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Deep Thoughts
Old 08-06-2007, 12:28 PM   #1
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
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Deep Thoughts

ON DEEP THOUGHTS
A day without sunshine is like night.

ON HIGHER EDUCATION
College is a fountain of knowledge...and the students are there to drink.

ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS
A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.

ON YOUTH
"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk."
-- Steven King, 3/8/90

ON PROBLEM SOLVING
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail. -- Abraham Maslow

ON MATERIALISM
He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.

ON ECONOMICS
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING
I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top. -- English Professor, Ohio University

ON REVISIONIST HISTORY
What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?

ON DATING
When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the occasional division by zero.

ON LAMENTATION
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

ON POETIC LOVE
When you're swimmin' in the creek
And an eel bites your cheek
That's a Moray!
-- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

ON MODERNISM
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

ON MATERIAL SCIENCE
Character density: The number of very weird people in the office.

ON EXTINCTION
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

ON HUMILITY
To err is human, to moo bovine.

ON EXPLANATION OF THE END
"... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs." -- Robert Firth

ON PROPHECY
The meek shall inherit the earth---they are too weak to refuse.

ON NUMBERS
Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3---not even for very large values of 2.

ON WORLD POLITICS
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.

ON DRUGS AND DEVELOPMENT
There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.

ON OPTOMISM
Eat, drink and be merry. For tomorrow we eat, drink and be merry.
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Old 08-06-2007, 12:45 PM   #2
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
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Nice ones.

Quote:
ON MODERNISM
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
What's amazing to me is how little this joke has changed over the years. That is, there are millions of answers to choose from or make up, for example:

A: Two. One to cover the telephone with mayonaise, and the other to hang hockey sticks from the ceiling.

I first hear this from Mitch Yawitz in 1982, and the answer was:

A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored dental instruments.
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Old 08-06-2007, 01:02 PM   #3
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
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Everything is relative to the speed of light through warm tapioca...

How many ice cream cones does it take to cover a doghouse?
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