Cremation or Traditional

[meierlde]

I am a big, um, fan, as it were, of waiting to do the memorial service. With DH, I was so crazed from nine months of his illness that I knew there was no way I could pull together something fitting for him within a few days. It was held just a smidge more than two months after he died, and we created a wonderful event, full of laughter and love and friendship. Wouldn't have been anything close to that if I had tried to do it within a week after he died.

Historically funerals were a trigger for an unplanned family reunion. With the ability to schedule the memorial service when convient, you can make it also a family reunion, and likley get more folks there. When my cousin died in mid winter we put a family reunion together the next summer which included a memorial service (note that a cousins husband and a cousin are Presbyterian ministers, so they knew what to do). (Also did it when an uncle died in mid winter, again in summer.

 

[USA]

When my Dad passed I wanted him buried in the same style casket as my Mother’s. The funeral home no longer carried it. I purchased it on-line and had it sent by air from Dallas. It was 2k less that Mom’s 7 years earlier. Go figure. For DH and I it will be cremation. We had the space allocated for us at the veterans cemetery last year and paperwork filed away with the trust documents.

 

[athena53]

Does/Can the family get the cremated remains (I can't in good conscience use the word "cremains," sounds too much like "Craisins")?

Yes. DH and I had looked into that route but they don't accept emaciated bodies. He was down to 117 lbs when he died, and was over 6 feet tall.

 

[travelover]

Tanned and nailed to the side of my barn.

 

[NW-Bound]

Will that help or hurt the resale of the property, when your survivors want to sell it?

 

[aja8888]

Will that help or hurt the resale of the property, when your survivors want to sell it?

In the eastern Kentucky and western West Virginia coal mining areas, it's traditional to bury family members on your property. When I was working back there on a large project years ago, I saw many residential homes with very nice cemetery plots with headstones, etc in the yard. I would assume if the family sells the property and moves, the subterranean residents get to stay. Or maybe they unearth them and re-deposit at the new location?

 

[travelover]

......... I would assume if the family sells the property and moves, the subterranean residents get to stay. Or maybe they unearth them and re-deposit at the new location?

Therein lies the beauty of tanning. Just roll up and take to the next place.

 

[NW-Bound]

I forgot about the rolling up for portability.

Wonder if it makes a good living room display? Hopefully not a floor rug.

Do you have some large tattoos that make it more interesting?

 

[frayne]

Roast me and toast me and throw my ashes in the nearest sand trap or water hazard.

 

[travelover]

I forgot about the rolling up.

Wonder if it makes a good living room display? Hopefully not a floor rug.

Do you have some large tattoos that make it more interesting?

No, but those could be added just before tanning to suit the survivor's taste..

 

[athena53]

Roast me and toast me and throw my ashes in the nearest sand trap or water hazard.

My Dad would like that! He's Roman Catholic, though, and while they mostly accept cremation, scattering the ashes just any old place is frowned upon. They're supposed to be in a columbarium.

I've mentioned this before here but it's worth re-telling: when an old friend of his from the steel industry died, part of the friend's ashes got put into a heat (batch) of steel, in accordance with his wishes.

 

[Scrapr]

My Dad would like that! He's Roman Catholic, though, and while they mostly accept cremation, scattering the ashes just any old place is frowned upon. They're supposed to be in a columbarium.

I've mentioned this before here but it's worth re-telling: when an old friend of his from the steel industry died, part of the friend's ashes got put into a heat (batch) of steel, in accordance with his wishes.

LOL. That is awesome. I have worked construction for a long time. We recycle trash from job sites. I keep joking that i want to be cremated and scattered on a new home site. And half into the trash pile to be recycled!

 

[MRG]

We bought a place out in the country and found out the original owner had been killed on the property and had his ashes spread all over the land. Made me want to use a respirator for mowing.

The only part that really bugged me was an old 8N tractor came with the property. You could tell it was rolled at one time. He died mowing around a pond on a tractor that didn't have live power, just like that 8N.

My parents both wanted to be cremated but they never said what to do with their ashes. After they both passed we had many discussions about what to do. Ended up taking them back to where they honeymooned 75 years prior. Luckily it was a family place and we still have relatives there.

 

[O2Bfree]

My dad's wishes were cremation. When mom was ready to part with his ashes, we dropped them off the ferry the middle of sound. The ferry system has a procedure for this, and did a nice job helping us honor dad's wishes. The cleared the top deck mid-run so our party could have a few moments alone, then slowed the boat down while we had a brief ceremony. Afterwards, they presented us with a lovely photo of a sunset taken from the middle of the run, with dad's name and the approximate latitude and longitude of his ashes printed on it. No charge for the service. Mom wants to go the same way.

DH and I also choose cremation, though the location of our final resting place will depend partly on where we're living at the time. The ferry drop will work if we're still in this area.

But lately I've been considering donating my body to the UW medical school, though I just mentioned that to DH and he's not keen on the idea for some reason. Might try to nudge him in that direction, though really it's not all that important to me.

 

[MBAustin]

Both of my parents were cremated with the ashes in a simple wooden "urn" buried near mom's parents in the small town cemetery where they (and I) grew up. When Dad died, there were still a good number of friends and family around, so we had a memorial service. When Mom died several years later, not so many were still around so we had an hour of visitation followed by a very short family-only gravesite service (no pastor, my kids and I did the service).

At this point I'm planning cremation, with half of my ashes in the memorial garden of our current church and the other half scattered on the lake where we spent our summers growing up (we still have a cabin there). Memorial service at our church with NO funeral home involvement.

 

[kcowan]

There’s a new option here for “green” burial and when I read about it I immediately thought it makes complete sense to me and something I might choose. No embalming and no coffin at all. The body is simply wrapped in a biodegradable shroud and placed in the ground. Simple and natural.

I will definitely have a Catholic funeral Mass with incense and good music.

What a great idea. I can't imagine our funeral homes promoting this ecological idea.

 

[Nemo2]

Forensic experts want volunteers to donate their CORPSES to Britain's first body farm  | Daily Mail Online

 

[Katsmeow]

Since childhood I have always wanted cremation. DH knows that and he is OK with it as well.

That said -- I was recently talking with a friend whose son is a physician. He had talked to her about the need for, well, bodies at the medical school. So, she has arranged with the school to donate their bodies. They have to get there within I think 6 hours of death. The school keeps the body for a couple of years than can return it if wanted.

While I haven't set this up yet, I really do like that option.

Oh -- as far as a service after I'm gone. I guess I don't really care. I mean I won't be there. So it will be left to whoever is left to decide.

 

[Nemo2]

Oh -- as far as a service after I'm gone. I guess I don't really care. I mean I won't be there. So it will be left to whoever is left to decide.

DW will play this at my 'Post Croak' party:

 

[Dtail]

DW will play this at my 'Post Croak' party:

After or before the garbage truck picks you up?

 

[Nemo2]

After or before the garbage truck picks you up?

She's going to put it on constant replay and slip it into their CD player.

 

[rodi]

Does/Can the family get the cremated remains (I can't in good conscience use the word "cremains," sounds too much like "Craisins")?

This depends on the med school and state. UCSD has you fill out a form, witnessed by two witnesses. They used to require the form be notarized, as well... but that has changed. They state on the form:

When a donor signs this form, or when an appropriate party signs on behalf of the donor, he/she specifically waives the provisions of California Health & Safety Code Section 7153.5(D) that provides for the return of cremated remains to certain individuals. Due to the nature and variability of uses for scientific research and education, cremated remains WILL NOT be returned.

(bolds added by me).
https://meded.ucsd.edu/assets/3/File/Donation%20Agreement%201st%20Party.pdf

If you need the ashes back - make sure you find a program that allows that. Not all do.

 

[street]

Thanks for all the good ideas and ways to handle the body when my time is up.

I do know if not cremated I want a pine box or a wrap and no embalming and buried. I do like that style because I have no relatives except one son and of course my wife but at that time of death who knows if there will be anybody left. I don' want a service but would like a few words from a clergy before I go in the ground.

This really has been an issue for me to decide what to do. If cremated I would need someone to spread my ashes in 4 different places.

I will check with the Mortician on costs and what they will do etc. I know him well and serve on a Board of Directors with him and have known him for over 35 years. And he still works he can't give it up. LOL

 

[Souschef]

What a great idea. I can't imagine our funeral homes promoting this ecological idea.

+1 When MIL died in 1998, it cost about 10K for the casket, embalming, etc.
for her to buried in the family plot.
When my wife died, she was cremated. I called the cemetery back in Pittsburgh to find out the cost of interring her ashes in the family plot. Well I got a song and dance about an urn , a vault, and opening and closing, etc. to the tune of $2K! That did not include my cost of going back there.
I ended up scattering her ashes at sea in CA near a place we spent our anniversaries.

 

[wmc1000]

Back in our late 20's we purchased 2 plots in a buy 1 get 1 free promotion. Paid $160 total but over the years have decided to do organ and whole body donation through Science Care. They match up bodies to organizations doing research and return the unused tissue as cremated remains 3-5 weeks later. No obit or memorial services unless kids want that for their peace of mind. Cost to family is $0 and most every body is accepted for donation.