Join Early Retirement Today
Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 03-19-2015, 09:17 PM   #121
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 13,271
Quote:
Originally Posted by Walt34 View Post
My parents would have been thrilled if that kid was me. I had a job at 17 and bought my own clothes, a small motorcycle, etc. However, my grades were lousy and there was no prayer of a scholarship unless there is one out there for "hopeless student". I was called a lot of things in HS but "student" was never one of them.

So things can be a lot worse.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FUEGO View Post
Sounds like a pretty ideal situation!

Now if he's 23, just dropped out of college and not working in a "real" job, not paying rent, and not paying for his own car repairs, then come back here and post a thread about it.

Don't get me wrong.... I am thrilled at what he is accomplishing.... but I also think he is missing out on some parts of life that you need to experience to learn.... he (and DW) just do not understand that some kids do not have cars they can drive (starting at 16 no less).... that they have to do chores around the house... that they have to learn some life skills that you do not learn in school....


If they do not go to visit grandma this summer, I will push for him getting a job... but DW's grandma is having some health issues so I think they will be going....
__________________

__________________
Texas Proud is online now  
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 03-19-2015, 09:19 PM   #122
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 96
Ok all. Sorry I didn't update sooner. Still working. Had the talk. I learned more than she did. Apparently she was concerned about the repair bill because she recently got a ticket in a construction zone and did not want to tell me- even though I handle these things in my job. She paid over 400 for the ticket which I could have resolved for cheaper. On top of that she went to doc for tests and assumed she had to pay- even though I cover her insurance and I have an HSA. She literally asked the doc/ lab for a bill when she left- which I have never done or knew could happen. So the bill was 521. She was upset when I asked for car repairs on top.

Here is the lesson. She had no idea what was happening with our health insurance. I had no idea her health issues. She also clearly needs an emergency fund. We discussed this too. Finally the issue of a long term plan is still lingering. Sorry for the length.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum
__________________

__________________
prose3589 is offline  
Old 03-19-2015, 09:24 PM   #123
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 96
Ps.- I am not so happy with myself. Clearly I dropped the ball here. I need to have more detailed conversations with my children about financial issues.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum
__________________
prose3589 is offline  
Old 03-19-2015, 09:35 PM   #124
Administrator
Gumby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 10,142
Things happen. If we're fortunate, we learn a thing or two and move on with our lives. The best thing is that you are talking to each other now and shaping the future together. Best wishes for you both.
__________________
Living an analog life in the Digital Age.
Gumby is online now  
Old 03-19-2015, 09:38 PM   #125
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
REWahoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Texas Hill Country
Posts: 42,094
^ What Gumby said.
__________________
Numbers is hard

When I hit 70, it hit back

Retired in 2005 at age 58, no pension
REWahoo is offline  
Old 03-19-2015, 10:03 PM   #126
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,384
Quote:
Originally Posted by prose3589 View Post
Ps.- I am not so happy with myself. Clearly I dropped the ball here. I need to have more detailed conversations with my children about financial issues.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum
It sounds like you have a high class daughter. I would be wary of blindly putting into place some of the suggestions that you might get here. Remember, you always want your children to like you, as well as respect you.

Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is online now  
Old 03-19-2015, 10:23 PM   #127
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
redduck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: yonder
Posts: 2,053
^ What haha said and more.

I was impressed with how your daughter handled her financial problems--she took care of them herself--without your knowledge. Do you have any idea why she didn't tell you about the traffic ticket or the doctor's appointment? You might consider staying away from financial issues for now and instead work on being more comfortable with one another. She sounds much more responsible than you've made her out to be in your original post.
__________________
Carpe cōleī
redduck is online now  
Old 03-19-2015, 10:25 PM   #128
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 2,259


I liked the way this story ended!

You have a nice daughter and with a little more communication with a little more guidance, I have a feeling both of you will be saving money.
__________________
tmm99 is online now  
Old 03-19-2015, 10:32 PM   #129
Moderator Emeritus
aja8888's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: The Woodlands, TX
Posts: 7,156
Quote:
Originally Posted by tmm99 View Post


I liked the way this story ended!

You have a nice daughter and with a little more communication with a little more guidance, I have a feeling both of you will be saving money.
Agreed with above, and maybe even get to know each other a little better.
__________________
......."Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face." -- philosopher Mike Tyson.
aja8888 is offline  
Old 03-19-2015, 10:39 PM   #130
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Sunset's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Chicago
Posts: 4,724
Quote:
Originally Posted by tmm99 View Post
I imagine it would be hard to learn the value of a dollar if everything is handed to you with no effort on your part.
Oh it is.
I see the results of that.
One is nearly 60, (not the previous 2 examples I mentioned). His parents paid for his house roof, created a job for him, bought him numerous cars over the years, and paid the car insurance, and gave him cash to help him out. All while he was married to an older woman (which his parents were happy about as she was like a mother to him).
Why should he work
He never even took care of the possessions, since he had no value of work associated with them, the house should be condemned as he let it rot.

What is the value of bothering to work when everything is nearly free.
I grew up with him, so I know he is just simply lazy, even as a kid he was lazy, too smart to work and sweat
__________________
Sunset is online now  
Old 03-19-2015, 10:46 PM   #131
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Sunset's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Chicago
Posts: 4,724
My parents let me live at home free while going to College, but they told me once I was done college and got a job, I would pay rent while living at home.
That was fine by me, and there was no talk of paying it back to me.

So OP's daughter does not understand how health care works, and even traffic tickets. Plus she does seem to spend all her money even though home is free, which is why the 2 bills threw her off so much.

Imagine if she had to pay $400/mo share of house expenses.
__________________
Sunset is online now  
Old 03-19-2015, 11:04 PM   #132
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
steelyman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Triangle
Posts: 3,218
It's very good that the talking is going. Still, one can't be "independent when I want to be", because that is still "dependent".
__________________

steelyman is offline  
Old 03-19-2015, 11:23 PM   #133
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 5,326
Quote:
Originally Posted by haha View Post
It sounds like you have a high class daughter. I would be wary of blindly putting into place some of the suggestions that you might get here. Remember, you always want your children to like you, as well as respect you.

Ha
+1. And besides that, they might be picking out your nursing home some day or making critical healthcare decisions on your behalf.

Good work Prose on handling the situation with TLC and being able to see things from your daughter's perspective.
__________________
Even clouds seem bright and breezy, 'Cause the livin' is free and easy, See the rat race in a new way, Like you're wakin' up to a new day (Dr. Tarr and Professor Fether lyrics, Alan Parsons Project, based on an EA Poe story)
daylatedollarshort is offline  
Old 03-19-2015, 11:54 PM   #134
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,570
Prose,
You took big steps, great. Put in perspective what young person hasn't made some mistakes? I made plenty starting out.
__________________
MRG is online now  
Old 03-20-2015, 12:02 AM   #135
Full time employment: Posting here.
ProspectiveBum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: SoCal
Posts: 667
Quote:
Originally Posted by MRG View Post
Prose,
You took big steps, great. Put in perspective what young person hasn't made some mistakes? I made plenty starting out.
+1

She's trying to do the right things, even if she's making mistakes along the way. Not all people have that instinct/desire. She'll do fine.
__________________
I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
- Joe Walsh
ProspectiveBum is online now  
Old 03-20-2015, 12:58 AM   #136
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 2,259
Quote:
Originally Posted by ProspectiveBum View Post
+1

She's trying to do the right things, even if she's making mistakes along the way. Not all people have that instinct/desire. She'll do fine.
+1
__________________
tmm99 is online now  
Old 03-20-2015, 05:22 AM   #137
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,471
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas Proud View Post
Yea.... I wish I could get this past DW... DS is 17 and does not work... he spend 5 days a week in the gym after school (which I pay for)...

I cannot complain too much as he is one of the top students in school and does all his homework without us saying a word... he is in a couple of engineering competitions and so far has placed first in them.... going to regional next.... has a possibility of winning a scholarship or two.... however, I still think a job with others making demands on him would be something good for him....

I always told DS that school was his job. If your son was in medical school (1st 2 years with 32 hrs in class per week and double that time studying) and the next 2 years at the hospital all day then studying) would you expect him to also work?

To the OP, it sounds like your bringing up the subject opened a floodgate of information and an opening for communication that she needed too. DH and I found ourselves with $1000 less than expected...on our honeymoon. We barely scraped by. Got a loan from a friend when we got back home. Never told our parents. I'm sure it's a relief to your daughter to find out you have her back. I'm not sure our parents' would have been so kind.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum
__________________
EastWest Gal is offline  
Old 03-20-2015, 05:24 AM   #138
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Amethyst's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 5,879
I love how this story played out. I kept thinking the daughter might be stressed out by watching someone else's kids all day long 6 days a week and might just have been snappish. Now we know she was dealing with even more stress. All will work out, I suspect.

On the slightly-germane topic Sunset touches on: I've been around more than one highly-intelligent lazy person who manages to arrange his/her life so everyone else becomes staff. They are like human cats!

In fact, this type of person is something of a leitmotif or "meme" in literature. My older brother had a novel titled "The Mudhen," who was a very smart, very lazy boy whose hobby was solving mysteries, at and around his private prep school. Other than that, he despised effort and did as little as possible. Things somehow always worked out for him.

Amethyst

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunset View Post

What is the value of bothering to work when everything is nearly free.
I grew up with him, so I know he is just simply lazy, even as a kid he was lazy, too smart to work and sweat
__________________
If you understood everything I say, you'd be me ~ Miles Davis
'There is only one success to be able to spend your life in your own way. Christopher Morley.
Amethyst is offline  
Old 03-20-2015, 08:02 AM   #139
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 96
Thanks to everyone for the advice. I am very proud of her. I am going to be more open about financial issues with my kids. I forget they need the information.

A friend said"you can't put an old head on a young body". I am reminded of that every day.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum
__________________
prose3589 is offline  
Old 03-20-2015, 08:13 AM   #140
Moderator Emeritus
Bestwifeever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 16,373
Quote:
Originally Posted by prose3589 View Post
Thanks to everyone for the advice. I am very proud of her. I am going to be more open about financial issues with my kids. I forget they need the information.

A friend said"you can't put an old head on a young body". I am reminded of that every day.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum
That is a great saying. And you did splendidly with your DD.
__________________

__________________
Would you like an adventure now, or would you like to have your tea first? J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
Bestwifeever is offline  
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
How to avoid an awkward prenup discussion when you have adult children... Nords FIRE and Money 24 08-12-2011 11:08 AM
Providing catastrophic medical insurance for adult children samclem Health and Early Retirement 12 11-29-2009 07:41 PM
Adult children on the hook for deadbeat Mom. Cattusbabe FIRE and Money 22 07-14-2009 10:05 AM
The Recession & our Adult children Moemg Other topics 100 06-18-2009 05:33 PM
Adult children living in another area: how often do they visit? Orchidflower Life after FIRE 42 08-21-2007 09:30 PM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 11:03 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.