Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-26-2009, 08:08 AM   #21
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
youbet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 13,151
Quote:
Originally Posted by NW-Bound View Post
In a thread I started about family living in town, I think I bragged about how close we were with many siblings from both sides living in the same metropolitan area.

Well, one of my brothers turned into a ranting raving liberal, and yes, even long after the election outcome, he would not stop cursing and blaming Bush and the Republicans for every problem this country faces. Good grief!

Though I considered myself a centrist and should not care, I couldn't stand it, and had to walk away (there are very few politicians that I hate - I simply do not love any of them, none, zero). After two such recent family get-togethers, which I used to enjoy, I told my wife that I started to think otherwise. It is sad, and I really do not want to feel that way.

PS. A Libertarian friend of mine has the same problem with his siblings, whom he calls ultra-liberals. In family gatherings, they attacked the other side, and with him being a non-Democrat, he said somehow he ended up single-handedly defending Bush. After a few heated "discussions" with fist pounding on the dinner table and yelling and red faces, I asked how they still invited him. He said he didn't know. I think they needed another side in order to have a debate, and lured him into it. I told my wife it was the same with my brother, and I must resist...
Read "I Can't Believe I'm Sitting Next to a Republican" by Harry Stein. He describes it as "a survival guide for conservatives marooned among the angry, smug, and terminally self-righteous."

It is soooooo funny! And you don't have to be a Republican or uber-conservative to enjoy it. Anyone, other than an Ultra-Lib, who has been exposed to situations such as you describe will crack a rib laughing. (Or crying........... )
__________________
"I wasn't born blue blood. I was born blue-collar." John Wort Hannam
youbet is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 07-26-2009, 10:34 AM   #22
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
vicente solano's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,116
We are 6 brothers and 3 sisters. We get along fine. We see each other at least twice a year. Two years ago, one sister-in-law -considered by all a weirdo- falsely accused my wife of something completely absurd and started to openly not speaking to her. My wife, who truly is a very nice person, tried to apologise, just in case she might have been at fault. No use. The werdo wouldnīt accept the apologies.
Obviously her husband took her side. Thank God the rest of the family are on our side, or at least neutral.
We must be right, because that couple, who used to visit all of us daily at the summer family home -my parentsīs- (and everybody avoided them!) stopped doing that. Well, my brother, furtively, comes once a week to see my 81 year old mother-who, too, canīstand the daughter-in-law!
In the beginning I pitied my brother for having to put up with her wife. With time I am starting to resent his not being able to privately admit to my wife that everything that happened was his wifeīs fault. Even though he did admit as much to me in private.
Now one of my sisters is getting married on August, 1st. Letīs see whatīs going to happen at the wedding. For starters, nobody wanted to sit with them at the reception.
Luckily for all of us, it turned out my brother -being the godfather- is sitting with his wife at the main table alongside the newlyweds and their parents!
__________________
I get by with a little help from my friends....ta ta ta ta ta...
vicente solano is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2009, 10:54 AM   #23
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
bbbamI's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Collin County, TX
Posts: 9,294
I like weird...it keeps me on my toes. If we were all the same.... for me, life would be boring.
__________________
There's no need to complicate, our time is short..
bbbamI is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2009, 11:15 AM   #24
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
NW-Bound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 35,712
youbet, thanks for the book tip. It sounds interesting.


Quote:
Originally Posted by bbbamI View Post
I like weird...it keeps me on my toes. If we were all the same.... for me, life would be boring.
You keep us on our toes...




__________________
"Old age is the most unexpected of all things that happen to a man" -- Leon Trotsky (1879-1940)

"Those Who Can Make You Believe Absurdities Can Make You Commit Atrocities" - Voltaire (1694-1778)
NW-Bound is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2009, 11:31 AM   #25
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 7,968
I am the last living Democrat in the old family tree - I take great joy in razzing the piss out my Sister and reminding her she deserted the Pat's(a good football team) cause she thought Bret Farve was cute and that her last career military kid crossed party lines and voted for Obama.

Yep - talk to my Sister at least once a week and keep up with niece and nephews in case I want to visit(being a cheap bastard). Unfortunately the rotations are going wrong - nobody's finagled Hawaii yet.

heh heh heh - Greater Seattle, San Diego, DC so visits are every year or so.
unclemick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2009, 11:44 AM   #26
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 3,679
My younger brother was estranged from the rest of the family for about 15 years. When he called me and wanted to get back in touch I was quite suspicious. We met and cautiously started to get to know each other again. I learned a lot about him that I didn't know, and also confirmed what I had suspected had led to the family estrangement. He didn't ask for anything except just to keep in touch, he was also estranged from his ex-wife and 3 kids and just needed to know he still had some family. I even included our sister in one of our get-togethers, which was nice because the 3 of us had not been together in a long, long time. I was smart enough to bring a camera and ask the waitress to take a few pictures of the 3 of us.

He and I kept in touch by phone, he'd call every couple of months and I'd make time to talk to him. He was so glad to just be back in contact. I wouldn't say we got close, but I did have my brother back in my life, even if it was just on the outskirts.

Then he died of a drug overdose at age 45, pretty much confirming why he was estranged from so many people. My parents were sad at losing their son, who they hadn't spoken to for many years, but his death pretty much confirmed why they were justified in cutting him out of their (and our) lives. They saw him as toxic and kept him at a distance.

Yeah, it was all weird for many years, slightly less weird after he died. When he was cut off from the family his history with us was also pretty much erased. He just wasn't mentioned, wasn't included in the collective memory.

My DH's family is wonderful. He's the oldest of 5 siblings and we all live in different states but everyone keeps in touch and we all like each other, including spouses. I have THE BEST MIL. She turned 80 this year and for her birthday she wanted to take all of us on a vacation. She flew us all (16 total) to a resort hotel on the beach in FL. We stayed for a week and had a wonderful time. It was so nice to see all 5 siblings together and have all the cousins get to know each other again. We all know not to discuss politics and religion and it's not the type of family that picks a fight over old gripes. Everyone just gets along and enjoys being together.
Sue J is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2009, 12:21 PM   #27
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
bbbamI's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Collin County, TX
Posts: 9,294
Quote:
Originally Posted by NW-Bound View Post
You keep us on our toes...




Thank you darlin'...there are times when I might raise a ruckus or two.

Just hang on.............................
__________________
There's no need to complicate, our time is short..
bbbamI is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2009, 12:35 PM   #28
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
vicente solano's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,116
Quote:
Originally Posted by bbbamI View Post
I like weird...it keeps me on my toes. If we were all the same.... for me, life would be boring.
I donīt think you would find my SIL very funny. Unless you enjoy the company of ultra religious fanatic bigots.....
__________________
I get by with a little help from my friends....ta ta ta ta ta...
vicente solano is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2009, 04:11 PM   #29
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
NW-Bound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 35,712
Quote:
Originally Posted by bbbamI View Post
...there are times ...
I thought it's ...


ALL THE TIME.
__________________
"Old age is the most unexpected of all things that happen to a man" -- Leon Trotsky (1879-1940)

"Those Who Can Make You Believe Absurdities Can Make You Commit Atrocities" - Voltaire (1694-1778)
NW-Bound is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2009, 05:09 PM   #30
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
happy2bretired's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 1,543
Quote:
Originally Posted by bbbamI View Post
I like weird...it keeps me on my toes. If we were all the same.... for me, life would be boring.
My family is all the same....we're boring. I like it that way too. Actually, I don't have much family left, except for my daughter and my late husband's family. The older we get, the smaller the family gets.
happy2bretired is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2009, 05:24 PM   #31
Gone but not forgotten
Khan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 6,924
Send a message via AIM to Khan
Quote:
Originally Posted by Want2retire View Post
The family into which I was born is a little dysfunctional and I can sympathize.

The thing is, there are strong (albeit ambivalent) feelings for family members that run really deep within a person even if you don't communicate with them. So in my opinion it is probably best to stay civil, keep at least 1,000 miles between you and them, and at least call on Christmas. Anything more will drive you batty. Anything less, and you may feel a void in your life.
I've not felt the 'void', only the lack of the migraines that resulted from family contact.

Without going into a lot of detail: the only family I was close to was Mother, and no one bothered to tell me when she died.
__________________
"Knowin' no one nowhere's gonna miss us when we're gone..."
Khan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2009, 05:36 PM   #32
Moderator Emeritus
W2R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 47,474
Quote:
Originally Posted by Khan View Post
I've not felt the 'void', only the lack of the migraines that resulted from family contact.
And yet you re-established contact with your sister in May, 2009. Maybe you wondered if you were missing something? But from your posts, you found the answer and it was "no".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Khan View Post
Without going into a lot of detail: the only family I was close to was Mother, and no one bothered to tell me when she died.
I am so sorry. That sounds pretty nasty.
__________________
Already we are boldly launched upon the deep; but soon we shall be lost in its unshored, harbourless immensities. - - H. Melville, 1851.

Happily retired since 2009, at age 61. Best years of my life by far!
W2R is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2009, 05:44 PM   #33
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
bbbamI's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Collin County, TX
Posts: 9,294
Quote:
Originally Posted by vicente solano View Post
I donīt think you would find my SIL very funny. Unless you enjoy the company of ultra religious fanatic bigots.....
Weird to me is not necessarily funny, but yeah...I imagine I could handle a rant or two....

Quote:
Originally Posted by NW-Bound View Post
I thought it's ...

ALL THE TIME.
Oh...I see, I guess bbbamI should change her ways. That's strike 2 against me...one more and I'm out....

Quote:
Originally Posted by happy2bretired View Post
My family is all the same....we're boring. I like it that way too. Actually, I don't have much family left, except for my daughter and my late husband's family. The older we get, the smaller the family gets.
Some of my family is boring, some are drama queens/kings and the rest are just nutz!

Yep, the older we get...the smaller the family gets. Not many babies being born lately....
__________________
There's no need to complicate, our time is short..
bbbamI is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2009, 05:51 PM   #34
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
TromboneAl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 12,880
I too had almost always looked forward to family get togethers, only to be disappointed, and remember "Oh, yeah, I forgot about how annoying this can be." It took me perhaps 50 of these until I stopped looking forward to them. I think my siblings still forget the annoyances.

Spending too much time at my sister's when taking care of my mom was too much togetherness, and the final straw.

Now I avoid most contact.
__________________
Al
TromboneAl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2009, 06:02 PM   #35
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Purron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 5,596
Quote:
Originally Posted by Khan View Post
I've not felt the 'void', only the lack of the migraines that resulted from family contact.

Without going into a lot of detail: the only family I was close to was Mother, and no one bothered to tell me when she died.
Oh Khan, this is heartbeaking. I can understand why you distance yourself from your family. I'm very close to my Mother and will appreciate her even more after reflecting on your message.
__________________
I purr therefore I am.
Purron is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2009, 06:08 PM   #36
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
NW-Bound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 35,712
Quote:
Originally Posted by bbbamI View Post
Oh...I see, I guess bbbamI should change her ways. That's strike 2 against me...one more and I'm out....
NO! NO!

If she changes, that wouldn't be the bbbamI that we know, would it?

I was just teasin'... I went too far

No, no, don't ever go...
__________________
"Old age is the most unexpected of all things that happen to a man" -- Leon Trotsky (1879-1940)

"Those Who Can Make You Believe Absurdities Can Make You Commit Atrocities" - Voltaire (1694-1778)
NW-Bound is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2009, 06:35 PM   #37
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
NW-Bound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 35,712
The rest of my family might say that I am the weird one. It may be too strong a word, or not the correct one. I am just different, being somber and sad as they say. At least my mother has said so...
__________________
"Old age is the most unexpected of all things that happen to a man" -- Leon Trotsky (1879-1940)

"Those Who Can Make You Believe Absurdities Can Make You Commit Atrocities" - Voltaire (1694-1778)
NW-Bound is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2009, 06:41 PM   #38
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 11,401
To quote my former secretary:

"My family puts the FUN in dysFUNctional".

Meadbh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2009, 06:48 PM   #39
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
BunsGettingFirm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,502
Quote:
Originally Posted by Khan View Post
Anyone else not communicated with family for several years, then done so and remembered why not?
Yes, my sister. When she needs help, she expect you to drop everything to be there to help her whether in the form of hours-long phone calls or physically being there to help move stuff or whatever. When she's done with your help, you won't hear squat from her for weeks, months, sometime years in a row. She borrowed money from my grandma to buy her first house, and when she had a major fight with her live in boyfriend, she invited the same grandma to stay with her, but as soon as she patched things up with her boyfriend, she ushered grandma out the door. Then it's again months or years without a call or visit.

She asked me to move back East because "family should stick together." I had a nice life back in Colorado doing the outdoorsy activities that I enjoy. Fine, after I was back for 2 years, she picked up and moved to Florida. Funny thing is, she couldn't find a job in Florida, so finally she went back to work in NYC. During the 3 years in NYC, she refused to call or visit grandma who lives 10 miles away.

My take is that she takes after my father who operates the same way. They are both completely self absorbed and self centered people.
BunsGettingFirm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2009, 06:58 PM   #40
Dryer sheet aficionado
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 37
Quote:
Sometime they make me want to scream but I know they are there for me.
And I guess this goes to the heart of it for me....my siblings have not been there for me in the past & there's no reason to believe they would do any differently in the future. I have given as much as most - and more than some - but finally realized I was wasting my time trying to create relationships that would never materialize. I've analyzed it from one side to another - perhaps it's the result of being an intelligent female growing up in Appalachia who chose to leave the small town (my siblings and extended family live on a hill within a mile of each other) or maybe as others have said my parents took the wrong baby home from the hospital. I've been told that I have too many degrees & my spouse uses big words. At this point it really doesn't matter. I've apologized for every real, perceived and imaginary insult. I refuse to apologize for being me.

In the end I decided to follow the advice of Rhett Butler, "The world is full of many things and many people. And I shan't be lonely" I have a life full of people who enjoy my company, share my laughter and provide support when needed. My friends are the ones who show up when there are sorrows to bear or success to celebrate. I have a very full life - it just doesn't include many family members.

redmcclain is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Banks and credit card weirdness Zoocat FIRE and Money 16 06-12-2009 09:59 PM
FIREside-- Bitter Criticism by friends / family & dealing with it? trib1 FIRE and Money 72 05-24-2009 06:34 AM
Wireless Network Encryption Weirdness cube_rat Other topics 6 02-06-2006 09:02 AM

» Quick Links

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 11:18 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.