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Full blown punderstorm
Old 09-21-2018, 10:20 AM   #1
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Full blown punderstorm

sorry if these are a little pungent...

Puns for "Educated" Minds

1.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2.
I thought I saw an eye - doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3.
She was only a whisky - maker, but he loved her still.
4.
A rubber - band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5.
No matter how much you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.
6.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9.
A hole has been found in the nudist - camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
10.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other:
rrYou stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'
15.
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17.
A backward poet writes inverse.
18.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19 .
When cannibals ate a missionary,
they got a taste of religion.
20.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris,
you'd be in Seine.
21.
A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says,
'I'm sorry, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22.
The king's jester was to be hung for telling such outrageous puns.
At the last minute he was pardoned, to which he responded "No noose is a good noose".
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Old 09-21-2018, 10:44 AM   #2
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Love them.
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Old 09-21-2018, 11:01 AM   #3
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groan
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Old 09-21-2018, 02:15 PM   #4
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thanks for the chuckles
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Old 09-21-2018, 03:16 PM   #5
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Forms of humor:
- funny: almost everything except puns and name jokes.

Name jokes and puns are simply two things that sound alike but have different meanings. That is not funny.

I will never forget the geniuses on the school bus chanting "Mike, Mike, motorbike." as I got on the bus! Devastating!

Mike D.
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Old 09-21-2018, 04:36 PM   #6
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I'm generally not a fan of puns, but there are some good ones in there.

Not everyone will agree. As they say: "Humor is a funny thing!"

-ERD50
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Old 09-21-2018, 04:40 PM   #7
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LOVE IT!


Cheers!
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Old 09-21-2018, 04:43 PM   #8
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Love puns and these ones were punderful !!
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Old 09-21-2018, 04:47 PM   #9
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I think it was Isaac Asimov who said the only proper form of appreciation for a good pun is a groan.

A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."

A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife says, "Is it a boy or a girl?" The logician says, "Yes."

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce "unionized."

Heisenberg was speeding down the highway. A cop pulls him over and says, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going back there?" Heisenberg says, "No, but I knew where I was."

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do at night? He stays up wondering if there really is a dog.
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Old 09-21-2018, 05:04 PM   #10
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Ha
I'm stealing that last one!

thanks
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Old 09-21-2018, 05:04 PM   #11
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Hmm.. to highbrow for me. I'll have to punder on them for a while.
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Old 09-21-2018, 05:17 PM   #12
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, for some of them, others,
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Old 09-21-2018, 05:44 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Car-Guy View Post
, for some of them, others,
But sometimes, the are more 'fun' than the ! - ERD50
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Old 09-21-2018, 06:21 PM   #14
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i have been accused of turning the art of the pun , into a cruel and unusual form of torture .

but if i enjoy my creations am i an artist or a sadist ??

( sometimes sharing isn't caring )
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Old 09-21-2018, 06:40 PM   #15
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I love puns. One quite frequent reason DW and I will argue is because while she is telling me something serious, something she says prompts me to retort with a pun.

It gets her mad ("I can't have a serious discussion with you!"), I know it gets her mad...........but way too often I can't resist. This is especially the case when the pun is a really good one, at least to me. Then again, one of the tenets of puns is that the worse it is, the better it is.
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Old 09-21-2018, 09:27 PM   #16
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Anyone remember a short story by Asimov called Jokester? If I remember correctly puns were the original humor of humans so the aliens suppressed human response to them. When that was discovered by humans, the aliens modified or ended their study of humans.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jokester
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Old 09-21-2018, 10:33 PM   #17
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Once I ate two pieces of string and they came out tied together. I sh*t you not.
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Old 09-22-2018, 07:40 AM   #18
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Earlier this month a report came out that 1/5 of meat samples taken from food establishments in England and Wales contained other animals DNA

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-45371852

So, the big question was,

“To beef or not to beef,
That is equestrian”
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Old 09-22-2018, 07:52 AM   #19
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LOL! I liked all of them, thanks.
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Old 09-22-2018, 10:14 AM   #20
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thank you! great way to start the day
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