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Old 04-25-2012, 10:01 AM   #101
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So, just when I think I may jump in the pool again... I look at the sunny lounge chair & think, "You know, life isn't so bad right now... maybe I'll just enjoy a good book for a while."

Perhaps I'll start with: "Going Solo" by Eric Klinenberg
A revelatory examination of the most significant demographic shift since the Baby Boom—the sharp increase in the number of people who live alone—that offers surprising insights on the benefits of this epochal change.
Wow, thanks for mentioning this book! It looks very interesting. From the Amazon review,
Quote:
Though conventional wisdom tells us that living by oneself leads to loneliness and isolation, Klinenberg shows that most solo dwellers are deeply engaged in social and civic life. In fact, compared with their married counterparts, they are more likely to eat out and exercise, go to art and music classes, attend public events and lectures, and volunteer. There’s even evidence that people who live alone enjoy better mental health than unmarried people who live with others and have more environmentally sustainable lifestyles than families, since they favor urban apartments over large suburban homes. Drawing on over three hundred in-depth interviews with men and women of all ages and every class, Klinenberg reaches a startling conclusion: in a world of ubiquitous media and hyperconnectivity, this way of life can help us discover ourselves and appreciate the pleasure of good company.
This relates to dating while retired, because often retired singles have had a chance to live alone while retired, and I think quite a few of us prefer it to living with a lover/companion. This is something to think about while contemplating "What exactly do I want in a relationship?" It's more appealing to many potential partners to date someone who knows what he wants.
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Old 04-25-2012, 10:06 AM   #102
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Wow, thanks for mentioning this book! It looks very interesting. From the Amazon review,

This relates to dating while retired, because often retired singles have had a chance to live alone while retired, and I think quite a few of them prefer it to living with their lover/companion.

+1

Just ordered it through inter-library loan.

omni
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Old 04-25-2012, 10:15 AM   #103
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Man, what a bunch of doom and gloomers on here............ If somehow I was retired and on my own, I am sure I could "struggle and survive". There are a lot of lonely but very nice people in the world. I don't think its as difficult as people say.........
It's easy to find somebody to go out with.

It is extremly difficult to find somebody to find somebody one would like to marry or have a long-term relationship with.
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Old 04-25-2012, 10:20 AM   #104
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So, just when I think I may jump in the pool again... I look at the sunny lounge chair & think, "You know, life isn't so bad right now... maybe I'll just enjoy a good book for a while."
An evening home with a good book is far more satisfying than an evening with a person who is not one's cup of tea.

To put this in financial terms (and keep in the spirit of this site): Having one's spare cash in a relatively low yeilding short term bond fund is preferable to having it in a fund that that specializes in capital depreciation.
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Old 04-25-2012, 10:20 AM   #105
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+1

Just ordered it through inter-library loan.

omni
I would have checked my library, but DH often picks up my books for me and would probably be pretty darned suspicious about that title!
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Old 04-25-2012, 10:40 AM   #106
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I've often thought about dating/finding a partner when young vs later in life.

The car analogy seems to work for me. When in our late teens - early 20s, we are pretty much all like new cars in the showroom. We're factory fresh (no/low miles, no dents/dings, little/no baggage, etc.). We tend to be surrounded by similar types, as that what is found in our local car dealer's lot (e.g. neighborhood).

Later in life, we've started to diverge significantly. We're more like used cars. We've all got more miles on us -- but some have had easy, smooth highway miles and some have many miles on bumpy, unpaved roads. Some still have reasonably good bodies -- others are exhibiting many dents and dings, and sometimes evidence of not having minimum maintenance done and not being well cared-for. Initially, it's often hard to see what's under the hood -- but, over time, characteristics may become evident of difficult times, self-abuse, poor maintenance, etc. And now the baggage has started to accumulate -- some vehicles can fit everything into the back seat, yet others have overflowing trunks and are towing trailer-loads as well. At this point, there are a few vehicles are still never-titled -- but others may have been titled up to 3 or 4 times. Some vehicles show signs that their previous 'owners' may have been careless or neglectful. Also, at this point, many vehicles have been driven/relocated to other parts of the country, so they are no longer sitting among similar models.

I could go on and on.

I think this helps provide clarity in the increased complexity of finding a partner when older. And perhaps this analogy may give some insight to those who have been in a relationship forever.

omni
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Old 04-25-2012, 10:40 AM   #107
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FD,

WOW.

You really can't understand another person's experience until you've walked a mile in their shoes.

I'm sure there are many lonely and nice people in the world. It takes more than being "lonely and nice" to be a suitable partner for most people.

omni
I wasn't always married....... As a matter of fact, a number of my friends are divorced with grown kids. Maybe its just me, they seem happy and have a good life. Two of them are widows, husband died in their early 50's. They have found companions and seem happy. Maybe my outlook is different than most?

Most of the people on this forum are financially successful, are witty and genuinely nice people. I probably am oversimplifying things but I see LOTs of single people of every age out in society, and I guess I just think if you want to find a nice person to hang out with, etc, you can. But you have to be approachable.........
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Old 04-25-2012, 10:46 AM   #108
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It's easy to find somebody to go out with.
Agree........

Quote:
It is extremly difficult to find somebody to find somebody one would like to marry or have a long-term relationship with.
Isn't that part of the fun? For most on here, they did go through that experience in their first life partner, spouse, cabana boy, whatever? Would not the 2nd time around be easier, knowing what you know?

I suppose I have a different prospective. My mom died when I was 5 and my sister was 7, and my dad worked 60 hours a week. Not conducive to meeting women, right? My dad managed to attract and marry an attractive single woman 10 years younger than him who was a schoolteacher. He even admits he finds that amazing some 40+ years later.......I guess if it can happen to my dad, why should I worry?

I don't buy that line of BS that some people say: "I'm not as thin/pretty/studly/funny/etc as I used to be. Millions of fish in the ocean, no??

If, God forbid, I ever lost DW, I would not remarry, but I would make sure I had someone in my life.........
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Old 04-25-2012, 10:49 AM   #109
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I've often thought about dating/finding a partner when young vs later in life.

The car analogy seems to work for me. When in our late teens - early 20s, we are pretty much all like new cars in the showroom. We're factory fresh (no/low miles, no dents/dings, little/no baggage, etc.). We tend to be surrounded by similar types, as that what is found in our local car dealer's lot (e.g. neighborhood).

Later in life, we've started to diverge significantly. We're more like used cars. We've all got more miles on us -- but some have had easy, smooth highway miles and some have many miles on bumpy, unpaved roads. Some still have reasonably good bodies -- others are exhibiting many dents and dings, and sometimes evidence of not having minimum maintenance done and not being well cared-for. Initially, it's often hard to see what's under the hood -- but, over time, characteristics may become evident of difficult times, self-abuse, poor maintenance, etc. And now the baggage has started to accumulate -- some vehicles can fit everything into the back seat, yet others have overflowing trunks and are towing trailer-loads as well. At this point, there are a few vehicles are still never-titled -- but others may have been titled up to 3 or 4 times. Some vehicles show signs that their previous 'owners' may have been careless or neglectful. Also, at this point, many vehicles have been driven/relocated to other parts of the country, so they are no longer sitting among similar models.

I could go on and on.

I think this helps provide clarity in the increased complexity of finding a partner when older. And perhaps this analogy may give some insight to those who have been in a relationship forever.

omni
Well, its all in how you look at it? Most people on here are financially successful, that alone would increase odds dramatically.........
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Old 04-25-2012, 11:05 AM   #110
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I'm pretty sure they're in the Severn River... maybe Hospital Creek!
You can always spot an Annapolis grad.
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Old 04-25-2012, 11:46 AM   #111
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I'm pretty sure they're in the Severn River... maybe Hospital Creek!
Nope, the Potomac River at the then-named David Taylor Model basin, now the Carderock Division Home - NSWC CARDEROCK DIVISION.

What gave the story credibility was that they really did test hull designs in what was at the time the largest indoor testing facility of the type.

But most of the girls did eventually figure it out....
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Old 04-25-2012, 01:00 PM   #112
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Perhaps I'll start with: "Going Solo" by Eric Klinenberg
A revelatory examination of the most significant demographic shift since the Baby Boom—the sharp increase in the number of people who live alone—that offers surprising insights on the benefits of this epochal change.
I just read the user reviews on Amazon, often my first step after hearing of a book. Very interesting, many of them have the same vibe as lifestyle oriented posts on this board. The, "you don't really understand unless you are an introvert, for us, this is paradise". Many of them criticize the author for supposedly being too dark.

I have no idea how this shakes out for various people. I know when I got my new doctor, in our initial visit, she couldn't really believe that I live alone. I don't give a loner feel. Yet I do appreciate time to myself, as well as time with others and also a close woman tie. I think the costs of a relationship where you are both in your own homes and free to go on down the road ( "employment at will" as it were) , are very low, relative to the benefits. I am not afraid of being called on for help or support, and I hope I also would get that.

I like parties and dances, but I am in no way a "life of the party" type. I get energy from groups, and try to give back by being understanding and respectful of other's needs. Some on the board at times complain about small talk, and feeling that they must listen to it or do it themselves. For me, small talk is fun, a lot like throwing a frisbee. No real point to it, other than interaction and some fun. Exceptions are what I somtimes see with some very competitive men, where the repartee contains a lot of anger. No me gusta eso! My oldest friend with whom I am still in regular face to face contact (getting close to 60 years) is a retired academic who tries to engage me in "debate" about political or environmental issues. I tell him hey, I like you, why would I want to argue with you? The important goal at our age is love and acceptance, not winning points. Thsi frustrates him, but he also likes it sonce most of his other male freidns are academics themselves, who never saw an argument that they didn't want to dominate. A-holes, in my view.

Social life is not always easy, but for me at least life would be tough without it.

Ha
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Old 04-25-2012, 02:30 PM   #113
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Nope, the Potomac River at the then-named David Taylor Model basin, now the Carderock Division Home - NSWC CARDEROCK DIVISION.

What gave the story credibility was that they really did test hull designs in what was at the time the largest indoor testing facility of the type.

But most of the girls did eventually figure it out....
There's a submarine museum about an hour north of where we used to park. We would tell our girlfriends that when a sub was brought to the museum to be refurbished and then drydocked, they would always cruise south on Lake Michigan for their last voyage....worked for awhile...........
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Old 04-25-2012, 06:35 PM   #114
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It's easy to find somebody to go out with.

It is extremly difficult to find somebody to find somebody one would like to marry or have a long-term relationship with.
Maybe you are worried about the end result before going through the process. I loved dating different ladies. Got one now over 5 years strong and wouldnt trade her for anyone. But that wasnt my initial thought when I went out with her. I just thought she was good looking You work at a school, correct Chuck? That place is a gold mine. 80% of staff is usually female, and all of them are friends with 5-10 other females not in the building who are also friends of other 5-10 women not including relatives. I used to just ask around and next thing you know, someone had someone I should meet. That strategy worked for me the better part of 30 years and led me to who I am with now and hope to be long term!
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Old 04-26-2012, 08:21 AM   #115
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I've often thought about dating/finding a partner when young vs later in life.

The car analogy seems to work for me. When in our late teens - early 20s, we are pretty much all like new cars in the showroom. We're factory fresh (no/low miles, no dents/dings, little/no baggage, etc.). We tend to be surrounded by similar types, as that what is found in our local car dealer's lot (e.g. neighborhood).

Later in life, we've started to diverge significantly. We're more like used cars. We've all got more miles on us -- but some have had easy, smooth highway miles and some have many miles on bumpy, unpaved roads. Some still have reasonably good bodies -- others are exhibiting many dents and dings, and sometimes evidence of not having minimum maintenance done and not being well cared-for. Initially, it's often hard to see what's under the hood -- but, over time, characteristics may become evident of difficult times, self-abuse, poor maintenance, etc. And now the baggage has started to accumulate -- some vehicles can fit everything into the back seat, yet others have overflowing trunks and are towing trailer-loads as well. At this point, there are a few vehicles are still never-titled -- but others may have been titled up to 3 or 4 times. Some vehicles show signs that their previous 'owners' may have been careless or neglectful. Also, at this point, many vehicles have been driven/relocated to other parts of the country, so they are no longer sitting among similar models.

I could go on and on.

I think this helps provide clarity in the increased complexity of finding a partner when older. And perhaps this analogy may give some insight to those who have been in a relationship forever.

omni
But does the used model come with an extended warranty?
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Old 04-26-2012, 09:04 AM   #116
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But does the used model come with an extended warranty?
Yes...but it's way more than you can afford.

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Old 04-26-2012, 11:58 AM   #117
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Yes...but it's way more than you can afford.

omni
Your right, with DD attending a private college, there's not much I can afford these days.
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Old 04-26-2012, 06:18 PM   #118
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I don't buy that line of BS that some people say: "I'm not as thin/pretty/studly/funny/etc as I used to be. Millions of fish in the ocean, no??
Agree. As we age our eyesight deteriates and it is harder to tell if they are thin/pretty/studly. Also, with bad hearing you can't tell if they are funny.
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Old 04-26-2012, 06:26 PM   #119
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Agree. As we age our eyesight deteriates and it is harder to tell if they are thin/pretty/studly. Also, with bad hearing you can't tell if they are funny.
Also I find that as I age, my idea of the ideal male physique has strongly shifted towards that of a 60 year old man. Those 20-30 year old guys that would have floated my boat back when my avatar photo was taken (1974) just don't do a thing for me any more.
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Old 04-26-2012, 06:30 PM   #120
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Also I find that as I age, my idea of the ideal male physique has strongly shifted towards that of a 60 year old man.
I'm thinking that you would be rewarding woman to hang out with. Frank ain't never gonna go anywhere.

Ha
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