just another form of "buy low, sell high" for those who have trouble with things. This rule is not universal. Do not buy a 1973 Pinto because everyone else is afraid of it.
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03-28-2004, 11:47 PM
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#6
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,983
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Re: Cow Economics
Quote:
I was going to say something to the effect of "ah yes, some beer a massage, and then you're eaten...", but I decided against it.
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Finally a dirty joke.
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
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03-29-2004, 02:19 AM
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#7
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Re: Cow Economics
It behooves all of us to study these posts.
John Galt
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03-29-2004, 07:16 AM
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#8
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 55
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Re: Cow Economics
Quote:
It behooves all of us to study these posts.
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This is becoming udderly rediculous!
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03-29-2004, 10:13 AM
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#9
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Losing my whump
Posts: 22,708
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Re: Cow Economics
Hay, you have to wrassle down a good premise before it takes hoof. For one leathery poster to rib another, a prime moment has to occur. When it does, you have to grab the bull by the horns and tell chuck about it.
__________________
Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. Just another form of "buy low, sell high" for those who have trouble with things. This rule is not universal. Do not buy a 1973 Pinto because everyone else is afraid of it.
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03-29-2004, 10:16 AM
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#10
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Re: Cow Economics
Hey, get veal! There are plenty of puns left. I am not cowed, nor am I on the horns of a dilemma. In any case, I will try to steer back to ER topics. I believe
we've milked this one quite enough, and besides, my reputation is at steak.
John Galt
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03-29-2004, 10:29 AM
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#11
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Losing my whump
Posts: 22,708
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Re: Cow Economics
John, you're nothing but a ham.
__________________
Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. Just another form of "buy low, sell high" for those who have trouble with things. This rule is not universal. Do not buy a 1973 Pinto because everyone else is afraid of it.
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03-30-2004, 03:28 AM
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#12
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 7,968
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Re: Cow Economics
There was a guy outside of Longview,WA who diversified his portfolio by adding buffalo to his cow herd - after 2-3 years of broken fences and one front page news incident of a buffalo losing to a Union Pacific train - he was persuaded to switch to a less volatile asset class(goats or something).
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08-03-2004, 08:58 AM
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#13
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Full time employment: Posting here.
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 526
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Re: Cow Economics
I'm gonna mine the internet for unoriginal jokes more often! Seems quite productive. . .
Anne, who hasn't the energy to come up with great puns after having to work for a couple of hours this morning.
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08-03-2004, 09:41 AM
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#14
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Texas~29N/98W Just West of Woman Hollering Creek
Posts: 6,668
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Re: Cow Economics
LOL TH,
Thanks for this simple, yet complex, list of these obvious differences.
Eat more chicken indeed!
__________________
Part-Owner of Texas
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx
In dire need of: faster horses, younger woman, older whiskey, more money.
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08-03-2004, 05:14 PM
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#15
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Losing my whump
Posts: 22,708
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Re: Cow Economics
Sorry Anne...I dont think theres an original joke anywhere anymore, nor something that hasnt been broached somewhere on this board. I'm just afflicted with a good memory.
Sooo...you say you want jokes about miners?
__________________
Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. Just another form of "buy low, sell high" for those who have trouble with things. This rule is not universal. Do not buy a 1973 Pinto because everyone else is afraid of it.
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08-03-2004, 09:11 PM
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#16
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Full time employment: Posting here.
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 526
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Re: Cow Economics
Quote:
Sooo...you say you want jokes about miners?
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Absolutely. You know one?
A
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08-04-2004, 03:16 AM
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#17
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Re: Cow Economics
Re. "jokes about miners", it's very non-PC to make fun
of children.
John Galt
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08-04-2004, 07:55 AM
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#18
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Losing my whump
Posts: 22,708
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Re: Cow Economics
John, you owe me five bucks for the easy one.
Unfortunately I dont think there is a clean "miner" joke on earth.
Anyhow, a miner goes into town for his once a week visit. Gets himself a bath and has a few shots of whiskey. Then he asks the bartender "So, wheres all the wimmen?". Bartender says "We aint got no wimmen around here, so we have to fool around with the critters". The miner is disgusted and leaves. Many weeks later, he comes back, still no ladies to be found. After several more shots of whiskey he decides "oh what the hay" and heads out of the bar. A few shops down he notices a critter down one of the alleys and goes and starts having his way with it. He hears a gasp and looks back to see half the town watching him aghast. "Whatcha all starin' at? Dont y'all fool around with the critters?". "Well sure", says the bartender, "but you've got some courage in ya to be makin' it with the sheriffs gal".
__________________
Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. Just another form of "buy low, sell high" for those who have trouble with things. This rule is not universal. Do not buy a 1973 Pinto because everyone else is afraid of it.
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08-04-2004, 08:35 AM
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#19
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 7,968
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Re: Cow Economics
TH
The version I heard involved the French Foreign Legend, a camel, and the Commanding officer - they cleaned it up a lot for Playboy.
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08-04-2004, 08:36 AM
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#20
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Losing my whump
Posts: 22,708
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Re: Cow Economics
Believe it or not, I cleaned THIS one up a lot...
I have a worse one, and its uncleanable.
__________________
Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. Just another form of "buy low, sell high" for those who have trouble with things. This rule is not universal. Do not buy a 1973 Pinto because everyone else is afraid of it.
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