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Old 05-09-2012, 05:58 PM   #321
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IMHO the best weapon for a woman is her brain. All the other stuff makes up for male inadequacies...

Honest, as much as these technology tools may seem to provide a well thought out defence is more effective.
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Old 05-20-2012, 03:13 PM   #322
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Marathoner, it's been a couple of months since you last posted. Do you mind giving us an update?
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Old 05-22-2012, 09:08 PM   #323
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East Texas, perfect timing as I was just coming on to give an update.

My divorce was final yesterday. I was much sadder than I thought I would be. I couldn't stop crying at the hearing, even though I knew it was what had to be done. Yesterday was not a great day, having to go to the credit union, social security office, DMV, passport place, etc., to change my name. In the elevator coming down from social security, a guy congratulated me on my marriage. I told him it was a divorce, almost setting off another bout of tears, and then he tried to pick me up! Very strange.

However, I woke up today feeling a lot better. I know that there will be more roller coaster and down days ahead, but for the first time in a long time, I am feeling really excited about my new life.

My XH was offered a job at his current hospital, but it was at an insulting salary. I wouldn't be surprised if it had something to do with his subpar performance these past 6 months (he's failed exams related to his specialty, so is currently in remediation.) So, the good news is that he has accepted a position in a town about 4 hours away that starts in August.

Our house is on the market, and the real estate agent thinks it will sell quickly. We will lose money on it, but we probably won't have to bring cash to closing, which is all I really care about now.

My job is absolutely fabulous, except for the long hours, but that's pretty standard in the industry. My coworkers are simply amazing. They know about the divorce (because my name is changing and I needed yesterday off) and they have been so sympathetic and wonderful. It's at a well-respected financial services firm, and I'm learning so much that should help me reach my goal of ER. I converse with senior portfolio managers every day and have so many interesting conversations with them on a variety of topics. At my old firm, people at that level wouldn't have deigned to talk to someone at my level, but these people make it a point to stop by, ask how my weekend was, offer their expertise if I have any questions while studying for the series 7 exam, and thank me for the work I've done, expressing how happy they are I've joined their team. Sometimes it seems like a dream! (You know...if I have to have a job!)

On a more personal level, I ran an ultramarathon earlier this month and came in 1st in my age group; 3rd overall among women. Pounding out the stress of infidelity has made me faster! I continue on with my other hobbies -- painting, reading, hiking, etc. I'm reconnecting with old friends and making new ones.

So, life moves on. It's still crazy to think how fast this all progressed. Only 6 months ago I had a conversation with a friend, telling her how much I loved my life and how lucky I was to have a wonderful husband. And two weeks later, he confessed to his affair. After much soul-searching and work on myself, I realized that he never was what I thought he was.

To sum up: some good, some bad. Now that the divorce is final, I can truly move on. I don't know what I would have done without my amazing family, friends, and forumites. And running. That combination kept me sane throughout this surreal process.

As I've said before, your wisdom and encouraging words on this thread helped more than you'll ever know. I have read through it so many times, and find myself frequently repeating (to myself, in my head) the sage advice given here. I appreciate how so many of you have taken the time to share your wisdom and experience with me.

It has been a long and difficult journey, with many more long and difficult days ahead, but I know that I will be OK. It seems like there is enough interest here, so I'll probably update again in the future, even though the divorce is final. Maybe once we finally sell the house!
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Old 05-22-2012, 09:12 PM   #324
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Take is slow and easy and let time work it's healing magic. Living well is the best revenge.
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Old 05-22-2012, 09:15 PM   #325
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Grats on the ultramarathon! And on this unpleasant but necessary major step.
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Old 05-22-2012, 09:35 PM   #326
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Congrats on the divorce, even though it was a tough day. It's definitely not a straight line up, but week to week or month to month it will be better.

And congrats on the ultra! I'd ask which one, but you don't have to answer if you feel it'd be like stalking. I was just interested in which race. I'm sidelined this year, or at least most of it, with a torn ACL and recovery from surgery.
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Old 05-22-2012, 09:45 PM   #327
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Marathoner, thank you so much for your reflective update. Congratulations on reaching this important milestone. It's been very tough, but you have made a good decision and there is a lot to look forward to. I'm sure exercise is very beneficial in working off emotions. May the sun shine on your new day!



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Old 05-22-2012, 09:58 PM   #328
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Thanks for the update Marathoner. You are such a strong person and such an inspiration as someone overcoming something that can be so devastating, and doing it with such a positive attitude.

Best of luck on your new life.
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Old 05-22-2012, 10:00 PM   #329
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I too have been thinking of you. Remember that there are many here wishing you the best and happy to give you a hug of encouragement. Count us among your best friends and advocates. Keep in touch!
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Old 05-22-2012, 10:05 PM   #330
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Glad to hear things are starting to stabilize. I can't believe you got the divorce so quickly. My sister and her ex managed to drag theirs out for many years. She felt awful the entire time. Best wishes!
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Old 05-22-2012, 10:50 PM   #331
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., On a more personal level, I ran an ultramarathon earlier this month and came in 1st in my age group; 3rd overall among women. Pounding out the stress of infidelity has made me faster! I continue on with my other hobbies -- painting, reading, hiking, etc. I'm reconnecting with old friends and making new ones.
You are Wonderwoman. An unltramarathon, painting, reading, hiking- and doing a demanding job. My admiration is strong.

Ha
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Old 05-22-2012, 11:07 PM   #332
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Thanks for the update. Sounds like you're doing all the right things. And living well....

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Old 05-22-2012, 11:40 PM   #333
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.... In the elevator coming down from social security, a guy congratulated me on my marriage. I told him it was a divorce, almost setting off another bout of tears, and then he tried to pick me up! Very strange....
This is a very good omen. Guys are going to love you.

And way to go on the marathon!
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Old 05-23-2012, 02:53 AM   #334
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Congratulations for doing so well.
Be careful with your next relationship. Picking a problem person to rescue him/her can easily become a habit.
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Old 05-23-2012, 07:02 AM   #335
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Marathoner, thanks for your update. You have entered into a new chapter in your life, and best wishes to you. BTW, please consider keeping your maiden name when you meet your soul mate in future. You are independent. You are who you are. If he insists, then ask him to consider changing his to yours and see how he feels.
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Old 05-23-2012, 07:10 AM   #336
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You ROCK! Go out there and enjoy the wild, wonderful world. You deserve the best it has to offer, and I'm sure you'll find it.
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Old 05-23-2012, 08:07 AM   #337
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Marathoner, thanks for your update. You have entered into a new chapter in your life, and best wishes to you. BTW, please consider keeping your maiden name when you meet your soul mate in future. You are independent. You are who you are. If he insists, then ask him to consider changing his to yours and see how he feels.
I traded changing my name (20 yrs ago) for DH's promise he would always wear his seat belt. He was big into safety at work but for some reason he did not wear his seat belt. Of course, it's habit now and he always wears it.
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Old 05-23-2012, 08:18 AM   #338
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This is a very good omen. Guys are going to love you.

And way to go on the marathon!
+1
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Old 05-23-2012, 08:43 AM   #339
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I began my journey in 1997 and I can tell you that I have never been happier. The first 2 years were the worst. But believe me it does get better.

Your new workmates are an indication of how the world is going to accept the new you. Just try to remain open to new experiences. Things outside your comfort zone.
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Old 05-23-2012, 05:39 PM   #340
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Thanks for the update. Sounds like you are really doing well, I am so happy for you!
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