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Old 10-03-2011, 10:51 AM   #41
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Tell him to move in with his GF....


On another note.... it would depend on his attitude.... if he helped around the house, did his share of work, PAID for his food etc. etc. etc.... it would make a world of difference...

I never let him stay at my house, but my nephew went through 3 aunts before he was shipped out for good... he would just be lazy and not do anything.... he expected his aunts to cook, clean, do his laundry and he could lazy around and play his guitar and do nothing...

He was smart enough to not even ask me... (to tell the truth, he is very smart and could do a lot for himself.... but hey, to each his own)...
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Old 10-03-2011, 11:10 AM   #42
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Your point has been taken. Some of my reasons are in my response to HaHa. I think that no therapist -on whom I donīt beleive too much- will be able to help me. Donīt get me wrong: I pay a lot of attention to all your suggestions on this board.
Vicente, a doctor will give you medications to combat your depression. This will help. Then, when you are no longer depressed and your judgment is clearer than it might be now, you can re-evaluate and decide whether or not you want to continue with them.

Or, you can just remain depressed and miserable. It's your life, and you only get one so do what you want.
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Old 10-03-2011, 11:14 AM   #43
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Donīt get me wrong: I pay a lot of attention to all your suggestions on this board.
It's hard to tell.
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Old 10-03-2011, 11:16 AM   #44
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I have nothing else to add...great ideas to solve the issue are already written here.

No matter what, the nephew has to go. His behavior is unacceptable.
If the nephew refuses to leave after a calm discussion, then change the locks and do not issue him a new key. If other family members object, then tell them directly that he is welcome to live with them. You and your wife have already done more for this loafer than many here would have.
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Old 10-03-2011, 11:52 AM   #45
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I see that some of you are getting as fed up with me as I of my nephew. Next time i post IĻll be the chirpy, cheery, easygoing guy this Forum deserves.

Note: My nephew has left, but not for good. Heīll be back again, sooner rather than later.
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Old 10-03-2011, 12:05 PM   #46
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Note: My nephew has left, but not for good. Heīll be back again, sooner rather than later.
Now I'm curious. Would you care to share with us what caused him to leave?

omni
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Old 10-03-2011, 01:17 PM   #47
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Now I'm curious. Would you care to share with us what caused him to leave?

omni
He just went when it was convenient for him -and his girlfriend- to do so. Not out of any sense that he vas over-staying. Maybe he thought that it was time he shared his company with someone else, mainly his parents.
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Old 10-03-2011, 01:27 PM   #48
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He just went when it was convenient for him -and his girlfriend- to do so. Not out of any sense that he vas over-staying. Maybe he thought that it was time he shared his company with someone else, mainly his parents.
What are you going to do with the room he was using? Have you considered using it in a way that makes it not available if he wants to return?
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Old 10-03-2011, 02:46 PM   #49
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What are you going to do with the room he was using? Have you considered using it in a way that makes it not available if he wants to return?
+1

I can tell you, this works. When I went to college, I came back home for Thanksgiving the first year and my bedroom had been turned into a den with a really uncomfortable fold out sofa/bed. I didn't come back too often after that. Especially when the bed folded itself up when DW (GF at the time) and I were making out on it. It's amazing she ever married me.
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Old 10-03-2011, 03:53 PM   #50
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+1

I can tell you, this works. When I went to college, I came back home for Thanksgiving the first year and my bedroom had been turned into a den with a really uncomfortable fold out sofa/bed. I didn't come back too often after that. Especially when the bed folded itself up when DW (GF at the time) and I were making out on it. It's amazing she ever married me.
harley, I feel you pain. I got home one night after a 750 mile drive, only to find some other SOB in my bed. I was not pleased.

Ha
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Old 10-03-2011, 05:20 PM   #51
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Here in Spain it is assumed that family has to put up with a lot, and, for them, hosting "now and then" a nephew is nothing to get upset about. Itīs something that you take in stride.They say that they would happily do the same for me. But of couse I wouldnīt allow my son to crash whenever he liked in my siblingsīs houses for the reasons that my nephew does: just to be with his girlfriend
Hi Vincente, I read through the posts and this seemed to stick out. As an American who has no strong cultural understanding of Spain, this is kind of fascinating. Have you asked some Spanish friends about their opinions on your specific case? Perhaps they would be more insightful? If you could see a family counselor in Spain what do you think they would advise?

Just some questions, you do not have to answer them here if you'd rather not. I know how you might feel, asking about a family matter and getting well meaning advise that is hard on the ears and perhaps a bit embarrassing to receive. My condolences on your plight. There is always the chance your nephew will not return and will remember his uncle as a nice guy.

P.S. I don't know about youth unemployment in Spain right now but Spanish unemployment is > 20%.
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Old 10-03-2011, 05:42 PM   #52
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What are you going to do with the room he was using? Have you considered using it in a way that makes it not available if he wants to return?
Yes!
- Workout/exercise room (lots of barbells and iron purchased secondhand. "Doctors orders--I gotta work out! You can sleep on the workout bench when I'm not here, it's softer than it looks")
- Hobby room for you and DW. Quick, fill it up with something.
- TV/media room.
- Live-in maid.
- Take in a "boarder." Just get some old suitcases and sprinkle some clothes around. "The money really comes in handy. He's out of the house right now, but he and his friends will be back soon. Nice guys, but a litte rough. I don't know why they hate folks from Madrid so much. So prejudiced. So violent. It's a pity about Miguel . . ."

And, I'm not sick of hearing about the problem (if you're not tired of our crackpot suggestions). Good luck!
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Old 10-03-2011, 05:45 PM   #53
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Now I'm curious. Would you care to share with us what caused him to leave?

omni
He read the comments on this thread ....
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Old 10-03-2011, 07:11 PM   #54
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I see that some of you are getting as fed up with me as I of my nephew. Next time i post IĻll be the chirpy, cheery, easygoing guy this Forum deserves.

Note: My nephew has left, but not for good. Heīll be back again, sooner rather than later.
QUICK! Change the locks!

Vincente, please do not get ruffled. I can see that there are cultural differences here, in addition to family issues. It is interesting that it is hard for you to discuss the issue with dear nephew.

I favor a diplomatic approach, in steps if necessary. I remember that my family was very tolerant, but not necessarily silently, of me when I was a youth. I am anticipating a difficult situation with our daughter and her husband soon. I hope to be as patient with them as my elders were with me.
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Old 10-04-2011, 03:48 AM   #55
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What are you going to do with the room he was using? Have you considered using it in a way that makes it not available if he wants to return?
A couple of years ago, that room was being occupied by my mother in law, who was terminally sick, but he didnīt thought that a deterrant/ an obstacle , and spent a week sleeping on a couch....
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Old 10-04-2011, 04:19 AM   #56
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A couple of years ago, that room was being occupied by my mother in law, who was terminally sick, but he didnīt thought that a deterrant/ an obstacle , and spent a week sleeping on a couch....
A week on a couch is a lot different than living with you for many months. We moved into a small place as soon as the kids left home, and when they visit they have to sleep on a couch. I'm not suggesting you move house, but I do think that putting the room to another use is a good idea. If/when he comes back to stay then he should be made to sleep on the couch.

You could maybe even buy a couch that is particularly uncomfortable to sleep on
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Old 10-11-2011, 11:40 AM   #57
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Vicente...Now that he is out, the worst part is over. When or if he decides to come back just tell him a simple "no". Now, it will be much easier knowing what to expect before he gets his foot in and how you will handle it.

Here's an analogy...Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on you!

You have a right to feel as you do, and you should not have to be unhappy because of others. Simply put.
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Old 10-12-2011, 08:08 PM   #58
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Vicente...Now that he is out, the worst part is over. When or if he decides to come back just tell him a simple "no". Now, it will be much easier knowing what to expect before he gets his foot in and how you will handle it.

Here's an analogy...Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on you!

You have a right to feel as you do, and you should not have to be unhappy because of others. Simply put.
I think you have that backwards...
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Old 10-13-2011, 07:48 AM   #59
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Hey! You are right Arebelspy! That explains why I keep getting taken advantage, too! Ha!
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