Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 07-20-2009, 01:51 PM   #41
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
DangerMouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 1,812
Quote:
Originally Posted by FinanceDude View Post
Since you have never been in that situation, how would you know anything about it?



Uh, really? Even if the spouse has a poor track record of their own finances?
So Finance Dude you are saying because I don't have children I am not qualified to comment on the situation? So what exactly was wrong with my statement - can you perhaps share your knowledge which you obviously think is way above what I have heard from other parents. So are you saying that I was incorrect in stating that staying home with children is a tough job? I know plenty of mothers who say it is, it's not a piece of cake like many think it is. Or are you saying that childcare is not expensive? Once again from my own family I have heard that statement and from many other families I have heard the same. Why don't you enlighten me seeing you think you are the genius.
__________________

__________________

I be a girl, he's a boy. Think I maybe FIRED since July 08. Mid 40s, no kidlets. Actually am totally clueless as to what is going on with DH.
DangerMouse is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 07-20-2009, 02:25 PM   #42
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 7,531
I'll go on record saying taking care of your own two children isn't really that hard. Just make sure to change the DVD every 2 hrs and feed every 4. After a few rounds of that, your wife will be home to take a load off your hands (just make sure you tell her how tiresome caring for your children can be - don't let the charade die off). And when the older one yells "Daddy, lil sis just peed all over the floor again" you go and wipe it up with the pee towel. Kid-raising, daddy style.

I'd gladly take daddy day care duties over what I do for a living if it paid equally well.

edited to add: That's a brief summary of parenting, and I may be overlooking a thing or two somewhere in there.
__________________

__________________
FUEGO is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2009, 02:37 PM   #43
Dryer sheet aficionado
DMGO's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 41
It should be such a simple thing. You buy something, charge it on a credit card, and when the bill comes, you pay for it online, or mail a check. That's how I always did it. Don't pay late, don't pay any interest, it's just a convenience, nothing more, nothing less. My particular CC gives me a % back in a rebate, for EVERY purchase I make using the card. Some people (including my family, obviously) make minimum payments, pay HUGE interest rates, and then, file bankruptcy. I can't stand it, I just can't stand it. Thinking more about that 'fishing trip', far out in the wilderness. Looks like that might be the 'right' thing to do.
__________________
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
DMGO is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2009, 02:41 PM   #44
Administrator
Janet H's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 4,957
Quote:
Originally Posted by FUEGO View Post
I'll go on record saying taking care of your own two children isn't really that hard. Just make sure to change the DVD every 2 hrs and feed every 4. After a few rounds of that, your wife will be home to take a load off your hands (just make sure you tell her how tiresome caring for your children can be - don't let the charade die off). And when the older one yells "Daddy, lil sis just peed all over the floor again" you go and wipe it up with the pee towel. Kid-raising, daddy style.

I'd gladly take daddy day care duties over what I do for a living if it paid equally well.

edited to add: That's a brief summary of parenting, and I may be overlooking a thing or two somewhere in there.
Ya think??

It's really hard to have family that don't live up to your personal expectations. DMGO asked what to do to help...

Personally I don't think you can reasonably expect to change how other folks run their lives. Maybe acceptance is the best you can hope for. Be nice to the kids be civil to the husband and sis. Tend the relationships instead, not the business aspect of their lives.

I have a deadbeat relative who occasionally calls and asks for an assist. To date, I've kept my opinion about this situation to myself. His sibs still care about him, regardless of the crumby way he runs his life and I don't think it's my place to try to change their relationships. Doesn't mean I have to like it....
__________________
E-R.org Custom Google Search | You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. (Robin Williams)
Janet H is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2009, 01:25 PM   #45
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
FinanceDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 12,484
Quote:
Originally Posted by DangerMouse View Post
So Finance Dude you are saying because I don't have children I am not qualified to comment on the situation? So what exactly was wrong with my statement - can you perhaps share your knowledge which you obviously think is way above what I have heard from other parents. So are you saying that I was incorrect in stating that staying home with children is a tough job? I know plenty of mothers who say it is, it's not a piece of cake like many think it is. Or are you saying that childcare is not expensive? Once again from my own family I have heard that statement and from many other families I have heard the same. Why don't you enlighten me seeing you think you are the genius.
Nothing wrong, see my PM.........

When we had two kids in childcare the cost was $1400 a month. Kids are not cheap and never will be. We don't know enough about OP's situation, we need to know more. Most are attacking him as a deadbeat SAHD.......

I think THEY need credit counseling...all this talk of "get rid of that bum" are premature and overblown........
__________________
Consult with your own advisor or representative. My thoughts should not be construed as investment advice. Past performance is no guarantee of future results (love that one).......:)


This Thread is USELESS without pics.........:)
FinanceDude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2009, 01:55 PM   #46
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
DangerMouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 1,812
FD, no worries, thanks for the PM.

I'll agree we can't assume that he is a deadbeat dad because he stays at home as I know I would never say that because a woman was staying at home.

One thing I know I assumed is because he had declared bankruptcy previously, he was at fault. However, how do I know that it was not the wife who ran up the debt?

I was wrong in stating what I did because truthfully I did not have sufficient facts to reach the conclusion I did.
__________________

I be a girl, he's a boy. Think I maybe FIRED since July 08. Mid 40s, no kidlets. Actually am totally clueless as to what is going on with DH.
DangerMouse is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2009, 02:11 PM   #47
Full time employment: Posting here.
Cattusbabe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 814
DMGO, just a quick question. Did your daughter come to you asking for assistance with her finances or her man? If not there is not a whole hell of a lot you can do but watch from the side lines. Yes, it is hard watching those you love struggling and venting here may take some of the pressure off but like it of not it is her life and her man and she may not appreciate you running him into the ground.

Take it from someone who has had to tell more than a few well meaning family members to butt out of my business. Most people really do not know what goes on inside of a marriage just by looking at it from the outside. In the final analysis these two adults will just have to work this out themselves.
__________________
A todos los amantes del mundo. No importa el color de su piel, la pasion es universal.
_______________

La tavola e il letto non hanno restrizioni.
_____________
Any day your on this side of the grass is a good day.
Cattusbabe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2009, 05:59 PM   #48
Dryer sheet aficionado
DMGO's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cattusbabe View Post
DMGO, just a quick question. Did your daughter come to you asking for assistance with her finances or her man? If not there is not a whole hell of a lot you can do but watch from the side lines. Yes, it is hard watching those you love struggling and venting here may take some of the pressure off but like it of not it is her life and her man and she may not appreciate you running him into the ground.

Take it from someone who has had to tell more than a few well meaning family members to butt out of my business. Most people really do not know what goes on inside of a marriage just by looking at it from the outside. In the final analysis these two adults will just have to work this out themselves.

No one came to me asking for anything. What happened was, my daughter suddenly told us that she was in deep trouble with her credit cards. She's been spending (wasting, in my opinion) money on fancy dinners out, short vacations, and everything they buy has to be top-of-the-line stuff. When I inquired about the entire financial picture, that's when I found out about the negative amortizing mortgage, and the fact that son-in-law was up to his eyeballs in credit card debt again. The most ridiculous thing with him, is why would ANY credit card company give credit to a bum who just recently filed bankruptcy? That just gives him license to steal from them next. He's 35, and by the way, I kind of like the kid, I just don't like the way he has no personal scruples. Killing him is not one of the family options, at least, not yet. I've decided to pay for my daughter's bankruptcy legal fees ($2K), and hopefully, that will end this fiasco.
__________________
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
DMGO is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2009, 06:48 PM   #49
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 204
Quote:
filed bankruptcy? That just gives him license to steal from them next. He's 35, and by the way, I kind of like the kid, I just don't like the way he has no personal scruples. Killing him is not one of the family options, at least, not yet. I've decided to pay for my daughter's bankruptcy legal fees ($2K), and hopefully, that will end this fiasco.

I wish I have a father in law like you. You are a good forgiving person.
__________________
steve88 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2009, 07:36 PM   #50
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,183
DMGO,
I am not passing judgement as we all need to do what we can for our kids and society. I have in the past provided bailouts for both of my children for legal fees as well as college and daily needs as well as splurges. That is a parents perogitive. Please see that they both watch, listen to, see the Dave Ramsey program so this is not a continually repeated cycle of bad behavior. The problem will never be resolved unless folks learn and modify the behavior that creates it IMHO.

Please update us in about 6 months post BK and let us know the progress.

Ditto to steve88's comments!
__________________
crazy connie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2009, 10:21 PM   #51
gone traveling
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3,864
Quote:
Originally Posted by DMGO View Post
I've decided to pay for my daughter's bankruptcy legal fees ($2K), and hopefully, that will end this fiasco.

Maybe you could make her a negative amortizing loan...nothing down, easy payments, no qualifying.

Sounds like you are being forced to make tough choices. Good luck, and keep us posted how it's going. Wish you and DD the best. SIL, not so much...
__________________
Westernskies is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2009, 01:50 PM   #52
Dryer sheet aficionado
DMGO's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 41
UPDATE: Ok, we met with the bankruptcy attorney, and my daughter filed chapter 7 bankruptcy, which he described as a "total" bankruptcy. He recommended that my daughter and sob husband include their home mortgage in the bankruptcy, as there is no other way out of that for them, and they did that. Now, it's unknown how soon they will have to vacate their home, being that they are actually current on the mortgage payments. Also, I assume that they shouldn't bother with state property taxes, which come due in November. This whole thing is bewildering to me, but I did pay all the legal fees. I wonder what happens next?
__________________
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
DMGO is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-27-2009, 02:48 PM   #53
Moderator Emeritus
Martha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: minnesota
Posts: 13,212
There will be a "First Meeting of Creditors", usually about a month after the bankruptcy filing. The meeting is with the bankruptcy trustee (most of the time no creditors show up) and in most places goes very quickly. The trustee wants to find out if there are any assets to pursue or if there is anything fishy with the bankruptcy. The trustee will ask them questions under oath. In my area 5 meetings were scheduled per half hour, so you can see how fast they can go. I don't know if more time is allowed since bankruptcy "reform."

Assuming there are no issues, such as whether they belong in chapter 13 (where you pay part of the debts pursuant to a plan) rather than a chapter 7, then they will await their discharge. If any creditors believe they were defrauded they need to bring a lawsuit as part of the bankruptcy before the discharge date. The discharge date will be on the notice of meeting of creditors, which will be mailed to them directly. Most of the time nothing happens. Before the discharge date they may be approached by creditors as to whether they want to reaffirm a debt, such as the house debt. It sounds like the plan is not to reaffirm, which likely is wise in their situation.

After the discharge the bankruptcy is over. The lenders with collateral can repossess or foreclose at that time. If they want to start before the bankruptcy is over, they have to make a motion for permission from the bankruptcy court.

If they are not going to reaffirm on the home they should not pay the property taxes or any more mortgage payments.

See my signature.
__________________
.


No more lawyer stuff, no more political stuff, so no more CYA

Martha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-27-2009, 04:06 PM   #54
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: No. California
Posts: 1,601
You're a good dad to her your daughter, DMGO.

I hope when all is said and done that they take a good hard look at how they should be managing their finances. It's be a shame to have them repeat their mistakes.

All the best to them.
__________________

__________________
KB is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
The Daughter and the Car samclem Other topics 26 06-14-2008 11:41 PM
Surprise Laptop for Daughter TromboneAl Other topics 24 12-07-2007 03:44 PM
Working For My Daughter? Danny Life after FIRE 16 07-31-2007 02:52 PM
Poll for Naming my Daughter laurence Other topics 45 02-03-2007 09:17 PM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:48 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.