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Old 01-14-2013, 04:23 PM   #21
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If I were in your shoes, I would mail a letter as others have said. And apologize for your behavior/actions. Then leave it at that. At least this would give you some satisfaction that you tried to patch things up. But I wouldn't try to greet him personally. He's probably still pretty pissed at you.
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Old 01-14-2013, 04:29 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by Ronstar View Post
If I were in your shoes, I would mail a letter as others have said. And apologize for your behavior/actions. Then leave it at that. At least this would give you some satisfaction that you tried to patch things up. But I wouldn't try to greet him personally. He's probably still pretty pissed at you.
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Old 01-14-2013, 04:47 PM   #23
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wow. diversity of opinions. if you write an apology letter, please do not make it a non-apology letter.... "i am sorry IF i bla bla bla" as soon as you insert the if, you are saying that if i did NOT "whatever", then i am not apologizing. Also avoid the word but. "I am sorry i got upset but...." As soon as you throw out the but, it negagtes the entire apology. simply man up, say "i was wrong. seriously wrong. I reacted horribly to the situation and i am sorry." (if you were friends before, you can reach out and say somehing like... "I hope to one day regain at least some part of the friendship we used to have". fall on your sword. if you were wrong, then make no "qualifications" in your apology.

Just my two cents.
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Old 01-14-2013, 05:10 PM   #24
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I guess I would live with the situation. If someone called the cops on me it isn't going to get better. Just live and let live at this point
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Old 01-14-2013, 06:03 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by Ronstar
If I were in your shoes, I would mail a letter as others have said. And apologize for your behavior/actions. Then leave it at that. At least this would give you some satisfaction that you tried to patch things up. But I wouldn't try to greet him personally. He's probably still pretty pissed at you.
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Old 01-14-2013, 06:13 PM   #26
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wow. diversity of opinions. if you write an apology letter, please do not make it a non-apology letter.... "i am sorry IF i bla bla bla" as soon as you insert the if, you are saying that if i did NOT "whatever", then i am not apologizing. Also avoid the word but. "I am sorry i got upset but...." As soon as you throw out the but, it negagtes the entire apology. simply man up, say "i was wrong. seriously wrong. I reacted horribly to the situation and i am sorry." (if you were friends before, you can reach out and say somehing like... "I hope to one day regain at least some part of the friendship we used to have". fall on your sword. if you were wrong, then make no "qualifications" in your apology.

Just my two cents.
Good points all. A proper apology (to anyone) admits without equivocation what was done, acknowledges that the act was wrong, when possible offers a remedy for damages done, and pledges reformed behavior in the future.
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Old 01-14-2013, 06:21 PM   #27
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You chose not to provide any specifics, which is certainly your call, but I suspect the nature of the incident would dictate the type of response that would be appropriate.
Who knows, maybe a peace accord is more appropriate than an apology.
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Old 01-14-2013, 06:44 PM   #28
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Okay, since nobody has asked yet - I will.

What did you get so upset with him about?
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Old 01-14-2013, 06:47 PM   #29
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Yeah, Now we have a need to know...
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Old 01-14-2013, 07:45 PM   #30
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Mike, let it go. It's over. Just wave when you see him and forget it. He is never going to totally forgive you.
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Old 01-14-2013, 08:14 PM   #31
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Good points all. A proper apology (to anyone) admits without equivocation what was done, acknowledges that the act was wrong, when possible offers a remedy for damages done, and pledges reformed behavior in the future.
It may be difficult to actually write a letter without violating some of the suggestions above. Perfect situation for a greeting card that says no more than
"I over-reacted....I apologize" sent by snail mail if necessary.
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Old 01-14-2013, 08:23 PM   #32
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It may be difficult to actually write a letter without violating some of the suggestions above. Perfect situation for a greeting card that says no more than
"I over-reacted....I apologize" sent by snail mail if necessary.
How do you know he over reacted? He hasn't told us how it started. I've called the police on a neighbor. I've also yelled at a neighbor and i'm just about the most mild-mannered person you'll ever meet. Some people deserve to have the police called on them or get yelled at. I can't comment more without knowing more details.
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Old 01-14-2013, 08:30 PM   #33
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How do you know he over reacted? He hasn't told us how it started. I've called the police on a neighbor. I've also yelled at a neighbor and i'm just about the most mild-mannered person you'll ever meet. Some people deserve to have the police called on them or get yelled at. I can't comment more without knowing more details.
Pretty much my experience as well. I was only that wound up once at a neighbor and my feeling was screw 'em until they apologized. Which they did.
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Old 01-14-2013, 08:34 PM   #34
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I think you can feel bad about how you handled something without saying you "overreacted" or thinking you were necessarily wrong in your opinion.


Not speaking for Mike - but my sense is that he feels he was wrong to behave the way he did in that particular situation. He is probably right, as screaming, name calling and swearing are rarely justified. He might have been justified in being angry or upset - but swearing and name calling is rarely appropriate.

Therefore, I think dropping a quick note in his mailbox saying - I handled the situation poorly and just want to apologize for the way I did handle it - is more than appropriate.

What the neighbor chooses to do or not do after that is his choice. But Mike will probably feel better for accepting his behavior was inappropriate. Clearly he feels that way, as it has been bothering him for a while now.
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Old 01-14-2013, 08:40 PM   #35
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Send your apology with a gift basket.
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Old 01-14-2013, 08:50 PM   #36
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There are two reasons why people apologize, 1. Because they know their conduct has been inappropriate and offensive to another person or 2. Because, regardless of whether or not they feel culpable for their conduct, they are sorry for offending the other person. If it's the former, you have an ethical responsibility to apologize regardless of how that apology might be received. The recipient, however, has no obligation to accept your apology, made on your schedule.

Three months? You gotta be kidding me!?!? Okay, here's what you do. Put on your big boy undies and send a heartfelt card apologizing for what happened and the unacceptable tardiness of its arrival and include a Starbucks gift card with a note that says, "perhaps we can start over and meet over coffee. I promise, I'll switch to decade (wink wink).

Again, keep in mind, that person is still under no obligation to accept. I've been screamed at by a nutty neighbor and chose not to deal with him after he apologize a month later. When someone apologizes within a day or two, they're sorry for hurting you. When they apologize after weeks/months, they're clearing their own conscience,

Good luck
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Old 01-14-2013, 09:37 PM   #37
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Maybe I'm going out on a limb perhaps but Mikec is new, he joined this month, he has 3 posts so far.... and this is his 3rd posting? My point is as a new person I'd think one might not mention this type of an incident as it does not present an amicable personality/nature. He has gotten some harsh comments deserved or not that is not my point.

My point is and I don't know maybe I'm all wet but it seems odd to me that a new poster would lay this out in their 3rd appearance here. Usually a new person takes some time to become acquainted before spilling his guts about what appears to be antisocial behavior.

This may be legit but to me it doesn't pass the smell test. Maybe I'm wrong but that's what I thought reading this.
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Old 01-14-2013, 09:47 PM   #38
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There are two reasons why people apologize, 1. Because they know their conduct has been inappropriate and offensive to another person or 2. Because, regardless of whether or not they feel culpable for their conduct, they are sorry for offending the other person. If it's the former, you have an ethical responsibility to apologize regardless of how that apology might be received. The recipient, however, has no obligation to accept your apology, made on your schedule.

Three months? You gotta be kidding me!?!? Okay, here's what you do. Put on your big boy undies and send a heartfelt card apologizing for what happened and the unacceptable tardiness of its arrival and include a Starbucks gift card with a note that says, "perhaps we can start over and meet over coffee. I promise, I'll switch to decade (wink wink).

Again, keep in mind, that person is still under no obligation to accept. I've been screamed at by a nutty neighbor and chose not to deal with him after he apologize a month later. When someone apologizes within a day or two, they're sorry for hurting you. When they apologize after weeks/months, they're clearing their own conscience,

Good luck
Actually, there are quite a few other reasons, to manipulate the other party being a common one. To feign remorse and hope to manipulate the legal machinery, when it might appear that charges might be forthcoming, etc.

Lots of reasons. IF one is apologizing to his girlriend or wife, it might be that he is tired of sleeping alone, even though he might feel 100% in the right about whatever the issue was. I have apologized to a grown son, merely to defuse tension. He might have been right, I might have been right, but either is beside the point.

My Dad had an idea that I find helpful even now- Keep Your Eye on the Ball. You set up runs by making contact with the pitch. Anything that distracts you from this pitch is bad idea, however right or proper it may seem. Because the point is to score.

Ha
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Old 01-15-2013, 09:22 AM   #39
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My Dad had an idea that I find helpful even now- Keep Your Eye on the Ball. You set up runs by making contact with the pitch. Anything that distracts you from this pitch is bad idea, however right or proper it may seem. Because the point is to score.

Ha
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Your starting to sound like Jodie Foster J/k
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Old 01-15-2013, 10:16 AM   #40
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The more this thread progresses, the more I'm inclined to suggest the old Flaming Bag of Dog Crap on the Doorstep.

Frankly, my real dilemma is, exactly which doorstep to put it on--the neighbor, the OP, and now we have Jodie Foster in the mix..
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