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dallas x marriedw/children x csi miami x desperate housewives.. life in a FL HOA
Old 03-23-2007, 11:36 AM   #1
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dallas x marriedw/children x csi miami x desperate housewives.. life in a FL HOA

http://widelawns.blogspot.com

Hilarious "blog clef" about obscene wealth in a tacky gated community.


LBYM connection ---------

Dayonara Belladonna is the interior designer of Basura. Anyone who's anyone has paid Dayonara hundreds of thousands to bedeck their faux Meditterranean villas. Dayonara brags that no one else has her unique connections overseas which allow her to import all sorts of rare and fabulous treasures from places such as Turkey, Afghanistan, Bali, Sumatra and exotic Greek isles not heard of since The Odyssey. Dayonara, who charges over $30,000.00 just for an initial consultation, takes monthly trips to Europe, the Middle East and South East Asia, purportedly to purchase the one of a kind carpets, furnishings, tapestries and statuettes for which the denizens of Basura are willing to pay five and six digits.

You can always tell a Dayonara house. She has a definite style, involving lots of metallics, velvets, swaths of heavy fabric, tassles and there's always a heavy dose of multi-ethnic figurine type of things sitting in unexpected places. Personally, I prefer something a little more understated. I like the Scandinavian farmhouse look where all you have for decoration is a pear sitting on a blue plate on top of a weathered looking wooden table. Dayonara's style is about as far from Swedish cottage as you can get. Most of her houses look like Sultan's tents straight out of an Arabian fairytale. When in a Dayonara home one feels that one must refrain from touching any of the ornate gold lamps, lest a mischievous genie spring forth ready to wreak havoc. I think these houses are a little overdone, but people around here live for overdone. Everything about them is overdone, so naturally they would want their houses to be particularly gaudy and flashy as well.

I've heard rumors for a long time, from employees and working class sorts of course, that Dayonara wasn't really going on all the buying trips to exotic locales as she claimed. Sure, she travels, but instead of bargaining in foreign bazaars and sorting through yards of saffron colored silk in a Morroccan souk, Dayonara is resting at spas in five star hotels, shopping for herself and counting the cash she rakes in from all the Rich White People in Basura who must have her signature style imprinted on their new pre-fab, seven bedroom mansion.

A few months ago a reliable source informed me that she had visited Dayonara's showroom, inquiring about possibly hiring Dayonara Belladonna to decorate her new home. Once in the showroom, the possible future client, who was herself a shrewd shopper, noticed some items displayed that she had seen just the following week in Ross. When the potential future client mentioned this to Ms. Belladonna, the potential future client was promptly escorted out the door and told that she was simply not the sort of client for which Dayonara Belladonna was looking to work and to please have a nice day. The now ex-potential future client was outraged and went and decorated her new house her own self, and saved hundreds of thousands doing it, and now has a well decorated home that doesn't look like Scherezade should come strolling through the foyer at any moment.

This woman, the one who called Dayonara out on her scam, is very unusual in these parts. Most people in Basura would expose themselves to tuberculosis rather than set foot in any sort of discount store. In fact, there aren't even any Marshalls, TJ Maxx's or Ross Dress for Less's in Basura anyway. These people probably don't even know those stores exist, which is why Dayonara can get away with what she does. Dayonara wasn't counting on the one Basura bargain hunter in existence, coming in to her shop. It really was just a freak occurrence. I think the woman was born poor, made it big somehow and still retains a healthy impulse to save some money here and there, rather than just blow every cent she makes like most of the people around here. Maybe that's why the woman got wealthy in the first place. I have no idea.

Just the other day, I got all the proof I need that Dayonara Belladonna is a sham. I saw her myself in Marshalls loading up a cart in the housewares section. I recognized her from seeing her face in many ads and from seeing her at work in Wide Lawns. Once she got a ticket and had to come in to my office to pay for it. There she was, buying probably thousands of dollars worth of knick knacks and junk like fake African fertility statues, carved Indian gods made in China, end tables, closeout candlesticks, bent birdcages, cheap, ugly picture frames and at least fifteen crappy mosaic vases.

"Dayonara Belladonna?" I inquired.

She looked mortified and ignored me.

"Dayonara, is that you?" I repeated.

She looked up, flustered.

"I'm sorry, you must have me mistaken for someone else. I don't know who you're talking about." she said in a weird, fake accent.

I didn't have her mistaken. I knew exactly who she was and exactly what she was going to do. Those picture frames that sell for less than five dollars a piece will be dusted and staged in her showroom. She'll pick off the sticky Marshall's price tag and replace it with a handwritten price tag ($475.00) and attach that with a classy looking green, silk ribbon.

And you know what, some dumb fool will suddenly see it there, and HAVE to have it.

--------------

Enjoy!
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Re: dallas x marriedw/children x csi miami x desperate housewives.. life in a FL HOA
Old 03-23-2007, 11:59 AM   #2
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Re: dallas x marriedw/children x csi miami x desperate housewives.. life in a FL HOA

That BLOG is a royal hoot!!! I will be reading and cracking up for days! Just too bad I have to get some chores done now or I would read all of it!!!

THANKS
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Re: dallas x marriedw/children x csi miami x desperate housewives.. life in a FL HOA
Old 03-23-2007, 12:11 PM   #3
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Re: dallas x marriedw/children x csi miami x desperate housewives.. life in a FL HOA

Heheh, Basura, FL? Must be a fake name. Basura = trash in espanol.
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Re: dallas x marriedw/children x csi miami x desperate housewives.. life in a FL
Old 03-23-2007, 12:14 PM   #4
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Re: dallas x marriedw/children x csi miami x desperate housewives.. life in a FL

Quote:
Originally Posted by brewer12345
Basura = trash in espanol.
I was thinking the same thing. The irony of it...

Basura - the most exclusive community around...
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Re: dallas x marriedw/children x csi miami x desperate housewives.. life in a FL HOA
Old 03-23-2007, 03:08 PM   #5
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Re: dallas x marriedw/children x csi miami x desperate housewives.. life in a FL HOA

I regularly shop at TJ Maxx and there are always decorators in there buying tons of stuff .I always wonder what they tell their clients .
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