Cremation or Traditional

[athena53]

Quote:

Originally Posted by street So for a lot of you that posted said cremation will you have a funeral service? Will you have an obit that is posted in a local paper etc.?

I did have a funeral for DH- we're Christians and wouldn't have had it any other way. With incense. You can't have a funeral without incense.

And yes, I put an obituary in the paper. Wow. That was not cheap. $400, maybe, without a picture? But DH's brother in CA wasn't Internet-friendly and was too frail to come to the funeral and many of his friends liked hard-copy newspapers. (Dad put a very small obit in for Mom, with a link to the full obit on the funeral home site, which was included in the price of their services. Mom would have approved.)

[Gumby]

Direct cremation, with inurnment at the US Naval Academy columbarium. If the young wife wants some sort of memorial service later, I'll leave some suggestions, but I doubt she will. Maybe she'll want to throw a big party. Or maybe she'll do nothing. It certainly won't matter to me.

[brett]

Direct cremation. Don't care about the ashes. Don't care about a service or an obit. I will be gone so I will not care. When it's over, it's over.

Both parents were cremated. One had a service and an obit. The other had neither.

Lots of con jobs by funeral homes out there. Friend told us that the funeral home recommended embalming and a fancy casket for a parent who was being cremated. They apparently try to sell a viewing first, then the rest. No sale.

My parent's wish was to have as little money spent on a funeral as possible even though they could well afford any type of service,etc. that they desired. I have the same wish. DW as well, though she does want a service.

[GravitySucks]

I got a nice piece of dirt and my half of the headstone. Kids can have me cremated if I'm somewhere difficult to transport a body.
Visited yesterday and planted some flowers.

[street]

Quote:

Originally Posted by googily A few months after DH got sick, he suggested we go visit the very historic cemetery in our neighborhood. We found a spot that spoke to us, where they sell "bench lots"--not enough room to bury caskets, but you can place a bench that contains ashes or have them "scattered shallowly" beneath. We more or less agreed on a design for the bench, and it was a great help to me that all of this was decided together. When the bench was ready almost one year to the day after he died, I found myself utterly unable to send his ashes over there. I hadn't expected to have such strong feelings when faced with it (we are pretty practical folk), but it was just one separation too many. So the bench is there, and when I go, we will travel the last mile together, as it should be.

Thanks for sharing that and very nice.

[athena53]

Quote:

Originally Posted by googily When the bench was ready almost one year to the day after he died, I found myself utterly unable to send his ashes over there. I hadn't expected to have such strong feelings when faced with it (we are pretty practical folk), but it was just one separation too many. So the bench is there, and when I go, we will travel the last mile together, as it should be.

You never know how you'll react when the loss happens. I'm glad you trusted your heart. I'll always want at least some of DH's ashes around. Right now the ones I haven't scattered are in the cheapie plastic box from the mortuary, wrapped up in one of his old flannel shirts.

[wyecrabber1]

Youngest son was 24 when he died in an auto accident -- we had his body cremated and the the ashes were kept in a container in his backpack in his bedroom. Six months after the accident, my wife was diagnosed with occult breast cancer, stage three. With surgeries, chemo and radiation she fought a brave battle for eight years -- I would not wish her last three years on my worst enemy -- she was an amazing women. She was cremated and I spread their ashes together over Tangier sound. I have a beautiful view of the sunsets over the sound from our condo.

I remarried a few years after she died. When my time comes, the instructions are to be cremated and spread my ashes over the same body of water. I don't need a service or obit. I will be in a better place. I can only imagine...

[Sue J]

I've told DH and our sons that I want to be cremated. They may keep me around in an urn if they feel the need but eventually I want to be placed in our local river. It's a long curving river and I've always lived nearby it, but in different areas. It empties into Lake Erie and eventually it all connects to the Atlantic and beyond.

I've also made it clear that I strongly believe in organ donation and that they should donate anything usable.

My parents are buried in adjacent plots with a joint headstone. It's nice and I've visited a few times. I don't know what the plots cost when they bought them but I do know that between their two simple funerals, the service, transportation, stone purchase and engraving, stone moving, vaults, perpetual care, etc, etc, etc it was $25,000. And that includes pine box "kosher" caskets that were only $700 each. It's what they wanted and they had the money.

I don't want to be buried, it just doesn't make sense to me to take up a plot of ground, forever.

[street]

Some very interesting life story's and the input is very helpful in what I would like to do.

[meierlde]

One advantage of direct cremation is that any memorial service can be more flexibly scheduled to allow out of towners to make it with easier travel arrangements. (Doesn't have to be done to the tight schedule for burial). Further you can decide if the ashes need to or don't need to be present at the memorial.

[googily]

Quote:

Originally Posted by athena53 You never know how you'll react when the loss happens. I'm glad you trusted your heart. I'll always want at least some of DH's ashes around. Right now the ones I haven't scattered are in the cheapie plastic box from the mortuary, wrapped up in one of his old flannel shirts.

That's lovely. There really is no right or wrong on this.

[athena53]

Quote:

Originally Posted by meierlde One advantage of direct cremation is that any memorial service can be more flexibly scheduled to allow out of towners to make it with easier travel arrangements. (Doesn't have to be done to the tight schedule for burial). Further you can decide if the ashes need to or don't need to be present at the memorial.

Yes- that was a real blessing. DS and DDIL lived 3 hours away and DDIL was due to have a baby in late November. DH died November 15. I scheduled the funeral for December 10 and then realized that EVERYTHING had to go right in order for DS and DDIL to be there. I moved it to early January. The baby was born November 29 but DDIL developed a superficial thrombosis and needed to inject herself with some med every day for a few weeks. I was VERY glad that they had time to deal with that and settle in with the new baby. I'd already told my siblings, all in NC and SC, not to come out to the Midwest for the funeral- we'd seen them at Mom's funeral a few months before and they'd been very kind to DH and had had time to say their goodbyes and that was enough.

The funeral was held as scheduled, DS, DDIL and the granddaughters were there and it was wonderful. I was really glad no one flew in from NC/SC because the weather got bad and I suspect they would have had a mess getting home.

[Nemo2]

As noted before, I've instructed DW to double bag me and drag me to the curb for pick up on heavy garbage day.

Dead is dead.

[Dtail]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nemo2 As noted before, I've instructed DW to double bag me and drag me to the curb for pick up on heavy garbage day. Dead is dead.

Wouldn't LBYM dictate only a single bag?

[braumeister]

My parents were very practical folks. When Dad was near the end I asked him what he wanted and he said "Why should I care?"

But I pressed him and he finally told me to scatter his ashes over his favorite fishing area in Jamaica Bay (New York City).

When Mom was near the end we went through the same drill and she finally said she'd like her ashes in the same place.

So they both had direct cremation with no service, since all their friends and most relatives were long gone.

I think that's sensible, and I want direct cremation also. I've mentioned a few options for what might be done with my ashes but left it up to DW to decide what makes her happy.

[Marita40]

There’s a new option here for “green” burial and when I read about it I immediately thought it makes complete sense to me and something I might choose. No embalming and no coffin at all. The body is simply wrapped in a biodegradable shroud and placed in the ground. Simple and natural.

I will definitely have a Catholic funeral Mass with incense and good music.

[MuirWannabe]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SheitlQueen Religious beliefs prevent cremation, but after reading in detail about it I don't think I would be interested. It just seems (just my opinion) disrespectful of the body. After my husband died I purchased the plot next to him. Burial wishes are at my attorneys along with my will, and my sister also has a copy. It's wise to let your relatives know what your desire is for burial, or lack of. It's difficult for them to try to figure out your preferences once you are gone and you gave them no indication of what you would like.

Matches my beliefs very closely. I don’t need an expensive funeral and burial. Hopefully, cost can be managed. But we want a burial in accordance with what we think matches our biblical understandings regarding respect for the body.

[bbbamI]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nemo2 As noted before, I've instructed DW to double bag me and drag me to the curb for pick up on heavy garbage day. Dead is dead.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dtail Wouldn't LBYM dictate only a single bag?

Only one bag would require a dryer sheet I think....


As for me, I'm not sure what I want. I do know I won't argue when the time comes.

[Mdlerth]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dtail Wouldn't LBYM dictate only a single bag?

I think you mean DBYM.

[Mdlerth]

I told DW to have me cremated because it's cheaper than a casket. The less she spends on the funeral, the more she can spend on the wake!

We visited the graveyard where DW's parents are buried. I couldn't help noticing that one nearby, recent-looking tombstone bore an ad for an HVAC company on the back side. How awesome is that? Eternal corporate sponsorship! Turn your demise into profit! Gotta love it.