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Old 06-03-2017, 09:10 PM   #21
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If there is someone you trust who is not a beneficiary, consider having that person be the executor. One person is best, and if that person is not also a beneficiary, he or she can carry out your wishes as a neutral party. Luckily when my family members passed away, my sister or I was the executor and we trusted each other to handle the estates fairly. They weren't very large which probably also helped. If your siblings all get along well, and there is an obvious choice - i.e. One of them lives really close to you, or one is an attorney or CPA, then perhaps a sibling/beneficiary is ok. However I think it minimizes the potential for conflict to have a trusted but neutral executor.
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Old 06-04-2017, 05:33 AM   #22
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one thing to consider if you plan to leave things to your siblings... if they inherit your stuff, and then they pass pass away before their spouses, guess what: their spouses end up with your stuff.

I mention this because my siblings all have kids, and I want to make sure their kids (my nieces and nephews) get my stuff rather than my in-laws and the families of my in-laws.

Thus in my will I divided everything up between my nieces and nephews to make sure it stays in the family.
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Old 06-04-2017, 06:02 AM   #23
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When there are sibling issues, rivalries, or long repressed feelings, they all rise to the top when the personal and household items from an estate are handed out. There's probably no easy way to avoid that.

In DM's case, all of her household and personal items were sold to her trust with a bill of sale. The trustee is assigned the responsibility to give them to her surviving children or otherwise dispose, and the trust attorney inserted a clause that says if any child objects to any aspect of how the items or assets are handled they forfeit their entire share of the trust.

After DM left her home and moved to an ALF, she wrote a letter to her children asking them what they wanted from her personal and household items. I coordinated, collected the responses, reviewed them with her, and disposed of her remaining non-financial belongings. The things each of the siblings will get are safely packed away in my basement.
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Old 06-04-2017, 12:19 PM   #24
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DHs grandmother and grandfather were 89 and 90 and still living in their own home in Bridgeport, CT when they died, 2 months apart. After the 2nd funeral their two sons (age 60+) and 8 grandchildren (age 19 - 35) all needed to divide up the contents of the house.

A few things were already known to be for cousin A and cousin B and uncle C. Their sons and grandchildren were all given colored stickers and everyone went through the house and if you wanted something you put your sticker on it. Only one or two things ended up with more than one sticker and the compromises happened easily. The spouses stayed out of the whole thing, we went outside with drinks.

This all went surprisingly well! There was a lot of stuff left over that no one wanted and as the house was prepped for sale those things went into an estate sale or were donated.

Almost all the relatives had flown in from out of town. Many lived in small places that could not accommodate large furniture items. We were the only ones who had a car there so we brought home our items. People were careful about what they chose, would it be worth the cost of shipping?

The "sticker" method may not work for some families but in this instance it was all very civilized and heartwarming. My bedside nightstand is grandma and grandpa's "telephone stand" from the upstairs hallway. We still use grandpa's lamp that used to be next to his favorite reading chair. No one could take the family set of china so it was packed up and given to me. A few years ago I packed it up again and gave it to a niece when she turned 18.
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Old 06-04-2017, 02:24 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by meierlde View Post
On point 2 make that a preferred executor, since for one reason or another they could be unavailable. then same a backup executor, and a final backup of any bank trust department (since there will always be at least one bank in the vicinity if others choose to decline the role. )
We named the lawyer who drafted the will rather than some unknown bank person. Believe it or not, we trust our lawyer more than our bank!
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