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Cremation or Traditional
Old 05-27-2018, 10:50 AM   #1
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Cremation or Traditional

Again I tried to search for this topic and I'm sure there has been many but again I couldn't find one.

So on my way to my ranch I go by a small rural/country cemetery which I have stopped many times and looked around. There maybe 40 burial plots there and mostly very old with ranchers and folks that lived right in that area from homesteading times. A very peaceful setting with pasture with cows on other side of sheep fence that separates cemetery from rural life. LOL

Yesterday I went to the ranch to do some work and enjoy the outdoors and on my way back there was a women mowing the cemetery so I stopped and visited with her. She was a middle age wearing a cowboy hat and cleaning up for the memorial day. Had a good visit and I ask her if this was a private cemetery and she said it really isn't but everyone that is buried there is related or lived right in this area.

I'm sure she knew what I was after but she never offered or did I ask to buy a lot there. LOL

I'm still not sure what I want to do but I do need to let my wishes be heard at some time. I do have two lots in the small town where I live which is only 10 miles from this cemetery. I have not brought this up to my wife yet not really sure how that will pan out. LOL

Has everyone made up their minds what they want?
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Old 05-27-2018, 10:54 AM   #2
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Yes, cremation with ashes scattered in the ocean. No urn or plot for us!
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Old 05-27-2018, 10:57 AM   #3
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The DW and I both want direct cremations at this point. We are both very much in favor of "green burials" which would be a pine box and no embalming. However, where we live, those choices are pretty limited. If and when we get back to flyover country, we will probably then opt for the "green burial" on family land.

I am personally not a fan of the label "green burial" (it's a very cliche word these days) but I am a fan of not spending money needlessly. And while I won't fault anyone for spending money on a lavish funeral, I personally believe that it's an enormous waste of money. In the end (as I believe), the only thing left after you die is a big mound of decaying carbon material...and I see no good reason to spend thousands of dollars trying to make it look like it's not dead. BUT...YMMV, and I don't judge. Mostly.
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Old 05-27-2018, 11:06 AM   #4
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There are Memorial Associations around the country that have contracts with mortuaries. We and my parents joined the one in Oregon many years ago.

The kids all want 'a place to go to' once we have passed. There are pioneer cemeteries in our area that are for all intents maintained and controlled by the County. We have spotted one nearby and would like our urns to be buried there beneath a small flat marker, we won't take up much space.
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Old 05-27-2018, 11:07 AM   #5
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Has everyone made up their minds what they want?
At one point I thought cremation would be great since it is cheap and good for the environment. But I have changed my mind about that. Now I'd rather be buried traditionally, but as cheaply as possible; maybe in a cheap cemetery out in the countryside somewhere. My present rejection of cremation is due to some non-religious spiritual questions that I am grappling with which are thus far quite baffling to me but better to be safe than sorry. This probably makes little sense so just ignore it and accept that my choice is no longer cremation.

No funeral necessary from my point of view, although it's OK if any of my surviving relatives or friends want one. Funerals are for the living, not for the dead.
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Old 05-27-2018, 11:09 AM   #6
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DH has written instructions for cremation then half the ashes spread in the Pacific and half in the Atlantic.

I've filled out forms to have my body donated to the local medical school. That's my family's tradition - mom, dad, maternal grandparents were all donated to UCSD med school. Our family was never big on casket funerals - preferring a memorial service... so this works for us. My husband's family thinks I am very weird for continuing this. But I won't need the body anymore - and if a med student can learn something by using me as a cadaver... great! My understanding is the body, once used, is cremated. That's ok too.

I remember my parents and grandparents in so many ways - don't need a gravesite to visit.
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Old 05-27-2018, 11:17 AM   #7
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DW and I have bought two plots in our township cemetery. We both want a place to go to for each other. Itís near our church, so no need for a big caravan if others attend the funeral. We prepaid for the caskets too. The Catholic faith allows cremation but prefers burial, so thatís why weíve chosen to be buried.
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Old 05-27-2018, 11:27 AM   #8
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I have told my parents I want them to spend as little money as possible if I pass before them. I have nothing in writting but think they agreed to cremation but with a service and lunch/dinner for all attendees.
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Old 05-27-2018, 11:33 AM   #9
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Late DH and I were/are practical people and in-ground burial is really expensive. He was cremated in accordance with his wishes and so far I've scattered bits of his ashes in two places in the US and in four other countries. He liked that idea. Whatever is left when my time comes will be mingled with mine. Up to DS what he does with them.

Bonus: DH's will left everything to me but we agreed in amounts I'd give to help a couple of his less-fortunate family members. I'd initiated that discussion, not DH. Far better than spending a ton of $$ on an in-ground burial.
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Old 05-27-2018, 11:33 AM   #10
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I think that I'm sure of is a pine box and no embalming and no funeral service. I would like to have a Clergy say a few words at the burial site and in the hole I go. LOL I am a Christian so that would be an importance to me.

Just not sure on the cremation part but if I can have some of my ashes buried at this rural cemetery and the other scattered at my ranch would be what I would want at this time. I would need to ask that lady if there is any restrictions of burial of my ashes at that cemetery.
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Old 05-27-2018, 11:41 AM   #11
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There is a family plot in New Jersey. I, my sons, and grandchildren live in CA. I can see no sense being buried there.
I scattered my wife's ashes at sea, near a place we went every year for our anniversary.
I have the coordinates and want to be scattered there also.
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Old 05-27-2018, 11:45 AM   #12
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For me, cremation and the remains buried in a Veteran's National Cemetery of DD's choice (space available). $300 paid for by the Veterans Administration, the rest on me.

DW wants to give her body to the University of Texas.
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Old 05-27-2018, 11:48 AM   #13
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Cremated. Too far from the ocean but scattered on the Prairie here will be fine
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Old 05-27-2018, 11:56 AM   #14
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Cremation for us, but not sure of scattering vs. urn just yet.
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Old 05-27-2018, 12:04 PM   #15
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So for a lot of you that posted said cremation will you have a funeral service? Will you have an obit that is posted in a local paper etc.?
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Old 05-27-2018, 12:07 PM   #16
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So for a lot of you that posted said cremation will you have a funeral service? Will you have an obit that is posted in a local paper etc.?
We haven't thought that through yet, but that is also due to having our living wills and such to be completed by next year.
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Old 05-27-2018, 12:22 PM   #17
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A few months after DH got sick, he suggested we go visit the very historic cemetery in our neighborhood. We found a spot that spoke to us, where they sell "bench lots"--not enough room to bury caskets, but you can place a bench that contains ashes or have them "scattered shallowly" beneath. We more or less agreed on a design for the bench, and it was a great help to me that all of this was decided together.

When the bench was ready almost one year to the day after he died, I found myself utterly unable to send his ashes over there. I hadn't expected to have such strong feelings when faced with it (we are pretty practical folk), but it was just one separation too many. So the bench is there, and when I go, we will travel the last mile together, as it should be.
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Old 05-27-2018, 01:05 PM   #18
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A few months after DH got sick, he suggested we go visit the very historic cemetery in our neighborhood. We found a spot that spoke to us, where they sell "bench lots"--not enough room to bury caskets, but you can place a bench that contains ashes or have them "scattered shallowly" beneath. We more or less agreed on a design for the bench, and it was a great help to me that all of this was decided together.

When the bench was ready almost one year to the day after he died, I found myself utterly unable to send his ashes over there. I hadn't expected to have such strong feelings when faced with it (we are pretty practical folk), but it was just one separation too many. So the bench is there, and when I go, we will travel the last mile together, as it should be.


That is indeed how it should be. A lovely thought that shows the relationship you had.
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Old 05-27-2018, 01:22 PM   #19
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Religious beliefs prevent cremation, but after reading in detail about it I don't think I would be interested. It just seems (just my opinion) disrespectful of the body.

After my husband died I purchased the plot next to him. Burial wishes are at my attorneys along with my will, and my sister also has a copy.

It's wise to let your relatives know what your desire is for burial, or lack of. It's difficult for them to try to figure out your preferences once you are gone and you gave them no indication of what you would like.
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Old 05-27-2018, 01:38 PM   #20
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So for a lot of you that posted said cremation will you have a funeral service? Will you have an obit that is posted in a local paper etc.?
I don't want a memorial service for me, but an obit in my hometown paper in Connecticut would be OK, if DD or someone else writes it. My immediate family is my DD in Texas, and a sister living in CT with two sons. Everyone else has passed. DW is my second wife.

For DW, she wants a memorial service sometime after U. T. sends back any remains. If I'm not around to set up the service, one of her daughters or siblings will probably have to do the task.
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