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Future headlines
Old 12-16-2005, 09:57 AM   #1
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Future headlines

I saw this the other day, and thought it was funny.* Forgive me if it's one of those things that has been around!

Headlines in 2029
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate Heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Syria, Afghanistan, and Lebanon).

Iraq still closed off - Physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112. Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines
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Re: Future headlines
Old 12-20-2005, 01:55 PM   #2
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Re: Future headlines

Ahh, those wacky, small-brained liberals!* *:* Look at what havoc their misguided policies will wreak!* [I'm being sarcastic, by the way.]

This reads like something that some intern for Sean Hannity or Michael Savage dreamed up.*
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Re: Future headlines
Old 12-20-2005, 08:49 PM   #3
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Re: Future headlines

"Leader of the free world, giver of liberty and bringer of democracy and justice to the world's oppressed people finally withdraws objection to Anti-Torture Legislation."

Sorry, just realised that was LAST week.*
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Re: Future headlines
Old 12-21-2005, 08:25 AM   #4
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Re: Future headlines

Democrats Reject Tax Increase.*
April 1, 2500.* In an unusual manuever the Democratic Party found a tax they didn't like.* This is the first such action in 700 years.* Democrat Minority Leader Monica Clinton vowed to "keep taxes low" because it hurts the little people, like pizza delivery boys. "We think we do a better job with your money, but we will try this, just this once", she said.
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Re: Future headlines
Old 12-21-2005, 09:55 AM   #5
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Re: Future headlines

Heres one:

"President GW Bush caught on video-tape molesting young boys in the White House...support among Republicans drops to 93%"
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Re: Future headlines
Old 12-21-2005, 03:37 PM   #6
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Re: Future headlines

These are all very funny; gave me a good laugh on a boring afternoon at work.
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Re: Future headlines
Old 12-21-2005, 05:18 PM   #7
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Re: Future headlines

Quote:
Originally Posted by farmerEd
Heres one:

"President GW Bush caught on video-tape molesting young boys in the White House...support among Republicans drops to 93%"
I believe it also said that support from ultra right conservative Republicans rose from 100% to 125%.
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