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Old 10-29-2010, 10:38 AM   #41
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Exactly. I am your friendly neighborhood risk manager, skeptic, get me the data type

....the exact opposite of Ha ha, who is a hopeless romantic!

Speaking only for myself, I would not move down the block for a romance. True that I like romance, but more as a hobby.

I am not crazy about hard to untangle committments. I think your advice to The Bird was high quality, but I also think I know a done deal when I see one.

Ha
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Old 10-29-2010, 11:31 AM   #42
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The boring logical side says listen to the "reality checkers" here on the board about the new relationship, what happens if relationship sours, etc. Once you have gurgitated these questions/answers for yourself, run with it!

The weather naysayers just have different climate preferences - I prefer my four distinct seasons as well, so you are not alone! No problems with die-hard Yankees here (orig from CA - no intention of leaving NJ other than military orders.)

You two sound like rational, self sufficient adult individuals - both aware of discussing the business end of things if you were to ever marry (survivor benefits, dependent benefits, etc.) Living alone is wonderful -but living with the right someone else is even better!

This OPPORTUNITY sounds like just what you need at this point. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I wish you the best! Have fun - you only live once!
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Old 10-29-2010, 11:43 AM   #43
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If it doesn't work out, Freebird, at least you got out of East Nowhere. Then you rent an RV and come visit all of us for a few weeks while you figure out where you want to live. We're your real extended family, you know.
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Old 10-29-2010, 06:37 PM   #44
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Old 10-29-2010, 06:59 PM   #45
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That's right Khan. Wishing lotsa love and happiness for FB. Hoping the new place is...well...like this

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Old 10-29-2010, 07:54 PM   #46
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This nails it. Look ya gotta do what ya gotta do. When DH and I hooked up I have to admit we were raggady. Me - never married, middle aged with a life best described as a rut. Him - three time veteran of the divorce wars estranged from his kids, a rocky past and a failing career. Both of us in debt with jobs we hated. We won't even get into all of the cultural diffrence stuff. This marriage should not be working out but it is.....splendidly. Life is full of risk but your a grown up. You have seen a thing or two and have survived one of the toughest experiences you can go through. Losing a spouse. It think you can hang. Go forth and be happy.
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Old 11-01-2010, 02:07 PM   #47
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Gee, freebird, take a few deep breaths, will ya? Here's what I see (sorry about the bluntness)

You broke up with your fiancee a little over a year ago, a guy you had been with a long time and we going to marry, right? Then you start seeing a life coach who tells you its time to reevauate everything. Fairly quickly after that, you dump DH2B, because "he was caught up in the past", and start dating numerous men and having fun until "Mr. Right" drops in your lap. Almost immediately you are swept off your feet because he is almost the opposite of the former DH2B, and you fall in love quickly and completely, overlooking any quirky annoyances or anything else about him you don't like because "he's the one". Now you are looking at uprooting yourself and moving somewhere with a guy you hardly know (1 year) and thinking it will all work out for the best. Gee, what could go wrong?

I think you are caught up in the moment and are not thinking clearly. Of course, I am guessing, but what I laid out above sounds like what lovestruck teenagers do, not grown women.........

P.S. Were you not an engineer by trade? This hardly sounds a scenario an engineer would follow..........
Beautiful, a very well thought out post. Thank you.
This is EXACTLY why I started this thread. I wanted the collective to identify the landmines for me. I WANTED the tough talk thrown at me, right over the plate.
Regarding dh2b, it was purely a widow's rebound. The relationship began its initial souring process several years ago when he lost a custody battle. I was expected to rescue a troubled teenager who grew up with no boundaries and w*rk miracles. I didn't volunteer to be the scapegoat in the custody battle loss, but I was duly appointed to the job. Little by little the fizz was going away. Truth is, he left me. I was ready to ask him to vacate my home, but he beat me to the punch.
I have known Mr Boston for almost 1 year. He is a man of excellent quality and absolutely adores me. We were just very dear friends until dh2b exited. Opportunist or smart cookie?
I have dated several men from MATCH, but so many were looking for Instant Wife mix (open packet, add water and stir). Gimme a break.
Worst case is I leave the area. Best case is I leave the area.
I am more than capable of landing on my feet if this relationship goes south. My eyes are wide open. I have the resources to fall back on no matter what happens.
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Old 11-01-2010, 02:10 PM   #48
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Don't forget that you lose some of the survivor benefits if you end up walking down the aisle .
Yes, m'am, right on the nail. I would lose ALL of my survivor benefits if I remarry before age 55.
I am not the marrying type. H*ll, I made my late husband wait 5 years of engagement before I took that stroll at the age of 25. He always said I was well worth the wait.
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Old 11-01-2010, 02:20 PM   #49
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Hey all
I don't know who to thank more - the fastball pitchers or the well wishers.

If I didn't already say this, the relocation plan is a 1-2 year plan by mutual agreement. Proceeding slowly and smartly x 2.

We make one h*ll of a team - a senior accountant and a senior engineer. He can push the paper while I tune up the lawnmowers. We are both very high IQ individuals. Only problem is that he wipes me off the chess board. I have to practice more and try to outsmart him. Either that or seriously distract him during the game.

We laugh and act silly, like teenagers. We hold hands. We kiss. People grin at us when we are in public.

Love is love, but business is business. My eye is right on the 8 ball.

I view this as an opportunity for both of us - new life together, relocation as something we BOTH crave, and a h*ll of a lot of fun as we do it.

All comments are appreciated. I take no offense at the fastballs. It helps me think things through.
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Old 11-01-2010, 02:26 PM   #50
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How appropos! The segment of the video at 2:31 made me grin.

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Old 11-01-2010, 02:30 PM   #51
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If it doesn't work out, Freebird, at least you got out of East Nowhere. Then you rent an RV and come visit all of us for a few weeks while you figure out where you want to live. We're your real extended family, you know.
How sweet!

Rent an RV? Heck no, I would hire myself out as the galley steward, meteorologist, navigator and digital equipment troubleshooter on a sailing ship or private yacht. I will be close to the ocean.
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Old 11-01-2010, 02:34 PM   #52
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The only thing I would like to add is live with him awhile before you decide to relocate . All the little quirks come out that were cute when dating but are now just annoying .
The annoying end would be from me. Ever try to live with an Engineer?

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Old 11-01-2010, 02:38 PM   #53
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The boring logical side says listen to the "reality checkers" here on the board...
You two sound like rational, self sufficient adult individuals - both aware of discussing the business end of things if you were to ever marry (survivor benefits, dependent benefits, etc.) Living alone is wonderful -but living with the right someone else is even better!

This OPPORTUNITY sounds like just what you need at this point. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I wish you the best! Have fun - you only live once!
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This nails it. Look ya gotta do what ya gotta do. When DH and I hooked up I have to admit we were raggady. Me - never married, middle aged with a life best described as a rut. Him - three time veteran of the divorce wars estranged from his kids, a rocky past and a failing career. Both of us in debt with jobs we hated. We won't even get into all of the cultural diffrence stuff. This marriage should not be working out but it is.....splendidly. Life is full of risk but your a grown up. You have seen a thing or two and have survived one of the toughest experiences you can go through. Losing a spouse. It think you can hang. Go forth and be happy.
TY for the good wishes.

I am listening LOUD and CLEAR. You have NO IDEA how well I am listening.
Mr Boston knows I have this thread running. He loved the idea.

We are hunkering down here for the winter, fixing up the house (interior cosmetics) and seeing what comes with the spring. We are sharing costs 50-50. It is a tremendous arrangement financially as well as the lovey-dovey part.
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Old 11-01-2010, 02:50 PM   #54
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I have dated several men from MATCH, but so many were looking for Instant Wife mix (open packet, add water and stir). Gimme a break.
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Old 11-01-2010, 02:52 PM   #55
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Not knowing the two of you we can only guess so much. 2cents from a fellow engineer:
It sounds like you're doing a good job of looking for the logic and and gotchas of this move.
As long as you keep the eyes wide open, if you see a chance for happiness, go out and
grab it with both hands! If I were in your shoes, I'd be asking myself "Would I always regret
not trying this?" Some things are worth doing even if they don't work out.
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Old 11-01-2010, 03:01 PM   #56
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Freebird, you have so much (vastly so) more life experience than me, I would be totally remiss in trying to tell you anything! You got what it takes between the old ears to know your mind AND your heart.

And hey, there's always the Carolinas if you get tired of Yankee-ville--we'll be (kinda) nice to you! I am just so happy for you to be moving in a new direction and leaving what sounds like a depressing and cold place to live.
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Old 11-01-2010, 03:22 PM   #57
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The annoying end would be from me. Ever try to live with an Engineer?


Actually three of them ! It seems like that is all I attract .
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Old 11-01-2010, 03:52 PM   #58
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And hey, there's always the Carolinas if you get tired of Yankee-ville--we'll be (kinda) nice to you! I am just so happy for you to be moving in a new direction and leaving what sounds like a depressing and cold place to live.
I already told DW its either SC or NC for us in retirement. I did like Charleston, but the area around Greenville is more like us, although the area around Lake Lure and Chimney Rock could be quite easy to get used to..................
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Old 11-01-2010, 07:14 PM   #59
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I already told DW...
How's that workin' for ya?
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Old 11-01-2010, 07:18 PM   #60
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FDude, Greenville is probably a better value, too. And not so far from the beach. However, I'd never consider the NC mtns--it is too cold and there are too many Yankee transplants, oh, wait, never mind. Yeah, that's not a bad place either.
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