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Old 07-14-2015, 02:02 PM   #41
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I thought I'd give an update. I had a long talk with "Sheila" with offers to help with many of the suggestions here and budget and financial help that would lead to relatively short term independence. (As before I changed the details slightly to protect her privacy.) Shelia does have a practical degree in mind but that is evidently the very long term plan. Her plan for the next several years is a more starving artist path, budget that is paycheck to paycheck at best, no emergency fund, keeping a sporty but expensive to insure, poor MPG and unreliable, often in the shop car, counting on financial help from an off again, on again boyfriend, etc.

So I tried. I think she was looking for money more than advice. As an adult that is certainly her choice. We left the door open and we're here if she changes her mind.
Perhaps let boyfriend take care of it. Presumably this I part of their tacit agreement. Lend me money, or no soup for you!

Ha
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Old 07-14-2015, 02:47 PM   #42
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Perhaps let boyfriend take care of it. Presumably this I part of their tacit agreement. Lend me money, or no soup for you!

Ha
I think the reality is she is probably not living too much different than most of the population -

76% of Americans are living paycheck-to-paycheck - Jun. 24, 2013

So my budget and career advice (pretty much all the ideas in this thread plus some of my own) probably sounded pretty boring and overly conservative in comparison.
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Old 07-14-2015, 03:01 PM   #43
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... Shelia does have a practical degree in mind but that is evidently the very long term plan. Her plan for the next several years is a more starving artist path ...
It's always disconcerting to hear of long term plans without stepping stones to get there.
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Old 07-14-2015, 10:05 PM   #44
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This essay, written by a woman in her peer group, has some practical advice.

The not-rich kid’s guide to graduating from college with almost no debt - Vox
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Old 07-14-2015, 10:30 PM   #45
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[QUOTE=Texas Proud;1604352]+1 on why support is being withdrawn..... there has to be a reason...


Also, what kind of family dynamics are you stepping into with the help?

+1 Speaking as someone who worked her way through college with scholarships, virtually no loans, and no parental help (other than my living at home for the first 2 years and during the summers), I can still remember vividly the many ways in which my peers paid for their educations.

There were some who seemed to assume someone else should help them. Even though they might have gotten some help from a sympathetic relative, it didn't seem to make them study any harder.

I went through a CA community college for two years, working the whole time to save money so I could transfer after earning the GenEd "stamp." I wasn't thrilled about living at home, but it certainly reduced my costs. And I learned that I'd better find a way to work with my parents so I could continue living there.

A lot of my friends did the same, and eventually earned CSU or UC degrees.

Yet I saw other peers and---throughout my career----- many of my students who weren't interested in maintaining working relationships with their families. So they had to take out more loans and take longer to get through school. I met few who approached relatives, expecting them to fund their education.

If someone wants an education, he/she will get one, especially in CA, where the community college system is affordable and very well streamlined for students to transfer to CSU and UC. (I know fees and tuition have gone up a lot in the past decades; but they still cost less than a college education here in OH.) I feel lucky to have earned degrees at both the CSU and the UC.

I saw many of my CA students graduate and work their way through college without much parental help. It might take them 6 years but they did it!
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Old 07-14-2015, 10:45 PM   #46
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I have been thinking the high cost of living is really the fundamental issue and maybe transferring schools is the best long term solution. Rent prices drop significantly just an hour or so away. The roommate issue is that I looked on Craigslist and there just wasn't a lot to choose from right now that was affordable even with roommates.

Even middle class families are being driven out. The fundamental issue is The Bay Area generated 114,000 net new jobs last year — and only 8,000 units of housing, and some of that is being bought up by overseas investors and hedge funds. That does crazy stuff to rental rates and housing prices, at least until the bubble pops again.
Dear DayLate--

I taught for 11 years on the Peninsula, south of San Francisco. There are good community colleges there, in SF, and in the East Bay. Probably 75% of the grads from the school where I taught, in San Mateo, went to community college, NOT a four-year school, for those very reasons you mention. They live at home for two years, work, save $, then transfer to CSU San Francisco, Hayward or San Jose. Some would come back to visit and tell me it was taking 6 years (because they were working, and sometimes they couldn't get the classes they needed). But they were doing it.

The only students I knew from the Bay Area who immediately attended four-year colleges were the ones who came from wealthy families, or who earned huge scholarships. Regular middle-class kids generally lived at home. (Their parents were still working hard to pay the mortgages on their Bay Area bungalows! So not much $ for college.....)

Our school surveyed the students and their parents. That's what they told us.
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Old 07-15-2015, 08:41 AM   #47
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I think the reality is she is probably not living too much different than most of the population -

76% of Americans are living paycheck-to-paycheck - Jun. 24, 2013

So my budget and career advice (pretty much all the ideas in this thread plus some of my own) probably sounded pretty boring and overly conservative in comparison.
That article (or one like it) has been posted before. Typical journalistic foo-foo with not enough depth to be meaningful at all.

According to their definition, I'm living paycheck-to-paycheck, even though I don't get a paycheck!

Quote:
Fewer than one in four Americans have enough money in their savings account to cover at least six months of expenses,
We have no idea how many have access to other liquid funds, or what can be concluded from this.

I don't doubt that many people don't have an adequate emergency fund or access to liquidity, it's just that these headlines don't cut it.

IIRC, one of these more detailed articles was picked apart here, and re-stated in the positive (X% of households do have such-and-such), and it didn't sound so bad at all. But that doesn't grab headlines.

-ERD50
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Old 07-15-2015, 10:34 AM   #48
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I thought I'd give an update. I had a long talk with "Sheila" with offers to help with many of the suggestions here and budget and financial help that would lead to relatively short term independence. (As before I changed the details slightly to protect her privacy.) Shelia does have a practical degree in mind but that is evidently the very long term plan. Her plan for the next several years is a more starving artist path, budget that is paycheck to paycheck at best, no emergency fund, keeping a sporty but expensive to insure, poor MPG and unreliable, often in the shop car, counting on financial help from an off again, on again boyfriend, etc.

So I tried. I think she was looking for money more than advice. As an adult that is certainly her choice. We left the door open and we're here if she changes her mind.
Many thanks for the update. I think your efforts were beneficial.

You don't know how much of your discussion will hide away in Sheila's brain and be there for her to draw upon in the future. You might never know how much your concern has helped her. She is young and doing exactly what many young people do, finding themselves their own way right now, and she probably has never heard some of the points you made to her. She is ahead of where she was just because you cared.

You also helped your own family by your efforts--your kids have a role model in you about caring for other people and putting yourself out there even if it seems unsuccessful, and think how much it will mean to you if you see your kids reaching out to others. You also treated them like caring adults in drawing them into the discussion about Sheila. And they probably, like Sheila, heard some points about future planning that might not have occurred to them.

So good job!
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Old 07-15-2015, 10:39 AM   #49
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Many thanks for the update. I think your efforts were beneficial.

You don't know how much of your discussion will hide away in Sheila's brain and be there for her to draw upon in the future...
+1

There are often times my children say to each other that Dad was right. They may not believe it right away, but just have to see for themselves. At least, what I warn them about keep them from making too grave a mistake.
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Old 07-15-2015, 10:48 AM   #50
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You don't know how much of your discussion will hide away in Sheila's brain and be there for her to draw upon in the future.
+2

I still remember some of what people warned me about, advised me about, many, may years ago and I have based my decisions on what they said.
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Old 07-15-2015, 11:14 AM   #51
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Many thanks for the update. I think your efforts were beneficial.

You don't know how much of your discussion will hide away in Sheila's brain and be there for her to draw upon in the future.
+3

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You also helped your own family by your efforts--your kids have a role model in you about caring for other people and putting yourself out there even if it seems unsuccessful, and think how much it will mean to you if you see your kids reaching out to others.
+1

This is more frequently on my mind, and I make an effort to involve my children to set the example and teach them.
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Old 07-15-2015, 11:18 AM   #52
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Watched my sister's family take in a abandoned classmate so she could finish high school. Parents divorced and left town.

I filed it under "no good deed goes un-punished". The girls shared a room. And as a result of many late nights ... sneaking in too many BF, both barely graduated. College is not in either of thier futures.

Could things have different ? Maybe, maybe not.
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Old 07-15-2015, 02:56 PM   #53
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One of the issues with giving young adults advice is whether they can tell good advice from bad advice. When I was in my twenties I received advice from many older family members and close friends of the family. All were well meaning. Only now, many years later do I realize how many of them are truly terrible with money and really had no clue themselves.

She may also be getting a lot of opinions and be having a hard time deciding between what is easier right now and what is better for the long term. I'm glad my wife and I chose early on to follow our instincts and ignore what people tell you. We may have made a few mistakes along the way, but that is how you learn. And we have ended up very secure with our slow, consistent saving and investing and notably non-flashy lifestyle, while still being able to give our kids anything we felt appropriate.
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Old 07-17-2015, 10:26 PM   #54
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Thanks all for the kind words regarding my update. I appreciate all the advice here as it helped expand on and clarify what I had floating around in my head.

I was on vacation for a few days and decided stay off the Internet this time so I just got back to catch up here. Our kids seem to get what I am telling Sheila and they are okay with it. Our door is open but help from us does come with strings - a LBYMs path leading to short term financial self sufficiency. If she works things out on her own or with the parents or BF, all the better. If not, we can be plan B.

Litgal - I am not going to make a point by point reply but if you read my initial and follow up posts your comments may address the issue in general with going to college in California, but most do not apply to Sheila's particular situation or issues.
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