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Excuse: "Too Much Socializing"
Old 01-05-2012, 12:13 AM   #1
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Excuse: "Too Much Socializing"

A week ago, we had our new neighbors over for coffee. We also invited our 80-year-old neighbor on the other side.

The new neighbors were nice, but the existing neighbor talked non-stop. It was mostly a litany of names of people around here, their diseases, etc. She's nice, but only in smaller doses. We hardly got to hear what the new guys had to say, and it was an excruciating evening.

So, now the existing neighbor wants to have us and the new neighbors over for dinner. I was not willing to go through it again, so I said that I've had too much socializing over the holidays and I need a break.

I feel a little guilty, but I saw no alternative.
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Old 01-05-2012, 12:41 AM   #2
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Sounds like a reasonable response, Al.

She's probably just thinking she should reciprocate to be polite, and if so she might be relieved to hear your excuse. Entertaining at age 80 could be tiring, I would imagine.
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Old 01-05-2012, 08:04 AM   #3
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Could this quality for entry into the history book of "No good deed ever goes unpunished."?
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Old 01-05-2012, 08:26 AM   #4
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I feel a little guilty, but I saw no alternative.
Don't be such a wimp ...

Do what you want to do; life's too short to put up with other people (who are not even relatives ) controlling your life.

Just a comment, based upon my view of life and what I do.

If anybody takes offence? So be it.

As the old saying states, "What you think of me is none of my business" (BTW, there is a book with the same title).
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Old 01-05-2012, 08:49 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by TromboneAl View Post
A week ago, we had our new neighbors over for coffee. We also invited our 80-year-old neighbor on the other side.

The new neighbors were nice, but the existing neighbor talked non-stop. It was mostly a litany of names of people around here, their diseases, etc. She's nice, but only in smaller doses. We hardly got to hear what the new guys had to say, and it was an excruciating evening.

So, now the existing neighbor wants to have us and the new neighbors over for dinner. I was not willing to go through it again, so I said that I've had too much socializing over the holidays and I need a break.

I feel a little guilty, but I saw no alternative.
Maybe the existing neighbor is lonely and doesn't have many people to socialize with.
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Old 01-05-2012, 08:55 AM   #6
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Sounds like a reasonable response, Al.

She's probably just thinking she should reciprocate to be polite, and if so she might be relieved to hear your excuse. Entertaining at age 80 could be tiring, I would imagine.
+1. Pretty much my reaction too, understand the mild guilt but you might as well set expectations from the outset, small doses. If you don't, could become a weekly event, that you'll have to confront later even more uncomfortably. Good call IMO.

I've always had a tough time balancing 'too neighborly' with 'not neighborly' enough - get it wrong more often than right. But we're becoming more neighborly which is probably a good thing (even though we'll move away in the next few years).
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Old 01-05-2012, 09:22 AM   #7
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We've used the excuse that we need a break from socializing before. That's usually how we explain our absence from the neighborhood planned "events" or dinners. I'm glad no one pesters me about never showing up at the monthly "ladies luncheon" - just not my cup of tea (pun!).

Yeah, I would have freaked too if I'd had such a bad experience inviting my next door neighbor over.

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Old 01-05-2012, 09:39 AM   #8
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That's what a tablet is for. When your neighbor is talking non-stop, whip out the tablet, and search the web. I'm just kidding, I wouldn't do that no matter how much the neighbor talked my ear off.
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Old 01-05-2012, 10:13 AM   #9
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My mother is 92.... and she can go on about what she has done in her life for a LONG time... we continue to hear the same story over and over... yes, to someone who has not met her the stories are very interesting and they enjoy listening to them, but after hearing the same ones for many many years they do get a bit tiring....

However, we just sit and listen to them again and again as I would hate to not be able to listen to them...


Now, if she were my neighbor, I would not want to have to deal with her all the time... as you said, small doses are good, but it can be tiring to not have any new conversation with someone...
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Old 01-05-2012, 10:18 AM   #10
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Al, at least you have an option to use the "socializing" out.

DW's maternal grandmother was a perpetual talking machine who drove both DW and I up the wall whenever she visited - and we could never find good excuses to avoid her. She dominated every attempted conversation and carried on rapid-fire monologues from the moment she awoke until late in the evening, hardly pausing to take a breath. We attempted to change the subject to something she knew nothing about, but she'd hijack the conversation quicker than a thread on E-R.org.

We even tried turning on the TV, cranking up the volume and pretending to watch whatever was on. Made absolutely no difference - she continued to talk nonstop. I've never seen anyone who comes even close to her ability to prattle on indefinitely without regard for what was going on around her.

She usually visited a couple of times a year and stayed for three or four days. By the time she left we were absolutely exhausted and our nerves were shot.
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Old 01-05-2012, 12:06 PM   #11
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The problem with old folks, is they always forget that they already told that story a thousand times.
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Old 01-05-2012, 12:51 PM   #12
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The problem with old folks, is they always forget that they already told that story a thousand times.
So THAT'S the reason for all the thread drift on here!
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Old 01-05-2012, 12:52 PM   #13
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My dad's favorite phrase: "I've forgotten more than you'll EVER KNOW"!! I still hear that, but it had more oomph when I was still at home.........
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Old 01-05-2012, 01:54 PM   #14
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My 90 yo MIL is sounding pretty good to me right now after what I've read on here. Hearing is the big problem. She speaks in a very low volume; I have a small heating loss; and she has a very big hearing loss. My poor DW is sometimes a basket case after we are all together. She finds herself interpreting between us. It's pretty comical some times, until it becomes tiring. Overall, MIL is a great gal. I hope I'm half as put together at 90, if I make it to 90.
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Old 01-05-2012, 02:10 PM   #15
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The problem with old folks, is they always forget that they already told that story a thousand times.
I've learned to just let it go, because I know that DW and I (along with most everyone here) will probably be just as forgetful one day. And I hope others are forgiving with us then...
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Old 01-05-2012, 02:47 PM   #16
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The problem with old folks, is they always forget that they already told that story a thousand times.


heh heh heh - yeah but I gotta keep my post count up.
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Old 01-05-2012, 03:08 PM   #17
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The problem with old folks, is they always forget that they already told that story a thousand times.
I think I am getting into the transition zone. I will catch myself and say " Ive already told you this havent I" ( and I usually have). While I still have my wits about me I need to remember to preface that statement before I talk instead of after it (if I can remember too)
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Old 01-05-2012, 03:22 PM   #18
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I think I am getting into the transition zone. I will catch myself and say " Ive already told you this havent I" ( and I usually have). While I still have my wits about me I need to remember to preface that statement before I talk instead of after it (if I can remember too)
I already do that and I'm only 48
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Old 01-05-2012, 03:28 PM   #19
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I've learned to just let it go, because I know that DW and I (along with most everyone here) will probably be just as forgetful one day. And I hope others are forgiving with us then...
That is what I tell my wife and kids


The funny thing is that my mom sometimes forgets what direction she is going (she has always gone on tangents)... so we will keep her 'on track' so the story can finish... if she can not finish, she will start over again...

She is still sharp in a lot of ways.... we play games all the time and she is doing great at them..
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Old 01-05-2012, 03:37 PM   #20
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The problem with old folks, is they always forget that they already told that story a thousand times.
A week ago, we had our new neighbors over for coffee. We also invited our 80-year-old neighbor on the other side.

The new neighbors were nice, but the existing neighbor talked non-stop. It was mostly a litany of names of people around here, their diseases, etc. She's nice, but only in smaller doses. We hardly got to hear what the new guys had to say, and it was an excruciating evening.

So, now the existing neighbor wants to have us and the new neighbors over for dinner. I was not willing to go through it again, so I said that I've had too much socializing over the holidays and I need a break.

I feel a little guilty, but I saw no alternative.
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