Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Re: Help in caring for the elderly
Old 10-21-2006, 12:32 PM   #21
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
2B's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Houston
Posts: 4,330
Re: Help in caring for the elderly

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr._johngalt
No harm done this time, although
this sort of "crisis" is a regular thing now. Lucky my brother and I are both nearby. No sibling troubles.

JG
You parents will have a much better quality of life if they were in independent or assisted living. The odds of having a broken hip will also be lower.

I suggest you look at having them evaluated.
__________________

__________________
The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane -- Marcus Aurelius
2B is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Re: Help in caring for the elderly
Old 10-21-2006, 12:40 PM   #22
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 926
Re: Help in caring for the elderly

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2B
You parents will have a much better quality of life if they were in independent or assisted living. The odds of having a broken hip will also be lower.

I suggest you look at having them evaluated.
I've pushed it. They are not receptive at all. Thus, we must await
the inevitable disaster.

JG
__________________

__________________
Some of us have pretty stories, about good friends, good times and noodle salad.
Mr._johngalt is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Help in caring for the elderly
Old 10-21-2006, 01:00 PM   #23
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
2B's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Houston
Posts: 4,330
Re: Help in caring for the elderly

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr._johngalt
I've pushed it. They are not receptive at all. Thus, we must await
the inevitable disaster.

JG
That's what my in-laws did. My MIL is now in constant pain from her broken hip that won't heal. My demented FIL is seeing how much progress she's making and is ready to move them both home. It's so much fun.
__________________
The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane -- Marcus Aurelius
2B is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Help in caring for the elderly
Old 10-21-2006, 02:39 PM   #24
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Brat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 5,914
Re: Help in caring for the elderly

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr._johngalt
So, Mom calls this morning. She heard a thud in the night (Dad sleeps
downstairs now as he has a hard time with the stairs. Mom is still
upstairs, but wears a "life alert" button. Anyway, Dad had fallen in the bathroom
(3 a.m.) and couldn't get up. He is over 200 lbs. and was wedged
in between the toilet and the wall. ....
JG
My MIL used a toilet with adaptive arms to help her off the throne. She got up in the night, fell between the tank and one arm. Choked to death before her situation was discovered. It is wise to mount the bars on the wall.

It is almost impossible to get them to comply with a request that they not go to the bathroom without assistance.
__________________
Duck bjorn.
Brat is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Help in caring for the elderly
Old 10-21-2006, 03:34 PM   #25
Moderator Emeritus
Nords's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Oahu
Posts: 26,617
Re: Help in caring for the elderly

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brat
It is almost impossible to get them to comply with a request that they not go to the bathroom without assistance.
And when dementia is part of the problem, as it was with my grandfather, they just won't remember that they can't walk to the bathroom or that they're supposed to ask for help...
__________________
*
*

The book written on E-R.org, "The Military Guide to Financial Independence and Retirement", on sale now! For more info see "About Me" in my profile.
I don't spend much time here anymore, so please send me a PM. Thanks.
Nords is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Help in caring for the elderly
Old 10-21-2006, 04:37 PM   #26
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 926
Re: Help in caring for the elderly

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2B
That's what my in-laws did. My MIL is now in constant pain from her broken hip that won't heal. My demented FIL is seeing how much progress she's making and is ready to move them both home. It's so much fun.
I feel your pain. Doesn't matter vis-a-vis my situation. No serious
changes until we have a complete calamity. I don't like it. That's
just the way it is.

JG
__________________
Some of us have pretty stories, about good friends, good times and noodle salad.
Mr._johngalt is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Help in caring for the elderly
Old 10-21-2006, 06:08 PM   #27
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Outtahere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 1,677
Re: Help in caring for the elderly

I see my future in all your posts. I live in the house next to Dad, I can tell just from little quips I get from him that he's not leaving - ever! Hopefully my sister will need to live with him by then because she can't exsist on SS and I'll be spared sleeping there.
__________________

Dogs aren't our whole lives, but they make our lives whole. - Roger Caras
Outtahere is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Help in caring for the elderly
Old 10-21-2006, 06:12 PM   #28
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
2B's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Houston
Posts: 4,330
Re: Help in caring for the elderly

Quote:
Originally Posted by Outtahere
I see my future in all your posts. I live in the house next to Dad, I can tell just from little quips I get from him that he's not leaving - ever! Hopefully my sister will need to live with him by then because she can't exsist on SS and I'll be spared sleeping there.
The best answer to an elder care issue is to have another sibling responsible. Get a power of attorney if you don't already have one.
__________________
The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane -- Marcus Aurelius
2B is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Help in caring for the elderly
Old 10-21-2006, 08:00 PM   #29
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 11,018
Re: Help in caring for the elderly

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2B
Get a power of attorney if you don't already have one.
Assuming that Mom/Dad will agree! And in my experience, the parents who won't agree to move to asssisted living are the same ones who won't agree to a POA. If this happens to you, just attempt to live with it and take measures to stay sane till the inevitable happens.

__________________
Meadbh is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Help in caring for the elderly
Old 10-22-2006, 03:06 PM   #30
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Worldwide
Posts: 913
Re: Help in caring for the elderly

Quote:
Assuming that Mom/Dad will agree! And in my experience, the parents who won't agree to move to asssisted living are the same ones who won't agree to a POA. If this happens to you, just attempt to live with it and take measures to stay sane till the inevitable happens.
I agree. Life isn't always in neat packages. It would be easier if it were, but sometimes we must let others live their lives and we do the best we can with the mess it creates... I don't mean to be cruel, but everyone is different, and some people, for various reasons, simply do not want POA's, assisted living, clear cut wills, and so on.

We can't force it and that is aggravating - or at least to me, it is... :P

I suppose, in their fantasy, they think they will just disappear when they die, and besides they won't be around to worry about this mess they leave behind.

Ugh.

Meanwhile, just do the best you are able...

Akaisha
Author, The Adventurer's Guide to Early Retirement
__________________
In 1991 Billy and Akaisha Kaderli retired at the age of 38. They have lived over 2 decades of this financially independent lifestyle, traveling the globe.
Billy is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Help in caring for the elderly
Old 10-22-2006, 04:55 PM   #31
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
youbet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 9,965
Re: Help in caring for the elderly

Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy

I suppose, in their fantasy, they think they will just disappear when they die, and besides they won't be around to worry about this mess they leave behind.
What is this "mess" you're referring to? If it's a lot of junk to get rid of and a house to sell, that's really, really simple with lots of readily available professional help available to take care of it. If it's dividing the estate among heirs, hey any of them that don't want to be involved can just walk away.

I agree that when personal safety and well being call for assisted living, then it is appropriate, even against the elderly person's wishes. But I think the issue of "messes" being left behind, etc., is greatly overstated.

__________________
"I wasn't born blue blood. I was born blue-collar." John Wort Hannam
youbet is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Help in caring for the elderly
Old 10-22-2006, 05:08 PM   #32
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 116
Re: Help in caring for the elderly

I worry about my elderly MIL who is caring for FIL. He is extremely stubborn and barely lets us help. He is running her ragged. For instance, won't let us put in a shower and she literally has to lift him out of the bathtub. He gets up several times a night for the bathroom. Doesn't want a nightlight because it keeps him awake so turns on the light in the room while she is trying to sleep. He insists on not hiring help to mow the lawn or shovel so she does it and is almost eighty. Get the idea, a codependent relationship at it's worse. social services have tried to step in at times but they won't have it and the relationship is more sick than dangerous so there is little we can do. they have money to hire help and of course could sell the house and move to an apartment but won't hear of it. the neighbors and we all try to do what we can when they let us.

We'll all keep trying, though, to be nice and helpful. And when they have to call 911 like they do every few months we go and be supportive to MIL. They would never let a service like the original poster showed come anywhere near them. Especially if they thought a plumber might be called in to fix a roof instead of a roofer. That detail is the one they would focus on so they could deny help.

My own parents died suddenly in their fifties so my sibs and I missed all this. We did have a houseful of junk to clean out, my favorite was all the gifts we had given my mother for years, still in boxes and tissue while she wore ripped nightgowns.
__________________
shorttimer is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Help in caring for the elderly
Old 10-22-2006, 05:26 PM   #33
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
2B's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Houston
Posts: 4,330
Re: Help in caring for the elderly

Quote:
Originally Posted by shorttimer

My own parents died suddenly in their fifties so my sibs and I missed all this. We did have a houseful of junk to clean out, my favorite was all the gifts we had given my mother for years, still in boxes and tissue while she wore ripped nightgowns.
My parents had the decency to die fairly quickly and when they still had their minds.

Without a POA, you are hopeless in trying to straighten out a dangerous situation. Their finances were becoming a total disaster. They didn't have the mental capacity to manage their own finances and without intervention they would have been broke and deep in debt. You are not doing anyone a favor that has lost their ability to think rationally (like your in laws -- both of them based on the post) to let them "live their life like they want to." They have a mental condition and need help.
__________________
The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane -- Marcus Aurelius
2B is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Help in caring for the elderly
Old 10-23-2006, 07:23 PM   #34
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Worldwide
Posts: 913
Re: Help in caring for the elderly

Quote:
My parents had the decency to die fairly quickly and when they still had their minds.
My Mother was quite assertive in making sure we knew where their will was and all necessary papers. She was not afraid to speak of death or life changes. She did it years before any real illnesses began... to be honest? She gave most of my friends (who didn't want to think of their own parents being vulnerable) the creeps.

She was very clear headed up until the night she died. I admired her forthrightness and willingness to meet situations head on. IMO, not everyone is like this,... and creates the condition you speak of below:

Quote:
Without a POA, you are hopeless in trying to straighten out a dangerous situation. Their finances were becoming a total disaster. They didn't have the mental capacity to manage their own finances and without intervention they would have been broke and deep in debt. You are not doing anyone a favor that has lost their ability to think rationally (like your in laws -- both of them based on the post) to let them "live their life like they want to." They have a mental condition and need help.
Where I question, is how much and how far to push? I no longer have my parents, but I still have siblings and close loved relatives... I tend to stay in the background until I am called...

Akaisha
Author, The Adventurer's Guide to Early Retirement
__________________
In 1991 Billy and Akaisha Kaderli retired at the age of 38. They have lived over 2 decades of this financially independent lifestyle, traveling the globe.
Billy is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Help in caring for the elderly
Old 10-23-2006, 07:57 PM   #35
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 116
Re: Help in caring for the elderly

You can't just decide you want to be POA for someone. If social services and physicians deem them to be competant you have limited options.

The one family member who pushed it is now on the outside and they won't talk to her. She is quite wealthy and only had their interest at heart, they accused her of trying to take their money. I don't believe she would ever think of doing that.

I think the problem is there was a lot of dysfunction that was going on all along that is more visible now.
__________________
shorttimer is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Help in caring for the elderly
Old 10-24-2006, 05:58 AM   #36
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 926
Re: Help in caring for the elderly

Quote:
Originally Posted by shorttimer
You can't just decide you want to be POA for someone. If social services and physicians deem them to be competant you have limited options.

The one family member who pushed it is now on the outside and they won't talk to her. She is quite wealthy and only had their interest at heart, they accused her of trying to take their money. I don't believe she would ever think of doing that.

I think the problem is there was a lot of dysfunction that was going on all along that is more visible now.
We have POA for just about everything. I had to wait for a crisis to
"get 'er done" but it's sure nice to have it in place now.

JG
__________________
Some of us have pretty stories, about good friends, good times and noodle salad.
Mr._johngalt is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Help in caring for the elderly
Old 10-24-2006, 06:54 PM   #37
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Worldwide
Posts: 913
Re: Help in caring for the elderly

Quote:
The one family member who pushed it is now on the outside and they won't talk to her. She is quite wealthy and only had their interest at heart, they accused her of trying to take their money. I don't believe she would ever think of doing that.
I understand... hence, my reticence. 8)

Quote:
I think the problem is there was a lot of dysfunction that was going on all along that is more visible now.
I think that is the truth -- the crisis or the stress brings it all out.

I have to chuckle when I think of what someone said to me once: "Everyone seems normal till you get to know them..."

It makes me smile even today..

Be well,
Akaisha
Author, The Adventurer's Guide to Early Retirement
__________________

__________________
In 1991 Billy and Akaisha Kaderli retired at the age of 38. They have lived over 2 decades of this financially independent lifestyle, traveling the globe.
Billy is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Cholesterol drugs in the elderly ferco Health and Early Retirement 36 06-07-2007 10:56 AM
Elderly Parents - Rent vs. Buy Da Nag FIRE and Money 18 02-14-2007 01:42 PM
Perfect gift for the very elderly mickeyd Other topics 6 11-27-2006 10:52 AM
Elderly Lady Suffers a Heart Attack After Purse Snatching cube_rat Other topics 0 07-04-2006 11:20 AM
Taxing the frail elderly Brat Life after FIRE 1 05-30-2005 01:28 PM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:30 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.