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Old 11-06-2008, 03:13 PM   #21
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I was in my early 30's when my husband passed on. Luckily we had 2 children so it was imperative for me to function. Below are some of my learnings/
  • The grief never leaves all the way but most times it has become a distant fond memory.
  • Time does heal.
  • Some friends can be a blessing and some fickle as all hell.
  • The sun will come up, the seasons will change and you will heal in your own way and time.
  • Reach out as needed and accept that which is offered.
  • Days and nights do get better.
  • Memories should be cherished.
  • Be careful not to build big walls around yourself and your heart but exercise caution in giving yourself time before getting involved again.
  • Do not let yourself be a target for gold diggers. They are in every community and wear a variety of disguises.
  • Take time with making any major decisions. Give your mind and heart some time to heal and you will make less mistakes.
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Old 11-06-2008, 03:34 PM   #22
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My condolences. I am about your age and could not comprehend losing my spouse anytime soon.

I would not make too many decisions when in an emotional state. Others have said this and I would echo that from personal experience.
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Old 11-06-2008, 03:39 PM   #23
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My condolences. I lost my mother when I was 9 months old. According my father the help of his family members was the key for dealing with it. Good luck and lean on the people around you.
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Old 11-06-2008, 03:41 PM   #24
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I am so sorry to hear your loss. I am also in my early 30s, but don't have any similar experience. It must be horrible, especially since FIRE has been such a central part of your lives together. My condolences.
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Old 11-06-2008, 04:47 PM   #25
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As Notmuchlonger said, lean on the people around you.

I will be thinking of you........
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Old 11-06-2008, 04:51 PM   #26
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My condolences for your loss Bree. I talked with my own DW about it last night, and it really strengthened our reasons for wanting to FIRE as quickly as we can, as we never know how long we have left on this earth to build memories to cherish in case the unthinkable happens.

If you are already a spiritual or religious person, the only advice I could give would be to pray for comfort, and understanding. I do not wish to offend those who are not religious, but I believe that heartfelt prayer really can help, especially in times of grief. Again my condolences, and heartfelt wishes for the speedy recovery of your own heavy heart.

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Old 11-06-2008, 05:14 PM   #27
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My condolences Bree. I can't add too much to many of the thoughts expressed already in this thread.

heh heh heh - hang in there.
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Old 11-06-2008, 05:19 PM   #28
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This is so sad. My sincere condolences.
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Old 11-06-2008, 10:39 PM   #29
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Thanks for the replies everyone, especially the words from those who have gone through something similar.

I like the idea of getting out to get some sun - I've been in the basement for about a month - not feeling too up to social outings. I've been sleeping at weird times as well, so nice to know that something like that is to be expected.

Advice for other people..umm - Just enjoy your time, and don't be too proud to be the person to clear the air and set things back on track if you're in a rough patch.

I've been trying to book some trips and remove the 'should' from my thinking and visiting friends i had been meaning to visit for few years.

Thanks again - appreciate it much

Bree
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Old 11-06-2008, 10:43 PM   #30
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Advice for other people..umm - Just enjoy your time, and don't be too proud to be the person to clear the air and set things back on track if you're in a rough patch.
That's a good reminder. Thanks.
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Old 11-06-2008, 10:52 PM   #31
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We've all had our own deep personal losses, or we will at some point.

The best advice I can give to anyone who is looking for advice is that one of the hardest things to do in life is to pick yourself up when you are down and out, but that is exactly the point in your life when you need to be the strongest.

If the situation were reversed, I'm sure you would tell your loved one to go on and live life to the fullest. That is what you need to do yourself.
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Old 11-06-2008, 11:03 PM   #32
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My sincere condolences for your loss. I wish you the very best going forward, and please keep us posted how you are doing.
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Old 11-07-2008, 07:38 AM   #33
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Bree , I also want to reinforce what others have said do not make any major decisions for at least a year no matter how good an idea they seem .
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Old 11-07-2008, 11:47 AM   #34
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Bree, I am so sorry.

Good luck in this next difficult year.

Having never lost someone close to me, I don't have road-tested advice, but it might make sense, if you can, to prepare emotionally for significant dates in your year ahead. I'm thinking: what can you do to prepare for your DW's birthday, your anniversary, Christmas, etc. Planning ahead for support and activity (or quietude) during those times might make them easier or more meaningful.
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Old 11-07-2008, 03:44 PM   #35
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Thanks for the replies everyone, especially the words from those who have gone through something similar.

I like the idea of getting out to get some sun - I've been in the basement for about a month - not feeling too up to social outings. I've been sleeping at weird times as well, so nice to know that something like that is to be expected.

Advice for other people..umm - Just enjoy your time, and don't be too proud to be the person to clear the air and set things back on track if you're in a rough patch.

I've been trying to book some trips and remove the 'should' from my thinking and visiting friends i had been meaning to visit for few years.

Thanks again - appreciate it much

Bree
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, what a tough blow!

Good for you for getting out - sunshine and friendship are great for keeping your spirits up.

Remember to be patient with yourself, let yourself be sad and tell your friends - or have someone you can lean on.

Since you two had such a great plan already at a relatively young age, it seems you will find your way just fine. Best of luck to you...
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Old 11-07-2008, 10:04 PM   #36
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Bree, so sorry for your loss. And thanks for your advice about taking time to value today.

I lost my mom very suddenly more than 14 years ago and the shock lasted for months, before the grieving could even begin. About a year later, I remember looking back at some things I wrote during the year and I couldn't even recall the date or the event. Don't be surprised to have all kinds of emotions wash over you -- sometimes when you least expect it -- as you come to grips with your loss.
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Old 11-08-2008, 07:50 AM   #37
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My deepest condolences. While I have not lot my DW, yet, not long ago she was diagnosed with a brain tumor that expected to shorten her life drastically. Recently she began a rapid decline in health and is not expected to recover in any meaningful way. In attempting to prepare for her passing I have started relying on friends, family, and my own research (unfortunately limited to the web because I don't feel comfortable having the dealing with death books around for her to see) to help cope. I wish you the best, and sorry I could not offer more assistance.
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Old 11-08-2008, 08:07 AM   #38
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Lets -retire , I am sorry for your troubles . The time before is as difficult as the time after . Please take care of yourself as well as your wife .
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Old 11-09-2008, 09:27 PM   #39
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I am so sorry for your loss.
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Old 11-09-2008, 10:56 PM   #40
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Bree, my sincerest condolences to you.
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