Dear Abby Forum

[Danny]

Most of the time lately youngsters less than half my age that wait on me want to call me by my first name. Must be their training. Most of the time I let it slide. Too much trouble to make an issue of it. Today getting the car serviced the early 20's guy started doing it over and over - started to irritate me. I finally stopped him and told him I preferred Mr. Danny (well, really my last name). It stunned him couldn't speak at first started stumbling over his words looked at the printout and said but your name is Danny. Finally got back to full sentences again and managed a Mr.

My attitude is that I don't know him I don't want to be his buddy I could be his grandfather. I think we should have a professional relationship and he should give some respect by using Mr. I very much appreciate service people who do and I feel like being a good customer and coming back for more of that treatment. Did I handle this correctly. Am I being too uptight have I developed a complex and maybe a hangup Abby?

 

[shiny]

I'm kind of surprised that you feel this way. You seem so casual on this board. I, for one, do not like people calling me Mrs. I prefer my first name.

On a separate issue though, I find people who use my name constantly to be irritating as well.

Maybe you should move to Japan. Seems like people here are "Nakamura-san" to each other until they get married! It is changing a bit with the younger people - especially when they deal with westerners.

 

[Danny]

I'm kind of surprised that you feel this way. You seem so casual on this board. ..Maybe you should move to Japan....

And I thought you would be more supportive ...there's a lot you don't know about me!...you should see how messed up my atoms are lately...glad to have your feedback though...maybe I should move! signed Rodney Dangerfield

 

[shiny]

there's a lot you don't know about me!

Sorry Mr. Danny!

Its not like we are "friends" or anything

 

[Danny]

Sorry Mr. Danny!

Its not like we are "friends" or anything

That's better

 

[Rambler]

Maybe you should move to Japan. Seems like people here are "Nakamura-san" to each other until they get married! It is changing a bit with the younger people - especially when they deal with westerners.

Hey, some of them call each other Nakamura-san even after they have been married 30 years...not many of them, but a few I've known.

R

 

[W2R]

My attitude is that I don't know him I don't want to be his buddy I could be his grandfather. I think we should have a professional relationship and he should give some respect by using Mr.

He should! But you're right - - use of one's last name is becoming more and more rare in a retail setting.

"Mrs. Retire" is actually less preferred by me than "Want2", because I worked hard for my doctorate and the proper way for a stranger to address me would be as "Dr. Retire". Ain' gonna happen when I am getting my car serviced, though.

I answer to any or all of the above, including "hey you!!", pay my money, and go someplace more pleasant.

 

[wrigley]

I see no reason why he SHOULDN'T have called you Mr (and your last name), or at least SIR, or at least asked you first if you minded if he called you by your first name. I'll bet you would have been really pissed if he called you "DUDE" or "DAWG"

Mike

 

[W2R]

I forgot to mention something that's not too bad, in this regard. Here in the South, often I am addressed as "Miss Want2" or "Ma'am", either of which I prefer to the incorrect "Mrs. Retire".

"Miss Want2" makes me feel like a Southern belle out of Gone With the Wind.

 

[Moemg]

The funny thing my SO & I get a lot is Mrs. his last name or he gets Mr. my last name . We just let it slide .

 

[W2R]

The funny thing my SO & I get a lot is Mrs. his last name or he gets Mr. my last name . We just let it slide .

I get that a lot when we are traveling together, especially at motels/hotels, but I never correct them because I wonder if it is even legal for an unmarried couple to share a room! Probably an old unmarried couple is not the worst thing they have seen.

 

[Alan]

Coming from the UK in 87 this method of address (Sir, ma'am, use of Mr Alan etc) seemed very quaint and old fashioned but we soon got to like it.

However, I wouldn't mind if service folks use my first name.

 

[Dawg52]

I'll bet you would have been really pissed if he called you "DUDE" or "DAWG"

Mike

And what's wrong with being called DAWG? I don't mind when someone much younger calls me by my first name. Makes me feel like a young buck.

 

[kumquat]

When people address me as Mr. Kumquat or Sir, I look around for my (long dead) father. They can't be talking to me.

 

[ziggy29]

I get that a lot when we are traveling together, especially at motels/hotels, but I never correct them because I wonder if it is even legal for an unmarried couple to share a room! Probably an old unmarried couple is not the worst thing they have seen.

I'm sure, especially if you're not inquiring about the hourly rate.

 

[growing_older]

I guess I really do look older, because I rarely get addressed by my first name. Unfortunately my last name is difficult and so they usually garble it. More often than not into one of several completely different words, so I'm always a little unsure if they mean me. I used to correct them, but now I usually just let it slide. I would have preferred to be addressed by first name, or if needed "Sir" but the endless stream of Mr Unintelligiblegarble means I often just answer to anything at all.

 

[NotReady4Purple]

Mr. Danny'sLastName,

I think you should be called what you want to be called. However, since the cultural norm seems to be FirstName (at least where' I've lived) you'll just have to tell folks that.

Educating the younger folks is one of the perks of getting older. (Although, ignoring older folks is one of the perks of being younger. )

 

[samclem]

I prefer the use of my last name, and that's the way I'd have my employees address customers if I ran a business. It's polite, it is consistent with the relationship, and it does not presume an undue degree of familiarity with the customer. If "Mr Jones" wants to be called "Jimbo," he can tell the employee this, and we'll go from there. It's always better to be a little too formal than the other way. Like the increased use of vulgar lanuage in public, it's probably a sign of other things
But, I don't correct folks. I probably should, but I want all the wires hooked up right when I get my car back from the shop.

 

[My Dream]

Let's reverse this for a sec. I occasionally greet the cashier's at our local grocery store by saying........Hello Linda, since she has her name tag on. My dw tells me that it's rude and she may feel that I'm stalking her. My reply was....well then why would she wear her name tag if she didn't want me to know or even call out her name?
I don't carry on a conversation, I just say hello (fill in her or his name here).

 

[Rich_by_the_Bay]

I think it's pretty regional. Upper midwest, mostly Mr. SoAndSo; northeast and left coast: lots of first-naming. South, definitely Sir or Mr./Dr. (if they happen to know).

I rarely use "Dr." when introducing myself unless it's appropriate to the situation; kind of bugs me when I hear colleagues use it for things like making reservations (maybe there was a time when it might get you a good table -- nowadays, it gets you nothing special, nor should it).

 

[ziggy29]

Let's reverse this for a sec. I occasionally greet the cashier's at our local grocery store by saying........Hello Linda, since she has her name tag on. My dw tells me that it's rude and she may feel that I'm stalking her. My reply was....well then why would she wear her name tag if she didn't want me to know or even call out her name?

Because her employer is requiring her to wear it?

 

[kumquat]

I rarely use "Dr." when introducing myself unless it's appropriate to the situation; ...............-- nowadays, it gets you nothing special, nor should it).

A few years ago I attended a social event at a semi-remote resort area. As I was leaving town to go there a professor friend asked my to warn the hotel he would arrive late. As I was checking in a physician friend was ahead of me. I heard "here are your keys Mr. Physician". I checked in and relayed the professor's message. "No problem" was the reply "we will hold the room for Dr. Professor". When a car load of drunken teenagers hit a tree, guess who the mounties woke up for help?

 

[W2R]

I'm sure, especially if you're not inquiring about the hourly rate.

So true!

 

[FIREd]

I think it's pretty regional. Upper midwest, mostly Mr. SoAndSo; northeast and left coast: lots of first-naming. South, definitely Sir or Mr./Dr. (if they happen to know).

I rarely use "Dr." when introducing myself unless it's appropriate to the situation; kind of bugs me when I hear colleagues use it for things like making reservations (maybe there was a time when it might get you a good table -- nowadays, it gets you nothing special, nor should it).

I live in the south too and even though I am in my mid 30's, people I don't know rarely call me by my first name. My last name is hard to pronounce, yet people still give it a try and either use Mr. or Sir to address me. I only expect people to use "Dr." in a professional setting. I often have a hard time addressing strangers / people older than me / people of higher rank by their first name because it goes against the rules of etiquette I grew up with.

 

[FUEGO]

Danny,

Has anyone awarded you an official curmudgeon certificate yet?

Personal preference for me is first name. But as long as they clearly identify me, that is all that is important.