Happily Single ER thread

[aja8888]

And at my age, the men who would be attracted to me are in their 70s or older. So if we got together, we'd have a couple of nice years then I turn into a caregiver or put him in a nursing home.

Yeah, that's what happened with us, except I am the (male) caregiver for my handicapped (and now very frail) wife. I guess a nursing home is in her future with one more fall or further loss of her ability to breath with a constant supply of O2.

It can work both ways, and IF I ever become single again, I won't remarry, and IF I get into another relationship it will be with a much younger woman.

 

[W2R]

Men spend a lot of time eating: going out to breakfast, having a nice leisurely lunch, lingering over a restaurant dinner. Every. Single. Day. I want to grab breakfast at a Paris crepe stand and hit a museum. Lovely dinner, yes, but not hours each day spent on eating.

I can relate to that!
Since we don't live together and don't travel, that problem is partially solved for me. We eat lunch out together every day, and I usually order a small green side salad or cup of soup. He orders a big pasta dish or sub/sandwich and lingers over it, but I enjoy the conversation so I don't care. He also eats dinner out (even though he KNOWS how to cook, but he just likes eating out and doesn't seem to gain weight from it). I don't go out to dinner with him, and instead eat by myself here at home. Neither of us eats breakfast.

And at my age, the men who would be attracted to me are in their 70s or older. So if we got together, we'd have a couple of nice years then I turn into a caregiver or put him in a nursing home.

I often wonder about that. Frank is 64, and I am 70, but women tend to live longer than men (statistically speaking). I have no idea of what the future will bring. But in our case, we have already had almost 20 nice years together since we have been together for a while. TBH, like you I don't think I would look for anyone else, if I didn't have him in my life.

 

[googily]

And at my age, the men who would be attracted to me are in their 70s or older. So if we got together, we'd have a couple of nice years then I turn into a caregiver or put him in a nursing home.

This. I will be honest and say that having DH fall ill and die is an experience I don't really need to go through again.

I have always been comfortable on my own--but then threaded the needle when I met DH (and he threaded it when he met me! )

Having successfully shot the moon with a relationship that checked off all the boxes (except for longevity), it's a mighty high bar to pass.

 

[Mmm Rrr]

And at my age, the men who would be attracted to me are in their 70s or older. So if we got together, we'd have a couple of nice years then I turn into a caregiver or put him in a nursing home.

I'll keep my dog, books, volunteer work, and NPR, thank you.

Except for the fact that my dog died we could be the same person.

It amuses me when a man that I've gotten to know (hangs out at my pub, friend of a friend, volunteers with me) and has talked about all his health concerns then asks me out. Yeah right, I want to date an older man who is going to soon need a caregiver. There are no guarantees when you start any relationship, but sometimes the outcome seems obvious.

 

[ER Eddie]

Funny, the only reason I can see to get married is so I have someone to take care of me in my old age. You know, remind me what day it is, wipe my bum, make sure I took all my medication, that sort of thing. I guess I'll have to save up for a cute nurse instead.

 

[redduck]

I can date who I want.

Only in your dreams.

I can have relational and sexual variety.

Sure. But it can be quite expensive. (Do not ask me how I know this).

 

[haha]

There are several reasons, but the most obvious is this...a man meets a woman and gets into a relationship and falls in love and decides that he does not want to lose her, and she says she will leave him if they don't marry, so he agrees because he does not want to lose her.

You are right. Thanks.

Ha

 

[Teacher Terry]

My mom was 73 when my dad died and looked 20 years younger. The men were chasing her all over the senior center). After caring for my dad for 14 long years she had zero interest. If he had died before needing all that care I think things would have been different.

 

[ER Eddie]

Only in your dreams.

 

[googily]

My mom was 73 when my dad died and looked 20 years younger. The men were chasing her all over the senior center). After caring for my dad for 14 long years she had zero interest. If he had died before needing all that care I think things would have been different.

My dad still wears his wedding ring, a number of years after my mother died. Keeps those sugar daddy seekers at bay.

 

[Teacher Terry]

My mom wore hers to but in a town with 70k people and doing all the same activities with similar people they knew he was dead.

 

[googily]

My mom wore hers to but in a town with 70k people and doing all the same activities with similar people they knew he was dead.

And I'm still wearing mine.

 

[Hermit]

This prison threat and reality is to the best of my knowledge the only debtors prison left in the western world.

I cannot understand why any young man today would marry, unless he has little or no social skills to interact with women with whom he has no open ended, state mandated and enforced contract.

Ha

Ah, how about religion?

 

[truenorth418]

ER Eddie, I like the way you think.

I have been unmarried my whole
life, and I love it. Now that I am financially independent and retired early, I love it even more. Sometimes I break out into a broad smile when I think about how fortunate I am.

Over the years, I have had at least a half dozen relationships where the woman put pressure on me to sign a marriage contract with them. I’m so glad I didn’t. I have kept up with many of these women, and I know that the marriages wouldn’t have worked out, we would have divorced, it would have been messy and expensive. I would not have the freedom and happiness I have now. Thank God I had the foresight to see this.

From time to time, some of my married friends have expressed a little jealousy of my independent lifestyle. But I can honestly say, I have never, not once, even for one moment, ever envied one of my married friends for their married status.

 

[scrabbler1]

Theoretically, sure, but the number of single women who have a million dollar portfolio and who also have the other criteria I would want (e.g., good connection, similar values, good personality, compatible, no kids under 18, attractive, etc.) is a very small number. Not very likely.

When I was in my 20s and 30s, I was happy to find a women I could date who didn't live with her parents. So it wasn't like these women had much money. But then again, not wanting to have kids put a big obstacle in my dating life, as most unmarried women in their 20s and 30s either had kids already or wanted to have kids. If I included a "can't live with your parents" requirement on women, I would have had nearly zero dates in my 20s and 30s. Beggars can't be choosers, but I still had some limits.

I loosened up on the no-kids issue some when I hit my 40s. Some women had adult children who didn't live with them and had their own lives. This included the woman I have been in a relationship with for the last 14 years. My ladyfriend's daughter is in her 30s and lives out of state with her own boyfriend in a Brady Bunch-like setup. She has 3 kids (ages 10-15) from a previous marriage which ended in divorce, while he has 1 of his 3 kids living with him (he is older, so his other 2 kids are at college). And they all live in another state, 700 miles away.

 

[Dawg52]

From time to time, some of my married friends have expressed a little jealousy of my independent lifestyle. But I can honestly say, I have never, not once, even for one moment, ever envied one of my married friends for their married status.

I can safely say the same thing.

I have one friend who's divorce was just finalized. He's 66 and will have to work another 10 years. Has to pay for his wife's health insurance plus alimony during that entire period of time.

 

[Chuckanut]

Been married and been single. While a good marriage is a great thing to be part of, I can't say I miss being married that much. What I would miss very much are my children and now grandchildren that came from that marriage.

FWIW, being 'happily single' says absolutely nothing about the level of happiness in married couples. I wish those who are single and happy about it would stop bragging as though they have reached some superior state of ascended existence compared to those who are married. And the same goes for those who have been happily married for decades who think single people live some sort of wretched life.

Alas, wretched lives are possible in both states, as is a wonderfully full and satisfying life.

 

[Music Lover]

Well stated, Chuck. People can be happy when single or married and miserable when single or married.

The main difference is that changing one's single status is often a lot easier if you're not happy with it, and it's rarely as financially punishing as a divorce. No one leaves single life and loses half their pension and half their house.

 

[omni550]

No one leaves single life and loses half their pension and half their house.

Unless they get married.

omni

 

[Chuckanut]

The main difference is that changing one's single status is often a lot easier if you're not happy with it, and it's rarely as financially punishing as a divorce. No one leaves single life and loses half their pension and half their house.

That is as good point. FWIW, when I got divorced, I made sure both of us got out with all our pension benefits. That was easy since we were nearly equal overall in pension and other work related remuneration.

Interestingly, the former Mrs. Chuckanut will occasionally tell me that she was able to retire thanks to my good financial planning skills during the 20+ years of our marriage. Of course, some other guy is now reaping the rewards of that, but, given his lack of financial smarts I consider it my contribution to keeping another bum off the welfare rolls.

What I really would like in my now happy single life would be if the former Mrs. Chuckanut would stop using my last name!

 

[ER Eddie]

FWIW, being 'happily single' says absolutely nothing about the level of happiness in married couples. I wish those who are single and happy about it would stop bragging as though they have reached some superior state of ascended existence compared to those who are married. And the same goes for those who have been happily married for decades who think single people live some sort of wretched life.

Alas, wretched lives are possible in both states, as is a wonderfully full and satisfying life.

As the research I posted earlier makes clear, there is no difference in happiness levels between marrieds and non-marrieds. Everyone has only their own experience and anecdotes to draw from, but statistically, there is no "winner." It's a draw. Everything comes down to the individual.

I dislike when marrieds look down on or "pity" unmarrieds, and I dislike the reverse. I don't see much of that happening in this thread, though.

I also think that's vastly different than celebrating your happily unmarried life, saying you're glad you're not married, why, etc. Nothing wrong with that. In fact, in our culture (rather "matrimaniacal," to borrow a phrase), it's a good thing.

ER Eddie, I like the way you think.

Thanks. I do, too. Most of the time. Then there are days when I'm

I have been unmarried my whole life, and I love it. Now that I am financially independent and retired early, I love it even more. Sometimes I break out into a broad smile when I think about how fortunate I am.

[....] I would not have the freedom and happiness I have now. Thank God I had the foresight to see this.

There is the magic word for me -- freedom. I've always valued freedom and self-determination very highly. I think that has a lot to do with my decision to remain unmarried. And all the decisions that led to FIRE.

 

[Scuba]

I can relate to that!
Since we don't live together and don't travel, that problem is partially solved for me. We eat lunch out together every day, and I usually order a small green side salad or cup of soup. He orders a big pasta dish or sub/sandwich and lingers over it, but I enjoy the conversation so I don't care. He also eats dinner out (even though he KNOWS how to cook, but he just likes eating out and doesn't seem to gain weight from it). I don't go out to dinner with him, and instead eat by myself here at home. Neither of us eats breakfast.


I often wonder about that. Frank is 64, and I am 70, but women tend to live longer than men (statistically speaking). I have no idea of what the future will bring. But in our case, we have already had almost 20 nice years together since we have been together for a while. TBH, like you I don't think I would look for anyone else, if I didn't have him in my life.

Frank is so lucky that he can eat lunch and dinner out frequently in New Orleans and not gain weight! I love the food there but always gain weight during a visit. So much butter, roux, fried food, rich food. Yum!

 

[Scuba]

I got divorced in the early 90’s and thought I did not want to remarry, as I did not want to have children and felt that my assets were at risk if I got married. However, I met someone who had never been married and we fell in love, and he wanted to marry me. Over time I decided it was a good idea and after over 22 years together, I have no regrets. Sometimes it just takes meeting the right person to change one’s mind about the desire to be married. YMMV

 

[Dtail]

That is as good point. FWIW, when I got divorced, I made sure both of us got out with all our pension benefits. That was easy since we were nearly equal overall in pension and other work related remuneration.

Interestingly, the former Mrs. Chuckanut will occasionally tell me that she was able to retire thanks to my good financial planning skills during the 20+ years of our marriage. Of course, some other guy is now reaping the rewards of that, but, given his lack of financial smarts I consider it my contribution to keeping another bum off the welfare rolls.

What I really would like in my now happy single life would be if the former Mrs. Chuckanut would stop using my last name!

When I got divorced 9 years ago, my ex even wrote in the divorce papers that she wanted to go back to her maiden name. Fine with me!!!!

 

[Dawg52]

I wish those who are single and happy about it would stop bragging as though they have reached some superior state of ascended existence compared to those who are married. And the same goes for those who have been happily married for decades who think single people live some sort of wretched life.

It's a 'Happily Single ER thread'.....what do you expect? Same for the married thread. Hard to post the positives of each topic w/o one sounding superior to the other.