Do you thank/acknowledge original emails/calls from friends/acquaintances?

[Midpack]

I am amazed at how many first-original emails/calls to/from friends/acquaintances go without reply - where the sender is just left hanging.

I'm not talking about endlessly answering strings of emails, they have to end eventually, just that first message. And I am not talking about solicitations from people I don't know. From people I know who I have something in common with.

If someone has bothered to email/call me, the very least I can do is reply. If it's just info the sender thinks I might be interested in, a simple thank you is plenty. If the sender has asked a legit question(s), I should at least answer however briefly. I completed a project that took about 30 hours, sent it to the other participants about a week ago, and I've heard from two of them, five sent nothing...

[And this has nothing to do with ER.org, people here are generally very courteous and thoughtful.]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/how-we-work/201211/do-you-really-need-say-thank-you

 

[timemoveson]

agreed

Email etiquette like that you mention is uniformly horrendous. I ascribed it to a generational gap but I think it is across the board.

I'm now very pleasantly surprised and heartened when people respond correctly (IMO), as opposed to expecting it to just be the normal way of conducting oneself.

 

[REWahoo]

I've given up expecting a 'thank you' or similar reply whenever I send out my daily emails with stories like this one: Missing cat found living high life in pet food factory

I'm thinking of sending them out twice daily to see if that improves the response I get...

 

[Meadbh]

I do, even if it's just "thank you", provided that the message is specifically addressed to me.

The culture I grew up with is gone, IMHO. I remember parents schooling their children to write thank you notes or make thank you phone calls when they received a gift.

A young person whose parent is my friend recently posted a request on FB for an item that they needed to borrow. I had it and was willing to lend. We set up the arrangements. Then, nothing! I wasted an entire morning getting this thing ready and staying home. And no excuse, no thank you. Next time, I will not be stupid enough to make such an offer.

 

[W2R]

I always answer (original) e-mails from relatives or valued friends. After all, they have taken their time to compose the e-mail for me personally, and to send it to me. I regard them as very worthy people whose time and attention is a gift to me. I try to respond within a day or two.

If it's just from some acquaintance that I find annoying and I would rather dropped off from the face of the earth, or that is trying to worm his/her way into my life whether I want them to or not, then I don't answer them. They are probably annoyed by that, but turn about's fair play.

 

[2017ish]

I do.

Regarding the "younger generation," some of them don't communicate much by email and time may pass before they see it. (Our eldest, for example, will respond, but often weeks later--his company and most of his friends in SF and south bay seemingly have migrated to more instant means of communications, as have we as a family....)

 

[Midpack]

I do.

Regarding the "younger generation," some of them don't communicate much by email and time may pass before they see it. (Our eldest, for example, will respond, but often weeks later--his company and most of his friends in SF and south bay seemingly have migrated to more instant means of communications, as have we as a family....)

I wish I could attribute it to generational differences, but the people I am talking about are my generation.

However, I know many in my generation are confused by the "new-fangled technology," like email, and even resent it to the point they wish they didn't even have email. They are more polite in person now that I think about it...

 

[ChiliPepr]

Guess it depends on what you mean by "original emails/calls"... If an email goes directly to me by someone I know I respond... But if I am one of several it is sent to, I cannot see all the recipients because they are in a BCC, the email is about a topic that I "might be interested in", a forward of an email they received, or any other type of communication that is not a direct communication between me and that person... no, I do not usually answer it.

 

[marko]

When email first came to our company we established a set of etiquette rules. One was you needed to at least acknowledge with some sort of a "got it" type of response. Woe to those who never responded!

Another interesting one was after 4 back and forth emails, you had to pick up the phone and talk to the person.

 

[Texas Proud]

I am more with Chili....


If they wrote an email to ME, I will respond to every one....

If they forwarded and email TO me, it depends on the email.... if it is something I am interested in I will respond...

If they forward and email to many, including me, I do not respond unless they ask for a response... IOW, if it is an invitation I will answer.... if just general info I will not...

 

[ivinsfan]

I do.

Regarding the "younger generation," some of them don't communicate much by email and time may pass before they see it. (Our eldest, for example, will respond, but often weeks later--his company and most of his friends in SF and south bay seemingly have migrated to more instant means of communications, as have we as a family....)

How do they communicate? I sent my BIL's son a graduation card with a 50 dollar cash gift. Two months later I got a completely blank Thank You note, not even his name was inside. There was a pre-printed return label on the outside so I knew where it came from. At first I thought it was an Oops, until his Dad told he sent all of them out the same way.

If even email is considered too "formal" and too much trouble, is the world doomed to communicate by text message?

I live 1000+ miles away from my only brother and would always make it a point to send him a monthly or 6 week email saying, How are you guys, what's new, here's what's going on at our end. After 6 months in a row of zero responses, I got fed up and quit emailing from my end.

 

[Major Tom]

If it's just from some acquaintance that I find annoying and I would rather dropped off from the face of the earth, or that is trying to worm his/her way into my life whether I want them to or not, then I don't answer them. They are probably annoyed by that, but turn about's fair play.

Reminds me of the time I went into hospital to have my appendix out. My g/f and I had just broken up, but we were still talking and supporting each other. I was really miffed that she didn't bother coming to see me in hospital. The only person who did visit was this one guy at work who I couldn't stand (I don't think anyone liked him). Poor guy went to the time and trouble to buy me a gift and come see me. I felt so conflicted about that, but I just couldn't abide him Awkward!

Oh, about the e-mail thing. Yes, what everybody else said

 

[Options]

Guilty as charged. Although I do reply to emails, I may not reply to voice mails right away because with the advent of texting I can't stand talking on the phone anymore. There only a handful of people I talk on the phone with, and even then, I'm always doing something else at the same time (with some notable exceptions). Best time to return calls is through the system in the car when I'm driving as it puts an ending time to any overly long conversations (arriving at my destination).

I see texting as a godsend in that it is so much more efficient/effective than either talking on the phone or emailing. Most of my emails are one or two-liners anyway (for people I know who don't or won't text). If someone wants to talk to me, I'd rather quickly (ideally via text) arrange to get together with them in person.

 

[Beldar]

I always reply when someone emails me, even if just a short acknowledgment. I also expect some sort of reply if I'm asking a question in my outgoing emails. Many times,I have to repeat the message in order to get a reply.

I attribute a lot of that to the fact that some of the folks I stay in touch with electronically are reading their emails on a smart phone, and just "hang up" and forget the content.

_B

 

[GrayHare]

I respond to almost all incoming new-topic messages. I employ many types of filters to minimize the spam and junk that arrives. Initially, I prefer to think that rather than being rude others who do not reply to me are so inundated by junk that real messages are buried in the heap. Perhaps they are just too busy with other priorities to phone, or email, or message. After a few messages generate no reply I'll cease communicating with that person until/unless they speak up. The puzzles are those that repeatedly profess to want to keep in touch, but subsequently do not reply.

 

[healthyandfun]

The blank thank you note is over the top in the rudeness category! My thought was the next time a big event happens, simply send a blank card, no check, no return address. Now that may actually get a response. . . .did you forget to enclose the check??

I was in charge of a holiday party for a group with fifteen members. Emails were sent out in October with a save the date message and then a potluck sign up in midNovember. As I unloaded my car at the dinner, an email came in from a member who had not responded to either email that he couldn't make it. I had decided I would NOT be in charge again and this put the icing on the cake!

 

[razztazz]

I --always-- respond even if it's just a "Thank you". It is a -must-. What jerk-head hears from someone they know and then acts as if it never happened? The rest of the world apparently doesn't see it that way.

 

[Texas Proud]

Guilty as charged. Although I do reply to emails, I may not reply to voice mails right away because with the advent of texting I can't stand talking on the phone anymore. There only a handful of people I talk on the phone with, and even then, I'm always doing something else at the same time (with some notable exceptions). Best time to return calls is through the system in the car when I'm driving as it puts an ending time to any overly long conversations (arriving at my destination).

I see texting as a godsend in that it is so much more efficient/effective than either talking on the phone or emailing. Most of my emails are one or two-liners anyway (for people I know who don't or won't text). If someone wants to talk to me, I'd rather quickly (ideally via text) arrange to get together with them in person.

WOW.... I am the complete opposite view.... I can get significant more done, and much quicker if I talk to the person... why exchange 20 or more texts back and forth over a 30 minute to an hour time frame which interrupts whatever you are doing when a call can get all info out in less than 3 and you can concentrate on whatever you want to do for the remaining 27 minutes....

I also think it is very rude to be texting when you are with me... either put your focus on that other person or on where you are right now.... you cannot do both effectively... no matter what you might think...

 

[Options]

WOW.... I am the complete opposite view.... I can get significant more done, and much quicker if I talk to the person... why exchange 20 or more texts back and forth over a 30 minute to an hour time frame which interrupts whatever you are doing when a call can get all info out in less than 3 and you can concentrate on whatever you want to do for the remaining 27 minutes....

I also think it is very rude to be texting when you are with me... either put your focus on that other person or on where you are right now.... you cannot do both effectively... no matter what you might think...

Well, that's not how texting works, at least not for me, anyway:

1) I never exchange "20 or more texts" with anyone, nor would they with me. Point of texting is to get your point across/info exchanged/meeting planned as quickly as possible; I've never had a text exchange last more than a couple minutes.
2) Texts are (almost) instantaneous, emails (ugh) are not, and phone calls consume even more time. (example: in my latest very convoluted project of updating my estate planning, i needed info on my nieces/nephews, and other stuff as well--asked for and got it all in a matter of minutes from various family members. This would have taken days with back and forth email and hours via phone (all those calls).
3) I never, but never, so much as touch my phone when I am with someone. For that matter, I almost never take it with me anywhere. On the few times I've had to out of necessity, I've never had to "take this call". I agree this is quite boorish behavior and I've had to engage in behavior modification with a few friends informing them they can either be with me or the phone, never both. They understand I treasure the time I'm with them in person.

 

[RetireAge50]

I hardly ever place a call or get calls. Texts are short and to the point and instantly responded to. What is email?

 

[donheff]

I respond (usually quickly) to any email that, in my view, anticipates a response. That does not include forwarded BS, cc's on shared nothings, etc. As others have said, texts get quicker attention and quicker response. I dread the day when unsolicited commercial texts find a way and hope we can prevent that from happening.

 

[rodi]

If the email is conversational, chatty... I respond.
If the email is a pitch, I don't. I have friends and extended family who have strong opinions that they like to [-]rant on and on about[/-] share. I glance at, then delete those. But if they are talking about something I have interest in, or social stuff, I respond.

My kids follow the rules I grew up with. Write a thank you note for all gifts received - UNLESS you thank the gifter IN PERSON at the time of receipt. So stuff from aunts/grandparents get notes. My sister is local so her gifts are received with thanks and hugs in person. My mom taught me this was proper etiquette.

 

[psweath]

I've given up expecting a 'thank you' or similar reply whenever I send out my daily emails with stories like this one: Missing cat found living high life in pet food factory

I'm thinking of sending them out twice daily to see if that improves the response I get...

Although tongue in cheek, the quoted reply has the answer in it.

"Expectations are Premeditated Resentments".

 

[ivinsfan]

I hardly ever place a call or get calls. Texts are short and to the point and instantly responded to. What is email?

I agree on the phone calls except for closest family members. Do you have email so people without smart phones can contact you if necessary? If not, how do you stay in touch with the people in your lives? I agree you don't have to drop what you are doing to talk to people, but they should have some way to reach out to you.

 

[RetireAge50]

I agree on the phone calls except for closest family members. Do you have email so people without smart phones can contact you if necessary? If not, how do you stay in touch with the people in your lives? I agree you don't have to drop what you are doing to talk to people, but they should have some way to reach out to you.

Everyone in my family and also my friends have a smartphone. I will answer the phone if it is someone I know. I think email is like a big junk mail sorter so it is generally ignored (unless I am expecting something).