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Old 11-10-2008, 06:51 PM   #41
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Bree, first my condolences. I have lost two children and gone through an unwanted divorce. The one bit of advice I didn't read in the thread is this: be mentally prepared for setbacks. Although in general you will recover over time, there will be times when you seem to go backwards. These times may come at "obvious" times such as her birthday, or your anniversary, or they may just...well, happen for no obvious rhyme or reason. When they come, be kind and patient and accepting with/of yourself (and surround yourself with like-minded caring people) and just know that the road you're traveling is not a straight one.

I would also say that you may encounter people who will expect you to get over her sooner than it really takes. FWIW, it took me about five years to mostly get over the deaths of my children, and I think getting over my divorce will take about the same amount of time. Regardless of whether it takes you five months, five years, or some other amount of time, just take whatever time you need.


"At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe us when we say there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough, and what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events, may in fact be the first steps of a journey." Violet Baudelaire.
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Old 11-11-2008, 02:20 PM   #42
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,898
I'm so sorry for your devastating loss, Bree. I went though an unwanted divorce and it's taken me about four years to start really feeling like myself again. I am a reader and if you are one too, you might find these books helpful.

Any and all books by Pema Chodron, but especially "When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times."

There's really no way to escape pain and grief, I've discovered. Some people will tell you to "stay busy" or "find another love." Those are distractions. You just have to let the grief be what it is. Don't try to evade it. Eventually the pain will not be so devastating. The more you experience it now, the stronger you will be in the future. Trust in that.

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