Help for Married Men..........

[FinanceDude]

This is probably out there on the net somewhere, but I thought I would share it because it is quite funny:

Dear Technical Support:
>
> Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 8.0. I soon noticed
> that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a
> lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 8.0 installed
> itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system
> activity.
> Applications
> such as
> Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing
> 3.6 I can't seem to keep Wife 8.0 in the background while attempting
> to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to
> Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 8.0. Please
> help!
>
> Thanks,
>
> A Troubled User. (KEEP READING)
>
>
> REPLY:
> Dear Troubled User:
>
> This is a very common problem that men complain about.
>
> Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 8.0, thinking that it
> is
>
> just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 8.0 is an OPERATING
> SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING! It is also
> impossible to delete Wife 8.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is
> impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system
> once installed.
>
> You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 8.0 is designed to
> not
>
> allow this. Look in your Wife 8.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child
> Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 8.0 and work on improving the
> situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear"
> to alleviate software augmentation.
>
> The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because
> ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the
> system will return to normal anyway.
>
> Wife 8.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
> Wife 8.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0,
> Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
>
> However, be very careful how you use these programs.
> Improper use will
> cause
> the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the
> only way to improve the performance of Wife 8.0 is to purchase
> additional software.
> I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!
>
> WARNING!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With
> Short
>
> Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 8.0 and will
> cause
>
> irreversible damage to the operating system.
>
> Best of luck,
> Tech Support

[freebird5825]

That was really cute.
Just look out for Are You Listening To Me v3.5.1

[bank5]

That's great. I just emailed it to my wife. We got married last year so it really hit home

[Moemg]

[bank5]

Quote:

Originally Posted by freebird5825 That was really cute. Just look out for Are You Listening To Me v3.5.1

Does v3.5.1 come with a Cancel button when prompted "What are you thinking about?"

[Purron]

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1. Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Dear Desperate:
First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try entering the command C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and installing Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to such background applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please remember Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly WAV files. DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0 to default to the program Girlfriend 9.2, which runs in the background and has been known to introduce potentially serious viruses into the operating system. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program but it does have a limited memory and can’t learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to enhance his system performance.
Good Luck,
Tech Support

[ziggy29]

Quote:

Originally Posted by FinanceDude I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear"

Background application, my butt. This one's a CPU hog which is running constantly.

[freebird5825]

WoooooHooooooo
Purron fires back. Way to go!

[FinanceDude]

I bought the 1995 version of Wife 8.0, called Wife 1.0. Wife 1.0 was truly groundbreaking as an app.........

[ziggy29]

Quote:

Originally Posted by FinanceDude I bought the 1995 version of Wife 8.0, called Wife 1.0. Wife 1.0 was truly groundbreaking as an app.........

Wife 2.0 is much more compatible than Girlfriend 1.0 was. In fact, I installed and uninstalled the same version of Girlfriend 1.0 three separate times before canning it for good!

"Yes Dear" runs an awful lot, but it's been stable for 17 years.

[freebird5825]

Husband 1.0 w*rked beautifully for me for years.
I am currently trying out the beta version of Husband2B 2.0.
I also got Flowers 1.0, TrueLove 3.5, and Snookums 4.3 as free installs. YesDear comes with full lifetime upgrades.
Husband2B unfortunately has an 8 year development schedule. There have been numerous Service Pack upgrades over the past 4 years.
Hopefully all the system bugs will be w*rked out by the final delivery date.

[Bestwifeever]

Yet often it's not the husband's "software" that's the problem....

[FinanceDude]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bestwifeever Yet often it's not the husband's "software" that's the problem....

Gotta be the HARD-ware..........

[ziggy29]

Quote:

Originally Posted by FinanceDude Gotta be the HARD-ware..........

No, the trouble is with "Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3", I think. It has the side-effect to turn a software problem into a hardware issue...

[bbbamI]

That's great Purron! I knew you would come through!!!!!

At my age, the term "boyfriend" makes me think I'd end up in jail. Perhaps "manfriend" would work better.

[Moemg]

Purron , Great come back !

[Ronstar]

My mac version of wife8.0 came only with applications youneedto4.0 and youhaveto4.1 that activate subprograms: washmycar,pickupthemail,cutthegrass,buymejewelry,h elpmecleanthehouse,takeoutthegarbage,dothedishes,a nswerthephone,plowsnow,buygroceries, buymeanewcar and so many others that I cant think of them all now. They can self-activate at any time.

These applications initially came available on my Apple 2E in 1982 and and have progressed through the years as other subprograms were developed. All are present on the Imac of today, with more subprograms to be developed as needs arise.

[Notmuchlonger]

"Wife 8.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance."

[Bestwifeever]

Husband1.0 seems to have come with a virus.

[Purron]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bestwifeever Husband1.0 seems to have come with a virus.

Try downloading the Bacon antivirus removal tool. My copy of Husband 1.0 ran much better after running this