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Old 02-22-2009, 03:41 PM   #21
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The sexiest woman of all is the one with a secure job she loves, complete with a nice pension.
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"Hey, for every ten dollars, that's another hour that I have to be in the work place. That's an hour of my life. And my life is a very finite thing. I have only 'x' number of hours left before I'm dead. So how do I want to use these hours of my life? Do I want to use them just spending it on more crap and more stuff, or do I want to start getting a handle on it and using my life more intelligently?" -- Joe Dominguez (1938 - 1997)

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Old 02-22-2009, 03:43 PM   #22
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'Intelligence' is a nice word. Unfortunately, no one knows exactly what it means. A nice review of this subject can be found in this book:

Amazon.com: The Making of Intelligence: Ken Richardson: Books

I'd rather go beyond the word 'intelligence' to desirable behaviors and measurable achievements. A nice body and/or being rich helps, too.
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Old 02-22-2009, 03:45 PM   #23
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Mother had a college (BA) degree, Father did not. They were both intelligent and well read and had different intellectual plusses and minuses.

IMHO what is important is that people know what they are getting into, and do not think they have to erect and maintain a facade for ~50 years.
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Old 02-22-2009, 03:48 PM   #24
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The sexiest woman of all is the one with a secure job she loves, complete with a nice pension.
That's me: 58, financially independent.
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Old 02-22-2009, 03:48 PM   #25
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Oh, please, 17 posts philosophizing on a trick question.

It doesn't matter what I prefer. If she chooses to spend her time with me then she's clearly the latter, no matter what my opinion...

I've dated a few scary-smart women. When it comes to relationships, however, it requires more than a genius IQ.
If she chooses to spend her time with you, then how smart can she be?

But on a serious note, this reminds me of the time long ago when a group of young naval officers were sitting around drinking beer and discussing the qualities of our ideal women. My friend Rick had not said anything, so someone asked "Rick, what kind of women do you like?" To which he replied "ones who like me." That may have been the most intelligent thing anyone said that evening.

If there is no attraction, all the checked-off lists in the world won't make it happen.
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Old 02-22-2009, 03:55 PM   #26
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If she chooses to spend her time with you, then how smart can she be?

But on a serious note, this reminds me of the time long ago when a group of young naval officers were sitting around drinking beer and discussing the qualities of our ideal women. My friend Rick had not said anything, so someone asked "Rick, what kind of women do you like?" To which he replied "ones who like me." That may have been the most intelligent thing anyone said that evening.

If there is no attraction, all the checked-off lists in the world won't make it happen.
And whatever your gender or orientation or situation or attraction, you can at least be civil (as long as they are).
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Old 02-22-2009, 04:13 PM   #27
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I remember a boring social occasion that went on way too long. Someone who knew me very well handed me a magazine. Nothing more powerful than smarts combined with kindness.
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Old 02-22-2009, 04:42 PM   #28
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Very smart -no doubt. Of course it helps if she lets us look smart.
There lies the distinction between being smart and having class. From what I have observed of the egg-head set, the constant need for showing that you're the smartest person in the room is not attractive. The truly smart ones combine book smarts with social smarts in equal parts.
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Old 02-22-2009, 06:49 PM   #29
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If she chooses to spend her time with you, then how smart can she be?
To paraphrase Groucho, I wouldn't want a woman who was dumb enough to be interested in me.
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Old 02-22-2009, 07:22 PM   #30
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The one person in my life that has impressed me the most is my wife. Didn't graduate from high school, for a number of reasons, but did get her GED later (before we met and married). 2nd for us both. Always had a lot of common sense. I'm a graduate Mechanical Engineer-a numbers kind of guy. Kind of two opposites, but I heard somewhere that opposites attract. She has developed over the years into a shear genius of sorts when it comes to computers and sewing machines. I'm talking computer driven embroidery machines, other mechanical type sewing machines and sergers. I've heard other women refer to her as the "rainman" of sewing machines. She goes to quilt fests and other sewing outings with a bunch of women and all she does is fix their machines and give instructions. I thought I was pretty good with computers but she leaves me in the dust. She always solving some problem of mine on the computer, not only soltware issues but the mechanical hook-up as well. I'm just so proud of her. She hillbilly and I'm German. There is an old German saying that "I got too soon old and too late smart". Maybe they were talking about her.
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Old 02-23-2009, 09:38 AM   #31
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When I was younger I thought intelligence was one of the most important qualities a potential spouse should have.

When I got older I realized that kindness was far more important, and that the world would be a far better place if everyone were kind, much better than if everyone were smart.

Intelligence is a bonus (and certainly makes a woman more attractive to me) but it is not the most important thing in a relationship.
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Kindness more desired than intelligence
Old 02-23-2009, 09:48 AM   #32
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Kindness more desired than intelligence

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When I was younger I thought intelligence was one of the most important qualities a potential spouse should have.

When I got older I realized that kindness was far more important, and that the world would be a far better place if everyone were kind, much better than if everyone were smart.

Intelligence is a bonus (and certainly makes a woman more attractive to me) but it is not the most important thing in a relationship.

SC's post prompted me to enter "kindness" in Wikipedia.

In the results, I found this: "In a study of 37 cultures around the world, 16000 subjects were asked about their most desired traits in a mate. For both sexes, the first preference was kindness (the second was intelligence.)"
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Old 02-23-2009, 10:02 AM   #33
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SC's post prompted me to enter "kindness" in Wikipedia.

In the results, I found this: "In a study of 37 cultures around the world, 16000 subjects were asked about their most desired traits in a mate. For both sexes, the first preference was kindness (the second was intelligence.)"
I guess that's the way I went. Wife #1 was very intelligent, but had no sense of responsibility or sound judgment - "It's OK if the house payment is late because the late penalty doesn't kick in for 10 days". Drove me up a wall.

Wife #2 (of 20 years now) has to struggle at school but she is one of the most kind, giving, selfless people I have ever met Combine that with a good dose of just common sense and I'll keep her for another 20 years.

Intelligence is hard to measure. Intelligent at what? Number crunching? Mechanically inclined? Socially adept? Understanding people?
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Old 02-23-2009, 10:08 AM   #34
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Walt, it sounds like you're a very fortunate man.

If I were a betting woman (and I am), I'd bet your DW feels fortunate too.
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Old 02-23-2009, 11:01 AM   #35
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The answer seems obvious- why would anyone want a simpleton for a spouse?
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Old 02-23-2009, 11:17 AM   #36
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I think this can be too simplified. Some of the most obnoxious people I have known have been very intelligent by usual standards. They were really unskilled in the interaction part, and had little empathy, would fail to pick up on social cues, etc. Conversely, some people are measurably mediocre in their standard intelligence and educational accomplishments, but have awesome human qualities.

If I had to choose, I'd lean toward the latter. Does that mean I'm put off by conventional high IQ types? Don't think so, but they've gotta have more than that.
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Old 02-23-2009, 11:23 AM   #37
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I think this can be too simplified. Some of the most obnoxious people I have known have been very intelligent by usual standards. They were really unskilled in the interaction part, and had little empathy, would fail to pick up on social cues, etc. Conversely, some people are measurably mediocre in their standard intelligence and educational accomplishments, but have awesome human qualities.
I agree, but in looking at the last few posts I think we're drifting from the premises made by the OP. She specifically implied "all else being equal" in terms of attributes and all other human qualities -- including, presumably, equal levels of kindness.
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Old 02-23-2009, 11:39 AM   #38
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IMHO, there are women you date, and women you marry.

I dated lots of women that, shall we say, were either not that intelligent, lacking in social skills, a few psychos and stalkers, etc. One was a trust fund baby, what a mess. Proved to me money does NOT buy happiness.....

When I first met DW, she did NOT like me at all. Over time that changed. Of course, she was 3rd in her class in HS, got an academic scholarship to a private college, graduated in 4 years, and has been an accountant for 20 years.

Bottom line, I "married up"........
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Old 02-23-2009, 11:52 AM   #39
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Advice from Mother: "At some point you have to get out of bed and start talking."
Talking is overrated...

Intelligence matters, but it also could come in many different forms.

There is intelligent conversation
There is intelligance at solving problems
There is intelligence with money
There is intelligence with putting things together or fixing things

None of those intelligence traits is really linked to another (someone could put a house together themself, but squander all money, or carry on a conversation but avoid tough problems.

I need a woman (and found 1) which does 2 of the 4 well. But I could respect someone if they can do 1 or 2 of the 4 and know to avoid the ones they are not good at.
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Old 02-23-2009, 12:19 PM   #40
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Talking is overrated...

Intelligence matters, but it also could come in many different forms.

There is intelligent conversation
There is intelligance at solving problems
There is intelligence with money
There is intelligence with putting things together or fixing things

None of those intelligence traits is really linked to another (someone could put a house together themself, but squander all money, or carry on a conversation but avoid tough problems.

I need a woman (and found 1) which does 2 of the 4 well. But I could respect someone if they can do 1 or 2 of the 4 and know to avoid the ones they are not good at.
I think life partners require a different trait set from friends or pleasant people with whom we enjoy spending time. After all, you wife can really make or break your life- even if you decide to go your own ways.

In a wife straight-up intelligence is important, as she brings genes to the party. Likewise, kindness, responsibility, good sense, social appropriateness are all very important because not only are you going to be depending on these qualities and reacting to them, so will your children. She has to be stably sane. A touch of weirdness is fun in a date, terrifying in a wife/mother.

A date may only need to look good in hooker-style clothes and not immediately puke when she has a few drinks.

Obviously dates might be more fun; that is why all over the world men have had both wives and dates(mistresses).

But since we screwed that up here in America it has become a real dilemma.

Ha
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