Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 04-23-2015, 12:30 PM   #41
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 616
Quote:
Originally Posted by harley View Post
Nope, they're all adults, in the late 20s/30 range. Actually, SIL is the one least likely to do anything wise with the money. She went through a couple hundred $K in insurance money within 2 years after his death. I don't know the kids that well. One of them might have a head on his shoulders. The older one is delivering pizzas at age 30. It's just something I think I should do to be fair. After that it's their choice. I'm pretty sure if I had died before Mom and DB had still been alive, my DW and DD wouldn't have been in the will, and that would have been a crappy thing to do too. We put the Funk in dysfunctional.
Would you consider giving the money just to the kids? His wife presumably got whatever inheritance/insurance your brother had, but the kids may not have gotten anything already. But of course it's your money, so be guided by whatever you think is right. It's very nice of you to do this, regardless of what they ultimately do with the money.
__________________

__________________
Katiek is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 04-23-2015, 12:38 PM   #42
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Ally's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,190
After my dad died, my brother was the executor of his estate. I learned things about my 3 brothers during the following year that I really didn't need or want to know. Estates and money seem to bring the worst traits out in so many people. As it is now, none of us intends to keep in contact with the brother who was the executor. We all were cheated out of items and money by him and we discovered that his wife was fired from two jobs for embezzling money during this time, so there is no telling what happened to the items and money he got. One brother thought about suing him, but in the end, we all decided to cut ties instead. It's too bad that distribution of estates can be so troublesome, but I hear it all the time.
__________________

__________________
Ally is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2015, 12:46 PM   #43
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 903
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idnar7 View Post
It seems obvious, but why can't she just put the expenses on a credit card and make minimum payments until she receives her portion of the inheritance? I was out of state when my DM passed, but I never would have considered asking or accepting any compensation. What if there wasn't an inheritance involved? Would she not attend?
From the OP's other posts (big house, foreign cars), it seems like the sister can afford the fare. She just doesn't want to pay for it.
__________________
hnzw_rui is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2015, 01:28 PM   #44
Recycles dryer sheets
Taxman59's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 484
I had a client say that if he dropped a dollar bill on the floor, his daughters would fight over who gets it! This is about daughters who have 6 figure incomes from trusts. It is a sad world we live in.
__________________
Taxman59 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2015, 01:46 PM   #45
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 13,275
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ally View Post
After my dad died, my brother was the executor of his estate. I learned things about my 3 brothers during the following year that I really didn't need or want to know. Estates and money seem to bring the worst traits out in so many people. As it is now, none of us intends to keep in contact with the brother who was the executor. We all were cheated out of items and money by him and we discovered that his wife was fired from two jobs for embezzling money during this time, so there is no telling what happened to the items and money he got. One brother thought about suing him, but in the end, we all decided to cut ties instead. It's too bad that distribution of estates can be so troublesome, but I hear it all the time.
And a sad part of this is that the brother who stole the money probably does not care in the least that you broke ties...
__________________
Texas Proud is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2015, 01:58 PM   #46
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,702
I was the executor of my Dear Uncle's estate along with the help of our attorney. (You may remember his father, my grand dad from other posts! Charming people.)

He had made it explicitly clear on many occasions that 99.9% of his estate was going to his charities and that we should all plan on getting nothing! Harrumph!

Imagine everyone's surprise when we learned that his charities were bequeathed considerably less and the remainder (a comfy sum) went to the rest of us divided equally!

It sure avoided a lot of jockeying right up until the will was opened! No one was in any hurry.

"Here's your check...g'bye"
__________________
Living well is the best revenge!
Retired @ 52 in 2005
marko is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2015, 02:16 PM   #47
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,472
Quote:
Originally Posted by harley View Post
How'd you do it without hitting the gift tax limit? I think it's $14K per gifter now. I can do the $25K by DW and I each writing a check, but it would be nice to do like you did and make it look like it came from Mom instead of me.

Of course, feel free to take the 5th if necessary.

Uh, yeah, Harley is correct. The only way you can go over the amount is in a 529 plan; you can gift $70K and then gift nothing for the next five years.

Another way to gift larger amounts is that a gift can come separately from each spouse, and you can gift $28K by writing one check 12/31 and another on 1/1 of the following year.

Back to original topic. Since heirs will be receiving something anyway, they shouldn't expect expenses to be covered. It could be advanced out of their own inheritance, however, if there is the cash and all agree.

The executor should not personally pay anyone's travel expenses period. Why should they? An estate generally shouldn't either, except for the executor and/or trustee. If there is cash available and good accounting, one could advance the amount from an individual's inheritance, but check with an attorney. Make it clear it will be subtracted from their share. Have them submit receipts to you. Only the heir should get any reimbursement. Not their spouse or kids.

Until the will is executed, the estate probated, and the property transferred, in general the estate should only pay estate expenses. My process was long, involved farm property, IRAs, three investment accounts, and cash.

It's amazing how many people think that being an executor is easy, that you just get money and divide it up. I saved thousands of dollars by doing it myself but cost myself hundreds of hours writing letters, filling out forms, doing title searches and appraisals. I gave an accounting of the progress and the value of the estate to my sister periodically on a spreadsheet. It helped establish her trust in my process.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum
__________________
EastWest Gal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2015, 08:17 AM   #48
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Car-Guy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Citizen of Texas
Posts: 2,478
Quote:
Originally Posted by Olbidness View Post

All three of us will receive an inheritance from the estate so I thought we would all pay our own expenses.
There's your answer. Sounds very reasonable to me.
__________________
Car-Guy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2015, 08:29 AM   #49
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
pb4uski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Vermont & Sarasota, FL
Posts: 16,428
Quote:
Originally Posted by EastWest Gal View Post
Another way to gift larger amounts is that a gift can come separately from each spouse, and you can gift $28K by writing one check 12/31 and another on 1/1 of the following year.....
When we were gifting great auntie's residual money, one beneficiary would have received amounts that exceed the limit so I contacted her to see how she wanted to get it (over years, etc.) and she decided that she wanted us instead to split it between her and her (adult) children since she intended to give some of it to her children anyway. Problem solved!
__________________
If something cannot endure laughter.... it cannot endure.
Patience is the art of concealing your impatience.
Slow and steady wins the race.
pb4uski is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-01-2015, 05:49 AM   #50
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 684
Timely topic for me. DW is executor for her mother who's health is failing, and I am helping with finances. Some property dividing is already being initiated by SIL and BIL doesn't trust her. I expect this to get much worse before it gets better.

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Early Retirement Forum mobile app
__________________
48Fire is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-01-2015, 07:24 AM   #51
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,580
When my dad passed, I realized what wonderful sister's I'm blessed with.

Very sorry for your loss.

🐑
__________________
MRG is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-01-2015, 10:08 AM   #52
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Brat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 5,914
Quote:
Originally Posted by 48Fire View Post
Timely topic for me. DW is executor for her mother who's health is failing, and I am helping with finances. Some property dividing is already being initiated by SIL and BIL doesn't trust her. I expect this to get much worse before it gets better.

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Early Retirement Forum mobile app
Is mother aware of the sister's actions? If mother is no longer competent see a lawyer about filing for a conservatorship.
__________________
Duck bjorn.
Brat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-01-2015, 01:00 PM   #53
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
pb4uski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Vermont & Sarasota, FL
Posts: 16,428
Quote:
Originally Posted by 48Fire View Post
Timely topic for me. DW is executor for her mother who's health is failing, and I am helping with finances. Some property dividing is already being initiated by SIL and BIL doesn't trust her. I expect this to get much worse before it gets better. ...
Your DW might be best off to put her foot down on her meddling siblings sooner than later.
__________________
If something cannot endure laughter.... it cannot endure.
Patience is the art of concealing your impatience.
Slow and steady wins the race.
pb4uski is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-01-2015, 01:07 PM   #54
Moderator
MichaelB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Rocky Inlets
Posts: 24,455
Quote:
Originally Posted by pb4uski View Post
Your DW might be best off to put her foot down on her meddling siblings sooner than later.
Yes, and that giant Monty Python foot comes to mind.

I bought the Nolo book "The Trustee's Legal Companion" and found it very useful The Trustee's Legal Companion - Legal Book - Nolo
__________________
MichaelB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-01-2015, 01:11 PM   #55
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 684
DW has Durable Power of Attorney as well. We are planning on discussing this with them soon after some assisted living issues stabilize. Lots of drama on that as we speak. SIL is way over the top at the moment

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Early Retirement Forum mobile app
__________________
48Fire is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2015, 06:29 AM   #56
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
freebird5825's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: East Nowhere, 43N Latitude, NY
Posts: 9,017
Quote:
Originally Posted by Olbidness View Post
I may just tell her that there is no way I'll reimburse her expenses from the estate, but after the estate settles she can tell me how much money she wants and I'll give it to her out of my part. Whatever she thinks is "fair".
Sorry for your loss.

The easiest way out of this is to simply tell her that you have consulted an attorney and it is not possible to give her anything (for any reason) at this point in time. She will simply have to wait until the Estate is settled and distributions are done. That how it w*rks.

The question of "fairness" amongst siblings came up when my Mom passed. Her Will stipulated that portions went to 2 out of 5 siblings, excluding the remaining 3 who had borrowed and never paid back money to her over the years. My older brother the Executor starting making noises about how "unfair" that was and that he would "do something different". As Alternate Executor, I had to make the tough decision (risking a feud) to consult my attorney to see if this was allowed.

Of course not. My attorney called his attorney and the "fairness" nonsense disappeared very quickly.

Bottom line, as Executor, you need to strictly adhere to the provisions of the Will (or Trust). It's not negotiable.

As far as giving her a portion of your inheritance, please ask yourself why. You did not set the terms of the estate beneficiary distributions. You are simply the Executor.
__________________
"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." - Walt Disney
freebird5825 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2015, 11:17 AM   #57
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Florence, AL/Helen, GA
Posts: 2,092
I always looked to being my father's executor as a blessing, as he trusted me most. And nothing brings up relative's shortcomings like having to a deal with them on money.

Your father trusted you to deal with his business, and your sister needs to be told that she's also going to have to trust you. She'll get her full share, but you're accountable to both the estate and to the probate judge. When the judge says you have the authority to disperse funds, she'll then get her fair share. And travel expenses are her responsibility since she chose to move away.

If the sister absolutely doesn't have any travel money, you might could advance her a small withdrawal from the estate.

What's nice about wills is that you have the ability to change your executor at any time. Don't forget that you also need to specify a secondary executor in case the executor is unable or unwilling to act in that position. Hopefully you have someone else that can execute your will.
__________________
Bamaman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2015, 01:34 AM   #58
Recycles dryer sheets
Olbidness's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: W. Galveston Bay
Posts: 195
I spoke with sis the other day and it seems she was just having a bad day. I explained the details of the will to her, and that according to my father's instructions she and my stepbrother will receive a larger portion than me. I am totally fine with how it is to be divided it up. No disrespect to my father but if I received an equal share it wouldn't allow me to do anything more than I can currently.

I think possibly sis was goaded by my more materialistic BIL. I also discussed the importance of keeping the inheritance in her name and not to mix
with community property accounts. This may cause problems but I hope not.

In any event I will proceed as if my father were looking over my shoulder.
__________________
Olbidness is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2015, 01:51 AM   #59
Recycles dryer sheets
Olbidness's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: W. Galveston Bay
Posts: 195
Thanks for the book tip MichaelB. I got it from Amazon and now I feel like I'm "cramming" for an exam.
__________________
Olbidness is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2015, 06:19 AM   #60
Moderator
MichaelB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Rocky Inlets
Posts: 24,455
Quote:
Originally Posted by Olbidness View Post
Thanks for the book tip MichaelB. I got it from Amazon and now I feel like I'm "cramming" for an exam.
Hope you benefit as much as I have. I'm also a trustee with sibling issues. Good luck
__________________

__________________
MichaelB is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Volunteer Headaches.. jetpack Other topics 20 01-25-2014 11:10 AM
Advice for a first-time estate executor? Urchina Other topics 11 01-26-2009 09:49 PM
Serving as an Executor Purron Other topics 29 02-04-2008 07:36 PM
TELL THE IRS how to ease your tax headaches. ronin Other topics 3 06-14-2006 02:13 PM
small business headaches spark0506 Other topics 5 04-27-2006 09:29 AM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 12:43 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.