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Gentle writer, please: rules to live by.
Old 04-12-2009, 12:30 PM   #1
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Gentle writer, please: rules to live by.

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's
highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words
however should be enclosed in commas.
21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-
shaking ideas.
24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know."
25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
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Old 04-12-2009, 12:47 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calmloki View Post
1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's
highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words
however should be enclosed in commas.
21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-
shaking ideas.
24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know."
25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Yeah - but but this is the internet. And Dat's the name of that tune!

Right?

Heh heh heh - and it may be Easter but - pssst Wellesley.
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Old 04-12-2009, 12:56 PM   #3
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Oh. Do you be one of thoses snobs who thinks cause they got a lil edumacation they can tell folks how ta use english right? Wassup wid that mess man?
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Old 04-12-2009, 01:12 PM   #4
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I never done skool learnin' merkin english, nor the queen's version. Is approximating grammar ok, ya'll?
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Old 04-12-2009, 04:31 PM   #5
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Grammar-1.JPG Grammar-2.JPG
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Old 04-12-2009, 04:43 PM   #6
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There's those merkins who go to Chinatown and comment on the signage, case in point, the movie, "Pursuit of Happyness." Try punching that into Google, it will correct your spelling but bring you right to the misspelled movie into. But the store owners have rebelled with double meanings. My favorites are "Po Kee Restuarant" and "Ho Kie Restaurant." I may have misspelt one of them, but "you can look it up."
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Old 04-12-2009, 05:00 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calmloki View Post
1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
Blah blah blah
Are you responsible for this then?

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"It's tough to make predictions, especially when it involves the future." ~Attributed to many
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is." ~(perhaps by) Yogi Berra
"Those who have knowledge, don't predict. Those who predict, don't have knowledge."~ Lau tzu
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Old 04-12-2009, 05:42 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by RonBoyd View Post
Are you responsible for this then?



Nice! And no, not even mine. Neither is my original post. Original. But it did amuse me, and i flaunt the rules of grammar with wild abandon often, sometimes by choice, sometimes through carelessness or ignorance.
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Old 04-12-2009, 06:44 PM   #9
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Nice! And no, not even mine. Neither is my original post. Original. But it did amuse me, and i flaunt the rules of grammar with wild abandon often, sometimes by choice, sometimes through carelessness or ignorance.
This Forum is so much fun. I wish I was a "Veteran." I must have missed so much joy and happiness.
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"It's tough to make predictions, especially when it involves the future." ~Attributed to many
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is." ~(perhaps by) Yogi Berra
"Those who have knowledge, don't predict. Those who predict, don't have knowledge."~ Lau tzu
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Old 04-12-2009, 06:44 PM   #10
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16. Eschew...
Gesundheit...
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...not doing anything of true substance...
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Old 04-12-2009, 07:07 PM   #11
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Anyone feeling the need to bolster their academic credentials might check this site:

University of Bums on Seats - Welcome
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Old 04-12-2009, 07:37 PM   #12
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11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.

OMG - aren't you timing me?
They're 3 minutes apart, aren't they?
I can't stand it anymore.
Shouldn't you be taking me to the hospital ?
Didn't you HEAR ME??!!!!
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