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Old 12-21-2013, 03:51 PM   #21
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Many wives work these days and still do the majority of the housework and childcare -

Irreconcilable differences: men, women and housework - Los Angeles Times

I suspect if those statistics changed, there would be less divorce initiated by women. Many married women with kids come home from their day jobs to work a second shift.

Having a husband actually creates an extra seven hours of chores for women -

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/0...k_n_95390.html

That is like a wife working every Saturday for the rest of her life while the husband does not.

Even women scientists do more housework -

http://chronicle.com/article/Female-...Do-More/63641/
That's just an "ole wives tale"

Not as common in today's equal role dual career marriages unless the husband is a redneck.
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Old 12-21-2013, 04:33 PM   #22
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...
Even when a man was resistant to marriage in their youth, after they have been married a while, and then get divorced or become widowed, they can not stay unmarried. They seem to need marriage more than a woman does.

I think once a man is married, he then craves that intimacy (and mothering) that marriage brings. I know you guys will say no - sex, and yes I would agree that too, especially if they are up to getting a young honey. But, more important, I think a man likes and needs being married more once they have been married. Kind of like a role reversal.

Marriage is more important to woman prior to marrying, and less important to men. However, after a marriage, re-marrying is more important to a man than a woman. Any opinions?
DW died 4.5 years ago. I haven't been on as much as a date. I would be scared to death of the emotions that come with a new relationship.

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Old 12-21-2013, 08:13 PM   #23
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I know of one European family in which both spouses had affairs. The cheated spouses met and discovered that they too were attracted to each other. The end result was two new marriages involving the same four people in different configurations. AFAIK they are all living happily ever after.
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Old 12-21-2013, 09:07 PM   #24
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I know of one European family in which both spouses had affairs. The cheated spouses met and discovered that they too were attracted to each other. The end result was two new marriages involving the same four people in different configurations. AFAIK they are all living happily ever after.
Still having affairs with one another no doubt.
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Old 12-21-2013, 09:26 PM   #25
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That's just an "ole wives tale"

Not as common in today's equal role dual career marriages unless the husband is a redneck.
Agreed.
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Old 12-21-2013, 11:27 PM   #26
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That's just an "ole wives tale"

Not as common in today's equal role dual career marriages unless the husband is a redneck.
I guess all the links from my post and other current research studies on housework divisions written up in major newspapers and academic journals are all just based on old wives tales? Really? The research studies were all fabricated?

That is a rather interesting perspective.
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Old 12-21-2013, 11:39 PM   #27
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I know of one European family in which both spouses had affairs. The cheated spouses met and discovered that they too were attracted to each other. The end result was two new marriages involving the same four people in different configurations. AFAIK they are all living happily ever after.

Someone was telling me about two couples like this that they know. In this case the cheating couple were miserable in their new marriage (trust issues... Oh, really?) while the wronged partners were happy as clams with each other.
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Old 12-22-2013, 07:08 AM   #28
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Someone was telling me about two couples like this that they know. In this case the cheating couple were miserable in their new marriage (trust issues... Oh, really?) while the wronged partners were happy as clams with each other.
Trust, once broken, is hard to reestablish, even if you are willing to forgive. I've never understood running off with someone who cheated on their spouse to be with you. If they did it to their ex, why do you think they won't do it to you?
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Old 12-22-2013, 07:53 AM   #29
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I've never understood running off with someone who cheated on their spouse to be with you. If they did it to their ex, why do you think they won't do it to you?
You're way more cool?

Ha
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Old 12-22-2013, 07:54 AM   #30
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You're way more cool?
Also known as "This time it will be different."

Which to me suggests recalling the definition of "insanity" as doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.
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Old 12-22-2013, 09:51 AM   #31
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I've never understood running off with someone who cheated on their spouse to be with you. If they did it to their ex, why do you think they won't do it to you?
That's why I dumped a girl I was dating a very long time ago. Found out she was cheating on her then "steady" and figured the same thing. "Sayanara, honey."
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Old 12-22-2013, 10:55 AM   #32
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As we get older, men become more dependent on their spouses to baby sit them? OTOH, IMO, women become tired of putting up with their men. How many women in this forum feel this way now?
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Do women initiate divorce more than men?
Old 12-22-2013, 11:36 AM   #33
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Do women initiate divorce more than men?

I wouldn't touch this question with a 10 foot pole!

All I can tell you is that I have been happily divorced for 16 years, that I initiated it despite no cheating having occurred, that my ex seems happy too now that he has adjusted a bit, and that I still adore and appreciate men tremendously.

My companion Frank and I spend a lot of time together and think the world of each other, but I see no reason to ever re-marry.
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Old 12-22-2013, 11:59 AM   #34
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, but I see no reason to ever re-marry.
Not even for tax reasons
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Old 12-22-2013, 12:25 PM   #35
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Not even for tax reasons
Not worth the financial entanglements!
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Old 12-22-2013, 12:33 PM   #36
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Not even for tax reasons
That would be letting the tax tail wag the life dog.

Parenthetically , I have noticed several distinct personality types on this board. I believe that W2R, and I, are in the camp of "I came, I saw, I decided and that's good enough for me". Some others appear to me to be optimizers.

I have lot of case closed files in my mind. Why would the same person go over the same question over and over? Unless the external environment has markedly changed, and human nature never or at least rarely does change markedly, then you go with your previously established precedent.

Re marriage, young people are plagued with what we older people romantically call "falling in love", which has also been described by neuroscientists as temporary insanity. In no other area of life is insanity frequently praised.

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Old 12-22-2013, 12:37 PM   #37
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Meanwhile, some older ones appear to be plagued by "staying in love." I guess that amounts to chronic, lifetime insanity!

Still, I know what you are talking about. I had an SO when I was quite young and was totally bonkers about him. He could do no wrong, even when I knew he was wrong! Anyway, by happenstance I saw him a few years ago, and while he is still quite handsome, I am mystified why I ever thought I'd want to spend the rest of my life with him. We have nothing in common, and probably never did.

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Re marriage, young people are plagued with what we older people romantically call "falling in love", which has also been described by neuroscientists as temporary insanity. In no other area of life is insanity frequently praised.

Ha
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Old 12-22-2013, 12:39 PM   #38
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On the marriage topic, I have never understood why anyone who understands human nature including his or her own imperfection would ever volunteer to get huge penalties for doing what human nature urges from time to time- have sex with other than one's own spouse. Except of course, in a condition of temporary insanity like I mentioned above.

Ha
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Old 12-22-2013, 12:43 PM   #39
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Meanwhile, some older ones appear to be plagued by "staying in love." I guess that amounts to chronic, lifetime insanity!

Still, I know what you are talking about. I had an SO when I was quite young and was totally bonkers about him. He could do no wrong, even when I knew he was wrong! Anyway, by happenstance I saw him a few years ago, and while he is still quite handsome, I am mystified why I ever thought I'd want to spend the rest of my life with him. We have nothing in common, and probably never did.

Amethyst
I think older people who are in love are doing great, but there is a risk that a given couple might not have this outcome. Meanwhile, their necks are in the noose while this issue is playing out one way or another..

Ha
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Old 12-22-2013, 04:01 PM   #40
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I can understand infidelity and how it can happen. During my marriage years, I was twice smitten by someone else. I resisted with all my might, and ultimately remained faithful. But if I were around either of these two people on a continuous bases (say I worked with them and was around them day after day) I don't know if I would have been able to resist forever. Will never know.

Of course it was more lust than anything else, even though I could say I did love my husband. So, I believe it is human nature. Just cause we marry, the lust gene doesn't go to sleep or die. We just try hard to control it. Some are more successful than others. And some don't even try.

On the other hand, my husband was married when I met him and cheated on his wife with me. I was not planning on getting so involved, but I did. I later found out, I was not the only one, so when he wanted to marry me, I resisted saying, if you cheated before, you will cheat on me. I got the classic. "No, never. It is different with you. I love you like I have never loved anyone else." Well, I married him, and you know how the story ended.
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