I can't compete with CFB as to crimes but I was never arrested for anything I did.
Neither was I!!! I'm exceptionally guilty of primarily being in the wrong place at the wrong time and not being as cooperative with the authorities as I apparently ought to be.
That would have been a lot better than what I came up with. I was actually taking a walk and minding my own business when two of the local town finest (who had apparently parked their car a block back after identifying me as a probably burglary suspect... :
) ran up to me in the dark and without identifying themselves asked me what I was doing out there after 8:00 at night.
Can you imagine the temerity of someone walking in their own neighborhood at quarter past 8?
So I told them I was taking a walk. They asked me what my name was and I said "Mr. Smith". Which is what they laughingly referred to me as for the rest of the evening. They asked if I had any ID and I said "No." because the last time I checked, you werent required in america to 'produce your papers' when there was no probable cause to suggest that you had committed a crime. That theory has since been disproven.
Once they were done wrestling me to the ground and seizing my wallet, I got hauled to the hoosegow for being a public nuisance and giving police a false name.
In fact, I was so uncooperative they decided to refuse to give me a phone call and put me in a big cell with a bunch of drunks, all of which wanted to fight each other, but later all laid down and sang a couple of interesting songs together. The entertainment value was actually fairly high.
All of this worked out rather badly the next day once I got to a phone and they very quickly discovered that I was rich and could get a pretty good lawyer. The charges were dropped and a week or so later the chief of police called me to personally apologize so as to help avoid paying a settlement.
My lawyer said the DA and the reps from the PD "moonwalked out of the room" after he told them what happened. Apparently there had been an ongoing practice to "round up" enough people to fill the jail as the jail got paid a fixed amount per "inmate" by the county, and it was a pretty good money maker.
When my wife drives by the spot where I was arrested while we're talking on the phone, she always tells me "Just passing 'the scene of the crime'!"
