Happy Marriages (the un-divorce thread)

[Dash man]

This may be the best thread ever!

Married 19 years. She was widowed in 1984 with a 2 year old, and I was divorced in 1993 with a 4 year old. I supported her through her serious battle with two cancers, and she supported me through depression. There were challenges along the way, but we supported each other and every year has brought us closer together. I couldn’t imagine being without her. Trust, communication, financial goals, retirement lifestyle...all good together. Three grandchildren now and loving life! Two have become one.

[Souschef]

Married 11 years. We met through a grief recovery website, both having lost our spouses. In chatting we discovered we were 40 miles apart and agreed to meet for lunch. The rest is history.
Life is funny, though. In the CSN song Southern Cross, there is a line.. I have been around the world looking for that woman. Well prior to meeting DW, I had been around the world, only to find her 40 miles away!

She shares my love of travel, and in those years we have been on 45 trips, but are slowing down.
One of the most important things is communication, and to recognize the strengths in each other.
We recently had a pendant made from her old engagement ring and a gold bracelet of mine. On the back I had engraved "Prov 31:10
"10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies."

[ohyes]

38 years-- later this month. Going for a long weekend in Lafayette, LA to celebrate. Our first visit there and guessing not that many folks celebrate there. Looking forward to it.

I swear --our early-on secret was DH's commitment. Who would have guessed? He was an unorthodox kind of soul, awesome character, but not a marriage candidate according to his friends and family.

I finally caught onto the huge commitment significance years later. In the early years, when I was often ready to bolt, he stood firm. I am eternally grateful for that.

He makes me laugh every day and he is my bulwark. I can be his, but not as often.

[Which Roger]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Car-Guy This thread and the adage above makes me stop and think about who I could have married. Absolutely scares the bejeebers out of me "now" to imagine how a couple of those would have likely turned out. Glad I thought those through with the "head" God gave me on my shoulders.

"The only thing worse than being alone is wishing you were alone".

[street]

My marriage has been one that is very different to most but it works for us. My interests are completely 180 degrees apart from hers. What she like I don't and what I like she doesn't. I do my thing she does hers and we are very happy and I really honestly can not remember if we have ever argued in our 36 years of marriage.

We trust each other we spend time together at our home and travel some together and go some places together but that is really the extent of our relationship spending time together. I can go where ever when ever and she encourages me to do so. I'm the same way with her if she wants to do or go places and I don't she does it and I have no problems with it at all. I love the outdoors and spend 100's of day in the back country without her. I also own a ranch and spend a lot of time there working it and enjoying the outdoors etc.. She doesn't go to the ranch and work it with me. She does a lot of volunteer work and that is one of her loves of life plus many other things she enjoys.

It works for us very very well. I have also felt very lucky to have a person like that to go through life with.

Our valves in life are a like but our political views are 180 apart but can talk and visit about politics in a level/neutral/civil manner. She excepts me and I except her for who we are.

I always tell her I will see you on the flip flop. LOL

[timo2]

Been married 36 years. Both retired. we are total opposites, and we are both best friends, and happy with the finances. and we both realize that if we broke up the finances would be a disaster. So that's that.

[rayinpenn]

I was in my early 30s, had a good job, a graduate degree, a beautiful apartment, wasn’t a player and had no significant vices and lived simply which, apparently made me a catch. The late/mid twenty ladies in the office made their interest clear and I had my choices. She worked in my office as the bosses secretary when secretaries still existed. The reality my biggest fault was that I was ‘gun shy’ having had a very bad break up in my early twenties. Still It occurred to me one day that she was a very nice gal. I was spouse shopping- thought I doubt I realized it at the time. With the aide of a few beers we finally ‘hooked up’ on a office fishing trip that i had planned (Pardon the pun.. oh and hooked up doesn’t mean what some use it for today) and we started dating. I recall vividly after a few dates asking her to dinner one night and she said we can buy a steak and cook it at your place. I believe I heard the sound of a cash register and angels singing. The truth is She took charge of my life and sent us down the path of LBYM. We shared the desire to live simply, save first, not be a slave to things and always buy less than we could afford so that we might avoid much of life’s financial stresses. My intuition was right and it is a decision I’ve never regretted.

An example of the litmus test of a successful marriage: Having you spouse stand next to the shower after your knee surgery to help with getting in, out and if you start to lose balance.

As others have said a vacation and break up to the routine helps greatly.

[DrRoy]

Quote:

Communication and listening, REALLY Listening, and voicing back what you understand for clarification, has been the key for us. Give and take, it's not always 50/50, sometimes 90/10. Be open to change. Stay on the same wavelength with kids, if you have them. Remembering what you fell in love with about each other. Expressing "I love you". Time together and "me time" is important also. Going on 40 years! It hasn't always been fun or easy, however, I know he always has my back and we still make each other laugh!

This is most of it, I would say. We had our 37th anniversary this year. We share some interests (like photography) which is handy. Travelling is good. We see new stuff and it gets rid of some chores like cooking and dishes.

[JoeWras]

Families matter. Two functional families have a better chance of producing a good marriage than dysfunctional.

I w*rk with people from a culture with a lot of arranged marriages and that's a lot of how they work. One co-w*rker ended up finding someone else. She had to do it in reverse, i.e. the families had to agree to their marriage idea. It took 6 years.

[donheff]

34 years. We head out together on bike rides 3-5 times a week. The family that rides together stays together. Also, we have been lucky enough to see eye to eye on finances, ER, housing, travel, dining. We both have some separate things we do but are together for most things and enjoy each others company.

[WestUniversity]

This year is 32 years for us. It’s had us ups and downs and both of us would be quick to say it’s not perfect. That said however neither of us would trade it for anything...

[Eagle43]

53 years on the way to forever.

[Dtail]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eagle43 53 years on the way to forever.

Congrats. Impressive.

[MRG]

We were high school sweethearts and married right after high school, we didn't have to, we wanted to. My DF was absolutely furious, but had no power to stop us, although he tried. He'd always promised me a full ride to PSU, that disappeared(not sure why sending your kid out in the world without college is a great idea?). Day of the wedding I was slightly nervous, he played hardball trying to get me to run away and leave her at the alter.

That didn't happen and it was the beginning of the end for his and my relationship. Three years later we moved as far away as possible from his insanity. While it was a great move for opportunities the biggest motivation was getting away from him.

Next week is our 43rd anniversary and my wife is still the awesome, kind, loving human being I've loved most of my life.

[haha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by imoldernu Has taken a while, but I'm learning from Kelly who attributes his happy marriage with this wise comment: "Helen is always right!"

This seems to be a common attitude. Kind of a Neville Chamberlain approach. Very nice, but not for me.

Ha

[brett]

44 years in August.

Completely different backgrounds, outlooks, family situations,etc. Hers very socially conservative background-home and city. Me, much more liberal laissez faire background, large multicultural city.

Different politics, different faith beliefs/separate faith lives. Very different approach to if and when to have children.

Same work ethic, same approach to finances, same approach to personal growth, education, and moving forward with life. Same approach to questioning givens and not accepting norms as necessarily the right way to go.

Married someone who is very intelligent. She-always prone to ask why not instead of why. Me...the same. We both embrace change. Change has always been very much a part of our lives.

Why did it work? Moved 3000 miles away from family and friends. Worked hard, life overtook us and here we are.

I consider myself to be a very fortunate person. Good marriage, good health, great jobs, financially stable, healthy/successful (in their own ways) children.

[candrew]

Quote:

Originally Posted by haha This seems to be a common attitude. Kind of a Neville Chamberlain approach. Very nice, but not for me. Ha

You are awarded today's 1st place trophy for taking marriage humor into a dark place. Equating Nazi appeasement to compromise in a marriage is a bold stroke.

Well played.

[MBAustin]

32 years today for us.

Like many who've already posted, it hasn't always been smooth, but we genuinely enjoy each other's company as well as have our own interests. With DH's disability (MS) becoming more and more limiting, we no longer can do a lot of the things we used to do, but he generally has a positive attitude and we make it work. I try not to think about what things will be like when he is completely dependent on me and others and enjoy the good days we have now.

[Chris7]

Married 26-years, together for 34, we met when we were 14. 6 kids. No grandkids yet. We do embarrass our children often. Just like my mom and dad did. I never had any doubts that they were crazy about each other. I don't want our kids to either.


We haven't had many rough patches in our marriage, but have had rough patches in life. Our faith has always helped us through. Going through another one, now.


We aren't always on the same page, but we communicate. She really does put up with a lot. :O)

[aja8888]

We have been married (both remarried) for 22 years now and DW (@72) has become handicapped and she can't physically participate in extended travel or any outdoor activities. I have been very active and still go on extended trips with my friends, play golf, etc (@74) as long as I have a way to see that DW is not left alone for too long.

We make it work, but our relationship has changed to me be being kind of a caretaker who needs a break now and then as she a home and area bound fragile person who's on a lot of meds. We have a housekeeper to help out. I don't know what's in store for either of us, but our lives are not what they were 10 years ago at our youthful ages in the mid 60's. But we are all we have right now and we made a commitment to be together for life and that's what we will do.