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For the newer ERs - where do you find birds of a feather
Old 11-19-2007, 02:36 AM   #1
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For the newer ERs - where do you find birds of a feather

DW and I are 60. Have been checking out the Seniors homes/clubs and Senior local newspapers for social activities with similar interested people, without much success. It seems that either the get togethers are either with a bunch of sedentary folks that constantly discuss who's sick now, or who's going in the hospital, while playing a slow moving game of canasta, or an event that gets cancelled 'cause no one showed up. Where are the emerging baby boomers that raised hell and charted a new course throughout their lifetimes, that have made it to ER status. Or has no one like that succeeded in achieving ER status. The couples that we find of a similar chronological age all appear to still be working, or even involved with their kids yet.
We consider ourselves intelligent, sociable, able to carry on a conversation about current world/local events and open to new and interesting things that we didn't have time to do when we worked. But other then groups whose primary mission seems to be bringing high calorie food to eat, which we certainly don't need anyway, we haven't been able to tap into a source for these kinds of groups. Are we just 5-10 years too early, or haven't found the right decoder ring yet?
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Old 11-19-2007, 09:40 AM   #2
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It's a tough problem-- if ERs were everywhere then there wouldn't be much need for ER boards.

The youngest retirees I meet tend to be involved in physical activities. The surfers I meet on weekday mornings are mostly in shift work (or unemployed) but there's an occasional retiree present. Clubs or groups like biker gangs bicycling, motorcycles, master's swimming, triathlon training, or martial arts might offer more promise.

Have you had any luck with Elderhostel? My PILs have had a lot of good experiences with them, especially around Civil War battlefields, but they do have a lot of the type you're trying to avoid.
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Old 11-19-2007, 10:01 AM   #3
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Well, I get my kicks throwing my body and innards around sailboats with a few ER guys in the 40s, 50s, and 60s. Every now and then DW joins me and we have a semi-civilized sail with actual food instead of chips and beer. Aside from that, though, there's not much on the active front. As you say, most of the others we find are into getting old, and DW and I just don't seem to fit.

My advice is to find a physical hobby that you both enjoy. Boating, golf, cycling, bowling, well, maybe not bowling. The physical aspect limits those whose main agenda is to talk about how sick they are.
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Old 11-19-2007, 11:10 AM   #4
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Where are the emerging baby boomers that raised hell and charted a new course throughout their lifetimes, that have made it to ER status.
Most of the ER'd folks that I know are STILL out raising hell and having fun. They may not be quite as rambunctious as they used to be, but they're still keepin' on keepin' on!

Some of my friends are into classic cars, and spend quite a bit of time with others working on, and showing their rides......and drinking beer and/or coffee, and shooting the bull. They have a very active car club....always have something going on.

A lot are avid golfers, and spend time out on the course and at the 10th (19th) hole. I'm not one of them....never could see the point of chasing a little white ball around and hitting it again, then chasing it some more.....it's kind of like a dog chasing it's tail. It happens....just don't know why.

There are a bunch of us that enjoy going on day trips together. Sightseeing, museums, flower shows, car shows, plays, concerts, and that sort of thing. In fact, some of us are going to see the Oak Ridge Boys tonight in Peoria. And next month we're going to Chicago Symphony's Christmas show, and having dinner at "Lawry's The Prime Rib". Good friends, good food, good music! What could be better?!

On a more day-to-day basis, Hardee's is the local hang-out for retirees young & old! When I first started going there I knew a few of the folks, now I know most of them. It's a great 'network' for finding things to do and places to go. If one person finds something going on, they pass it on to everyone else.

There are a lot of Bluegrass 'jams' around the area, a couple of community theater groups, free community dinners now & then, fund raising dinners for various things (PTA, PTO, nursing homes, hospital auxiliary, etc.....$10 for food & fellowship). Some friends and I went to a dinner Saturday night, put on by the Lion's Club in a neighboring town, that was a fund raiser for one of our local nursing programs. Our local library has concerts, talks, and various other activities every month. I've taken classes, and gone on day trips with the local community college....all ages, walks of life, and a lot of retirees...young & old.

My Mom, who ER'd @ 60 and is now 80, goes to the local Senior Center for different activities. She also attends functions put on by the local AARP chapter. Then there are health fairs, craft shows, bingo, and that sort of thing. Plus, she and some of her friends go out for lunch together on a relaxed but regular basis. They also go on quite a few day trips together, and occasionally on vacations too.

So check your library, community college, and senior center. You might even check with local visitor centers, chamber of commerce, City hall....even your local bank. Things can turn up in some surprising places! Good luck in your quest!
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Old 11-19-2007, 11:55 AM   #5
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.......City hall....even your local bank. Things can turn up in some surprising places! Good luck in your quest!
I mentioned City hall, because here in town, the City puts on a several concerts every year, as well as other community activities. Although it doesn't affect us younger ER folks, every year they throw a big dinner, and an afternoon of activities for all of the senior citizens.....affectionately known to us youngin's as "fossil-fest".

You might also check out some of your local organizations like the Lion's, Elk's, Eagles, Moose, Odd Fellow's, and that sort of thing. Also, if your a Vet, check out the VFW, American Legion, and place like that. Around here, ALL of those groups are very active, and have all sorts of stuff going on all of the time....plus they all offer camaraderie and fellowship. There are ER'd folks all over, looking for others of like mind.
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Old 11-19-2007, 01:05 PM   #6
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For me, the gym, and writers groups. Maybe try groups organized around what you do for fun, rather than groups for people of a certain age. I'm working on having friends of many different ages.
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Old 11-19-2007, 03:04 PM   #7
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Have been checking out the Seniors homes/clubs and Senior local newspapers for social activities with similar interested people, without much success.
This sounds like the problem. What is the "similar interest" you're looking for? What hobbies, areas of expertise, etc., are you bringing to the party? If you're just looking for folks interested in RE, you're not likely to find many focusing on just that. Getting together to mutually celebrate retirement, bitch about old jobs and bosses, talk retirement financing, etc., isn't popular as an end in itself. You need to be more specific with your definition of "similar interest." For example, maybe other folks who like to kayak and canoe, or folks who like specific areas of the arts or music, or folks who want to volunteer time and skills to support a charity, cause or activity.
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The couples that we find of a similar chronological age all appear to still be working, or even involved with their kids yet.
We prefer groups and clubs with a diverse group of members. Don't want to be involved with a homogeneous group of fellow geezers. Think about what interests you have in common with people, not the dissimilarities. For example, when we're out doing an all day paddle as a club activity, there might be folks ranging from fellow retirees to high school age youngsters, all having a ball because we like to kayak, not because we're a similar age and retired.
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Old 11-19-2007, 10:09 PM   #8
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I was just thinking about that today. I went to a retirement board meeting regarding a subsidy. There were quite a few retirees there. But they didn't seem friendly. Mostly old and grumpy. I felt like a kid at age 55 among them. Of course I didn't meet them all. It was just the feeling I got.
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Old 11-20-2007, 02:20 AM   #9
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This sounds like the problem. What is the "similar interest" you're looking for? What hobbies, areas of expertise, etc., are you bringing to the party?
I understand my mis-communication here. Both DW and I have spent the majority of our accumulation years in the pursuit of career, DD school activities, participation in "New Neighbor" groups to establish friends and relationships for support groups, and similar activities. Many years ago, and several career relocations ago, we had the mid-west family and friends get togethers that were the backyard BBQs and group project or flag football in the park social fun. Over the years of moving and career, we have unfortunately dwindled down those activities and people, through attrition (theirs nor ours fortunately), extended long distance moves, etc. Now that we are moving into the ER phase, we assumed there would be opportunities to pick back up and find those types of people to meet with, but as mentioned from my original post that's where we have had no luck.

As to what we can bring to the party, we can provide intellectual stimulation, lifetime of experiences to share, and desire to give as much or more then we get. But shared hobbies as a couple, are the ones that we lack currently due to previously mentioned life styles. Fortunately DW and I have always communicated well, and enjoy each others company, and certainly respect each others time away as well, as we understand that it's the experiences that we gain apart that makes us interesting to each other when we get back together. Thus the conundrum.

Appreciate the comments, and we have tried the Senior centers, Community colleges (my how they have changed over the years), and library, as well as the usual banks, supermarkets, bulletin boards, etc. I'll look into the VFW and fraternal orgs. but I thought you had to have some affiliation to belong to them. I notice that these groups did have more of a social type of atmosphere of at least near our age group, in the mid-west, but here in north Dallas, that doesn't seem to be true, but I can check them out again. I may have missed something or been there on the wrong nights.
Not sure where Goonie lives, but that sounds a lot more in line with what we are looking for, and I will check out and see if City Hall has anything, but the yuppie town that we live in, actually closed down the local opera and play house last year due to lack of interest. Pretty sad. Maybe just a reflection of local areas, but DW and I will certainly keep looking.
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Old 11-20-2007, 12:03 PM   #10
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Not sure where Goonie lives, but that sounds a lot more in line with what we are looking for, and I will check out and see if City Hall has anything, but the yuppie town that we live in, actually closed down the local opera and play house last year due to lack of interest. Pretty sad. Maybe just a reflection of local areas, but DW and I will certainly keep looking.
I'm out in the boonies in north central IL, about 70-80 miles from any major cities. So many times we have a 1-2 hour cruise to get to bigger venues with more choices. I don't know where in the Dallas metroplex you live, but here are a couple of links on Dallas City Hall's website that I found while I was planning a trip down there last year.

Community & Culture

Local Resources - Entertainment

Anytime we go on vacations, I check around to find "cultural" things to do. Like each winter when we go to Daytona Beach, we now attend the Daytona Beach Community College Orchestra's Winter Concert. It's a nice, relaxing afternoon, and we've met some very nice, like-minded people.

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I'll look into the VFW and fraternal orgs. but I thought you had to have some affiliation to belong to them.
For the Veteran orgs you have to be a Vet. There's also Sons of the Legion (for the guys) and the Legion Axillary (for the gals) for those of us who aren't Vets, but whose parents or grandparents were.

As for the other clubs and orgs (Lions, Elks, Odd Fellows, etc), they're usually VERY happy to let you join their group. Their membership dues are normally very low, and not only grant you access to the fellowship and camaraderie, but also offer an opportunity to be involved in your community. And that opens the door to develop even more acquaintances and friendships.

Around here most of the clubs and orgs require a minimal amount of volunteer time. My neighbor is in the Moose, and he has to volunteer a whopping 5 hours per year. So he signs up to work at one of their fish fries, and meets his 5 hour requirement, while socializing at an event he would normally attend anyway!
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Found the problem:
Old 11-20-2007, 12:14 PM   #11
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Found the problem:

Been there done that:

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but here in north Dallas,
moved to Houston ...
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Old 11-20-2007, 01:15 PM   #12
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Both DW and I have spent the majority of our accumulation years in the pursuit of career, DD school activities, participation in "New Neighbor" groups to establish friends and relationships for support groups, and similar activities.
When life centers around career and family (ours did to some extent too) it can be quite a challenge finding ways to relate to others once the commonality of family raising and career is gone! Now, the challenge is to find other things in common with other people.......and being FIRE'd isn't a very good commonality to support making new friends and acquaintances.
Quote:
As to what we can bring to the party, we can provide intellectual stimulation, lifetime of experiences to share, and desire to give as much or more then we get. But shared hobbies as a couple, are the ones that we lack currently due to previously mentioned life styles.
The only shared hobbies we have are paddling are fishing, but there're good ones. They support our love of being outdoors and "getting away from it all" and also can be very social depending on how you plan things. Our primary hobbies are independent from one another though: quilting for DW and amateur radio for me.

I think your situation is fairly common today. You've spent decades focusing on immediate family and career while being jostled around the country.

I certainly can't speak to your situation from experience has we have the opposite issue. We've lived pretty much in the same area all our lives and have a lot of family in the area as well as a circle of friends that goes back to elementary and highschool, although many are still working.

So all I can say is keep looking and being willing to roll up your sleeves and get involved. You may not find an existing group to blend into but rather will have to start a group or personally add a big shot of energy to a group to wind up with what you want.

It'll all work out!
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A time to rediscover old interests...
Old 11-20-2007, 03:06 PM   #13
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A time to rediscover old interests...

Early retirement gives you the time to revisit old passions...like Art!

How many people gave up the idea of being an artist because it didn't pay the bills? Now could be the time to really enjoy your creative side taking Painting and Sculpting maybe Pottery classes at your local Community College! Then marketing your work and effectively 'possibly' being successful, making more money...then what to do?

I have a little Airstream trailer and belong to a similar forum like this one called

Airstream Trailer & Motorhome Community

where 'like minded' and a little crazy about aluminum toaster type people who like to get together around a campfire and enjoy the National Parks and attend great events around the great USA like the "Albuquerque Hot Air Balloon Fiesta" can fill your time and be quite exciting...and sharing learning experiences. I find that there are alot of ER's at the Airstream Rallies. Some fulltime and some just go on extended adventures from two weeks to a few months at a time going cross country.

I belong to a unique organization in California

www.insideedge.org

They're a breakfast organization where intellectually-curious people meet weekly for learning and fun...they have well-known, cutting edge speakers whose topics range from psychology, scientific breakthroughs, and global issues to success strategies, spiritual awareness, and the arts. They have extracurricular activities that include gourmet dinners, wine tastings, art projects, kayaking, sailing excursions, museums....Maybe there is a similar group near you? This group happens to meet at the University of California in Irvine.
Check out your local University, there might be some interest among the movers and shakers to make a similar group as the
'Inside Edge'...in your area.
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Old 11-20-2007, 04:10 PM   #14
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Babeebloos, that Inside Edge organization sounds wonderful! But it would never go over where I live (Atlanta).....
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Old 11-20-2007, 08:16 PM   #15
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As to what we can bring to the party, we can provide intellectual stimulation, lifetime of experiences to share, and desire to give as much or more then we get. But shared hobbies as a couple, are the ones that we lack currently due to previously mentioned life styles. Fortunately DW and I have always communicated well, and enjoy each others company, and certainly respect each others time away as well, as we understand that it's the experiences that we gain apart that makes us interesting to each other when we get back together. Thus the conundrum.
Well, you could decide to try out something new together to develop a shared hobby (like taking a ballroom dancing class, etc.). Or, each of you join separate clubs depending on your interests (walking/hiking, for example), and if you make friends that way, invite the friend and their spouse to your place for a cookout, etc. In other words, if you don't have any current interests/hobbies, think about something new you might want to try.
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Old 11-20-2007, 08:47 PM   #16
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Early retirement gives you the time to revisit old passions...like Art!

How many people gave up the idea of being an artist because it didn't pay the bills? Now could be the time to really enjoy your creative side taking Painting and Sculpting maybe Pottery classes at your local Community College! Then marketing your work and effectively 'possibly' being successful, making more money...then what to do?

I

That's exactly my ticket! Although I'm a writer as well as an artist in ER. I find lots of people to socialize with who are not necessarily in ER but are interested in the same things. In ER you need to get outside your comfort zone. Your social circle may not look the same way that it did before ER.

I socialize with poeple every week who are younger, not ER, and still working. We still have a lot in common because of our interests.
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Old 11-21-2007, 01:50 AM   #17
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I don't know where in the Dallas metroplex you live, but here are a couple of links on Dallas City Hall's website that I found while I was planning a trip down there last year.
....

For the Veteran orgs you have to be a Vet. There's also Sons of the Legion (for the guys) and the Legion Axillary (for the gals) for those of us who aren't Vets, but whose parents or grandparents were.
I often forget about Dallas itself. Like most bedroom communities, we refer to ourselves as living in the north Dallas area, to help identify to folks who aren't familiar with the area. We actually live about 40 miles away in very far north Dallas area, really in the next county, and the local towns/cities (still populations of 300-500 k each), and that's what I was referring to. I could check out Dallas stuff, as the drive isn't much over an hour away to the downtown area, depending on traffic of course.

I am a Son of a Foreign Vet, so I qualify for the Legion.

That insidedge org sounds interesting, I'll check into that.

Re your location in central IL, one of the biggest complaints that we had when we moved to this area from mid-west, is they don't have the fish frys or sausage supper type of socials around here. I think they complain about the heat, and all hide inside, and certainly the normal high wooden fences blocking off the back yards, along with the rear entrance garages, limits most of the neighborhood interaction to the occasional wave as you drive down the street and see them collecting their mail from the mailbox. Even when you have the backyard BBQs, you can smell the results of their endeavors, but you can't see or even talk to them like we often did in the mid-west. I think the mid-west atmosphere was similar to what we saw in Atlanta, Florida, So-Cal, and even Chicago. The atmosphere here is more like (pardon while I put my asbestoes suit on ) New York city - fenced gated communities with Yuppie and DINKS doing their own thing.
Appreciate all the comments, as it has given me some additional thoughts on things to try - although for myself, I was never able to draw a straight line with a ruler, so ART always seemed beyond my abilities to participate. I think I can keep up with my grandson in fingerpainting, but he is starting to surpass me, and he is only 2.
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Old 11-21-2007, 02:40 AM   #18
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I often forget about Dallas itself. Like most bedroom communities, we refer to ourselves as living in the north Dallas area, to help identify to folks who aren't familiar with the area. We actually live about 40 miles away in very far north Dallas area, really in the next county, and the local towns/cities (still populations of 300-500 k each), and that's what I was referring to.
Sounds like you live near Denton. North Texas University has gotten huge; there must be lots of things of interest there. Most universities today have Experimental Colleges, or non-credit programs on many differen topics taught by community members, professionals in various fields, etc.

You could sell your yuppie house and move into Denton. Pretty nice small city, and more accessible people than what you describe in your neighborhood.

Something I recently started training for is counseling seniors on health insurance options. I think it is a federal program, rather than local here. You get training, and then you help people. It's not likely to lead to friendships with the clients, but perhaps the staff or other volunteers.

Also, if you don't mind a little drinking, I recommend the Eagles or Elks or Moose. I've been a lodge member for a long time, and I have visited local clubs when I travel cross country; the people are invariably hospitable. Choose a lodge near you where you feel comfortable and you will have all the barbecues and dances and pool games and football breakfasts that you can handle.

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Old 11-21-2007, 09:52 AM   #19
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We have a good local Sierra Club Outings program offering hiking, biking, skiing and kayaking / canoing. Most of the participants are in the 50 to 70 year old range, but active. Hosteling International also has a similar outings program. I find most of the participants to be educated and interesting.
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Old 11-21-2007, 10:37 AM   #20
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I am a Son of a Foreign Vet, so I qualify for the Legion.
Here's a link to the Sons of the Legion. It gives a good overview of the org.

Also, here's the link for the American Legion Auxiliary, in case your DW would be interested in it.
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