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Old 02-27-2012, 02:13 PM   #301
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Having watched a couple of different divorces, it is kind of a relief when you see one where the protagonist recognizes the problem and just moves forward. No significant hemming and hawing or self doubt in the decision, which everyone around can see is the correct one.

I applaud your strength and character. Good luck.
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Old 02-27-2012, 06:34 PM   #302
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please keep updating us. I just read this entire thread beginning to end. WOW!

you are a strong woman. Your life has changed for the better. Many years from now you will look back at this chapter in your life and laugh. It will be a distant memory.

You will be FIRE'd and happy and sitting by the fireplace with a glass of merlot. Later on in the evening, your new man will give you that look as he leans in to kiss you...... That night you will have spectacularly romantic and lustful sex with that man....

Your ex, however, well, he'll be an old angry balding doctor, working 100+hr weeks, struggling to pay bills, and hating his life.

smile honey.... your life is on a great path.
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Old 02-27-2012, 11:30 PM   #303
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Congrats on getting your life together and best of luck in your new job.

I would def. write up an outline of your experiences and pitch it to Lifetime production company for a made-for-TV movie. It's a better script than most I've seen.
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Old 02-28-2012, 12:24 AM   #304
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Living well IS the best revenge. Congrats on your progress as well as a job that you will be good at and stretch you in ways you want to go. Yaaay!
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Old 03-18-2012, 08:14 PM   #305
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Since several of you have requested updates and there seems to be enough interest in my ridiculous saga, thought I'd post again.

I moved into my new apartment yesterday. I still have a lot of unpacking/organizing to do, but I am here and happy! Things went as well as could be expected, with my amazing parents helping to move me in. I must say that I always thought of myself as not having that much stuff, but I am starting to rethink that image of myself after making untold numbers of trips up to the second floor! I don't know how "normal" people ever move!!!

My dad keeps joking about how I'm going to be living the life of a college student with rich parents since I'm living alone in a nice apartment in a trendy part of town. (I guess he forgets the part about working!)

My ex moved back into our house today. He will live there while it's on the market. He realized that he doesn't like his girlfriend and claims that he will be waiting for me for the rest of his life to return to him. I think he is being ridiculous and just trying to manipulate me as he certainly didn't appreciate me when we were married!

His family continues to envelop him in their toxicity. The latest is his alcoholic, drug-addict brother begging him to prescribe drugs for him, which my ex claims he won't do. I am just hoping that the rest of our state-mandated waiting period flies by, as I don't want to be responsible for any monetary damages if my ex's brother convinces him to prescribe and liability occurs.

Anyway, things are moving along. I continue to make new friends and build my new life. It's truly amazing how something that seems like it's the worst thing that could possibly happen turns around to provide new experiences and ultimately make a life that will be better than I could have imagined even a few months ago.
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Old 03-18-2012, 08:43 PM   #306
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while it seems you are doing excellent in all regards, and I am very happy for you, I'll share my DW's best friend's saga that it may be a harbinger for you. DW's BF was in a way more awkward situation than you, such that when I met the future DW, her BF was living with her and against DW's insistence, giving DW money to help offset the cost of having another person live in the house. DW's BF was also paying a mortgage for an estranged husband which she ridiculously didn't want to divorce b/c of fringe benefits she received as a spouse. Eventually, DWBF decided to sell the house she hadn't lived in for the last couple of years, with the same loser insisting he could make payments, with the help of his new live in girlfriend. This went on for a few months with DWBF subsidizing estranged husband's lifestyle while he wasn't able to make full payments. When he proved he couldn't scrap up the cash month to month and the ending of his gravy train through official divorce, DWBF decided to really sell the house with the same loser living in the house with live in GF. Well, they were never able to attract any offers b/c ex hubby of DWBF didn't want to get rid of the house and was always too busy to show it or it was showed to potential buyers as a disaster. And unfortunately, through the divorce proceedings, the house was never settled. With the loser somehow able to make house payments the last year and half, she has moved to the other side of the country and found someone she hopes to eventually get married to. And of course, debt collectors call her daily because the loser stopped paying on the house. So, she'll eventually get to add a foreclosure to her list of drama she has lived through.

The point is, your ex may not have the same priorities you have when it comes to selling the house. And with him living in it, he can wreck your world regardless of what his motivation is, be it spite or he just figures out this is the only way you will communicate with him. If able, I would seriously consider discounting the sale of the house to get it sold tomorrow and/or not letting the guy live there (especially if his brother is going to crash there from time to time). Just my two cents.
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Old 03-18-2012, 10:35 PM   #307
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Marathoner...you sound like you are in a good space and things are coming along nicely. I'm so happy for you. Keep a look out for some backlash when your ex realizes things may not work the way he hopes. "In the meantime", hurray for you!
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Old 03-18-2012, 11:18 PM   #308
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Thanks for the update! All sounds good, though I'm worried about the ex in the house as well. Seems like a he has a big disincentive to getting the house sold.
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Old 03-19-2012, 03:44 AM   #309
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Could you make him buy you out of the house? It might be possible for him to find a bank now while he is still employed.
All the best to you.
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Old 03-19-2012, 04:42 AM   #310
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It sounds like you are doing great. Congrats !
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Old 03-19-2012, 05:01 AM   #311
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Originally Posted by Marathoner View Post
My ex moved back into our house today. He will live there while it's on the market. He realized that he doesn't like his girlfriend and claims that he will be waiting for me for the rest of his life to return to him. I think he is being ridiculous and just trying to manipulate me as he certainly didn't appreciate me when we were married!
I just began reading the thread and just jumped to the end after Page 2.

I definitely sympathize with you - sounds like you've landed on your feet which is great. Don't take him back no matter what happens. He strayed once, he'll do it again with whoever he ends up with next.

As far as what led up to this, I can very easily see how it could happen - doctors/residency, long shifts at the hospital, etc. - everyone watches the soap operas/prime time on TV. Being married to a physician (married right in between finishing med school and starting residency) I know the routine. We are coming up on our 19th anniversary.

Coincidentally, one of the residents in my wife's class did the exact same thing...but wife was the MD. Lost all respect for the person - we haven't spoken with her in ... 19 years.

Though it's a crappy thing to happen to you, be thankful that you are still young and have many years ahead of you. If you do choose to get married again, you have plenty of time to find the right guy, have kids if you want, and you'll eventually look back at this whole ordeal as just a bump in the road of life.
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Old 03-19-2012, 07:27 AM   #312
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Marathoner,

Sounds like thing are progressing along fine!

The only thing I'll add is that, yes one doesn't know how much stuff he/she has until packing and upacking!
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Old 03-23-2012, 09:20 PM   #313
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My ex moved back into our house today. He will live there while it's on the market. He realized that he doesn't like his girlfriend and claims that he will be waiting for me for the rest of his life to return to him.
This is very disturbing, the text I put into bold! Creepy! Also with him living in the house, what incentive does he have to really sell it? I think he'll do as much as possible to ruin any potential sale, after all "he will be waiting for me for the rest of his life to return to him" and maybe in that house, memories et al.

I enjoy your updates and wish you well.
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Old 03-26-2012, 12:28 PM   #314
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I agree that selling the house should be a top priority now. Failing a quick sale, he needs to pay premium rent for the whole house. And you get to bank your share every month.
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Old 03-27-2012, 12:36 PM   #315
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I feel bad about this situation. At the same time, some responses on this thread make me sooo glad that I am not married.
+1 million
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Old 05-09-2012, 08:38 AM   #316
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I would also suggest that you buy some pepper spray or a Taser, assuming you do not wish to go to the trouble of firearms and a concealed carry license.
Yes, you mentioned that earlier already.

Has it not occurred to you that such weapons could easily be forcefully taken and used against her? This is a serious problem with smaller women attempting to arm themselves against physically larger men.
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Old 05-09-2012, 08:43 AM   #317
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Your ex, however, well, he'll be an old angry balding doctor, working 100+hr weeks, struggling to pay bills, and hating his life.
I'm not sure why "balding" made the list. Are you saying all pathetic people are bald? Or all bald people are pathetic?
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Old 05-09-2012, 08:44 AM   #318
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Has it not occurred to you that such weapons could easily be forcefully taken and used against her? This is a serious problem with smaller women attempting to arm themselves against physically larger men.
I'd presume that, in any situation where sprays/Tasers are deemed necessary, the only option is to use them before the guy even knows they're there...........probably very difficult, psychologically, for someone to do since most people would probably brandish the 'weapons' and issue "warnings"....by which time it'd be too late.
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Old 05-09-2012, 09:47 AM   #319
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... Or all bald people are pathetic?
I'm bald and I'm pathetic.
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Old 05-09-2012, 04:36 PM   #320
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This is a serious problem with smaller women attempting to arm themselves against physically larger men.
I think it's more an issue with sight alignment and trigger control... and maybe the size of the ammunition magazine.
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