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Old 07-28-2009, 07:42 PM   #61
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I think you've got a good sitcom script there, Moe!
I want the part of the one who can say anything s/he wants. There's gotta be an upside to aging. Funny, shocking, good lines there.
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Old 07-28-2009, 10:24 PM   #62
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I think you've got a good sitcom script there, Moe!

and I forgot to mention my Aunt who is the funniest person alive or my ex SIL who left my brother for someone else but is still close with the family and comes to all the family gatherings with her new husband and my neice and nephew who are perpetual students or my grand nephew who is a chess champion at eight .
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Old 07-28-2009, 11:38 PM   #63
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That every poster has some weird family members, plus the remarks that 98% of families are dysfunctional remind me of a well known statistics. That is way more than 50% of the drivers think they are above average. In fact more than 50% of people think they are above average in whatever the pollster wants to measure.

Sooo, I am wondering about the normalcy of the posters here. I never claim that I am a normal guy. I have said elsewhere that I am a romantic geek. I don't know if that qualifies as weird, but then you may not know all about me.

How about you?
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Old 07-28-2009, 11:43 PM   #64
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Actually I don't think any of my family members are weird. I mean, isn't it normal if you have a really important decision to make in your life that you would get your tarot cards read to find out what you should do? If that fails to give you the answer you want get your palm read and when life gets really bad take up Wicca. I am sure everyone has someone in their family like that.

Seriously, I don't think my family are weird - it's just that none of us have enough in common to belong in the same family.
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Old 07-29-2009, 12:04 AM   #65
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Oh, I'll admit to being as weird as any of them. When I limit my contact with them, it is a gift to them, something like that.
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Old 07-29-2009, 02:21 AM   #66
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I guess I am in the other 2%... get along great with all my siblings, we talk regularly and try to get together a couple of times a year, despite living 1000+ miles apart. We truly enjoy each other's company, despite all of us having taken markedly different paths in life. All the BIL's and SIL's get along well, too. In fact we just got back from the Midwest for a July 4th get-together. I just talked with my sister this weekend; she and her family will be coming to spend Christmas with us at the new house here in AZ; DW is absolutely giddy about having family here for the holidays. My brothers and their families are also invited; they may or may not be able to make it- but no problems or hard feelings if they cannot. Life is too short for that crap; the time we spent together last year -back in the hometown where we all grew up - when our mother died of cancer made us realize how lucky we were to have each other. We were all there together when she passed. I wouldn't trade that experience, or the weeks leading up to it for anything.

Now the DW's side of the family is a whole 'nother story....lots of drama, strife, shunning, avoidance and animosity. Five siblings, all live within 25 miles; some haven't talked or seen each other in years... Grandparents haven't been able to see seen some of the grand kids in over 10 years...only DW and one sister showed up at their 50th anniversary party..most of the venom is generated by one psychotic SIL who still influences the others -the ultimate payback for MIL/FIL being strict, loving, hardworking, parents who raised successful kids...what a waste.
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Old 07-29-2009, 07:40 PM   #67
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NW-Bound View Post
That every poster has some weird family members, plus the remarks that 98% of families are dysfunctional remind me of a well known statistics. That is way more than 50% of the drivers think they are above average. In fact more than 50% of people think they are above average in whatever the pollster wants to measure.

Sooo, I am wondering about the normalcy of the posters here. I never claim that I am a normal guy. I have said elsewhere that I am a romantic geek. I don't know if that qualifies as weird, but then you may not know all about me.

How about you?
Weird, eccentric, off-the-wall, different - my favorite kind of people. Birds of a feather and all that.
But just plain mean is where I draw the line. Unfortunately, I have too many of those in my own family and then unwittingly married into an even worse set. I always swore LH was hatched.
So I choose the path of non-contact. I will not engage in petty arguments with folks who simply are who they are. Life is way too short.
On the postive side, dh2b's family is a breath of fresh air. Not perfect, but very refreshing.
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Old 07-29-2009, 08:42 PM   #68
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This thread is reminding me of a "Home Improvement" episode where one of Tim (The Tool Man) Taylor's sons wanted to go an a skiing trip with his friends at Christmas. Tim tried to convince the son to stay home with his family for Christmas, but the son said he would rather spend Christmas with people he likes -- to which Tim replied "Chirstmas is not about being with people you like. It's about being with your family".
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Old 07-29-2009, 11:40 PM   #69
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In fact more than 50% of people think they are above average in whatever the pollster wants to measure.
50% are above the mean....
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Old 07-30-2009, 04:00 PM   #70
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50% are above the mean....
Isn't that the median? It's only the mean if it's a "normal" distribution, right?

I am not sure about this.

Mike D.
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Old 07-30-2009, 09:31 PM   #71
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Isn't that the median? It's only the mean if it's a "normal" distribution, right?

I am not sure about this.

Mike D.
I'm sure. It's the median. Otherwise known as the 50th percentile.

And you are correct about the dependence of the centrality of the mean upon the normalcy of the distribution! (see skewness)
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Old 07-30-2009, 11:49 PM   #72
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This is an interesting post for me.

My/our family mostly gets along. My parents and my wife's and my brother's wife's parents got along famously, until the ends of their lives. It has been great fun.

One or another of the outlying in-laws has had problems with family members. I am happy to say that I am on good terms with all that I know. (I should mention that I have never borrowed money from any of them or them me.)
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Old 07-31-2009, 01:50 AM   #73
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I have never had a row or a grudge with anyone in my family, except with brothers and Dad when I was a teenager. That all got repaired. I get along well with my ex's parents and all her aunts and uncles when they were alive, and with her cousins and did while I was married to her. I get along with all my cousins, and my aunts and uncles who are now unfortunately all dead. I love both my sons and their wives, and my grand-daughter.

That does not mean that I think they are all wonderful, or that they feel that way about me. I love my kids and their families unreservedly; the others I care for but do not necessarily think they represent human perfection any more than I do. I even love my ex, she was good to me in many ways for a long time. I figure that God grades on a curve, and why should I be any different? I give myself some leeway also, as life is hard and we all need and deserve some slack.

In real life I do not want to make enemies, and I do want to make and keep friends. My Dad always said, "Ha, don't piss people off. There is no percentage in that."

I have a story that illustrates that pretty well. There was a bully in my neighborhood. He beat the hell out of a lot of people, but he especially had it in for this one fat kid. Over and over he beat him up and humiliated him. Finally, years later, he got to the point where his behavior brought him into court as an adult under some serious charges. He got convicted and sentenced to the state prison. But guess who had spent his career working away in the prison system, and was now assistant warden at this particular state prison? You got it, the fat kid who had been tortured by the bully. The thug saw the writing on the wall and was found hanged in his cell in county jail. Karma I guess, or the running out of his luck.

I have treated people unkindly, mostly girls when I was young, and my father in times of stress. I would like to go back and undo those unkind acts, words and thoughtless omissions if I could. Every time I was a pr*ck is a black mark that I would really like to erase.

But erasure is not possible; only forgiveness.

Overall, the harm I have done to others bothers me quite a bit more than the harm they may have done to me.

Ha
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Old 07-31-2009, 08:42 AM   #74
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Isn't that the median? It's only the mean if it's a "normal" distribution, right?

I am not sure about this.

Mike D.
Surely FIRE represents a "normal" distribution, right?
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Old 07-31-2009, 12:24 PM   #75
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Distance can make for good relationships or good fences make good neighbors. Growing up I moved around a lot and wasn't near family all of the time. My family has had its share of drama and strife - worse than any of the other families in my extended relatives - therefore, I've made it a rule to be polite and approachable. However, I do enforce boundaries that are important to me to whit: when my mom or my dad starts to go on about each other and the issues of their divorce (over 27 years ago with both of them being remarried 25+ years), I tell them that's nice and walk away; when my aunt starts to screech about my mother, I walk away; when anyone has had too much to imbibe or otherwise and it seriously affect their behavior, I walk away. I don't end up in those situations very often, but they've learned I'm not going to waste time on frivolous and foolish behavior by them. They've also learned that acting the victim or asking for a handout doesn't work. So, with that in mind, most of my family interactions are pleasant :-)

I'm like Nords and a few of the others - it took me years to undo the dysfunctional thinking/behavior patterns that I inherited and I'm damn sure not going to regress if I can help it.
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Old 07-31-2009, 12:52 PM   #76
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it took me years to undo the dysfunctional thinking/behavior patterns that I inherited and I'm damn sure not going to regress if I can help it.
Maybe you also inherited the ability to recognize dysfunctional thinking/behavior patterns and the intelligence to avoid them?
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Old 07-31-2009, 01:04 PM   #77
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Maybe you also inherited the ability to recognize dysfunctional thinking/behavior patterns and the intelligence to avoid them?

HAHAHAHAHA - maybe - takes one to know one, eh?
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Old 07-31-2009, 10:57 PM   #78
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What Westernskies wrote reminded me of an old Chinese proverb that states, "From a thousand miles away, we all smell like roses. From a yard away, we all smell like stinky fish." Perhaps distance is the key to maintaining cordial relations with one's relatives.
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Old 07-31-2009, 11:29 PM   #79
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I've come to the conclusion that I am the weird one in my family.
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Old 08-01-2009, 09:58 AM   #80
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I only have one brother but lots of extended family on both my mother and father's side; we all get along very well--they are wonderful people. My brother and I always got along great; there is a 7-year age difference between us. He lives out west; I live in NE OH but we saw each other quite a bit. My mother died 4 years ago, he came east and helped me settle the estate; everything went perfect.

Fast forward to last July. DH and I got involved in the Obama campaign; so involved, in fact, that I'm taking credit for delivering the vote in our township. LOL! Anyway, brother is Christian right; that's OK with me--everyone is entitled to their own life. We could always talk politics and religion and not hold grudges. In July I started getting horrible horrible horrible emails from him regarding Obama. Things like Obama crucified on a cross. For the first 2 months, I simply deleted the emails without opening them; all these emails were directed to everyone on his email list. I asked him to please not include me in these emails to no avail. Then one day, I received a particularly bad one addressed to me only; I opened it. I sent him an email saying "PLEASE STOP SENDING ME THIS CRAP'!!!!! About 2 days later, he called and reamed me out but good; said I'd lost all my sense and he was done with me--don't ever contact him again. Needless to say, I was beyond stunned. So I let it go. Thanksgiving and Christmas came and went and I had no word from him or his family. I'm wondering what me nieces and nephew are thinking. On the anniversary of my mother's death in April, I sent him an email and said: I love you and miss you every day, just like ma. The reply said "if you're lonely, contact (here he listed names of a dozen of our relatives)". I never dreamed he could be so hurtful. I'll never get over it.
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