Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 05-31-2015, 09:58 AM   #21
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Big_Hitter's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: In the fairway
Posts: 4,094
Quote:
Originally Posted by frayne View Post
Pre-nup !
this

one of my buddies at the club, trust fund guy in his early 40s, did a pre-nup for his new wife, a former server

seems to be working out
__________________

__________________
Swing hard, look up
Big_Hitter is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 05-31-2015, 09:59 AM   #22
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,982
My first marriage was to a pathological spender who never paid his bills. I ended up bailing him out of a lot of things and paying for stuff I didn't care for but that he HAD to have. I know what you're trying to avoid.


My second marriage (after we dated 6 years!) was to a man who had little other than the equity in his house, but not debts other than his mortgage. I had a house with a swimming pool and a new worth of about $400K at the time, counting house equity. What I saw, though, was that he paid his bills on time, he had modest tastes, and we easily reached an unspoken system of who paid for what in which each of us was happy the other was doing his/her part. (We used a lot of my frequent flyer miles to go to Europe every year!)


I married him in 2003 and it was a great decision. Together we've had a good life but also built wealth that let me retire early. (He was 65 and I was 50 when we married.)


My long way of saying: give it time. See what her values are. See how she runs her own finances. Does she live below her means? And, if you decide to tell her what you have, see how she reacts. If she suddenly expects you to buy her nice things and go to better restaurants, better to find out now than after you marry her.
__________________

__________________
athena53 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2015, 10:03 AM   #23
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Big_Hitter's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: In the fairway
Posts: 4,094
^ good advice
__________________
Swing hard, look up
Big_Hitter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2015, 10:05 AM   #24
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 2,423
This sounds like you love your money more than you love her. That's fine, everyone has their priorities in life and yours are clear. So stay attached to your money and let the girlfriend find someone who would make her his priority, clearly it's not you.

You are feeling dishonest about this because yes, you are being dishonest.
__________________
Married, both 62. DH retired June, 2010. I have a pleasant little part time job.
Sue J is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2015, 10:07 AM   #25
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,318
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meadbh View Post
I have some advice for your girlfriend. Run!
You made me laugh out loud! It's what I was thinking.
__________________
splitwdw is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2015, 10:16 AM   #26
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
sengsational's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 3,832
Quote:
Originally Posted by splitwdw View Post
You made me laugh out loud! It's what I was thinking.
Yep. I would never consider for one second hiding significant material facts from my bride, or bride to be. I would, on the other hand, have zero problems with a pre-nup. But unless I outlive DW and have a lot of miles left, I doubt I'll ever need to think about that.
__________________
sengsational is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2015, 10:28 AM   #27
Full time employment: Posting here.
Silver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Orlando, Fl
Posts: 580
You say it is very hard for you to talk about money, but you feel dishonest about that. The only path forward I can see is talking about it.

We all have to do really hard things in our lives, but we can't reach our goals unless we do. Maturity in adulthood mandates doing the really tough stuff, whatever that may be.

Once you can discuss the issues openly, you will be more clear on what you want to do.
Her response will give you helpful information that, over time, will help in decision making. And you won't feel dishonest anymore.
__________________
You're only crazy if you're poor. If you have money, you're eccentric.
Silver is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2015, 10:35 AM   #28
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,384
I think in order for a man to get married in America, and perhaps any advanced western country, he had better be very clear about why he wants to do this. There are a lot of ways to risk financial difficulty, but one good way for someone with considerable assets is marriage. It's like climbing on a saddleless horse with no bridle. No real way of forecasting the outcome.

It's pretty much the opposite of the usual belt and suspenders attitude to risk found on this forum,


If a woman wants to be married, and you aren't playing ball, she will likely move on. Emotionally difficult, but at least no lawyers are involved. Also, last I looked there is no shortage of single women in America. Chance alone makes it very likely that at least some of them will be more to your liking than the lady you took a pass on, and not al of them will be seeking marriage.

Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2015, 10:36 AM   #29
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Nemo2's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Belleville, ONT
Posts: 4,313
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maenad View Post
Is this a troll?
+1
__________________
"Exit, pursued by a bear."

The Winter's Tale, William Shakespeare
Nemo2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2015, 10:38 AM   #30
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,035
The woman you marry is one of the more important financial decisions you'll ever make. Treat it as such, whatever that means to you.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum
__________________
dallas27 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2015, 10:39 AM   #31
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
jollystomper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,358
The number one reasons marriages break up is over finances. Marriage, in my view, involves both trust and sacrifice. If you cannot trust who you intend to marry with knowing your finances, or are willing to lessen your grip on the finances for the sake of the marriage because you are concerned how they might take from it, you really should not be getting married at this point.

Perhaps you have not seen a complete picture of your intended as of yet. Have you dated long enough to see her reactions to a wide range of situations, especially when things do not go her way? How she reacts when she is treated unfairly? How much do you know of her finances and how she deals with them? Is she one who, regardless of her financial situation, is willing to learn and work together to improve the marriage financial situation at the cost of the individual situation? In fact, are you?

If you are not comfortable with those questions above, that might be a warning sign. Generally speaking folks do not ask each other the ¨hard" questions before marriage... and marriage is much less ¨happily ever after¨ and much more ¨how do we deal with this situation/crisis together?¨
__________________
Current target FIRE date: Under negotiation, can happen anytime.
jollystomper is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2015, 11:04 AM   #32
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Mulligan's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 7,376
Quote:
Originally Posted by splitwdw View Post
You made me laugh out loud! It's what I was thinking.

Funny. If prospective bride to be read the post and noticed it went directly from like to divorce without love and a wedding I wouldn't be too keen on the proposal either.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
__________________
Mulligan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2015, 11:09 AM   #33
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
RonBoyd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 5,280
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meadbh View Post
I have some advice for your girlfriend. Run!
+1
__________________
"It's tough to make predictions, especially when it involves the future." ~Attributed to many
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is." ~(perhaps by) Yogi Berra
"Those who have knowledge, don't predict. Those who predict, don't have knowledge."~ Lau tzu
RonBoyd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2015, 11:16 AM   #34
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 5,326
What if your GF has a trust fund somewhere she isn't telling you about and actually has more money than you? Wouldn't that be a hoot.
__________________
Even clouds seem bright and breezy, 'Cause the livin' is free and easy, See the rat race in a new way, Like you're wakin' up to a new day (Dr. Tarr and Professor Fether lyrics, Alan Parsons Project, based on an EA Poe story)
daylatedollarshort is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2015, 11:24 AM   #35
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,207
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nemo2 View Post
+1
+2
But, I have to admit I recently withheld my newfound wealth info from DW. I sold one of my older bikes, and still have the $90 squirreled away.
__________________
mystang52 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2015, 11:58 AM   #36
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: San Jose
Posts: 607
Quote:
Originally Posted by tlahbanana View Post
I am thinking of marrying a girl soon. I really like her.
BZZZZZT! Wrong answer.
__________________
LoneAspen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2015, 12:06 PM   #37
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,318
Funny, this thread got me thinking about $400 that my husband won in a pool at work. He came home and gave it to me to buy myself something. I only see people from his company once a year so I would not have known about his winnings. I still have the winnings and am going to surprise him with some nos parts for his '60 vette.


sorry, nos= new old stock. We try to buy nos parts for the old cars to keep them as original as we can. It's getting harder to find parts in good condition.
__________________
splitwdw is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2015, 12:18 PM   #38
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 53
Agreed with many previous posts on being ready for marriage.

Also maybe buy something together on credit that requires you both to get credit reports. Like a Washer&dryer, not a house. Or, mention down the road you will want to buy a place together, so let's get updated credit reports (free) together to make sure there are no issues. Knowing someones credit history is more informative than assets, IMHO.

PS This board will shoot you if you don't pay off the W&D loan sooner...
__________________
Quest4Fire is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2015, 02:32 PM   #39
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 61
Ugh, she should be the one asking for a pre-nup as a way to force you to disclose your assets and debts and to actually discuss money.

There's no way I'd marry someone who wasn't willing to talk about this kind of stuff. And I don't see a point in getting married without a pre-nup. If you're totally open and not marrying each other for money it should be no big deal.
__________________
Chelhxi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2015, 02:41 PM   #40
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Utrecht
Posts: 2,212
I'm very far from a specialist but it seems prenups aren't always a big help in the US.

Apart from that it does seem awkard for me personally not being comfortable to share wealth with a person you'll marry.

I certainly wouldn't marry anyone (or have kids!) unless I'd trust them with my life. Finance is just a part of that.
__________________

__________________
Totoro is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Why your boss is dumping your wife SumDay FIRE and Money 29 02-24-2013 09:21 PM
Telling your children about your wealth FUEGO Other topics 43 08-18-2009 05:19 PM
Hiding behind pseudo names windsurf Other topics 79 10-17-2008 01:35 PM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:10 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.