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Old 02-02-2009, 09:22 AM   #21
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DD would get full physical custody, which we think would be better for the baby (3 years old). At the same time, I hate to see anyone's life ruined, and I'd hate to have to explain to the little one where Daddy is. She was already devastated once when he had her and the cops came and took him away.
I know it is a tough situation, and I have a relative that is faced with a similar situation, though not quite as extreme from the criminal perspective.

But the daughter is going to have to realize at some point that Daddy is living a life that leads to bouncing in and out of jail and prison. She'll get over it. And there is always visitation. Maybe serious time will give the guy some time to get his affairs in order and realize the effect it is having on his relationship with his daughter.
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Old 02-02-2009, 11:26 AM   #22
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I am not an optimist about this father's future. It is possible that he will clean up his act but it is more likely that he will bounce in and out of the child's life leading to sadness for all.

Why do women start families with irresponsible men so frequently? Are we not doing a good job teaching them about life?
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Old 02-02-2009, 12:34 PM   #23
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If your DD wanted to regain full custody an armed robbery on his part certainly would help.
That's pretty much what it would take. I had always heard that the mother could get custody most times, even in these more enlightened times. Not this judge. He seems to take joy in making things miserable for both the parents, and truly seems to give the kid no consideration at all. He's ordered both of them to pay into child support, but imposes no penalties when the father doesn't pay. DD is trying to get the support issue moved to Social Services instead of the court in the hopes they will enforce the payments.

Quote:
But the daughter is going to have to realize at some point that Daddy is living a life that leads to bouncing in and out of jail and prison. She'll get over it. And there is always visitation. Maybe serious time will give the guy some time to get his affairs in order and realize the effect it is having on his relationship with his daughter.
I'm hoping. I don't think this guy is a total waste, he's just so egotistical and self involved he doesn't have room for anyone else. He's been out of work for over a year in Northern VA (one of the lowest uemployment areas) because nobody will pay him as much as he thinks he's worth. When I was his age I was working 3 minimum wage jobs at the same time to get out of debt so I could get married. He's living with his parents and ripping off people in parking lots.

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Why do women start families with irresponsible men so frequently? Are we not doing a good job teaching them about life?
...you think there was planning involved in this? They were just roommates. They weren't having sex. And when they did they used protection. It was an immaculate conception. And then he was going to marry her and support them all, she was going to stay home and make more babies, Ozzy and Harriet, happily ever after. Except he started sleeping around on her even before she delivered. He decided he didn't really want to get married, and the honeymoon was over. She moved out when the baby was 1 year old, and we had paid for most everything up to that point.

This is one of the oldest stories in history. A perfect example of application of statistics. There was no lack of teaching, talking, involvement, caring, whatever. Kids are idiots. I was, DW was, I suspect you were. We just were a little luckier, and avoided arrest, pregnancy, car crashes, liver disease, etc.
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Old 02-02-2009, 12:51 PM   #24
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This is one of the oldest stories in history. A perfect example of application of statistics. There was no lack of teaching, talking, involvement, caring, whatever. Kids are idiots. I was, DW was, I suspect you were. We just were a little luckier, and avoided arrest, pregnancy, car crashes, liver disease, etc.
When I was in high school and college riding was my sport. My mother said that riding is great for a girl... it keeps her busy until good sense sets in, and the scent of a sweaty horse keeps most boys at bay. She wasn't enthusiastic about jumping competitions, however.

Biology essentially drives young adults to copulation. They are often just too full of themselves to recognize trouble.

I hope that this father matures but until that day mother and child need to be protected.
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Old 02-03-2009, 04:34 PM   #25
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That's pretty much what it would take. I had always heard that the mother could get custody most times, even in these more enlightened times. Not this judge. He seems to take joy in making things miserable for both the parents, and truly seems to give the kid no consideration at all. He's ordered both of them to pay into child support, but imposes no penalties when the father doesn't pay. DD is trying to get the support issue moved to Social Services instead of the court in the hopes they will enforce the payments.
harley,

Try getting the case moved to a different judge. In my state (ID) the rules (IRCP - Idaho Rules of Civil Procedure) state that either party can get the case switched to a different judge just by requesting it. Hopefully there is a similar rule in your DD's state.

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Old 02-03-2009, 05:00 PM   #26
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harley,

Try getting the case moved to a different judge. In my state (ID) the rules (IRCP - Idaho Rules of Civil Procedure) state that either party can get the case switched to a different judge just by requesting it. Hopefully there is a similar rule in your DD's state.

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Thanks, but no such luck in VA. Or at least Arlington. You have to give reason, and it has to be approved by the head judge. And guess who her judge is?

So instead we're trying to get out of the courts completely and into Social Services. The court system seems to help somewhat with divorce and child support, but in DDs case there was never a marriage, and this judge just doesn't seem to care what happens. If it gets under the Social Services umbrella, they will take him to court instead of DD having to do it. Of course, if he ends up in jail it will solve some problems, but then she'll never see any child support. We'll just have to see what comes of it all.
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Old 02-03-2009, 05:10 PM   #27
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Drats. I guess the other thing you could do is appeal, but that's unappealing (no pun intended) on a bunch of different levels.

Sorry to hear about the rotten judge.

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Old 02-03-2009, 05:21 PM   #28
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It doesn't matter if he's the one who had the knife. If he was there he's equally responsible.
I am not a cop/judicial type, but if I remember my long-ago class on "The Student and the Law", he may also be liable to a charge of assault with a deadly weapon. IIRC, the crime of assault does not require actual use of the weapon (if it is used, that's assault & battery). The victim just has to have a reasonable supposition that you might use it, and I would guess that flashing a knife before someone's face and demanding they hand over their valuables would be grounds for an assault charge. (The class was in California and thirty years or more agone. Things could easily be different nowadays and on the opposite side of the country.)

Does Virginia have a "three strikes" law? If so, and I'm right about the definition of assault, it sounds like the young man could be one more "dumb thing" away from spending the rest of his life in jail.
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Old 02-03-2009, 07:17 PM   #29
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Because your daughter is effectively the custodial parent her share of the 'child support' will be easily addressed. I wouldn't worry about her obligation to support the child. What matters a lot are the custody issues.
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Old 02-03-2009, 07:38 PM   #30
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Does Virginia have a "three strikes" law? If so, and I'm right about the definition of assault, it sounds like the young man could be one more "dumb thing" away from spending the rest of his life in jail.
No three strikes law. They have a Truth in Sentencing law where no parole is allowed, so whatever sentence he gets is what he serves. My further study since I started this thread makes it look like 28 months minimum, but I'm not positive, because mere mortals can't read and understand stuff written by lawyers!

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Because your daughter is effectively the custodial parent her share of the 'child support' will be easily addressed. I wouldn't worry about her obligation to support the child. What matters a lot are the custody issues.
Sadly, she's not the custodial parent yet. They have 50/50, both physical and legal. One of the main reasons we're hoping for jail time is the pretty much guarantee of her getting physical and legal custody. Then when he gets out she'll be able to defend it more easily, and in some other court than where she is stuck now. She'll probably never get the money he owes/will owe, but that's something you just have to live with. More important is a stable and nourishing environment for the little one.
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