Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 09-21-2010, 07:05 PM   #81
Moderator Emeritus
Khan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Pine Island, Florida
Posts: 6,868
Send a message via AIM to Khan
My sister's first husband went AWOL from submarine duty.
__________________

__________________
"Knowin' no one nowhere's gonna miss us when we're gone..."
Khan is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 09-21-2010, 07:08 PM   #82
Moderator Emeritus
Martha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: minnesota
Posts: 13,212
Quote:
Originally Posted by calmloki View Post
Hadn't considered whether there was any sexism in diagnosis - have heard that many successful heads of business - or nations? - are sociopaths. The capability to be totally charming while someone has use and absolutely uncaring once that utility is diminished makes for a very effective sociopathic head. The utter lack of empathy and inability to read social cues that I associate with the Borderline person seem perhaps different? Really don't know.

The borderline person i'm thinking of is a bit lacking in the charming area - her focus is remarkable though. She is right about many things years before conventional medicine decides they are valid, but I would quite literally die before taking her advice if it meant entering her crazy world. I'm thinking that microwaving things in plastic containers is less toxic than the stress of her screaming.
I'm not saying they are two sides to the same coin. They are just both diagnoses that are overweight one sex or the other.
__________________

__________________
.


No more lawyer stuff, no more political stuff, so no more CYA

Martha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2010, 07:18 PM   #83
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,386
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martha View Post
They are just both diagnoses that are overweight one sex or the other.
So is lupus or gallstones, or coronary artery disease for that matter. I have no idea what the reality is, but biology could be a big part of these differences.

Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2010, 07:31 PM   #84
Moderator Emeritus
Nords's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Oahu
Posts: 26,617
Quote:
Originally Posted by Khan View Post
My sister's first husband went AWOL from submarine duty.
Heh. That reminds me of a sea story.

We came back from my first patrol on my first submarine and enjoyed 30 days' leave. Upon mustering back in the offcrew office, an E-3 was absent. After his shipmates made a few phone calls it turned out that he was fine and had no intention of returning.

A week later the E-3's father called the offcrew office to speak to his son. It soon became apparent that he had no idea his son had gone AWOL so the phone call was quickly routed to the XO. XO started to explain what AWOL meant and how it could turn into desertion-- but the father said that he was also a veteran, understood the situation, and would talk to him later.

A few days "later" the E-3 returned with a renewed zeal for the sailor life. (Minus, of course, the inevitable UCMJ consequences.) It turned out that dear ol' Dad was a retired USMC gunnery sergeant, and the young lad had decided that facing the Navy's music was a lot more pleasant than the tune Dad was planning to play.

What I learned as an impressionable O-2 was that young AWOL sailors should have their parents promptly informed by an official letter on command stationery. It cost very little effort and worked more often than anything else...
__________________
*
*

The book written on E-R.org, "The Military Guide to Financial Independence and Retirement", on sale now! For more info see "About Me" in my profile.
I don't spend much time here anymore, so please send me a PM. Thanks.
Nords is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2010, 07:45 PM   #85
Moderator Emeritus
Khan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Pine Island, Florida
Posts: 6,868
Send a message via AIM to Khan
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nords View Post
Heh. That reminds me of a sea story.

We came back from my first patrol on my first submarine and enjoyed 30 days' leave. Upon mustering back in the offcrew office, an E-3 was absent. After his shipmates made a few phone calls it turned out that he was fine and had no intention of returning.

A week later the E-3's father called the offcrew office to speak to his son. It soon became apparent that he had no idea his son had gone AWOL so the phone call was quickly routed to the XO. XO started to explain what AWOL meant and how it could turn into desertion-- but the father said that he was also a veteran, understood the situation, and would talk to him later.

A few days "later" the E-3 returned with a renewed zeal for the sailor life. (Minus, of course, the inevitable UCMJ consequences.) It turned out that dear ol' Dad was a retired USMC gunnery sergeant, and the young lad had decided that facing the Navy's music was a lot more pleasant than the tune Dad was planning to play.

What I learned as an impressionable O-2 was that young AWOL sailors should have their parents promptly informed by an official letter on command stationery. It cost very little effort and worked more often than anything else...
He was a nice guy. She took him to Guam (she was active duty) and dumped him for second Navy guy when she got pregnant.

It seems Navy pays to send divorced spouses (and dogs and cats) back to mainland.
__________________
"Knowin' no one nowhere's gonna miss us when we're gone..."
Khan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2010, 07:53 PM   #86
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 2,424
Quote:
Originally Posted by rescueme View Post
We went to the funeral home early (I called, and made them aware of our situation. Much to my surprise, they did not think this an "abnormal" family situation at all).
Over the summer there was a tragic local story of a 20 year old young woman who went missing in Lake Erie and her body didn't turn up for a length of time. Her parents were long divorced and you could tell by the news reports that even during this horrible time, the two sides of the family still were not able to communicate with each other.

After she was found the obituary very delicately made it clear that the two sides of the family needed to be kept apart. The calling hours for the father's side were on one day and for the mother's side were on the next day. Even the requests for memorial donations were to different places depending on which side of the family you knew.

I bet funeral homes see all kinds of family situations.
__________________
Married, both 62. DH retired June, 2010. I have a pleasant little part time job.
Sue J is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2010, 08:08 PM   #87
Recycles dryer sheets
KM's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 391
Coincidentally, I declared this past weekend that I was done with my dysfunctional family. Probably won't be able to pull it off long-term, but I plan on trying for a while. I have always been called the "sane" one. "The sane one" translates into "the one everyone calls and dumps all of their woes on, the one everyone complains to, the one who is supposed to fix everything, the one who no one can be bothered with until the need/want something".

Sometimes I think it is easier if you are trying to disown family member(s) if they have done something blatantly wrong or bad. It's the ones that do just enough to make you realize they are not a good force in your life, but not enough to justify you saying "I am done, I don't need this crap".

I know lots of people who are close to the parents/siblings and I envy them. I am sure they are dysfunctional in their own ways too - but they seem happy in that dysfunction.

I would move if I could. I can't and they all know where I live. So I save for ER and hope I can run away then.
__________________
KM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2010, 08:11 PM   #88
Moderator Emeritus
Martha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: minnesota
Posts: 13,212
Quote:
Originally Posted by haha View Post
So is lupus or gallstones, or coronary artery disease for that matter. I have no idea what the reality is, but biology could be a big part of these differences.

Ha
Sure could. Any evidence for that?

Or maybe it is sampling error and there isn't really a difference: Why are women diagnosed borderline more than men? [Psychiatr Q. 2003] - PubMed result

Or maybe one of these theories is correct: BPD Central - borderline personality disorder resources - basics

Theories of why BPD happens more often in women
  • Sexual abuse, which is common in childhood histories of borderline patients, happens more often to women than men.
  • Women experience more inconsistent and invalidating messages in this society.
  • Women are more vulnerable to BPD because they are socialized to be more dependent on others and more sensitive to rejection.
  • Clinicians are biased. Studies have shown that mental health professionals tend to diagnose BPD more often in women than men, even when patient profiles are identical except for the gender of the patient.
  • Men seek psychiatric help less often.
  • Men are more likely to be treated only for their alcoholism or substance abuse; their borderline symptoms go unnoticed because BPD is assumed to be a woman's disorder.
  • Female borderlines are in the mental health system; male borderlines are in jail.
__________________
.


No more lawyer stuff, no more political stuff, so no more CYA

Martha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2010, 08:56 PM   #89
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,386
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martha View Post
Sure could. Any evidence for that?

No, but it doesn't take much evidence to say "may be due to". But it is not really an issue that is important to me. I have learned how to protect myself from these sirens, and I think I can move on to other things of interest, like SWRs, Girl Groups of the Sixties and how America is going to Hell.

Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2010, 10:21 PM   #90
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 886
Quote:
Originally Posted by KM View Post
Coincidentally, I declared this past weekend that I was done with my dysfunctional family. Probably won't be able to pull it off long-term, but I plan on trying for a while. I have always been called the "sane" one. "The sane one" translates into "the one everyone calls and dumps all of their woes on, the one everyone complains to, the one who is supposed to fix everything, the one who no one can be bothered with until the need/want something".

Sometimes I think it is easier if you are trying to disown family member(s) if they have done something blatantly wrong or bad. It's the ones that do just enough to make you realize they are not a good force in your life, but not enough to justify you saying "I am done, I don't need this crap".

I know lots of people who are close to the parents/siblings and I envy them. I am sure they are dysfunctional in their own ways too - but they seem happy in that dysfunction.

I would move if I could. I can't and they all know where I live. So I save for ER and hope I can run away then.
If you haven't seen it rent Hospital With George c Scott and Diana Rigg
Written by Paddy Chayefsky it explores an incredible number of family issues in a wonderful movie
George C Scott is trying to understand who in the madhouse is the sane one.
__________________
Emeritus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2010, 10:24 PM   #91
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 886
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martha View Post
  • Female borderlines are in the mental health system; male borderlines are in jail.
Or in politics
__________________
Emeritus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2010, 10:33 PM   #92
Moderator Emeritus
Nords's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Oahu
Posts: 26,617
Quote:
Originally Posted by Khan View Post
It seems Navy pays to send divorced spouses (and dogs and cats) back to mainland.
It got very bad very quickly when DoD stopped paying to ship pets back to the U.S. It turns out that the shipping expense is a lot cheaper than the negative publicity.

It's probably the same with divorced spouses...
__________________
*
*

The book written on E-R.org, "The Military Guide to Financial Independence and Retirement", on sale now! For more info see "About Me" in my profile.
I don't spend much time here anymore, so please send me a PM. Thanks.
Nords is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-22-2010, 05:33 AM   #93
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 886
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nords View Post
It got very bad very quickly when DoD stopped paying to ship pets back to the U.S. It turns out that the shipping expense is a lot cheaper than the negative publicity.

It's probably the same with divorced spouses...

they save money by using the same cargo containers
__________________
Emeritus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-22-2010, 06:52 AM   #94
Recycles dryer sheets
Tigger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 388
Quote:
Originally Posted by LOL! View Post
This discussion is a bit one-sided. Has anybody disconnected from YOU?
My first SO did after our breakup. I certainly carry a good deal of the blame for the breakup, but I think there's more to it and she may have borderline.

Her thinking had always been very black and white and she has a history of blocking out close family members for years at a time and always ended up permanently blocking out her best friends.

Life with her was very frustrating, but I miss her. Not being able to stay in touch hurts because regardless of her defects, she was my favorite person.
__________________
Tigger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-22-2010, 01:56 PM   #95
Moderator Emeritus
Khan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Pine Island, Florida
Posts: 6,868
Send a message via AIM to Khan
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nords View Post
It got very bad very quickly when DoD stopped paying to ship pets back to the U.S. It turns out that the shipping expense is a lot cheaper than the negative publicity.

It's probably the same with divorced spouses...
Sister's cats went from Guam to Hawaii to Seattle to Mobile; and spent many years in Gulf Shores AL chasing lizards.

I don't know about her ex.
__________________
"Knowin' no one nowhere's gonna miss us when we're gone..."
Khan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-22-2010, 02:45 PM   #96
Moderator Emeritus
Nords's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Oahu
Posts: 26,617
Quote:
Originally Posted by Khan View Post
... and spent many years in Gulf Shores AL chasing lizards.
I don't know about her ex.
Zing! Good one!
__________________
*
*

The book written on E-R.org, "The Military Guide to Financial Independence and Retirement", on sale now! For more info see "About Me" in my profile.
I don't spend much time here anymore, so please send me a PM. Thanks.
Nords is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-22-2010, 03:07 PM   #97
Recycles dryer sheets
Automatika's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Lebanon, TN
Posts: 112
They say "fences make good neighbors", I would extend that to "distance makes good families". I get along fine with my relatives but I have the feeling that if we all lived in the same town things might not be as enjoyable when we get together.
__________________
"If it didn't have bones in it, it wouldn't be crunchy now, would it?" -M. Python


Age 50, DW is 54, 1.4M split 25 Stock, 40 Mutual Funds, 25 Bonds, 5 Commodities, 5 REIT. Own Home, no debts.
Automatika is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-22-2010, 04:07 PM   #98
Moderator Emeritus
Nords's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Oahu
Posts: 26,617
Quote:
Originally Posted by Automatika View Post
They say "fences make good neighbors", I would extend that to "distance makes good families".
Five time zones has proven to be about right for us.

Luckily we got the Hawaii end of that deal.
__________________
*
*

The book written on E-R.org, "The Military Guide to Financial Independence and Retirement", on sale now! For more info see "About Me" in my profile.
I don't spend much time here anymore, so please send me a PM. Thanks.
Nords is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-22-2010, 04:18 PM   #99
Moderator Emeritus
Khan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Pine Island, Florida
Posts: 6,868
Send a message via AIM to Khan
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nords View Post
Five time zones has proven to be about right for us.

Luckily we got the Hawaii end of that deal.
Mother told me to live at least 400 miles from in-laws.
__________________
"Knowin' no one nowhere's gonna miss us when we're gone..."
Khan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-22-2010, 04:44 PM   #100
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Keim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Moscow
Posts: 1,128
We live a six hour drive away from any family. I tend to think 4 hours would be a good distance. Close enough to visit for the weekend, far enough that it won't be unannounced.

With that said, you guys are making me think I won the family lottery. All isn't perfect, but love and mutual respect abound.
__________________

__________________
You can't enlighten the unconscious.
But you can hit'em upside the head a few times to make sure they are really out...
Keim is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Anyone buy stocks as gifts for young family members? bank5 Other topics 5 11-25-2009 10:20 PM
For you military & family members: Is USAA "verifying your data" too? Nords Other topics 21 11-24-2009 10:16 PM
Do your family members listen to your financial advice? JustCurious FIRE and Money 63 02-08-2007 11:22 PM
Advice to younger family members uncledrz FIRE and Money 16 12-18-2006 04:09 PM
Family members coping with your ER John Galt Other topics 13 01-16-2005 05:01 PM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:59 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.