Join Early Retirement Today
View Poll Results: Would you explain your reasons if your ex asked?
I am female, and yes I did or would. 9 20.93%
I am female, and no I didn't or wouldn't. 1 2.33%
I am male, and yes I did or would. 5 11.63%
I am male, and no I didn't or wouldn't. 2 4.65%
I like bacon. 26 60.47%
Voters: 43. You may not vote on this poll

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 11-02-2010, 08:01 PM   #21
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 2,259
Quote:
Originally Posted by HFWR View Post


I think that most couples know what the reasons are, even if they don't discuss it much or at all.
IMO, more often than not, they may discuss it, but after some years, they realize they were wrong as to why.
__________________

__________________
tmm99 is online now   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 11-02-2010, 08:07 PM   #22
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,384
I nominate Kahn's reply for best of the best.
Quote:
Neither the marriage nor the divorce was my idea.
Don't blame me buddy, I got nothing to do with any of this matri-mony stuff...

Ha
__________________

__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 09:26 PM   #23
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
SecondCor521's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Boise
Posts: 2,402
Thanks to all for the replies, very good material to think about.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moemg View Post
I would also gently suggest they move on with their life .
This quote in particular was most illuminating, so thank you in particular to Moemg. I won't go into details, but suffice it to say that it helped several light bulbs go off upstairs.

2Cor521
__________________
"At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe us when we say there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough, and what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events, may in fact be the first steps of a journey." Violet Baudelaire.
SecondCor521 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 09:37 PM   #24
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Rambler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 2,247
2Cor521 - why do you ask?

R
__________________
Find Joy in the Journey...
Rambler is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 09:49 PM   #25
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
HFWR's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lawn chair in Texas
Posts: 12,964
Quote:
Originally Posted by haha View Post
I nominate Kahn's reply for best of the best.

Don't blame me buddy, I got nothing to do with any of this matri-mony stuff...

Ha
Preacher: Do you take this woman, to have and to hold, to love and cherish, in sickness and in health, 'til death do you part?

Groom: Hunh?
__________________
Have Funds, Will Retire

...not doing anything of true substance...
HFWR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2010, 10:12 PM   #26
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
audreyh1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Rio Grande Valley
Posts: 16,467
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skye View Post
As an alumni of a long term marriage, I cannot imagine not talking, conversing, arguing, or yelling about the reasons the marriage is not making one happy. I mean, I would think we WANT the marriage to work,......... it just, for whatever reason, is not working out like we had envisioned.

Maybe I am just too, "this is how it is and I don't like it and we need to figure out a way both of us can be happy with some changes, so let's see what we can work out here...." I would consider trying very hard to talk about and make it perfectly clear what is going wrong and trying to find ways to fix it, only fair and right.

I would not want to leave a marriage until I knew I did everything I could to make it work, and that would include letting my spouse know in no uncertain terms what needed to be done.
You know - this kind of thing really depends. Some spouses really aren't willing to put up with another spouse dating around. That kind of gets well past the "why isn't this working?" and "what can we do to fix it?" discussions really quickly if no children are involved.

Audrey
__________________
Well, I thought I was retired. But it seems that now I'm working as a travel agent instead!
audreyh1 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2010, 12:34 AM   #27
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
SecondCor521's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Boise
Posts: 2,402
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rambler View Post
2Cor521 - why do you ask?

R
The extremely short version of the story is that my wife chose to divorce me about five years ago. At the time I did not ask why, primarily because it did not seem to matter unless there was hope of reconciliation, which there was not.

Over the past five years, she has done things -- both positively and negatively -- that have surprised me. I have become much less angry at her and blaming of her. I have also very occasionally -- about once a year, on average -- met a woman who I might like to get to know better.

All that, plus my general personality characteristic of liking to understand things, equaled an interest in asking her why. I did, and at first she seemed willing to answer, then she reconsidered and now is not willing.

This result led me to wonder if her behavior was more typical or more atypical. Thus the poll.

2Cor521
__________________
"At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe us when we say there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough, and what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events, may in fact be the first steps of a journey." Violet Baudelaire.
SecondCor521 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2010, 02:15 AM   #28
Full time employment: Posting here.
GoodSense's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 678
Sorry I voted before I read your criteria. I guess I was the only woman voted option #2. That would have been my choice. My feelings are that I would try to explain if it is something he can change and benefit him in the future, but if we've reached the point of divorce, it's pretty much proven that it's not something that's changeable. Perhaps it's a basic incompatibility with me that would not be a problem with someone else. Perhaps it's the simple fact that we met at the wrong point in our lives. In most situations, I think explaining would be hurtful and unproductive.
__________________
GoodSense is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2010, 04:01 PM   #29
Dryer sheet aficionado
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 45
I am really thick, I guess and really confused by this discussion. Let me see if I have this straight.......A couple is married several years.....one says to the other, I want a divorce....the other says, "OK", and doesn't ask why. That does not make any sense to me. Wouldn't the one being told their spouse wants a divorce WANT to know why? Wouldn't the one asking for the divorce WANT to tell their spouse why? Enlighten me, please!
__________________
Skye is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2010, 04:59 PM   #30
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
travelover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 9,880
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skye View Post
I am really thick, I guess and really confused by this discussion. Let me see if I have this straight.......A couple is married several years.....one says to the other, I want a divorce....the other says, "OK", and doesn't ask why. That does not make any sense to me. Wouldn't the one being told their spouse wants a divorce WANT to know why? Wouldn't the one asking for the divorce WANT to tell their spouse why? Enlighten me, please!
One reason is that the more you stir a turd, it more it stinks.
__________________
Yes, I have achieved work / life balance.
travelover is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2010, 05:38 PM   #31
Moderator Emeritus
Khan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Pine Island, Florida
Posts: 6,868
Send a message via AIM to Khan
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skye View Post
I am really thick, I guess and really confused by this discussion. Let me see if I have this straight.......A couple is married several years.....one says to the other, I want a divorce....the other says, "OK", and doesn't ask why. That does not make any sense to me. Wouldn't the one being told their spouse wants a divorce WANT to know why? Wouldn't the one asking for the divorce WANT to tell their spouse why? Enlighten me, please!
A: "This isn't what I wanted."
__________________
"Knowin' no one nowhere's gonna miss us when we're gone..."
Khan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2010, 06:51 PM   #32
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Lisa99's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: The Villages
Posts: 1,327
First marriage lasted seven years, divorce was my idea and yes I told him why.

He was blindsided even though we fought constantly about the two reasons I gave for the divorce. So don't assume that just because you communicate that the other 'gets it'.

I think for those of us who have been down this road the questionnaire was very understandable.
__________________

__________________
Lisa99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
divorce, poll, reasons


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:53 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.