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12-21-2013, 02:51 PM
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#21
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Columbus
Posts: 1,118
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daylatedollarshort
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That's just an "ole wives tale"
Not as common in today's equal role dual career marriages unless the husband is a redneck.
__________________
Ohio REFI PE ENG and Investor as of 2016
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12-21-2013, 03:33 PM
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#22
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Colorado Mountains
Posts: 3,165
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Quote:
Originally Posted by modhatter
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Even when a man was resistant to marriage in their youth, after they have been married a while, and then get divorced or become widowed, they can not stay unmarried. They seem to need marriage more than a woman does.
I think once a man is married, he then craves that intimacy (and mothering) that marriage brings. I know you guys will say no - sex, and yes I would agree that too, especially if they are up to getting a young honey. But, more important, I think a man likes and needs being married more once they have been married. Kind of like a role reversal.
Marriage is more important to woman prior to marrying, and less important to men. However, after a marriage, re-marrying is more important to a man than a woman. Any opinions?
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DW died 4.5 years ago. I haven't been on as much as a date. I would be scared to death of the emotions that come with a new relationship.
I know! I'll get a place in the middle of the mountains and become a Hermit!
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12-21-2013, 07:13 PM
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#23
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 11,401
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I know of one European family in which both spouses had affairs. The cheated spouses met and discovered that they too were attracted to each other. The end result was two new marriages involving the same four people in different configurations. AFAIK they are all living happily ever after.
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12-21-2013, 08:07 PM
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#24
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,983
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Meadbh
I know of one European family in which both spouses had affairs. The cheated spouses met and discovered that they too were attracted to each other. The end result was two new marriages involving the same four people in different configurations. AFAIK they are all living happily ever after.
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Still having affairs with one another no doubt.
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
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12-21-2013, 08:26 PM
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#25
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Bay Area
Posts: 2,745
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Al in Ohio
That's just an "ole wives tale"
Not as common in today's equal role dual career marriages unless the husband is a redneck.
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Agreed.
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12-21-2013, 10:27 PM
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#26
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 9,358
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Al in Ohio
That's just an "ole wives tale"
Not as common in today's equal role dual career marriages unless the husband is a redneck.
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I guess all the links from my post and other current research studies on housework divisions written up in major newspapers and academic journals are all just based on old wives tales? Really? The research studies were all fabricated?
That is a rather interesting perspective.
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12-21-2013, 10:39 PM
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#27
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Moderator Emeritus
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 17,774
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Meadbh
I know of one European family in which both spouses had affairs. The cheated spouses met and discovered that they too were attracted to each other. The end result was two new marriages involving the same four people in different configurations. AFAIK they are all living happily ever after.
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Someone was telling me about two couples like this that they know. In this case the cheating couple were miserable in their new marriage (trust issues... Oh, really?) while the wronged partners were happy as clams with each other.
__________________
“Would you like an adventure now, or would you like to have your tea first?” J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
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12-22-2013, 06:08 AM
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#28
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: North Oregon Coast
Posts: 16,483
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bestwifeever
Someone was telling me about two couples like this that they know. In this case the cheating couple were miserable in their new marriage (trust issues... Oh, really?) while the wronged partners were happy as clams with each other.
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Trust, once broken, is hard to reestablish, even if you are willing to forgive. I've never understood running off with someone who cheated on their spouse to be with you. If they did it to their ex, why do you think they won't do it to you?
__________________
"Hey, for every ten dollars, that's another hour that I have to be in the work place. That's an hour of my life. And my life is a very finite thing. I have only 'x' number of hours left before I'm dead. So how do I want to use these hours of my life? Do I want to use them just spending it on more crap and more stuff, or do I want to start getting a handle on it and using my life more intelligently?" -- Joe Dominguez (1938 - 1997)
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12-22-2013, 06:53 AM
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#29
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,983
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ziggy29
I've never understood running off with someone who cheated on their spouse to be with you. If they did it to their ex, why do you think they won't do it to you?
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You're way more cool?
Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
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12-22-2013, 06:54 AM
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#30
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: North Oregon Coast
Posts: 16,483
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Quote:
Originally Posted by haha
You're way more cool?
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Also known as "This time it will be different."
Which to me suggests recalling the definition of "insanity" as doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.
__________________
"Hey, for every ten dollars, that's another hour that I have to be in the work place. That's an hour of my life. And my life is a very finite thing. I have only 'x' number of hours left before I'm dead. So how do I want to use these hours of my life? Do I want to use them just spending it on more crap and more stuff, or do I want to start getting a handle on it and using my life more intelligently?" -- Joe Dominguez (1938 - 1997)
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12-22-2013, 08:51 AM
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#31
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Eastern WV Panhandle
Posts: 25,346
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ziggy29
I've never understood running off with someone who cheated on their spouse to be with you. If they did it to their ex, why do you think they won't do it to you?
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That's why I dumped a girl I was dating a very long time ago. Found out she was cheating on her then "steady" and figured the same thing. "Sayanara, honey."
__________________
When I was a kid I wanted to be older. This is not what I expected.
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12-22-2013, 09:55 AM
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#32
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Bay Area
Posts: 2,745
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As we get older, men become more dependent on their spouses to baby sit them? OTOH, IMO, women become tired of putting up with their men. How many women in this forum feel this way now?
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Do women initiate divorce more than men?
12-22-2013, 10:36 AM
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#33
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Moderator Emeritus
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 47,501
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Do women initiate divorce more than men?
I wouldn't touch this question with a 10 foot pole!
All I can tell you is that I have been happily divorced for 16 years, that I initiated it despite no cheating having occurred, that my ex seems happy too now that he has adjusted a bit, and that I still adore and appreciate men tremendously.
My companion Frank and I spend a lot of time together and think the world of each other, but I see no reason to ever re-marry.
__________________
Already we are boldly launched upon the deep; but soon we shall be lost in its unshored, harbourless immensities. - - H. Melville, 1851.
Happily retired since 2009, at age 61. Best years of my life by far!
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12-22-2013, 10:59 AM
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#34
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gone traveling
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: DFW
Posts: 7,586
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Quote:
Originally Posted by W2R
, but I see no reason to ever re-marry.
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Not even for tax reasons
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12-22-2013, 11:25 AM
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#35
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Moderator Emeritus
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 47,501
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Not worth the financial entanglements!
__________________
Already we are boldly launched upon the deep; but soon we shall be lost in its unshored, harbourless immensities. - - H. Melville, 1851.
Happily retired since 2009, at age 61. Best years of my life by far!
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12-22-2013, 11:33 AM
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#36
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,983
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That would be letting the tax tail wag the life dog.
Parenthetically , I have noticed several distinct personality types on this board. I believe that W2R, and I, are in the camp of "I came, I saw, I decided and that's good enough for me". Some others appear to me to be optimizers.
I have lot of case closed files in my mind. Why would the same person go over the same question over and over? Unless the external environment has markedly changed, and human nature never or at least rarely does change markedly, then you go with your previously established precedent.
Re marriage, young people are plagued with what we older people romantically call "falling in love", which has also been described by neuroscientists as temporary insanity. In no other area of life is insanity frequently praised.
Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
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12-22-2013, 11:37 AM
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#37
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 12,660
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Meanwhile, some older ones appear to be plagued by "staying in love." I guess that amounts to chronic, lifetime insanity!
Still, I know what you are talking about. I had an SO when I was quite young and was totally bonkers about him. He could do no wrong, even when I knew he was wrong! Anyway, by happenstance I saw him a few years ago, and while he is still quite handsome, I am mystified why I ever thought I'd want to spend the rest of my life with him. We have nothing in common, and probably never did.
Amethyst
Quote:
Originally Posted by haha
T
Re marriage, young people are plagued with what we older people romantically call "falling in love", which has also been described by neuroscientists as temporary insanity. In no other area of life is insanity frequently praised.
Ha
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__________________
If you understood everything I say, you'd be me ~ Miles Davis
'There is only one success – to be able to spend your life in your own way.’ Christopher Morley.
Even a blind clock finds an acorn twice a day.
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12-22-2013, 11:39 AM
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#38
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,983
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On the marriage topic, I have never understood why anyone who understands human nature including his or her own imperfection would ever volunteer to get huge penalties for doing what human nature urges from time to time- have sex with other than one's own spouse. Except of course, in a condition of temporary insanity like I mentioned above.
Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
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12-22-2013, 11:43 AM
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#39
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,983
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amethyst
Meanwhile, some older ones appear to be plagued by "staying in love." I guess that amounts to chronic, lifetime insanity!
Still, I know what you are talking about. I had an SO when I was quite young and was totally bonkers about him. He could do no wrong, even when I knew he was wrong! Anyway, by happenstance I saw him a few years ago, and while he is still quite handsome, I am mystified why I ever thought I'd want to spend the rest of my life with him. We have nothing in common, and probably never did.
Amethyst
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I think older people who are in love are doing great, but there is a risk that a given couple might not have this outcome. Meanwhile, their necks are in the noose while this issue is playing out one way or another..
Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
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12-22-2013, 03:01 PM
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#40
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Full time employment: Posting here.
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 945
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I can understand infidelity and how it can happen. During my marriage years, I was twice smitten by someone else. I resisted with all my might, and ultimately remained faithful. But if I were around either of these two people on a continuous bases (say I worked with them and was around them day after day) I don't know if I would have been able to resist forever. Will never know.
Of course it was more lust than anything else, even though I could say I did love my husband. So, I believe it is human nature. Just cause we marry, the lust gene doesn't go to sleep or die. We just try hard to control it. Some are more successful than others. And some don't even try.
On the other hand, my husband was married when I met him and cheated on his wife with me. I was not planning on getting so involved, but I did. I later found out, I was not the only one, so when he wanted to marry me, I resisted saying, if you cheated before, you will cheat on me. I got the classic. "No, never. It is different with you. I love you like I have never loved anyone else." Well, I married him, and you know how the story ended.
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