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Old 05-30-2007, 10:17 PM   #21
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"It aint illegal, if ya don't get caught."

Turns out I'm the white sheep of the family
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Old 05-31-2007, 12:57 AM   #22
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My favourite came from my gradfather. He was a gruff old farmer and we kept our distance until I was about 13. One of the last things I remember him telling me, shortly before he died, and just after some salesperson showed up on he farm.

He said "if a man comes all the way out here and wants to shake your hand, oblige him. But if he is wearing a necktie, count your fingers before he leaves".
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Old 05-31-2007, 01:48 AM   #23
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Can't remember any outstanding mom/dad phrases at the moment.

Grandma: "Keep your eye on the doughnut and not on the hole."
Grandpa: (when raining) "What!? Are ya gonna melt!?"
(when we wanted candy) "You're gonna get sugah diabeetiss!"
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Old 05-31-2007, 02:12 AM   #24
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If you don't stop crying, I'll give you a reason to cry!

(when offering candy) Take a lot....take two.

The job's not done until the tools are put away.
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Old 05-31-2007, 06:32 AM   #25
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"Did you do your homework?" "Yes", I lied. How dare the school impose on my free time. But he asked almost every school day.

In his routine, Bill Cosby used to quote his parents: "I'll knock the black off of you." Also, "I brought you in this world, I can take you out."
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Old 05-31-2007, 07:52 AM   #26
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Dad: "Son, I might not be right.....but I am never wrong."
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Old 05-31-2007, 09:41 AM   #27
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Father's phrase: "Why should we let you do _______?" (I'd then have to logically (rocket engineer father) explain the "reasons" why they should - nice negotiation skills teaching trick, thanks Dad!)

Mother's phrase: "Uuuugggghhh/oooo Jennifer...." (read this with a tone of exasperation and eyes looking/rolling upwards)

Grandmother's phrase: "Honey, put a hat on" (little pink blonde kid prone to sunburn)
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Old 05-31-2007, 09:42 AM   #28
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I got a can of whup-ass with your name on it..........

I suppose if your friends jumped off a cliff, you'd do that too?

Boy, am I disappointed in you, I thought you were smarter than a GNAT!!
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Old 05-31-2007, 10:04 AM   #29
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My paternal grandfather was a colorful guy. One of his favorites was "I'm an artist. When I **** myself, I draw flies."

Mike D.
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Old 05-31-2007, 10:09 AM   #30
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Dad; "You're supposed to work 8 hours a day, play 8 hours a day, and sleep 8 hours a day. But not all in the same 8 hours."

Dad; "I'd like to buy you for what you're worth and sell you for what you think you're worth". (Don't know anyone this was directed at. )

Dad; "Walking isn't crowded"

Mom; "If I have to come upstairs, you're gonna get it"

Mom; "if you kids don't stop it we're going to turn around and go back home"
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Old 05-31-2007, 10:59 AM   #31
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mom - "you're laughing now but you'll be crying later" - and she was always right!

mom - "if you eat laying down you'll grow horns on your head and hair on your butt" - she wasn't right about that one, but i sure wasn't going to test it on myself!
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Old 05-31-2007, 11:38 AM   #32
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If everybody else painted their butt green on the courthouse steps, would you do that too?
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Old 05-31-2007, 11:57 AM   #33
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Grandfather after rolling a Yahtzee: "Jack would **** a turd a mile long if he saw that."
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Old 05-31-2007, 01:11 PM   #34
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My father was 21 years old before he graduated from high school (around 1936--guess he had to repeat about 3 years--so he wasn't the smartest). Whenever a long-lost relative showed up, he'd say, "Haven't seen him since Hector was a pup." Never attached any significance to it until a couple of years ago, and found out that Hector from Greek mythology had a mother that was turned into a dog for blinding somebody.
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Old 05-31-2007, 01:22 PM   #35
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My mother always told me:

"Life is what you choose to make it."

What she meant by that was that you are in control of your life and everything happens because of the choices you make. You choose to be happy. You choose to be successful. You choose to make a positive out of a negative. You choose to live an extraordinary life.

You can't go wrong with advice like that. Thanks mom.
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Old 05-31-2007, 02:15 PM   #36
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My grandma was a hard working, German, who migrated to this country with her folks and 12 other brothers and sisters from Russia. They arrived on a boat, processed at Ellis Island, ended up mostly in Minnesota and California. They all survived the depression. Never lost the work ethic.

She once said to her slacker granson, me, when I bragged about some minor contribution I had made to the household,
"Well, give the man a crotchet'd bicycle."
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Old 05-31-2007, 05:02 PM   #37
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My mother's most common expression had to be:

"Watch out or you will poke someone's eye out!"
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Old 05-31-2007, 05:55 PM   #38
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Dad:

"With that and a quarter you can get yourself a cup of coffee."
"It's better than a kick in the pants."

Mom:

"Responsibility and authority go hand in hand."
"Look both ways when you cross the street."

2Cor521
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Old 05-31-2007, 05:57 PM   #39
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When we were younger & either went to visit relatives or else we had company & we were getting a little too noisy, my dad would say "children should be seen & not heard".
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Old 05-31-2007, 06:14 PM   #40
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Mom - "Wait until you have your own kids...you'll see..."
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