Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Exit Interview Question
Old 12-26-2007, 04:13 PM   #1
Recycles dryer sheets
fisherman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 478
Exit Interview Question

My last day with Mega Corp is 1-7-08. On that date I will do the obligatory exit interview. I had planned to just make a few nice comments and leave it at that since I have done all I can to go out on top. So here is the "but" isn't there always one:

We have had six people quit this year in my small department of about 50 people. Turn over in the past has been no existent. The reasons for leaving vary by individual circumstances although there are some common themes. In my case it was reaching FIRE and leaving at the planned date. I might very well have worked another year for padding except that my boss in many ways has been harassing me. I live in a right to work state which my understanding means they can fire you for any or no reason. Given that I have just let the behavior go. I am male so the actions are less problematic than for a female but still wrong and I do not want to see other co-worker experience them.

The actions I find most troubling are two: The first is I am not much over weight but I am not in marathon condition like my boss either although I hope to get closer to that level now. He points this out by grabbing my stomach and shaking in front of other people in my group. One time its a joke and I can let it go but its happened repeatedly. The second is I usually eat a lunch I bring at my desk during our appointed lunch time which is un-paid time. Most people go out but this was part of my FIRE plan. I sit in the back corner of the office and usually face away from everyone else at lunch. I usually bow my head slightly and pray silently before eating so as not to purposefully draw attention. I am a Christian but I have co-workers and my boss who are Atheist and I respect their believes and do not want to offend them. I guess I could have gone out to my car but I am pretty secluded and you would have to be looking to even notice. My Boss will occasionally walk by in the front of the room and notice this. He will then interrupt me or come sit with me and start discussing the foolishness of religion. I am not looking to change him and I would appreciate him allowing me to have my beliefs without be challenged to defended them. Remember he starts the conversation in question and I have tried to make a polite point that I am uncomfortable with that type of discussion.

One last note of importance on the item above. Wen my DW and I lost our daughter two years ago my Boss came to visitation and made a point to wait until several people where gathered around my wife to make the statement that it was natures way of dealing with the situation and was not really a loss. I was not in a state to deal with the comment at the time but it did factor in my decision to leave.


For me the above two issues will end soon but I wonder if I could help my co-workers by reporting it. Given the timing I am inclined to walk out gracefully and let it go. After all according to my beliefs I should turn the other cheek but both are already sore, and yes I know how many times I should turn the other cheek. Also I really do not even want to mention the second item since above all I want to respect others beliefs as well.

Should I reconsider giving any information in the exit interview at all?


I sincerely hope I have not offend anyone with the above summary and question. It was not my intent at all but as you can tell the situation does trouble me.

Thank you for any suggestions you can provide.
__________________

__________________
Worked the plan and now living the Dream!
fisherman is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 12-26-2007, 04:21 PM   #2
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Ed_The_Gypsy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: the City of Subdued Excitement
Posts: 5,293
Frag him on the way out. His behavior is offensive. Say so. It won't do any good, but it needs to be said.
__________________

__________________
my bumpersticker:
"I am not in a hurry.
I am retired.
And I don't care how big your truck is."
Ed_The_Gypsy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2007, 04:26 PM   #3
Recycles dryer sheets
figner's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Los Angeles area
Posts: 329
Hi fisherman,

Congrats on your upcoming FIRE! I would stick with your original intent and not impugn your boss in the exit interview. I'd figure speaking up would likely result in:

1) Nobody takes your comments seriously, the boss goes on as usual, and it may generate some bad feelings among you/coworkers/boss.

2) Your comments are taken seriously enough that the boss gets either reprimanded or fired. Personally I wouldn't want this on my conscience, even if I thought the guy deserved it. And it probably wouldn't change the harrassment happening, just shift it to a different dept or company.
__________________
figner is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2007, 04:27 PM   #4
Full time employment: Posting here.
VaCollector's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 544
Quote:
Originally Posted by fisherman View Post
I sincerely hope I have not offend anyone with the above summary and question. It was not my intent at all but as you can tell the situation does trouble me.
It is a shame that your (soon to be EX) boss did not share your feelings!

I have never worked in a Mega environment and so may not be one of the best to give ANY advice at all.....but if those things truly bother you, then THIS IS THE TIME to make any comments as long as they are done without malice.

Letting him know just how you feel just MAY help those that follow you....of course you could just be flapping your gums, but even that should at least make YOU feel better !
__________________
VaCollector is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2007, 04:28 PM   #5
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,015
I agree. Generally, I vote in the "hold your head high and exit gracefully" camp, but this boss's actions are, IMHO, way out of bounds. NO ONE should have to endure uninvited touching from another person for any reason and clearly the intent here was to humiliate you. As for the actions at your child's funeral, I can't even fathom why anyone would be so insensitive. Sounds like the jerk is just plain mean.

I would definitely speak up at your exit interview.
__________________
Achiever51 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2007, 04:39 PM   #6
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Moemg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Sarasota,fl.
Posts: 10,035
I would also speak up about the weight references . I also lost a child and people say stupid things at that time because they do not know what to say so let that pass .
__________________
Moemg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2007, 04:57 PM   #7
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
growing_older's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 2,608
This boss is a major creep. If you want to "do something" to actually get him to change his behavior, you could consider talking to him directly one-on-one and have a frank discussion. From your descriptions, he sounds clueless enough that this will not likely work, but it's probably your best shot.

Using the exit interview to divulge harassment (both physical and religous) is probably not going to do much. Most megacorps have a policy that requires you to report harassment when it occurs. After the fact or in an exit interview will likely be discounted as sour grapes by a disgruntled departing employee. If there is ANY chance you EVER want work or consulting from this megacorp, you want to keep the exit interview clean.

If you don't care to work for megacorp (or elsewhere) you could try to file a complaint with HR, independent of your leaving. It's another long shot that you will get any satisfaction from that - and you might want to consider picking just one behavior to complain about, lest you be labelled "complainer" and your info discounted. If you file a complaint and shortly after, when they have done nothing, you quit - that could move them to take it seriously, but you never know. If the boss is as horrible as you describe, they must already know.

We've got plenty of guys on the floor here, who would likely deck a manager who grabbed them and mocked them. I'm sure that's a BAD choice, but you must work in a different environment if the boss acts like no physical response is possible to his own physical attacks.

I don't see many good options. If you know someone well either in HR or up the chain of command you could try a quiet talk. I suspect your best option may be say nothing and be glad you are out of there.
__________________
growing_older is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2007, 05:12 PM   #8
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 927
This is outrageous on so many levels I scarcely know where to begin. In no particular order:

Nobody has a right to touch anyone else in the workplace -- be they male or female -- and commenting on their body at the same time and in front of their peers is beyond despicable. Anyone who did that to me, man or woman, would hear about it professional but very pointed terms. The second time it happened, HR would hear about it.

As an agnostic who has had my share of folks trying to convert me to their way of thinking, I am equally appalled at the idea that your boss would take shots at your belief system. We all have a right to our faith without having to endure uninvited criticism of same.

It sounds like your boss is a real piece of work, and that others in your workplace feel the same way. In that case I don't see how reporting him means that you don't "go out on top." Turning the other cheek is a laudable goal, but petty tyrants too often rely upon the gentle nature of others to get away with murder. If everyone remains silent, he will never have a reason to change.

You sound like a very kind, principled person who is trying to do the right thing. But I don't think you can go wrong here, whether you choose to let it lie, or to speak up and possibly help those who must suffer under this guy once you are gone.

As to the comment to your wife -- I gasped out loud at that one. That must have been incredibly painful at the time, and probably still hurts now. On personal terms, this has got to be the worst.

That said, though, and without knowing your boss, I might just chalk this one up to sheer stupidity. I've heard tell of people making similar statement to women who miscarry, etc. It appears to be something foolish people babble out at painful, emotional moments in a wildly misguided effort to cover up their own discomfort. That he said something so appalling in front of an audience suggests to me that he's more ignorant than malevolent.

I don't know him as you do, but I wonder whether he went out of his way to attend the vigil (which he could have skipped) just to be deliberately cruel? If not, and because this is the hardest of the three to forgive, I might choose to turn the other cheek in this instance. I can only imagine that this would be an incredible amount of work on your part, but it might offer the best chance of peace and healing in the long term.

Last, and most important than the rest, let me give you my most sincere condolences on the loss of your daughter.
__________________
Caroline is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2007, 05:30 PM   #9
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
dex's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 5,105
Quote:
Originally Posted by fisherman View Post
My last day with Mega Corp is 1-7-08. On that date I will do the obligatory exit interview. I had planned to just make a few nice comments and leave it at that since I have done all I can to go out on top.
Take your own advice here. I'm guessing the person you will be talking with will be from HR. They really won't do anything about the issues. On the other hand they might slam you to others if you point out the problems. If they raise the issue you might consider pointing them in the right direction but nothing more. Something like "I've heard some other people say..."

You are out of there. One of the first steps in your life is to realize that the workers left behind are responsible for their own happiness.
__________________
Sometimes death is not as tragic as not knowing how to live. This man knew how to live--and how to make others glad they were living. - Jack Benny at Nat King Cole's funeral
dex is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2007, 05:35 PM   #10
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
maddythebeagle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,450
It will seem like sour grapes....I was just happy to be moving on after leaving jobs in the past...I have left jobs for a lot less, also....

Quote:
If the boss is as horrible as you describe, they must already know.
They probably like guys like this...
__________________
maddythebeagle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2007, 05:42 PM   #11
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 802
#1. Lose the weight so you can enjoy your retirement. When you look around there are very few fat 80 year olds.

#2. Bringing in the religious card makes you look like a nutjob. Times have changed and this isn't the 1950's.
__________________
Zipper is offline   Reply With Quote
Do yourself a favor
Old 12-26-2007, 05:43 PM   #12
Confused about dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 8
Do yourself a favor

Let it go, my friend. Your boss's comments and actions are so off the wall that you really need to just consider the source. If you were not retiring, you'd want to do something to avoid ongoing offenses, but since you are leaving, just realize that this poor soul hasn't the brain God gave a grapefruit. Just let this person assume a prominent position on your top-ten list of people you're glad you're not.

The alternative is to keep agonizing over whether you did the right thing. Kind and considerate people like you can never get away with hurting others, no matter how much some may deserve to be hurt. You don't need the grief.

Live long and prosper.
__________________
Cubitt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2007, 06:06 PM   #13
Moderator Emeritus
Martha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: minnesota
Posts: 13,212
The OP can let it go but still report the issues in his exit interview. Each workplace is different. I do not know if it will or will not make a difference and no one else here knows that either. But it is the right thing to do, the boss behaved inappropriately and reporting could make it easier for the OP to let it go.

Zipper, discrimination based on religion is illegal in the United States. The OP should not be made to feel like he is a "nutjob" for his beliefs.
__________________
.


No more lawyer stuff, no more political stuff, so no more CYA

Martha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2007, 06:21 PM   #14
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
bbbamI's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Dallas 'burb
Posts: 9,039
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martha View Post
The OP can let it go but still report the issues in his exit interview. Each workplace is different. I do not know if it will or will not make a difference and no one else here knows that either. But it is the right thing to do, the boss behaved inappropriately and reporting could make it easier for the OP to let it go.

Zipper, discrimination based on religion is illegal in the United States. The OP should not be made to feel like he is a "nutjob" for his beliefs.
Excellent post Martha...thank you!
__________________
There's no need to complicate, our time is short..
bbbamI is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2007, 06:30 PM   #15
Moderator Emeritus
Rich_by_the_Bay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 8,827
I think your issue is largely one of timing. I agree with everyone's assessment about said boss, but the time to have raised concerns would have been within a reasonable period after of their occurrence. I realize there are pressures against doing that in terms of job security and advancement (which is a main reason why such behavior is despicable and abusive), and you made a choice to let them go. Probably not a bad choice, and obviously the right one for you.

Filing accusations as you have one foot out the door may be construed as resentment or even make it appear that you are bitter about leaving (folks might think you were even pressured to leave and are lashing out). Your credibility may be compromised ("if you thought it was so wrong why did you wait so long?").

I'd personally probably let it go. Maybe discuss it with a few trusted colleagues who must remain behind if you want it known in-house. As for yourself, enter your retirement on a positive note, know you were right, take care of yourself, and don't dignify that moron's behavior with an exit-interview slam.

Good luck whatever you decide and best wishes for a well-earned retirement.
__________________
Rich
San Francisco Area
ESR'd March 2010. FIRE'd January 2011.

As if you didn't know..If the above message contains medical content, it's NOT intended as advice, and may not be accurate, applicable or sufficient. Don't rely on it for any purpose. Consult your own doctor for all medical advice.
Rich_by_the_Bay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2007, 06:33 PM   #16
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,318
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zipper View Post
#1. Lose the weight so you can enjoy your retirement. When you look around there are very few fat 80 year olds.

#2. Bringing in the religious card makes you look like a nutjob. Times have changed and this isn't the 1950's.
Very insensitive remarks on your part.

This should have been reported to management long time ago and this boss should have been sent to sensitivity training.

I would bring it up at the exit interview. It may potentially help other employees and possibly encourage them to come forward and report any incidents in the future.
__________________
Corporateburnout is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2007, 06:36 PM   #17
Full time employment: Posting here.
mountaintosea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 553
Having just quit my job (a year earlier than I planned), I would say do what feels most comfortable to you. After you've been gone a while those encounters are going to fade from your memory and you won't care. What exactly is the point of these exit interviews? Our county just started doing them. I quit so suddenly that no one said anything. A friend of mine who works for county counsel thought that they were to protect the employer in case you intended to sue them later. If you didn't mention "it" in the interview that helped them in any suit. Is this true? Does anybody know why?
__________________
mountaintosea is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2007, 06:41 PM   #18
Moderator Emeritus
Martha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: minnesota
Posts: 13,212
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rich_in_Tampa View Post
I think your issue is largely one of timing. I agree with everyone's assessment about said boss, but the time to have raised concerns would have been within a reasonable period after of their occurrence. I realize there are pressures against doing that in terms of job security and advancement (which is a main reason why such behavior is despicable and abusive), and you made a choice to let them go. Probably not a bad choice, and obviously the right one for you.

Now to fling accusations as you have one foot out the door may be construed as resentment or even make it appear that you are bitter about leaving (folks might think you were even pressured to leave and are lashing out). Your credibility may be compromised ("if you thought it was so wrong why did you wait so long?").

I'd personally probably let it go. Maybe discuss it with a few trusted colleagues who must remain behind if you want it known in-house. As for yourself, enter your retirement on a positive note, know you were right, take care of yourself, and don't dignify that moron's behavior with an exit-interview slam.

Good luck whatever you decide and best wishes for a well-earned retirement.

As I have said, every workplace is different, but my experience with doing exit interviews is that you get valuable information that people are otherwise reluctant to share. I believe that I could generally tell if people were lashing out (generally those who quit rather than getting fired) and people with important and valid information to share. If I had the OP's information, at the very least I would keep an eye out for potential problems with that particular boss. I believe the OP can report the issues and still leave with grace and dignity. Especially as he is making no demands.
__________________
.


No more lawyer stuff, no more political stuff, so no more CYA

Martha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2007, 06:47 PM   #19
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Purron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 5,584
Fisherman,

I am leaving my long term job on 1/4/08 and am struggling with similiar issues. My boss is much like yours in that she is very cruel and insensitive. Based upon advise from my dearest friends and family members, I plan to let this go and move on. The reality is my chances to impact change are slim to none. Plus, once I have been retired for a while, this will soon become a distant memory.

Focus on the future and those who love you. I'm saddened to hear of the loss of your child. Take time to heal and find yourself again. I have a feeling you will do great things after leaving this negative environment.
__________________
I purr therefore I am.
Purron is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2007, 07:07 PM   #20
Recycles dryer sheets
fisherman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 478
Thank you all for the advice so far. I did leave out a critical detail. Both issues happened again last Friday so they are current. My biggest fear is for retribution of my co-workers who were witnesses to the events. And to clarify my weight I am within accepted norms and have a standard rating on my private insurance. Personally I would like to be 10lbs lighter but when I gave up running for weight lifting I have not been able to drop weight as easy.

Once away from that boss I will be past it. However I did want to consider some good friends that will remain. The last person to quit before me did it in a moment of anger and really went off in the exit interview. Their information while true was dismissed for reasons stated above. I am not sure if this leaves an opening or is prove that HR will not care.
__________________

__________________
Worked the plan and now living the Dream!
fisherman is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Do you have a Stock Market Exit Strategy? chinaco FIRE and Money 25 05-21-2007 02:26 PM
Adjusting Fire Calc for a mid year exit USK Coastie FIRE and Money 1 02-02-2007 11:26 AM
I have an interview... cube_rat Young Dreamers 22 10-06-2005 04:19 PM
Exit Strategy brewer12345 Young Dreamers 12 03-15-2005 06:56 AM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:27 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.