Getting divorced: he partly blames RE dreams

[RunningBum]

Congrats on the divorce, even though it was a tough day. It's definitely not a straight line up, but week to week or month to month it will be better.

And congrats on the ultra! I'd ask which one, but you don't have to answer if you feel it'd be like stalking. I was just interested in which race. I'm sidelined this year, or at least most of it, with a torn ACL and recovery from surgery.

 

[Meadbh]

Marathoner, thank you so much for your reflective update. Congratulations on reaching this important milestone. It's been very tough, but you have made a good decision and there is a lot to look forward to. I'm sure exercise is very beneficial in working off emotions. May the sun shine on your new day!



Meadbh

 

[arebelspy]

Thanks for the update Marathoner. You are such a strong person and such an inspiration as someone overcoming something that can be so devastating, and doing it with such a positive attitude.

Best of luck on your new life.

 

[Brat]

I too have been thinking of you. Remember that there are many here wishing you the best and happy to give you a hug of encouragement. Count us among your best friends and advocates. Keep in touch!

 

[Animorph]

Glad to hear things are starting to stabilize. I can't believe you got the divorce so quickly. My sister and her ex managed to drag theirs out for many years. She felt awful the entire time. Best wishes!

 

[haha]

., On a more personal level, I ran an ultramarathon earlier this month and came in 1st in my age group; 3rd overall among women. Pounding out the stress of infidelity has made me faster! I continue on with my other hobbies -- painting, reading, hiking, etc. I'm reconnecting with old friends and making new ones.

You are Wonderwoman. An unltramarathon, painting, reading, hiking- and doing a demanding job. My admiration is strong.

Ha

 

[omni550]

Thanks for the update. Sounds like you're doing all the right things. And living well....

omni

 

[Bestwifeever]

.... In the elevator coming down from social security, a guy congratulated me on my marriage. I told him it was a divorce, almost setting off another bout of tears, and then he tried to pick me up! Very strange....

This is a very good omen. Guys are going to love you.

And way to go on the marathon!

 

[chris2008]

Congratulations for doing so well.
Be careful with your next relationship. Picking a problem person to rescue him/her can easily become a habit.

 

[ratto]

Marathoner, thanks for your update. You have entered into a new chapter in your life, and best wishes to you. BTW, please consider keeping your maiden name when you meet your soul mate in future. You are independent. You are who you are. If he insists, then ask him to consider changing his to yours and see how he feels.

 

[lhamo]

You ROCK! Go out there and enjoy the wild, wonderful world. You deserve the best it has to offer, and I'm sure you'll find it.

 

[Buckeye]

Marathoner, thanks for your update. You have entered into a new chapter in your life, and best wishes to you. BTW, please consider keeping your maiden name when you meet your soul mate in future. You are independent. You are who you are. If he insists, then ask him to consider changing his to yours and see how he feels.

I traded changing my name (20 yrs ago) for DH's promise he would always wear his seat belt. He was big into safety at work but for some reason he did not wear his seat belt. Of course, it's habit now and he always wears it.

 

[MichaelB]

This is a very good omen. Guys are going to love you.

And way to go on the marathon!

+1

 

[kcowan]

Marathoner
I began my journey in 1997 and I can tell you that I have never been happier. The first 2 years were the worst. But believe me it does get better.

Your new workmates are an indication of how the world is going to accept the new you. Just try to remain open to new experiences. Things outside your comfort zone.

 

[veremchuka]

Thanks for the update. Sounds like you are really doing well, I am so happy for you!

 

[Marathoner]

Thanks again for your encouraging responses. Today was the first day I haven't cried at all in weeks. I think I just needed things to be final so I could really move on. I am feeling really great about things!

Be careful with your next relationship. Picking a problem person to rescue him/her can easily become a habit.

I have been doing so much reflecting on this. My first impulse was to try to find someone right away, but I've read that broken attracts broken, so I've decided to take some time off from dating and just enjoy my life and truly heal. I am having a hard time fitting in all of the things I want to do for me, so I have no idea where I will find the time for dating, which is probably a good thing right now! I've heard different rules of thumb, but I think I'll just take things as they come and trust my gut about when I'm ready.

BTW, please consider keeping your maiden name when you meet your soul mate in future. You are independent. You are who you are. If he insists, then ask him to consider changing his to yours and see how he feels.

Definitely! I was 22 when I got married, so hadn't given it a second thought and just automatically changed my name to his. This always made me sad, as my maiden (and current) last name is so wonderful and I missed it. In fact, about a year ago, I was thinking about changing it back while remaining married. My sister kept her name when she married, and if I ever do marry again (which seems very doubtful at this point!) I am absolutely keeping my name.

I know I'm a broken record, but you guys are the best! Throughout this journey, I have just been overwhelmed by the people who have stepped up to help me (in real life and online.) I am very lucky to have such a great support system, and I do appreciate the contributions that you have made to this thread, and, by extension, to my life. I hadn't even been a regular contributor to the forum (though I did read every day when my job was less demanding) and yet you've shown me such compassion and acceptance. Outstanding!

 

[Nords]

My first impulse was to try to find someone right away, but I've read that broken attracts broken, so I've decided to take some time off from dating and just enjoy my life and truly heal. I am having a hard time fitting in all of the things I want to do for me, so I have no idea where I will find the time for dating, which is probably a good thing right now!

I think if you're living your life well and enjoying it, then the dates will be attracted to you with little effort on your part. It's irresistible.

You won't even have to spend all day cruising the courthouse elevators...

 

[obgyn65]

Thank you for the update.

 

[travelover]

........ My first impulse was to try to find someone right away, but I've read that broken attracts broken, so I've decided to take some time off from dating and just enjoy my life and truly heal............

Having been there, I think it is important to reestablish yourself as a whole person as opposed to half of a couple. As Nords points out, it makes you a more attractive person, but in my experience it also enriches your life. Do all the things that you didn't do because he didn't want to or could not do. Listen to your heart and follow it.

 

[kcowan]

Also be open to approaches and new experiences. Don't consider every date to be a potential partner. Just enjoy the voyage.

 

[Nemo2]

Also be open to approaches and new experiences. Don't consider every date to be a potential partner. Just enjoy the voyage.

Keith are you hittin' on her?

 

[Seeking Hobbes]

Keith are you hittin' on her?

He'll need to get in line & wait his turn...

 

[2soon2tell]

Marathoner,

Congratulation on starting a new phase of your life.

It has often been said that tough times do not last but tough people do.

Best of luck,

2soon2tell

 

[audreyh1]

I have been doing so much reflecting on this. My first impulse was to try to find someone right away, but I've read that broken attracts broken, so I've decided to take some time off from dating and just enjoy my life and truly heal. I am having a hard time fitting in all of the things I want to do for me, so I have no idea where I will find the time for dating, which is probably a good thing right now! I've heard different rules of thumb, but I think I'll just take things as they come and trust my gut about when I'm ready.

When I divorced, I decided that I really needed to spend time with a counselor/therapist to understand why I had made some poor choices and how to make better ones. That really helped. I was also determined to learn and enjoy being single for a while so that I would not get involved with another relationship until I felt like a strong person on my own. Needless to say, dealing from a position of strength and confidence in myself meant that future relationships were on much healthier terms. And my very happy second marriage has been everything my first wasn't. We have been together 24 years, married 21. We are still very happy.

Good luck to you - focus on yourself for a while.

 

[Moemg]

I have been doing so much reflecting on this. My first impulse was to try to find someone right away, but I've read that broken attracts broken, so I've decided to take some time off from dating and just enjoy my life and truly heal. I am having a hard time fitting in all of the things I want to do for me, so I have no idea where I will find the time for dating, which is probably a good thing right now! I've heard different rules of thumb, but I think I'll just take things as they come and trust my gut about when I'm ready.

This is a great idea . I would love to say I implemented it when I got divorced but unfortunately by the time I came to that realization I had dated every dysfunctional guy on the east coast . So stick with your plan it is the saner route . I did eventually spend time alone and I grew so much . When I was finally happy with living alone & me I met Mr. Right .