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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please
Old 01-14-2007, 10:44 AM   #21
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please

I definitely prefer an antique ring or any family ring to a diamond.

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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please
Old 01-14-2007, 11:36 AM   #22
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please

The history of diamond rings is pretty interesting, even if you've already decided to buy one.

In short, engagement rings of any kind were not particularly common outside of the very wealthy/aristocracy until the early 1900's. It was quite common for no ring to be used, and if one was it was a simple band of gold, silver or even iron. Some of the earliest engagement rings to utilize stones used the couples parents birthstones. A very common practice from the past few hundred years was to use a family heirloom ring, usually incorporating an emerald, ruby or other semi-precious stone.

It wasnt until the middle of the 1900's that the Debeers marketing campaign really hit stride and the diamond engagement ring became "the standard". The stone was pitched as unique, rare and a symbol of the commitment. The bigger and better and more expensive, the greater his love for her.

In truth, the diamond is common, not particularly rare, and enjoys a greatly inflated price. Try selling an old diamond back to a jeweler. You'll want for the depreciation level of a porsche. Maybe 10-20c on the dollar.

Snoop around on the web and you'll find video of debeers warehouses with bulldozers pushing enormous mountains of stones from one place to another.

So in light of all this silliness and hypocrisy, I bought Mrs. Bunny a nice 2 carat stone and fully enjoyed participating in the super consumer marketing plan. I offset the feeling by knowing that easily 40-50 men would curse my name after their wives told them "Mrs Bunny got engaged and you should see her ring!!!".

One other item I havent seen mentioned that bears note. Size and shape of her fingers may have a lot to do with the cut and style of stone you want to buy. A large round or square stone on long thin fingers just doesnt look very good, nor does a long slender stone on a larger finger. A pear or long emerald is a good way to pack some carats into a slim package for the petite fingered.
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please
Old 01-14-2007, 11:44 AM   #23
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please

Reference "Le Morte d' Arthur", in the story where a knight marries an enchanted woman who is a hag by day and her beautiful self by night. The key to breaking the enchantment is the answer to the riddle, "What do women want?" The answer is, "They want their own way."

I would ask her first, then go shopping together. She may have her own ideas!

It doesn't have to be fancy. We got married with real cheapy rings and upgraded when we had the money.

Good luck!
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please
Old 01-14-2007, 02:04 PM   #24
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please

"A ring in his nose, and a ring on her hand..."

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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please
Old 01-14-2007, 03:02 PM   #25
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please

Pick out something nice in advance, then get down on one knee. And don't forget to spend at least 3 months pay on the ring!
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please
Old 01-14-2007, 04:30 PM   #26
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick
And don't forget to spend at least 3 months pay on the ring!
Thats where this whole ER thing really starts paying benefits. No pay.
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please
Old 01-14-2007, 05:26 PM   #27
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please

When we got engaged, we went shopping for the ring after the proposal. She picked out a beaut!!! It cost an arm and several inches of lower leg.

When we put the kabosh on the engagement....we got DIS-engaged....she offered to give the ring back. I gladly accepted it, and turned around and sold it THAT day for what I had forked over for it!!! (I was told later by mutual friends that the only reason she offered to give it back, was because she was sure I would decline......WRONG!!! )

Selling it off has helped with my plans to FIRE!!!


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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please
Old 01-14-2007, 06:15 PM   #28
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please

My sister never had an engagement ring, and used the same plain gold band for both weddings.
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please
Old 01-14-2007, 07:14 PM   #29
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goonie
When we put the kabosh on the engagement....we got DIS-engaged....she offered to give the ring back.
When my mother died, my father offered my wife (his only daughter-in-law) first pick from my mother's jewelry box.

We found three engagement rings in addition to the one given to her by my father.

We're still trying to figure out the story... her older sister ain't talking...
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please
Old 01-14-2007, 07:22 PM   #30
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please

Hmmm, It really depends on the woman. If she is the type that finds fashion important I'd let her pick it. Clues: Does she have to have "this season's" everything, shoes to go with every outfit, etc.

If she's the romantic type, she'll be totally thrilled that you picked it out for her, and love it because you picked it, even if its the ugliest thing on the planet.

If you're planning on marrying her, hopefully you can figure out the difference!!
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please
Old 01-15-2007, 10:51 AM   #31
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Caroline
What Khan said. Diamonds are worthless once you buy them -- better to get CZ since nobody can tell the difference anyway.
Can't believe a WOMAN said that................
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please
Old 01-15-2007, 11:10 AM   #32
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please

Its a trick.

Just like when my wife says "Oh, you dont have to get me flowers for valentines day, they'll only last a few days anyway".

We're being tested.
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please
Old 01-15-2007, 11:16 AM   #33
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please

Don't be fooled. Jewelers can tell if it's CZ. And the first thing your girlfriend will do is take the ring to a jeweler to have it appraised. Then you'll be BUSTED! Just bite the bullet and buy a real diamond up front.
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please
Old 01-15-2007, 11:40 AM   #34
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please

Unless she is in on the decision. DW and I are going to get her 1 carat CZ or something equivalent earings for nights on the town - why spend 2 grand for two nights a year?
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please
Old 01-15-2007, 11:45 AM   #35
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick
And the first thing your girlfriend will do is take the ring to a jeweler to have it appraised.
Yep, when my dad taught at Tufts, he said the very first thing every female student did that received an engagement ring was get to a jeweler the next day for an appraisal.

So either buy a nice ring or bribe the jeweler(s) she's likely to go to see.
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please
Old 01-15-2007, 12:02 PM   #36
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cute 'n Fuzzy Bunny
Its a trick.

Just like when my wife says "Oh, you dont have to get me flowers for valentines day, they'll only last a few days anyway".

We're being tested.
Rant:

How can there be communication in a relationship when the answer to a direct question is a lie?

How does one determine when the answer to a question is a lie and when it is not?

Yes I'm divorced, and this whole 'game' is a big reason why. I was developing health problems from trying to figure out how to behave and suppressing the anger at being criticised when guessing wrong.

It's games such as this that are the reason I retired early, and why I shall live alone for the rest of my life.
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please
Old 01-15-2007, 12:06 PM   #37
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please

There are some out there who don't play. I think my happiness in marraige comes from the fact that "home" is where I can truly relax and be myself. My one quibble with DW is that it takes her some time to process what's bothering her before she can tell me.
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please
Old 01-15-2007, 12:12 PM   #38
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please

Eh, you're supposed to know what your spouse wants and whats bothering them.

Its usually not that tough to figure out. Just sometimes people decide to play the game back at 'em.

Not a good idea.
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please
Old 01-15-2007, 07:20 PM   #39
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Khan
Rant:

How can there be communication in a relationship when the answer to a direct question is a lie?

How does one determine when the answer to a question is a lie and when it is not?
I think there is a subtlety here that you "guys" are not getting. We may intellectually think that it is a waste of money to buy flowers, jewelery, etc. If asked we will say, no I won't be upset if you don't buy me flowers. But at least for me, I am touched and pleased if he goes ahead and does it anyway. But that's not a lie. If he DIDN'T do it, I wouldn't be upset.

OTOH, some have posted that the female of the couple really would be ticked off if he did it anyway. I guess the difference is, did she say "I won't be upset if you don't buy me flowers."? Or did she say, "Please don't buy flowers because its a waste of money and I want us to spend our money on more practical things?"
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please
Old 01-15-2007, 08:07 PM   #40
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Re: Engagement rings - Ladies especially reply please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheryl
. . . I guess the difference is, did she say "I won't be upset if you don't buy me flowers."? Or did she say, "Please don't buy flowers because its a waste of money and I want us to spend our money on more practical things?"
My DW told me on several occasions not to buy her flowers or jewelery. She protested when I used to do this and eventually convinced me she was serious and that this was not an effective way for me to demonstrate my feelings for her. She is not lying to me or putting up a phony protest. She would rather we spend money on other things.

There always seem to be people who don't believe this. Many men are convinced that all women want flowers and jewelery and anyone who says otherwise is simply too dense to understand what women really want. I've listened to men tell me that all women want to have babies, that all women love to shop, etc. for much of my adult life. My own feeling is that men who expect women to be that way find women who are. But maybe I'm just too dense to understand what women really want.
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