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Old 10-28-2010, 07:14 PM   #21
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Okey dokey freebird....how about a cost analysis? Not asking for exact $ amounts, just how you've worked though all this:

- Amount cleared, after expenses, from your current place
- Cost of renting, checking out new area
- Cost of eventually buying in new area
- Difficulty in selling current place in today's market

Plus, have you thought about:
- Proximity to those you care about - for example, friends and neighbors
- Has adequte consideration been given to other locations outside of MA or NH? If you're going to make the "big move" why not someplace like Florida or Southern California - may be very affordable in these days with a more gentle climate - plus you can insist on being close to an airport so you can be within a reasonable travel distance to his mom
- Why not move his mom to a new area where you re-locate?

Just some quick thoughts....
Excellent stuff.

Mr Boston is working the combined budget numbers, after all he was a Senior Accountant by profession. I told him I started this thread and he is very excited to see what you all will throw out there for us to think about.

Housing number crunching is TBD.

He has a favorite expression..."Put the s**t on the plate" meaning do not pull punches with him. See why we get along so well?

I'll address your fabulous questions (italics) one by one...this helps ME to formulate our approach and my mindset.

- Proximity to those you care about - for example, friends and neighbors
This is a tough one, but I will be brutally honest about my situation here. I am a transplant who married a local boy. Before I was widowed, I had a very active social life. Our former couple friends, for the most part, now no longer remember who I am. No pity party, but this is very common for widows. Society treats us differently. So except for about a dozen very dear adopted family (my closest friends), I am on my own here.
Two of my closest adopted family members ("brother" and "sister") have already told me to GO FOR IT. My life coach told me to get out of this area way back in January 2010.

- Has adequte consideration been given to other locations outside of MA or NH? If you're going to make the "big move" why not someplace like Florida or Southern California - may be very affordable in these days with a more gentle climate - plus you can insist on being close to an airport so you can be within a reasonable travel distance to his mom
I lived in CA for a while. I've been to FL many times in my lifetime. I like the warm climates for visits, but I am a dyed in the wool Yankee. I like my 4 seasons with escape trips during harsh winters. The warmer seasons in New England are fabulous. AND I get the ocean nearby as part of the package. Whale watching. Lobster. Clams. Beaches. Lighthouses. Sailing ship era museum excursions. Nautical history and coastal environment. I will be in heaven.

- Why not move his mom to a new area where you re-locate?
His Mom and several aunts and uncles and cousins and nephews and nieces all live in the MA/NH state border area. The benefit WE will get is this...he will return to his roots, and I will become a MOST WELCOMED part of an extended family, something I have never had in my life. Sad but true. His family is rolling out the red carpet to me. I feel like a new bride being brought home. Giggle.

I can live anywhere. I am a chameleon and a Freebird.
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Old 10-28-2010, 07:17 PM   #22
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Having spent 6 years in a lake effect climate, I cannot imagine lasting 30. You are made of stern stuff, so I am pretty sure you will land on your feet wherever you go.

Poke around the city data forums for some hints, although wth a former local from the area you are headed towards you should have a good idea of where to go.

I don't know how you do health insurance now, but if you buy in the open market I would take a close look at the insurance market in the two states you are considering and make sure you can get coverage and not get killed.

Other than that, have at it.
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Old 10-28-2010, 07:30 PM   #23
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Having spent 6 years in a lake effect climate, I cannot imagine lasting 30. You are made of stern stuff, so I am pretty sure you will land on your feet wherever you go.

Poke around the city data forums for some hints, although wth a former local from the area you are headed towards you should have a good idea of where to go.

I don't know how you do health insurance now, but if you buy in the open market I would take a close look at the insurance market in the two states you are considering and make sure you can get coverage and not get killed.

Other than that, have at it.
Well thank you. What a high compliment you just gave me.

Mr Boston knows the area's changes from repeated trips back home over 27 years. He is still amazed I am willing to go "back home" with him. He has a close high school buddy who is a real estate agent who knows the best house rental areas. We do not intend to buy real estate.

My health insurance is a survivor benefit under the federal CSRS federal retirement system. I currently have a local HMO plan. Open season starts in Nov, and I have a cornucopia of national health plans to pick from. Mr Boston is a 10% disabled veteran, so he is covered under VA benefits. We may have to get some supplemental insurance for him. He is researching that in real time.

Keep those questions coming. No question will be taken as offensive. If anyone sees a hole, POINT IT OUT.

It is really helping me think this through.
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Old 10-28-2010, 08:01 PM   #24
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I don't know... How about playing vagabond for a while like Alan is doing?

Two drifters, off to see the world
There's such a lot of world to see...
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Old 10-28-2010, 08:05 PM   #25
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We do not intend to buy real estate.
Provided you are happy being a renter, I think this is key. As Uncle Mick says, you will be agile, mobile and hostile as a renter. If it does not work out or you decide you would rather be elsewhere (1, 1000, or 5000 miles elsewhere), you can pick up stakes without a lot of fuss. Since the rest is pretty readily changed if need be (over, say, a year), I think you have a lot of room for error.
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Old 10-28-2010, 11:20 PM   #26
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OK, I'll bite. Congratulations on the new relationship. And that's the issue: it is quite a new relationship if I'm not mistaken! How well do you know the Favorite Bostonian? Well enough, apparently, to sell your home and follow him, with him doing all the business planning. Is this the Freebird that we know and love?

Now let's do a risk assessment. What's the worst that could happen?
1. You can't sell your house and are financially in the hole. The advantage of this scenario is that you have somewhere to return to if the romance fails.
2. You do sell your house, move to New England, and hate it. What are you going to do then?
3. You sell your house, move to New England, and break up with Mr. Boston after you find he is a money chasing swindler and has been diddling your finances. Nasty lawsuit ensues. You are now both poor and miserable.
4. You sell your house, move to New England, and are treated horribly by the Boston "family". You are miserable, but not poor, so at least you can make your own way.

My big worry would be #3. FGS keep your finances separate and manage them yourself.

You did asked for the tough challenges, eh?
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Old 10-28-2010, 11:56 PM   #27
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Go for it!!!

Is there more sunshine in NH or MA?
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Old 10-29-2010, 12:02 AM   #28
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OK, I'll bite. Congratulations on the new relationship. And that's the issue: it is quite a new relationship if I'm not mistaken! How well do you know the Favorite Bostonian? Well enough, apparently, to sell your home and follow him, with him doing all the business planning. Is this the Freebird that we know and love?

Now let's do a risk assessment. What's the worst that could happen?
1. You can't sell your house and are financially in the hole. The advantage of this scenario is that you have somewhere to return to if the romance fails.
2. You do sell your house, move to New England, and hate it. What are you going to do then?
3. You sell your house, move to New England, and break up with Mr. Boston after you find he is a money chasing swindler and has been diddling your finances. Nasty lawsuit ensues. You are now both poor and miserable.
4. You sell your house, move to New England, and are treated horribly by the Boston "family". You are miserable, but not poor, so at least you can make your own way.

My big worry would be #3. FGS keep your finances separate and manage them yourself.

You did asked for the tough challenges, eh?
Meadbh, a most naughty post!

What the world needs now, is love, sweet love, it's the only thing there's too little of...
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Old 10-29-2010, 12:21 AM   #29
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Our choices right now are either MA or NH.
I've lived in the area where you're living now, and I ain't never going back there either, but I have a hard time seeing either of these new areas as an upgrade.

What type of climate would you seek if you were on your own? Where would you want to live if you didn't have to consider anyone else's preferences but your own? There's no right answer to these questions, but it'll help you frame the reasoning behind your preferences. You say you can live anywhere, but that also neatly avoids having to develop any preferences or make any choices. I'm just sayin'.

You mention that the social circle you were in with your first husband no longer includes you. You mention that you don't have any close family. It would seem that the main reason your Bostonian's family is rolling out your red carpet is due to the company you keep. Again, hanging out with someone else's friends/family is a lot easier than finding your own. But would you have these friends/extended family if you were on your own? Where are you going to find your own friends or create your own extended family?

Otherwise I guess you'd want to do a lot of renting and take it one winter at a time.
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Old 10-29-2010, 01:43 AM   #30
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(snip) East Nowhere to MA or NH. Sounds like you will be moving to Further East Nowhere.
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Quick, visceral response based on personal experience: (snip)...also consider nearby Maine, all the way up to Portland. If you're not really familiar with it, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
And if she moves to Maine, that will be Down East Nowhere
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Old 10-29-2010, 05:26 AM   #31
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OK, I'll bite. Congratulations on the new relationship. And that's the issue: it is quite a new relationship if I'm not mistaken! How well do you know the Favorite Bostonian? Well enough, apparently, to sell your home and follow him, with him doing all the business planning. Is this the Freebird that we know and love?

Now let's do a risk assessment. What's the worst that could happen?
1. You can't sell your house and are financially in the hole. The advantage of this scenario is that you have somewhere to return to if the romance fails.
2. You do sell your house, move to New England, and hate it. What are you going to do then?
3. You sell your house, move to New England, and break up with Mr. Boston after you find he is a money chasing swindler and has been diddling your finances. Nasty lawsuit ensues. You are now both poor and miserable.
4. You sell your house, move to New England, and are treated horribly by the Boston "family". You are miserable, but not poor, so at least you can make your own way.

My big worry would be #3. FGS keep your finances separate and manage them yourself.

You did asked for the tough challenges, eh?
Excellent! Curve balls at 92 mph right over the plate. I knew I could count on you to ask the tough ones.

The answer to "how long" is 1 year on Nov 20. Friends first, very close friends second, more later. Mr Boston is a very high quality person. I don't hang around with junk.

I am still the sassafrassing tough talkin' little cuss I always have been. No changes there.

I'll address your risk assessment paragraphs in order...

1. There is no mortgage on my house. My annual school+property taxes now chime in at $4300 and it is just going to get worse as NY migrates from being the Welfare State to the Insolvent State. It will be financially advantageous for me to leave the state.
I could sell and downsize in place, but Central NY is very depressed and it snows too much. NY taxes are just too much. Time to goooooooo

2. Move to Greece. Seriously, I would return here to a more populated section (Finger Lakes) and rent. I have made a command decision that living in my house alone is not cost effective. I am very mechanical and can do just about anything, but I have damaged hands. I will get stuck contracting out the tougher maintenenace jobs.
I will miss it but the proceeds from the sale will rent me a pretty nice townhouse for a looooong time.

3. He has his own portfolio and cash assets. He has a county pension and medical insurance. Not an issue.

My hands are still clamped FIRMLY on my own financial matters.
I have a trust set up that does not appoint him to any key positions.

Re business planning, he is only doing the stuff I hate to do, like reviewing insurance, taxes, and comparing health insurance plans when I do my switchover to a national plan this fall. That was in my own plan before we started talking about a possible relocation. I just delegated the task.

4. Valid point. We will not live right on top of his family, but close enough to visit and have holidays together. It is a risk, but then again you never met my exMIL. I avoided her as best I could for 25 years and still had a happy marriage.
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Old 10-29-2010, 07:11 AM   #32
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I've lived in the area where you're living now, and I ain't never going back there either, but I have a hard time seeing either of these new areas as an upgrade.

What type of climate would you seek if you were on your own? Where would you want to live if you didn't have to consider anyone else's preferences but your own? There's no right answer to these questions, but it'll help you frame the reasoning behind your preferences. You say you can live anywhere, but that also neatly avoids having to develop any preferences or make any choices. I'm just sayin'.

You mention that the social circle you were in with your first husband no longer includes you. You mention that you don't have any close family. It would seem that the main reason your Bostonian's family is rolling out your red carpet is due to the company you keep. Again, hanging out with someone else's friends/family is a lot easier than finding your own. But would you have these friends/extended family if you were on your own? Where are you going to find your own friends or create your own extended family?

Otherwise I guess you'd want to do a lot of renting and take it one winter at a time.
VERY GOOD points.

I have lots of choices...
1. Do nothing, i.e. stay here. Boring....
2. Move to a completely new area solo. High stress and financially not smart. I am not rich.
3. Team up and relocate to an area he knows well, has family and friends, and explore a new life for myself and us. Medium stress and financially sound. Add the proximity to the ocean and I am golden.

I am a very outgoing person and will have NO trouble making friends on my own. He is very active in the American Legion and we will both thrive as a volunteer (me) and a post officer (him).
I will miss my current friends, but they are telling me to go for it. So is my life coach (counselor). I have stuck it out for 6 years since my husband passed suddenly. I am spinning my wheels here.

Time for a new adventure!

Climate...I've lived in FL, AZ and CA for very short periods (with my Mom). Too humid, too buggy, too many people. I like my 4 seasons. NH does not have daily lake effect snow. Worst case is the occasional Nor'easter and once in a while outer bands of Atlantic hurricanes. Spring comes earlier and stays put. Manchester airport is pretty well set for flights for escape trips.
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Old 10-29-2010, 07:27 AM   #33
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Note the difference in snowfall and sunny days between Syracuse NY and Nahsua NH here...

Compare: Climate Syracuse, NY - Nashua, NH

I like hot weather, but not in the high 90s or worse with killer humidity. It makes my hands hurt, much like arthritis. I have lingering tendinitis in both hands.
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Old 10-29-2010, 08:41 AM   #34
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Don't forget that you lose some of the survivor benefits if you end up walking down the aisle .
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Old 10-29-2010, 09:11 AM   #35
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Meadbh brought up the questions I was going to ask, and I think those are the most important, but you've addressed those. Good luck.

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Old 10-29-2010, 09:21 AM   #36
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FB, perhaps Meadbh was just thinking that you may be very much in love right now, and may be taking drastic steps too soon. But if you have taken steps to protect yourself, in fact you started this thread to ask for our opinion whether it is worth anything, then proceed c a r e f u l l y... Best wishes.
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Old 10-29-2010, 09:29 AM   #37
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The only thing I would like to add is live with him awhile before you decide to relocate . All the little quirks come out that were cute when dating but are now just annoying .
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Old 10-29-2010, 09:52 AM   #38
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FB, perhaps Meadbh was just thinking that you may be very much in love right now, and may be taking drastic steps too soon. But if you have taken steps to protect yourself, in fact you started this thread to ask for our opinion whether it is worth anything, then proceed c a r e f u l l y... Best wishes.
Exactly. I am your friendly neighborhood risk manager, skeptic, get me the data type

....the exact opposite of Ha ha, who is a hopeless romantic!

But if you have done the due diligence and ensured that your future is secure, you go girl!
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Old 10-29-2010, 10:10 AM   #39
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Gee, freebird, take a few deep breaths, will ya? Here's what I see (sorry about the bluntness)

You broke up with your fiancee a little over a year ago, a guy you had been with a long time and we going to marry, right? Then you start seeing a life coach who tells you its time to reevauate everything. Fairly quickly after that, you dump DH2B, because "he was caught up in the past", and start dating numerous men and having fun until "Mr. Right" drops in your lap. Almost immediately you are swept off your feet because he is almost the opposite of the former DH2B, and you fall in love quickly and completely, overlooking any quirky annoyances or anything else about him you don't like because "he's the one". Now you are looking at uprooting yourself and moving somewhere with a guy you hardly know (1 year) and thinking it will all work out for the best. Gee, what could go wrong?

I think you are caught up in the moment and are not thinking clearly. Of course, I am guessing, but what I laid out above sounds like what lovestruck teenagers do, not grown women.........

P.S. Were you not an engineer by trade? This hardly sounds a scenario an engineer would follow..........
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Old 10-29-2010, 10:15 AM   #40
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Here are some links that may help
As Brewer said, check out the city-data site & forums. Here's the one for NH
New Hampshire Forum - Relocation, Moving, Local City Discussions - City-Data Forum

In another thread MasterBlaster posted this link
http://www.bankrate.com/calculators/...alculator.aspx

I saw this through huff post yesterday - just fluff, but NH ranked #1
10 best states for retirement

We're considering a move in the same time frame, but we're moving west - probably to CO.
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