Helicopter parenting

[REWahoo]

Who could have possibly foreseen this?

As the first generation of overparented kids continues to graduate into the world, a slew of studies, including Segrin’s, now show that youngsters whose parents intervene inappropriately -- offering advice, removing obstacles and solving problems that kids should tackle themselves -- actually wind up as anxious, narcissistic young adults who have trouble coping with the demands of life.

Helping or hovering? When 'helicopter parenting' backfires - Vitals

Excuse me, I have to go talk to my 40-year-old daughter's boss who failed to give her the raise she so clearly deserved...

 

[freebird5825]

Who could have possibly foreseen this?

The one and only....complete with his trademark colorful language (warning to the 4 letter sensitive).

George Carlin -Child Worship - YouTube

 

[Arifriekinel]

It's hard to accept generalizations on parenting. With my generation, everyone talks about how our parents don't pay enough attention, aren't involved enough, but the second they start getting involved, they're helicopter parents.

If you don't know all of your kids' phone passwords and have the ability to read every text and stop them from having sex or staying out late, you're a bad parent, and when something bad happens, it's your fault for not being involved and controlling every aspect of their lives, but if you do, you're just as bad.

I understand there are overall distinctions for when parents should and shouldn't intervene, but most of these studies and other folks telling other parents just what they're doing wrong don't bring reasonable logic and individuality into account.

No one is a good parent to anyone else, I guess. One person's not enough is another person's too much, both in opinion and fact. All these studies seem irrelevant when looking at each person and what they actually need.

 

[Letj]

This style of parenting is primarily American.

 

[Katsmeow]

It's hard to accept generalizations on parenting. With my generation, everyone talks about how our parents don't pay enough attention, aren't involved enough, but the second they start getting involved, they're helicopter parents.

So true.....

 

[F4mandolin]

As a retired teacher....I have seen plenty of helicopter parents. Although I didn't think it was as bad where I worked (for the military schools overseas) compared to what it seems to be here in the US. I credit a lot of that to being (most of them anyway) a military parents kid. I think most military families are expected to be a little more "chain of command" on dealing with their issues. You could usually tell when a parent came to talk to you whether they were military or civilian. Civilian parents usually were more of the helicopter type.

 

[Bestwifeever]

This style of parenting is primarily American.

Tell that to Tiger Moms.

 

[Sarah in SC]

Tell that to Tiger Moms.

+1. I really do dislike the kid-centric life that seems to be the norm now, especially for the single child households we know.

I appreciate more and more that our parents left us alone to make our own choices and mistakes with very little intervention. They didn't do it out of some vast insight, but were simply living their own lives instead of vicariously through ours.

 

[Letj]

Tell that to Tiger Moms.

I see helicopter parents aa something different from tiger moms. Tiger moms push their children to extremes in order to succeed and this is not unique to Asians. In many places around the world where opportunities are limited and competition is fierce, education and success are the only way out. There is also the cultural factor in which a parent's worth is tied up in how well their children do and if your children do not do well, they bring shame on them. Tiger moms are strict indeed but that's different from being a helicopter parent. In fact, tiger moms expect their children to take responsibility for their lives and education but they stand ready with a big stick to enforce it.

 

[pb4uski]

There is a fine line between mothering and smothering.

 

[GalaxyBoy]

The HR person at my last employer told me she had one parent who was planning on sitting in on her grown (college graduate) child's job interview. The interview was canceled.

I think this is the style of parenting the article is about.

 

[Bestwifeever]

I see helicopter parents aa something different from tiger moms. Tiger moms push their children to extremes in order to succeed and this is not unique to Asians. In many places around the world where opportunities are limited and competition is fierce, education and success are the only way out. There is also the cultural factor in which a parent's worth is tied up in how well their children do and if your children do not do well, they bring shame on them. Tiger moms are strict indeed but that's different from being a helicopter parent. In fact, tiger moms expect their children to take responsibility for their lives and education but they stand ready with a big stick to enforce it.

If you say so. Tomato, tomahto. The obsessed parents I've met have their self-worth tied to their children's success (i.e., not bringing shame on them). A teacher has told me that she would rather her students have helicopter parents than the opposite.

 

[timo2]

In hindsight, being raised by WW2 generation parents, I seem to recall a lot of what could be now be called 'drone parenting'. This would be where the parents just lurk and just you when you think everything is fine, WHAM!!!

 

[Bestwifeever]

In hindsight, being raised by WW2 generation parents, I seem to recall a lot of what could be now be called 'drone parenting'. This would be where the parents just lurk and just you when you think everything is fine, WHAM!!!

Nuns. The drone parents backed up the nuns and there was no escape.

 

[timo2]

Nuns. The drone parents backed up the nuns and there was no escape.

True. but as I got older, I've appreciated what the Nuns did for me, and I wouldn't be where I am without them. Especially the part about having to accept the consequences of your actions. No matter how 'special' you are. Great Carlin clip freebird. I think that was his last tv special before he died.

 

[Gatordoc50]

+1. I really do dislike the kid-centric life that seems to be the norm now, especially for the single child households we know.

I appreciate more and more that our parents left us alone to make our own choices and mistakes with very little intervention. They didn't do it out of some vast insight, but were simply living their own lives instead of vicariously through ours.

True, but we didn't get hauled to jail if caught with a six pack of beer, got in a fight, or stayed out past midnight.

 

[Sarah in SC]

True, but we didn't get hauled to jail if caught with a six pack of beer, got in a fight, or stayed out past midnight.

There were perhaps other things to get hauled to jail for, though.... Or so I heard, having never darkened doorstep more than paying bail for other, less lucky associates.

 

[FinanceDude]

As a retired teacher....I have seen plenty of helicopter parents. Although I didn't think it was as bad where I worked (for the military schools overseas) compared to what it seems to be here in the US. I credit a lot of that to being (most of them anyway) a military parents kid. I think most military families are expected to be a little more "chain of command" on dealing with their issues. You could usually tell when a parent came to talk to you whether they were military or civilian. Civilian parents usually were more of the helicopter type.

So, the military types backed up the teachers?

 

[F4mandolin]

So, the military types backed up the teachers?

More so than civilian parents. Military folks had more of a tendency to follow chain of command and didn't overreact as much. I had no problem with a parent who thinks there is a problem coming in to talk to me.....that's what should happen. Then if they don't get the answer/result they want.....then go to the Principal....then above that level. I saw all too many times with civilian parents (with lots of different teachers).....they would just go straight to the Superintendent without even bothering with the "lower" level people.....they had a complaint and they went to the biggest person they could find instead of trying to solve problems in the easiest method first. The biggest complainers and most obnoxious adults on any base I was on were the civilians....that comes from the people who were a LOT more knowledgeable about what goes on around the base . Being a teacher I was kind of a hermit.....the school becomes your own little world and I didn't really see all that many people outside the school. The last 7 years I worked on a base that we had to share the military gym (teaching PE/coaching). Gym staffed by local UK (non military) folks.....they always complained about the civilians being such a pain to work with.

 

[pb4uski]

True, but we didn't get hauled to jail if caught with a six pack of beer, got in a fight, or stayed out past midnight.

So true. I remember getting caught with some Colt 45 when then we were teenagers. We bought Colt 45 because it had a high alcohol content.

The cop confiscated the Colt 45, chastised us for drinking such shitty beer and let us go.

 

[UserRequested]

I see helicopter parents aa something different from tiger moms. Tiger moms push their children to extremes in order to succeed and this is not unique to Asians. In many places around the world where opportunities are limited and competition is fierce, education and success are the only way out. There is also the cultural factor in which a parent's worth is tied up in how well their children do and if your children do not do well, they bring shame on them. Tiger moms are strict indeed but that's different from being a helicopter parent. In fact, tiger moms expect their children to take responsibility for their lives and education but they stand ready with a big stick to enforce it.

+1 Agree
Helicopter parents IMO are more a result of privilege. Parents who are well off tend to do this more than the less wealthy who are too busy struggling with their life's challenges. Well intentioned, but can have adverse consequences

 

[Letj]

A teacher has told me that she would rather her students have helicopter parents than the opposite.

I am not surprised. There was a time when the classroom and the school as a whole was the sole domain of the principal and teachers. Now the teachers cannot discipline and children no longer show much respect so they need the parents hovering over the school. Quite frankly, I think the parents need to get out of the schools and schools need to get back to what they used to do.

 

[MichaelB]

If you say so. Tomato, tomahto. The obsessed parents I've met have their self-worth tied to their children's success (i.e., not bringing shame on them). A teacher has told me that she would rather her students have helicopter parents than the opposite.

+1

It is so easy to be critical of parents and schools. Show me a school where parents are not involved and I'll show you classrooms full of failing students. Parents can be involved and their children can still learn to responsible.

 

[Koolau]

Perhaps we never had much inclination to be helicopter parents, but we also had a very practical reason for our more hands-off approach. Our kids were born when we were already 37 to 42 (I realize that's not unheard of, but still it's getting pretty ancient in my opinion). We knew we wouldn't be around to bail the kids out of jams when they were still relatively young. We intentionally tried to foster independence and responsibility. It was difficult sometimes. It's hard to see your kid "hurt" from a mistake you know you could have prevented (or could fix). However, they rarely made such mistake a second time. Example: Once in a semester, we would return for a forgotten (Fill in the blank: back pack, lunch, homework assignment, etc.) Upon the second "offense" (our "problem" child) the teacher offered to let us go back for a forgotten assignment. We refused, which confounded the teacher to no end. We explained our system and asked said teacher to back us up. (There was no third offense that year).

Not saying we were good parents, but we were consistent and we never contradicted each other. A parenting approach with its share of pain, but our kids are now truly independent. Now we actually feel like we can "spoil" them a bit (e.g., funding Roth IRAs and providing down payment assistance on houses, etc.) Naturally, YMMV

 

[Letj]

+1

It is so easy to be critical of parents and schools. Show me a school where parents are not involved and I'll show you classrooms full of failing students. Parents can be involved and their children can still learn to responsible.

The vast majority of schools around the world remain the domain of the educators. In America it's mostly bored affluent parents that are so involved. I believe it's lack of respect, discipline and respinsibility that cause schools to fail.